Josef Svejk

I've said it before, I'll say it again: He's a three set master. But I have serious doubts about him over five sets. He probably is the third best in the world, certainly in terms of consistency on the tour. But he's in danger of standing still while younger players come through. That's a real danger in men's tennis. Unlike women's tennis, where you can take a two year break and come back to challenge immediately a la Clijsters...

That was his worst performance in some time. Getting broken five times and generally looking lethargic: quite surprising.

"First one to the ball gets a transfer to Spain..."

It's a definite improvement.

Liverpool's South American stars play the beautiful game...

Must wake up before posting in future. Lesson number two for this morning. Here's the second goal: [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE]

Must read more than two pages of thread in future! Were the videos posted, though? Huh? Were they?

I'm surprised nobody's voiced any suspicions about the Georgia-Italy result in Ireland's group. Two own goals by Italy-based Kaladze in a meaningless game for the Georgians. Judge for yourselves... [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE]

I was kidding. Being a teetotaller is a fair enough reason not to buy rounds - a lot of the time, anyway. Round-dodging drinkers on the other hand...

I've no problem with teetotallers. As long as they get a round in. The cunts.

What a culture. I wish I was an African-American celebrity. Then I too could act like an asshole with bad grammar and a nervous tick. Maybe stupid white kids would start impersonating me and get their parents to pay for my films, albums, sporting performances, designer clothing, tacky jewelry, or all of the above. While corporations run by old white guys cream off a massive surplus... God bless America. [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE]

Reps for the two above. No further comment required.

He's an immense self-publicist who basically got himself kidnapped. And humanitarians don't work with the US in the Middle East...

Are we desperate enough to consider any of the following (from Football 365): MARK VIDUKA "I've just heard that Mark Viduka will join one of his old clubs - so that's Newcastle, Leeds or Middlesbrough," said David Craig breathlessly on Sky Sports News on Dead Deadline Day. He never mentioned it again and the Australian remains clubless. The latest link is with West Ham, who are missing one 'prone to fatness' striker in Dean Ashton and could offer a short-term deal to the Australian, who has seemingly spent much of the summer sailing a yacht around the Croatian coast. And keeping fit, of course. MICHAEL BALL One-time (literally) England international left-back who was released by Manchester City this summer despite occasionally captaining the side last season. The former Everton, Rangers and PSV man is still only 29 and presumably still capable of 'doing a job' further down the Premier League. Who needs a left-back? The poor lad will end up at Hull, won't he? DIETMAR HAMANN Another Moneybags City reject but his Premier League days are surely now over at the grand old age of 36. The German has already turned down Sven at Notts County because he believes he can do a little better than fourth-division football and claims to have had some contact with English and German clubs. "Obviously I can still sign after the deadline so maybe if teams don't get the players they want today then I will hear something," he said rather hopefully on Tuesday. Come on Championship clubs...our money's on QPR. ANDY VAN DER MEYDE It really didn't go well for the Dutchman at Everton - 20 Premier League games, a stolen pedigree dog, a spiked drink leaving him in hospital and a massive bust-up with David Moyes in four long years. There was little surprise when he was released this summer and even less surprise that joke club Newcastle were the first to be linked with the under-achieving Dutchie. LAUREN One of the big earners kicked out of Portsmouth this summer to lower a wage bill that almost saw them hurtle into administration, the Cameroonian is surprisingly only 32 and not ready for the retirement home yet. He was last seen having a trial in Israel but a contract is yet to materialise. Don't be surprised to see him turning up at a relegation-threatened club with his two Premier League medals. HENRI CAMARA Filed under 'jobbing striker', the Senegalese forward has had ten clubs in his career and enjoyed rather decent spells with Wolves, Celtic and Wigan, though he failed to score in a loan spell at Stoke at the back end of last season. After six years in British football, he was released by the Latics and was last seen on trial at Hull. Let's face it, if Phil Brown has turned you down, it's probably about time to give up, Henri. No, didn't think so...

... I'd almost forgotten about him. But, alas, he lives.

Special mention... [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE]

But the master remains... [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE] [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE]

Excellent shout. And from the same composer: [YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE]

And the point of said dating?

[YOUTUBE] [/YOUTUBE]

And as a friend once said: everybody on MTV thinks they're funny. Nobody on MTV is or ever has been funny.

Gorgeous. If she carried more weight. And stopped talking shite.

His entire career is a series of bizarre transfers: Spurs to arch-enemies / Arsenal Arsenal to abroad / Portsmouth Portsmouth to five-year countdown to retirement / Notts Co.

"Going back to where you were comfortable in the past" is not a sign of a lack of ambition? Especially when it's an inferior team in an inferior league? As for going to the World Cup, it's a miracle he gets anywhere near the Dutch squad one way or the other...