TLW

How about that?

Haha that's fantastic.

I fancied a change. The top banner is new as well, although you may have to refresh your pages and clear cookies and shit to see it.

Steve Bennett hadn't reffed at OT for three years. Why not? There's another ref who has a similar record, although I can't remember which one now.

From now on I'm calling him Tommy, that's fucking boss.

This thread is being discussed on a manc forum, they must be pissing themselves laughing at us.

Has anyone used the free smoothie voucher from the back of the latest issue? You'd be helping TLW out if you do, as it will show them their advertising is paying off.

Went to Cambridge, then got a bad knee injury and had to retire I think.

John is in, So it's... 1. DT 2. Rene 3. Mo 4. Darry 5. Count 6. Seraf 7. Doctor Troy 8. Kaizer 9. The Mont 10. Dave U 11. John G 12. Ezekiel ? 13: atk?

I'm in for tonight. atk said the other day he was too. I think Ezekiel is in, I haven't been able to get hold of him. Will text John G now.

Won 5-1 tonight. Hat-trick from Lindfield, and the others from San Jose and Kelly.

LIVERPOOL 2 Reading 1 Report by Dave Usher at Anfield Scorer(s) – Javier Mascherano, Fernando TorresHalf Time - 1-1 Venue - Anfield Date - Sat 15 March 2008 Star Man – Javier Mascherano Like a female shot putter from Eastern Europe, it wasn’t pretty and it was more than a little hairy. As those steroid enhanced shemales will tell you though, winning is all that matters, and at the end of the season when the points are tallied up no-one will remember the manner of this victory, just that it was a victory and a valuable three points. We weren’t that bad, but there was certainly a bit of legginess there after the San Siro exploits and when we didn’t kill the game off we ended up hanging on at the end as Reading threw everything at us. It shouldn’t have been so nervy at the death, as we’d done more than enough to have wrapped the points up by then. We didn’t take our chances though, and as tiredness crept in Reading began to sense they cold get something. They had a couple of chances at the end, but we survived and cemented our grip on fourth spot. There must have been a temptation for Benitez to make a few changes, as there are several players who have been involved in pretty much every game recently. Rafa likes to keep people fresh, and with some very tough games coming up this was probably the only chance he’d have to rest anyone. Thankfully, he resisted the temptation and fielded what is probably our strongest available eleven at the moment. There were a couple of changes, Arbeloa came in for Big Sami whilst Alonso returned in place of Lucas – an unsung hero in midweek against Inter. Reading had beaten us at their place, and clearly fancied their chances again here. Steve Coppell probably felt they could catch us on the hop after our midweek excursions, and they made a positive start trying to attack us and get men forward. They went in front after only a few minutes, in controversial circumstances. Hunt ran at Arbeloa down the left, and was stopped in his tracks by a fine sliding challenge that sent the ball behind for what should have been a Reading corner. It couldn’t have been any clearer, and I’m sure the referee was the only person in the stadium who thought it was a foul. I yelled some obsenity at the official, and then turned the fella next to me and said “it doesn’t make much difference whether it’s a free kick or a corner as it’s from more or less the same place, but that’s not the point is it?” Except it did make a difference, a big one. The free-kick was taken about ten yards in from the touchline, and drilled across the edge of the box to the Czech lad who’s name escaped me. His finish was stunning, but it was never a free-kick, and to add insult to injury one of their players stopped Aurelio from coming out to close down the shot. It was poor officiating, and it would continue throughout the game. He was hopeless. Given the form we’ve been in, I wasn’t unduly worried, and we responded pretty well. Torres was sent clear by Gerrard after the skipper brought the ball down on his chest and then produced a brilliant ball into the striker’s path. Torres got there before the keeper, but Hahneman had done very well to get out so quickly and he made the block. He could do nothing about the equaliser though, no keeper in the world could have done. Mascherano collected the ball 30 yards out skipped around Hunt and made space for a shot. We’ve seen this happen a lot, and the shot usually ends up in the crowd. Not this time, it flew into the corner like a rocket and he was off celebrating. He didn’t seem to know what to do, he started with a Luis Garcia style thumb sucking, and ended up repeatedly yelling ‘Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off!’ It was brilliant! What a guy. It was almost 2-1 straight after, when Babel danced his way into the box and hit a blistering drive that rbought a fine save out of the keeper again. Babel was causing problems on the left, although his insistence on constantly cutting in on his right foot was making him a little easy to read. If he can mix it up a bit more and work on his left foot, he could be virtually unstoppable. He thought he’d scored shortly after, when he stooped to head in a great cross from Gerrard. The linesman’s flag cut short the celebrations, although at the time I thought it was dubious. TV replays showed he was just offside, although the full back who had closed Gerrard down was close to playing him on. Alonso went close with a brilliant dipping left foot volley from 25 yards, but the ball dropped just the wrong side of the post. I couldn’t believe it hadn’t gone in, as from where I was sat it had goal written all over it. Xabi played well, and some of his passing in the first half was outstanding. Kuyt sent an effort just over after being picked out by Arbeloa, but that was a rare good moment for the two in a first half in which they played like total strangers. Passes kept going astray, and I thought they were both very disappointing, especially Dirk. He’s been playing much better of late, but this wasn’t a good day for him. Reading were getting more and more physical as the game wore on. In the previous two encounters, they’d kicked the shit out of Torres and the referee had let them. I could be mistaken, but I think this same referee was in