El Dangerous

Did someone say cheesecake?

In that case I'll see you in the Thundedome, just outside KFC!

In that case I'll see you in the Thundedome, just outside KFC!

Shut up Russell Brand. When money fails our futures will be decided by fight to the death tournaments staged outside KFC's across the world. Only the strong will survive and there won't be any room for back combing and skinny jeans.

Nah it's probably Rodgers. He's going to give an interview about how much he admires Borini's fighting spirit and desire to play for Liverpool before getting the kit man to lay that shirt out in his place in the dressing room and not including him in the squad. B-Rod will then get Borini to smell his fingers.

It'll be made out of the same break easy material that the new Daniel Sturridge is made out of.

I can't wait to read the bitters reaction when Lukaku congratulates him on his first goal etc.

Fuck Borini. He's a Dirk Kuyt without the ability to cut it at the top. He's Emile Heskey without the once in a blue moon world class performance. He's the Italian Danny Welbeck without the upturn in form at Arsenal. I'm sick of these cunts. I want flair and panache. We might not be able to recreate the Suarez magic but we can at least sign a Paulo DiCanio to keep us going.

This window is dead to me. However, looking at the players out this summer we'll lose- Fo' sho'- Johnson Toure Stevie Brad Jones Likely- Mario Borini Lambert Enrique Lucas Hopefully - Lovren We should be able to scrape together £30m for the ones who aren't leaving on a free but even so, if we just manage to get their wages off the books it's about 700k per week in wages. We have to utilise our loan returnees as squad players and push the boat out on four top players. New GK New DM New MC New Fwd I'd love Jovetic and Schneiderlin to be two of those players. I really don't know about the other two.

Proof that you don't need to be in the fourth round to be in the fourth round draw but they're still in the..... Oh wait.

No, if anything he was the one being raped, of dignity.

Whilst partaking in rigorous intercourse in Magaluf the girl whom my friend was pummelling looked up at him and said "You're not as good as you think you are!" She then went on to cry afterwards.

Two! Well that's me convinced he's signing for us then. Not on a free either, it has to be for a good fee and high wages or I just won't have any faith that he'll be shit and plagued with injuries.

Hasn't he had a couple of long spells out injured though? I'm sure one was over a year.

Delph won't be Gerrard's replacement, no one will.

How much were the loan fee's and was it a full wage contribution? I'd be surprised if we were paid a fee and full wage for him. I'm not even that bothered if we actually made a loss or a small profit. I just don't like this £5m-£10m a season we spend on players to develop, loan and sell. It's great if you're Chelsea and can afford the best of everything anyway but we should be putting every last penny in to the first team squad with players we'll actually use.

Not counting all the money we would have paid him not to play for us.

I don't see us playing this system long term. I think once the team starts playing well and results pick up he'll go back to a 4231. Arbeloa would be great as the senior full back whilst Moreno, Flanno* and Mandango carry on learning thier trade. *This player not actually exist.

A Royle with cheese.... pie.

11 goals in 71 appearances doesn't fill me with confidence. I'm sure he'll be better playing with better players but big physical strikers usually take a bit longer to perfect thier trade.

Sterling and Coutinho off Sturridge.

Yeah, this won't happen.

Better ask the stretcher boys.

David Marshall has 'looks good with a shit defence' written all over him. He's actually the exact kind of player I expect us to replace Mig with whilst Mig goes and looks great again at Aston Villa or some shit.

If David Marshall is a fantastic keeper we should have no problem replacing our shit one.