deiseach

Just spoken to The Powers That Be, the ban goes into force the moment the final whistle blows against Everton. Time off for good behaviour, i.e. goals against then.

He's going easy on Conor Coady in his old age. For shame.

My wife wasn't really up for it today and offered me her ticket. No, I said, I insist you go. I'll even drive you up and collect you afterwards. Not quite as bad as turning down a free ticket for Chelsea in 2005, but it's in the same ball park of goonery.

If it's stability you want in your politics, the Irish experience tells us that republic > monarchy. It's not even close.

Funnily enough it was a Tory, Stanley Baldwin, who delivered the most penetrating insight into the British press. Nearly a century on, it has never felt more appropriate: "The newspapers attacking me are not newspapers in the ordinary sense. They are engines of propaganda for the constantly changing policies, desires, personal vices, personal likes and dislikes of the two men. What are their methods? Their methods are direct falsehoods, misrepresentation, half-truths, the alteration of the speaker's meaning by publishing a sentence apart from the context...What the proprietorship of these papers is aiming at is power, and power without responsibility – the prerogative of the harlot throughout the ages."

I'm going to doff my cap to Motson for one thing. I remember a cup game against Arsenal at Anfield - 3rd round in 2007 I think it was, they won 3-1. Kelvin MacEvilcunt was in the news for yet another bout of evil cuntery so there was a Justice for the 96 chant after 6 minutes...and Motson said what it was about. He could be tedious, but in the final analysis he was one of the good guys. RIP.

Just drove in the vicinity of Coady's gaff and made a wanking gesture in its direction. You're welcome, Dave.

'Buke' cracks me up every time. Pure Dublin.

I'm more bothered by "going down, going down, going down". The absence of "going down yes you are, you're playing QPR" was also a pity.

Last trip to Anfield And now you're gonna believe us, the shite are going down Rafa, Rafael (etc) He's only got little arms, he couldn't touch the crossbar Divock Origi!

So my theory after last night is that Dyche has written off all away games. The game plan is: don't get injured and don't get red carded - might need to work on Coady for that last one, Sean, but anyway...the primary goal is to preserve energy and resources for the home games. Nothing else I can think of explains how mind-bogglingly passive they were. I should have been a nervous wreck last night at what was my first derby in over 20 years. yet it took all of five minutes to see these guys were not up for the fight. And no, being shit doesn't cover it. Being shit didn't stop them wiring into the league leaders for 90+ minutes. Last night they sat off Liverpool for the entire game. I'd say I'd be fuming if I were an Everton fan but, well, yeah.

If I 'sit down to watch the telly', it'll be straight to YouTube. When I watch it with my wife, we plan a series of something from iPlayer or Netflix. My in-laws will watch BBC 1 until after The One Show, then Corrie, then anything on ITV or Channel 5.

What is clear is that he's lying to himself or he's lying to everyone else.

I´ve decided to unsubscribe from any politics podcasts. I enjoyed Steve Richards's take on thing in particular, but any time the Tories get mentioned I would unleash a volley of cuss words. It just wasn´t good for my blood pressure.

Artist's impression:

Tobias Fünke, the first analrapist in de wehrld.

Fixed that for you.

Red: "I wonder is Steven Schumacher related to Toni Schu..." Bloo: "There you go, bringing up Pickford's tackle on Van Dijk time to move on you lot are obsessed fucking mehrderers" (continued page 1995)

If the makers of Ted Lasso had used Everton as their template for the show, it would have flopped as no-one would give any credit to such a ridiculous premise.

Not going to get him that yacht though, is it?

You sound overqualified.

His pitch for the job will consits of one tweet:

All Together Bitter