charge of the League Cup tie when Torres was booted all over the place with no protection. Bikey is a bit of a head the ball, as witnessed by his hilarious dismissal in the African Nations Cup for assaulting his own team’s physio, and the only surprise was it took him until just before half time to go through Torres. He should have been booked, but wasn’t. Shortly after the restart, it was Rosenior’s turn to hack down the Liverpool hitman. He was rightly given a yellow a card. Torres would get his revenge almost instantly, as his clever movement created some seperation between him and Bikey and allowed him to rise unchallenged to head home Gerrard’s well flighted free-kick. It wasn’t an easy chance, but this is Torres so it was hardly a shock when the ball found the corner of the net. At this stage we looked like we’d go on and finish the game off. More terrific play from Torres saw him find Babel, who skipped by Rosenior like he wasn’t there but blasted his left foot shot over the bar from close range. A shame, as it would have been a stunning goal. Aurelio was next to threaten, his beautifully struck shot from 30 yards looked to be headed for the far corner of the net before Hahnemann made another fine save. Torres got to the rebound but couldn’t direct it goalwards. Bikey was eventually booked for a collision with Gerrard as they both came together at full speed. The defender felt Gerrard had dived and got in his face to tell him so. Apparently you could see on the tv that Gerrard responded by telling him ‘It was a fucking foul, you’re fucking shit’. Haha I love that. There was an anxious moment when Skrtel took a tumble over the advertising boards and into the Kop. Crouch was on the scene as he’d been warming up in that area, and he signalled to the bench that they’d need to make a change. There were medics there too, and it looked worrying. Then suddenly Skrtel was back on his feet, jumped over the boards and was back on the field. He’s a tough bastard, and he’s become very popular very quickly. Reading forward Shane Long had gotten no change of Skrtel, and kept conceding free-kicks. In the end, he was subbed as Coppell wanted to get the more physical Dave Kitson on. Long threw his shirt away as he took his seat on the bench, much to the amusement of forty thousand Liverpool fans. Kitson is much bigger than I realised, he’s a bit of a grock. Reading started to hit it long to him, but Carragher and Skrtel were coping easily enough. As the clock began to tick away, and there was only one goal in it, things started to get a bit tense. Most of our team looked very leg weary, with only Mascherano seemingly unaffected by tiredness. He was charging all over the place, and his stamina levels are truly amazing. But some with his team-mates fading fast, Reading sensed an opportunity. With a minute to go, they were awarded a free-kick for a foul by Skrtel, but it was once again an error by the referee as Alonso had been taken out by Cisse before Skrtel’s offence. The ball was played in, and fell to Kitson. For a split second it looked as though he had a clear shot, but Gerrard flung himself in the way to make the block. Kitson appealed for handball, and tv replays showed it did strike Gerrard’s hand. But his hands were not outstretched, and it was point blank range. How could he have avoided it? Never a penalty, but you can’t blame Kitson for asking. What pissed me off, was that although he was the only one to appeal when it happened, three other Reading players then joined him in surrounding the referee. They were on the other side of the box, how could they have seen shit? That wasn’t the last of the scares though. Another set piece saw the keeper come forward, and Rafa quickly made sure he got Hyypia on there to give us a bit of extra height. When it was played in though, it was a Reading head that met the ball, and for a horrible moment it looked like Reina had gone down too early and would be beaten by the bounce. Thankfully he adjusted himself and gathered the ball. Immediately he was up on his feet looking to release Torres. He should have had a shot himself in my opinion. There was no-one back, and he strikes a ball so well he could easily have drop kicked it to the other goal. Instead, he threw it towards Torres, but it was cut out by a Reading defender. It could have proved costly, but the loose ball was met by Alonso who leathered it first time towards the unguarded net. It was a brilliant strike, but it was a few yards wide. Nobody else on the field could have struck the ball that sweetly though, it was vintage Alonso. Had it not been for the imperious display of Mascherano, Xabi would have been my star man. I thought he was excellent, as were the two centre backs. Gerrard and Torres were quiet by their recent standards, but El Nino still bagged his customary goal and now the pair will have a week’s rest ahead of the trip to Old Trafford next week. A few months ago I was dreading that fixture, now I can’t fucking wait. If Gerrard and Torres are on their game, there’s no reason why we can’t go there and win. And if we did, the league table would make for interesting reading, especially with Arsenal squandering two points a week at the moment. At this stage though, it is just ‘IF’, and winning at Old Trafford is a tough ask. The atmosphere was better as well, and hopefully it will continue to improve between now and the end of the season. There’s a buzz around the place now due to the Champions League, and also due to Torres. The Torres song is getting people going and the atmosphere is definitely better than it has been. Stephen Hunt was taunted with ‘There’s only one scruffy bastard’ whereas a few months ago he’d have been ignored. He’s a snidy little fecker that Hunt, I’d describe him as an Everton player who just happens to play for someone else. Robbie Savage and Michael Brown would also fall into that category. Speaking of the blues, this win put the pressure back on them and they promptly went and lost at Fulham. They will be looking at our fixture at Old Trafford next week as an opportunity for them to claw back the points they lost this weekend. It’s up to us to ensure that doesn’t happen. Win next week, and then win the derby, and we’ll have shaken Everton off for good. Team: Reina; Arbeloa, Carragher, Skrtel, Aurelio; Alonso, Mascherano; Kuyt (Benayoun), Gerrard, Babel (Riise); Torres:

LIVERPOOL 3 Newcastle 0 Report by Dave Usher at Anfield Scorer(s) – Jermaine Pennant, Fernando Torres, Steven GerrardHalf Time - 2-0 Venue - Anfield Date - Sat 8 March 2008 Star Man – Steven Gerrard I don’t know what was more surprising, the fact that Jermaine Pennant scored one, or that Fernando Torres ONLY scored one. Torres has been scoring for fun of late, whereas I don’t even remember the last time Pennant had a shot. He scored against the Geordies, but even then he still didn’t shoot. With Newcastle’s hapless defence in town though, anything can happen. Titus Bramble may be gone, but he’s left plenty of heirs to his throne. The thing with Newcastle, is that no matter how well they might be doing, you know at some point there’ll be a defensive howler. They’ve turned it into an art form. Some will say our opening goal was lucky, and from our perspective it was. If I was Kevin Keegan though, I wouldn’t be putting that goal down to bad luck. It was a defender failing to follow the most basic rule of defending. Play the way you are facing. When Torres tried to slip a ball into Pennant, there was no danger as the full back had gotten goal side and was comfortably reaching the ball head of Jermaine. He even had a look to see where Pennant was, and then chose to blast the ball against him when he should have either played it back to the keeper or taken the safest option of all and just conceded a corner. He did neither, and he paid the price as the ball hit Pennant’s shin and looped over Harper into the net. From that moment on, the points were safe. We’d not played especially well up to that point, and Newcastle had been fairly comfortable. They’d offered nothing in attack other than once corner kick that was missed at the near post and somehow smuggled away by Reina. At the back though, they’d not been bad. We’d had a couple of decent efforts from Torres and Gerrard that had brought good saves out of Harper, but we hadn’t gotten out of second gear As soon as we got the lead though, their heads dropped, and within a minute or so we’d doubled our advantage with a breathtaking goal courtesy of Torres and Gerrard. Those two are now looking so good together that I’m struggling to think of a better double act anywhere. The link up for the second goal was something very special, and it was a priviledge to have been there to see it. The athleticism, intelligence, pace and skill that both possess make them a formidable combination, and their understanding seems to be growing by the week. When Torres went up for a header in the centre circle there appeared to be no danger to Newcastle. He won the header, and directed into the path of Gerrard, but there was still a lot to do to even create a chance, let alone score. Gerrard collected the ball and took off down the left, as Torres hared through the middle. The pass from Gerrard was simply stunning, especially coming from his weaker foot. Torres still had a bit to do, with Harper racing out at him and a couple of defenders trying to get back. When he dummied the ball I thought he’d blown it, and that the chance had gone. He knew exactly what he was doing though, and he got there before the covering defender and slotted home yet another quality goal. Two quick goals just before half time killed Newcastle. They were never coming back from that, the question was how many would we score? I fully expected Torres to get his hat-trick, but he was more of a provider than finisher after the break. Our third goal was similar to the second, in that it started with a header won on the halfway line. Torres collected the ball and set off towards the Kop end. Gerrard also set off and sprinted ahead of El Nino. For a second it looked like he would run offside as the pass didn’t arrive, but he checked his run, stayed onside and when the pass came he deftly lifted it over Harper for his 19th goal of the season. 19 goals and still plenty of games left. With Torres’ exploits making most of the headlines it’s easy to overlook Gerrard’s achievement. He’ll surely top the twenty goal mark for the second time in three years. Some going that. Of course, barring injury, he’ll most likely be behind Torres, but the way it’s going so will everyone else in the country. Gerrard and Torres are flying at the moment, and you can see how much they are starting to love playing together. Torres’ pace and ability to go at people gives us a weapon we haven’t had in a long time. We’re dangerous now even when the ball is in Reina’s hands, because one quick clearance upfield can result in a goal for us. We’ve seen it already this season, and it almost happened again in this game. Reina threw the ball upfield to Torres, and he allowed the ball to run past him which wrongfooted the defender. He surged into the box, but was half stopped (by Taylor I think). He looked up and saw Gerrard charging forward (he covered a hell of a lot of ground to get there) and rolled it back to him. With everyone either expecting the shot or for him to shift the ball to his right side, Gerrard surprised everyone by cleverly taking it onto his left side past the last defender, but Harper made a brilliant save to deflect the ball over the bar. With the game safe, Rafa predictably opted to rest his two key men with the game at San Siro in mind. Gerrard went off first, replaced by Kuyt. Torres followed not long after, making way for Crouch, and finally Pennant was brought off with Hyypia coming on. Bit of a strange one that, as Babel was on the bench and would have been a more logical replacement. I took that decision to mean Babel was being held back for Inter, where his pace could prove to be crucial. The substitutions killed the game, as we lost our cutting edge and Newcastle began to have a bit more joy. That was largely due to the introduction of Obafeme Martin, who I can’t believe isn’t starting for them. Damien Duff contributed nothing, and although Owen was busy he was fed on scraps and didn’t threaten. Martins can make things happen on his own, and he almost produced the goal of the season when he chested the ball down, spun and sent a half volley from forty odd yards looping over Reina towards the goal. I thought it was going in, but it smacked the bar and bounced out. It’s strange seeing Owen playing for them, I can’t get used to it. I know a lot of reds have a lot of animosity towards Michael, but I just can’t bring myself to think bad of him. He gave me too many great memories for me to wish ill on him. That said, this situation he’s in is of his own making, and I said on the forum recently that I have no sympathy for him. But you know what, as I watched him forlornly chasing around Anfield, the venue of so many of his greatest goals and memories, I did feel sorry for him. I know it’s all his own fault for walking out on us, and for then not holding his nerve when Newcastle topped Liverpool’s bid for him, but I still felt bad for him. Maybe I’m just a soft touch, but I take no pleasure from seeing how his career has turned out. He must wake up every day and curse the decision he made to quit Anfield. Or more likely, curse the fact he didn’t sit tight and turn down Newcastle’s offer when he was at Real Madrid. Had he done that, who knows how things would have turned out for him. He didn’t though. Liverpool, Real Madrid, and then Newcastle. It’s like Brad Pitt leaving Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie, Angelina kicking him out and him ending up with Jade Goody. Fat, thick, loud and annoying. Newcastle United and Jade have a lot in common actually. The Toon are in big trouble. They’re dropping like a stone and Keegan hasn’t had the galvanising effect they hoped he’d have. Player for player they are a lot better than most at the bottom, but their back four is probably worse than anything outside of Derby County. You’ve got to hand it to Newcastle, they always manage to bring in these random foreign defenders you’ve never heard of. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve tuned in to match of the day to see some calamitous defending from some mysterious African or South American defender, only to then find out they’d paid £8m for him or something. It makes for great Saturday night entertainment though. At least they don’t have to worry about their goalkeepers, as they’ve got a top keeper in Given and a good back up in the reliable Harper. He played very well in this game, and clearly he didn’t let what happened to him last season play on his mind. He made another great save late on from Kuyt, who’d latched onto a flick from Crouch. Kuyt was very lively when he came on, and he almost created a goal for Benayoun, but his diving header was deflected just wide by Taylor. It was a comfortable enough win, as I’m sure most of us expected it would be. I don’t think we really got out of second gear, as we didn’t need to. Maybe we moved into third gear a couple of times with Gerrard and Torres combining, but overall it was pretty easy once we’d got the first goal. We didn’t miss Mascherano, as Lucas did a steady job in his absence. But if there was any game where we wouldn’t need the little Argentine, this was surely it. Lucas and Alonso controlled the midfield, allowing Gerrard to concentrate solely on supporting Torres. That’s the main benefit of this formation, and if we had serious quality in the wide forward positions we’d have as good a midfield and attack as anybody. Confidence has returned to a squad that was looking in turmoil a few short weeks ago. It’s too early to suggest we should start looking up the table rather than over our shoulders, especially as the blues are still level on points with us. But if we can despatch Reading next weekend then we can go into that tough run of games with a lot of confidence. We’ll know much more about where we stand once those gmes are out of the way. Of course, there’s the small matter of Inter Milan first. It’s not our style to go away in Europe and defend, we always seem to go away and have a go. I expect us to try and catch Inter by surprise by attacking them early on, especially given their absentees in defence. If we can get the first goal, it will be plain sailing. The way Gerrard and Torres are playing, you’ve got to fancy our chances of scoring over there. Star man for me was Gerrard. He’s in brilliant form at the moment, and for the first time I’m starting to get the feeling he is growing into that number 10 role and knows what is required of him there. He’s played there a number of times under Benitez, but I’ve never been convinced he was comfortable in the role. He’d drop back into midfield too much, usually because he had struggled to get into the game as much as he likes. Now though, he’s playing further forward, and he’s usually really close to Torres. He’s definitely becoming more comfortable with the position, and his understanding with Torres is growing all the time as well. It’s an exciting combination, and there won’t be a team in Europe that isn’t wary about facing those two. Team: Reina; Arbeloa, Caragher, Skrtel, Riise; Lucas, Alonso; Pennant (Hyypia), Gerrard (Kuyt), Benayoun; Torres (Crouch):

LIVERPOOL 4 West Ham 0 Report by Dave Usher at Anfield Scorer(s) – Fernando Torres (3), Steven GerrardHalf Time - 1-0 Venue - Anfield Date - Wed 5 March 2008 Star Man – Fernando Torres / Steven Gerrard We’ve waited a hell of a long time for this 'game in hand' to be played, but few will argue that it was worth the wait. A highly accomplished performance on the pitch, and a much improved one of it. Torres bagged yet another hat-trick, and a message was sent out across the Atlantic by the Kop on a good night all round for the reds. There have been some encouraging signs of late that this system we’re employing now could really take us places. It’s not perfect yet, and we can improve on a few positions in it, but by and large we’re playing better football now than we have for most of the season. The Gerrard / Torres combination is showing signs that it could become as good as anything we’ve ever had, and personally I think the spine of this side is as good as anything out there. It was too good for West Ham anyway, which makes it highly irritating that a few short weeks ago we lost the Hammers. Since that game we appear to have gotten our act together, and with Everton showing no signs of dropping the pace, we need to keep this up. If we keep the same formation and more or less the same players, there’s no reason why we can’t do that. My worry is that every time we get in a nice little run like this, Rafa seems to get a bit over-confident and does something daft. I keep thinking back to the game at Reading, when we were flying and looking like we were going to mount a title challenge. He changed a winning formula, we lost, and it killed the momentum we had been building up. We never really recovered from that, although it can be argued that off the field events played a big part in it too of course. If the manager can resist the urge to ‘rest’ players and just keep his best players on the pitch in their best positions, then we could yet enjoy a good end to the season. A few weeks ago I just wanted the season over, as it was bringing more misery by the week. Things have changed a lot since then though, and I’m now looking forward to games instead of dreading them. Just as he was in the last home game, Torres was the match winner. The difference between the performance against the Hammers compared the Boro game however, was huge. Against Boro we were poor, and Torres won the game more or less on his own. His goals owed more to the generosity of the Boro defenders than the creativity of his own team mates. Against West Ham however, the team functioned very well and Torres received some good service from his colleagues. Everyone played well, even Riise, who turned in his best performance in some time. Despite the excellent result at the Reebok at the weekend, Benitez made two changes to his side, both in defence. I don’t mind that too much, as rotation is fine if you’re swapping players of similar standard. Bringing in Riise and Arbeloa for Hyypia and Aurelio isn’t going to make too much difference to how the side plays, especially as the midfield and forwards were unchanged. We started well, and it didn’t take long for us to go in front. Torres had already threatened before he opened the scoring with a crisp half volley from a Kuyt cross. The keeper didn’t even see it until it was past him, it was a great finish. Kuyt had been the provider for the earlier chance too, when he nodded back a brilliant cross from Riise into the path of El Nino. Dirk’s contribution of late has been very good, and he looks to have put that dreadful run of form behind him now. We continued to create chances, and surprisingly we looked very threatening from corners. Alonso and Gerrard delivered some excellent balls in, and West Ham were finding it difficult to deal with. Skrtel and Carragher both had chances from corners, and it makes a refreshing change to see as generally our set pieces are shite. West Ham only really created one serious moment of danger when Boa Morte got in behind our backline and rounded Reina, but Arbeloa got back superbly to deflect his shot over the bar from virtually on the goal-line. Arbeloa’s hesitancy had allowed the winger to get in, but full credit to him for his recovery. Reina did well too, because it was clear Boa Morte was getting there first and had he dived in he would have been sent off. That would have been catastrophic, as the hapless Itandje had been recalled to the bench, and the idea of him seeing any playing time fills me with dread. Pepe made no attempt to challenge though, which was the correct decision. It was the only moment of concern he’d have in the entire game. Reina’s comfortable evening owed plenty to the sterling work of the men in front of him. Carlton Cole is a big awkward bastard, but Carragher and Skrtel stuck to their tasks diligently and matched him physically. I was more worried about the Main Stand side linesman than I was about any of their players. He missed a few offsides that could have proved costly but for two fine interventions from the pacey Skrtel. At the other end, we were playing some nice stuff and ‘controlling the game’ without threatening the goal too much. Babel was looking lively on the left, and was giving Lucas Neill plenty to think about. Had he not been such a mercenary twat, Neill could have been lining up in red for this fixture. We got Arbeloa instead, and thank Christ we did. ‘Bob’ has been an excellent signing for us. As for Neill, well it looks like he’s been making the most of his extra cash and East End lifestyle by gorging himself on Jellied Eel Pies. He’s definitely carrying more timber than he should be. Some terrific play from Babel almost created a goal for Gerrard. The Dutch winger tricked his way to the byline and cut it back into the centre, where the skipper did well to get in front of his man and get a tow on the ball. It was headed for the bottom corner before a fine stop by Green kept it out. Cole was yellow carded for an elbow on Alonso, and he was maybe a bit fortunate as another ref may have sent him off. It looked bad, but to be fair I thought it was just a little clumsy and looked worse because Xabi had been moving towards him and collided with his elbow. I didn’t think he tried to take him out, but I’d need to see it again to be sure. Xabi didn’t make much of it anyway and was back on his feet after a few seconds. Hopefully he hasn’t picked up another scar, or people will start confusing him with Joleon Lescott. Half time arrived, and it was the turn of the fans to take centre stage. The Kop’s protests against Gillett and Hicks were loud and proud. The rest of the ground didn’t join in much, but unlike the after match protests we’ve seen, this wasn’t just a small group of hardcore fans. It was most of the Kop, so the decision by the Spirit of Shankly to switch the protest to half time was clearly a successful one. It looks increasingly likely that we will get our wish and be rid of at least one of the Americans, with Gillett on the verge of selling and Hicks hopefully following suit. If DIC get Gillett’s half, I don’t see how Hicks could possibly stay. You never know with that greedy, stubborn prick though. The protest was good, despite the efforts of George Sephton to drown it out by cranking up the volume on the latest piece of shite scouse music he insists on playing. Just because it’s local doesn’t mean it’s good, George. And call me cynical, but sticking Ring of Fire on was also a bit dodgy, given how he hardly ever plays it anymore. Why play it this time? There was also a lady on the pitch from the disabled supporters club or something, trying to give a speech about what the club have done to help them out or something (I don’t know as like 40 odd thousand others I wasn’t listening). I felt sorry for her, she couldn’t have been put out there at a worse possible time. I don’t think there was anything sinister in that though, as I’m sure that was arranged before the protests. Anyway, the singing at half time seemed to get the crowd warmed up, as the atmosphere in the second half was the best we’ve had at a league game in months. The performance was excellent too, as we attacked with a fluidity and directness that has been lacking for much of the season. With Gerrard in an advanced role, and with Torres and Babel on the field too, we actually have pace to hurt teams now. When Pepe gathers the ball and looks upfield for options, he has them. We had one blistering counter attack involving Babel, Torres, Gerrard and then ended with Torres almost latching onto a pass through the centre. It was exhilarating football, exactly what we want to see. Another move saw Babel commit defenders before feeding Gerrard. The skipper disguised a terrific pass back to Babel, and his shot was saved by Green. It would have been a wonderful goal. The crowd were getting into it more and more, with the new Torres song getting repeated airings, whilst the Mascherano song also echoed around the stadium with every interception, tackle and surging run from the little Argentine. It was turning into an enjoyable evening, but with just a single goal to show for our dominance, it’s always a little uncomfortable. Thankfully Torres ensured we didn’t have to worry for too long. Gerrard’s corner found Kuyt at the back of the box, and he twisted and turned to find space to pick out a cross, and pick out the unmarked Torres, who steered the ball expertly with his head into the top corner. It was a fantastic finish, and excellent set up play from Dirk too, who is making significant contributions in every game since the change in formation. Immediately after the second goal I said to my arl fella that he'll get his hat-trick, and that I fancy him to get another on Saturday. Jackie Balmer once scored three consecutive hat-tricks for the reds, and although Torres can't do that because he didn't score at Bolton, he could do it in three consecutive home games. West Ham’s fans had been getting increasingly irritated by Alan Curbishley, and at 2-0 they let their feelings be known. As they saw defender Johnathon Spector preparing to come on, chants of 'Boring Boring West Ham' came from their end. In their manager’s defence, Upson was injured so that’s why he was bringing on another defender. The Hammers fans wanted another striker on, and they weren’t impressed seeing a like for like defensive change. Their fans were pretty funny I thought. I love that Lampard song of theirs, and they also had a Chelsea song similar to our ‘You ain’t got no history’. They also seemed to be targeting a red in the Main Stand who was giving them some shit. Presumably the guy was a bit portly, as you could hear the Hammers chanting ‘Are you Lampard in disguise’. And when the fella came back from having a piss they chanted ‘He’s only been for burger’. They blotted their copybook a bit with the ‘USA’ chants and the laughable ‘Gerrard you let your country down’, but they were better than most visiting fans. They aren’t happy with Curbs tough, as they’ve spent a few quid but are still no more than a lower mid table side. They got spanked by Chelsea, and now we battered them too, so it’s not been a good work for the Happy Hammers. Torres almost bagged his hat-trick with a diving header from a stunning cross from Gerrard, but the ball hit the inside of the post and rolled across the line before being cleared. Gerrard delivered several of that kind of cross in the second half, and everything he did in this game had class written all over it. Torres will get all the headlines, but I thought Gerrard’s performance was as close to perfect as you can get. Rafa introduced Yossi for Kuyt, who got a tremendous reception as he went off. It’s pleasing for him that he’s come through that awful spell and is now showing what he can do again, and he deserved the applause that rang around Anfield. No matter what, he always puts a shift in does Dirk, and with two assists under his belt it was a good night’s work from him. Pennant then came on for Babel, and Crouch was warming up too, and I said to my dad if he was going to get that hat-trick he’d have to do it in the next couple of minutes. Time looked to have ran out as Crouch stood on the touchline waiting to come on as soon as the game stopped, but then Riise nodded the ball into El Nino’s path, and with one deft touch he was away from Lucas Neill and bearing down on the Kop end net. A cool finish later and it was his third hat-trick of the season. Given Newcastle's historical problems of coping with pacey Liverpool forwards, I wouldn’t bet against him making it three this weekend. He’s just so good. It was almost as if he saw Rafa was about to sub him, and he said ‘Yeah just give me a sec’ before bagging his third goal. It was similar to what Gerrard done earlier this year (against Luton I think). He was subbed immediately after the goal, to thunderous applause. With Torres off the field, it was Gerrard who took centre stage. Alonso won the ball in West Ham’s half and the ball broke to the skipper. He drove forward, made space on his right foot and hammered a shot into the top corner. It was brilliant, and in no way surprising. As soon as he opened up the space to shoot I think most of the stadium expected it to end up in the net. He’d just been so good all night it was almost inevitable. The scoreline didn’t flatter us, and it could have been more. We’re playing with confidence now, which we weren’t a few weeks ago, and we’re coming into form at an important point in the season. The next two league games are crucial, as they should be a comfortable six points. We need to be ahead of Everton after those two games, as we’ve a difficult run coming up after that. The temptation will no doubt be there for Rafa to rest Torres ahead of the Inter Milan game, but for me he should just keep playing him. Keep the spine of the team settled – injuries permitting - and limit any changes to the flanks. The only sour note was the injury to Mascherano. It didn’t look serious, just a dead leg by the looks of it, and it might be better to bring in Lucas for the Newcastle game as Mascherano will be a key man in the San Siro. No point taking any chances with the Chief. I’m sure everyone will have Torres as their star man, and I can’t really argue too much with that. I’d say Gerrard was every bit as impressive though, so I’m going to sit on the fence and give a joint award. I’d also single Riise out for some praise, as he performed very well in defence and attack. I’m quick enough to have a go at him, so it’s only fair to praise him when he plays well. Team: Reina; Arbeloa, Carragher, Skrtel, Riise: Alonso, Mascherano; Kuyt (Benayoun), Gerrard, Babel (Pennant); Torres (Crouch):

Did Michael Owen ever share with us the delights of a Sami Hyypia fish dish on his website? Did he fuck. Stop talking shite Rashid, and lay off Mad Erik as you know what happened last time. Warm round of applause for Michael from me by the way.

http://www.liverpoolway.co.uk/forum/news/57733-u18s-disappoint-again.html

I think the name is too long, so it got shortened.

Carradona, Arnaud, Truered and Josey Wales. Congratulations boys, thanks to everyone who entered and better luck next time. The answers were Jimmy Case and John Aldridge by the way.

I guess I'll have to watch MOTD in future won't I? I actually did watch MOTD, but I didn't put it on in time for our game.

The shittest 'top' player in the history of the world. Fucking fat, shit baldy twat. He could play in our thursday night six a side and still be anonymous, the fucking shitty waste of space. Can't believe he's played for so many top sides, the useless cunt.

http://www.liverpoolway.co.uk/forum/news/57458-liverpool-3-middlesbrough-2-match-report.html

LIVERPOOL 3 Middlesbrough 2 Report by Dave Usher at Anfield Scorer(s) – Fernando Torres (3)Half Time - 2-1 Venue - Anfield Date - Sat 23 February 2008 Star Man – Fernando Torres Coming off the back of such an emotionally charged, dramatic European night, Middlesbrough are arguably the worst side we could have faced. They’re probably the most insignificant, neither here nor there team in the Premiership. I mean come on, who actually looks forward to playing against Boro? If ever there’s a game where motivation could be a problem, it’s this one, especially when four days earlier we had the glamour of a clash with Inter Milan. I'd rather we were facing a good side like Arsenal, or a shit side like Derby. Boro are somewhere in between, and games with them are probably the least anticipated games we (or anyone else for that matter) have all season. I was worried about this game, as there was a definite case of the ‘After the Lord Mayor’s show’ about this. The crowd wouldn’t be up for it, and on the evidence of what we’ve seen for most of this season, neither would the players. Boro are usually resilient if nothing else, and came into the game in a good run of form. As it turned out, the fans weren’t really up for it, the players just about were, and Boro were actually much better than I thought they’d be. The irony was that the resilience that I expected from them went out of the window completely, as two catastrophic howlers ensured they left Anfield with no points when it could have been three. Boro played well and created chances, and will feel somewhat aggrieved to have gone home empty handed. As for us, well we didn’t play well, at least not consistently, but I don’t really care any more. The only thing that matters right now is getting three points, and I’ll happily take shit performances and three points in every game from now until May. Of course I’d like to see us playing as well as we did against Inter in every game, but the over-riding priority now is to get that fourth place, because no Champions League football next season could really have a devastating effect on our long term future. We started very badly against Boro. We were unbelievably sloppy in possession, with the normally reliable Gerrard, Mascherano and Hyypia particularly careless. Simple passes were going astray, and the Champions League hangover I was worried about was clearly in evidence. Speaking of hangovers, I noticed Charles Itandje wasn’t on the bench for this game. Maybe he was nursing a sore head, as he’s not averse to hitting the town before games is Monsieur Itandje. Whatever the reason for his absence, long may it continue as someone with his total lack of professionalism is simply not fit to wear the shirt. Rafa ensured that no matter what happened in this game, ‘rotation’ couldn’t be used as a stick to beat him with, as he made just one change from the side that beat Inter, and that was an enforced one with Arbeloa replacing the suspended Carragher. Surprisingly, Alonso and Pennant both failed to even make the bench. Much has been made of Xabi’s apparent lack of form, but personally I think he’s been playing ok. Even on one of his average days he’s still more worthy of a place than young Lucas. Don’t get me wrong, I like Lucas, he’s a good little player with a bright future ahead of him. He’s not as good as Alonso though, and with a lot of big games coming up I’ll be much more comfortable when Xabi is returned to the starting line up. With him, Mascherano and Gerrard all on the pitch together, I always feel we’re a match for anyone. Especially when you throw Torres into the mix ahead of them. Torres was the difference between winning and losing this game, it’s that simple. We missed Carragher at the back big time. Arbeloa is fine when it comes to man marking and general defending, but the backline looked very vulnerable because of the lack of understanding in there and Arbeloa’s inexperience at playing centre back. There were numerous occasions when Boro got in behind our defence, and the normally rigid line we keep was all over the place. That said, we weren’t helped by the Main Stand side linesman who was appalling. I’m not sure whether’s Boro’s goal was offside or not, I suspect it was a lot closer than most of us thought at the time though. He’d missed several blatant offsides before that though, which had already gotten people’s backs up and unsettled out defence even more. The goal was terrible defending from start to finish. We conceded a free-kick because Lucas played a risky pass to Babel, who handed the ball as he tried to control it. When the free-kick was played in, most of our defenders had held a line and allowed Boro’s attackers to run in behind, but I think one of them may have have drifted in with them. I’d need to see it again to be sure. Pepe was left completely exposed, as Tuncay headed past him from close range. Even then though, I thought maybe he could have kept it out as it was more or less straight at him. I got the impression that he was expecting a whistle as he didn’t seem to be on his toes as he usually is. We were not creating any openings for ourselves, and the only one I can really remember is a snapshot from Kuyt that went over from close range. It wasn’t a bad effort in fairness as he did well to react quickest and get his shot in after Babel had beaten his man and crossed into the box. Other than that Boro were keeping us at arms length, and they were within a whisker of making it 2-0 when Alliadiere crossed for Tuncay who put the ball in with the top of his arm. I thought there was an offside in there as well, but the linesman flagged for the handball, nothing else. Tuncay was rightly booked, but had that cross been six inches loser to him he’d have been able to put it in the net by fair means not foul. Boro had another effort ruled out too, although I can’t remember whether that came when they were in front or behind. At the time I thought we’d got lucky, as Alliadiere definitely wasn’t offside and I wasn’t sure Tuncay was either. Thankfully the linesman was taking no chances having already seriously pissed off the crowd, and he raised his flag. Boro were enjoying themselves, and must have been really fancying their chances. Then out of nothing, a moment of madness from their captain Julio Arca presented Torres with the kind of opportunity he thrives on. Just what was going through Arca’s mind when he attempted a headed backpass from virtually in the centre circle? It was sheer stupidity, especially when he seemed to have a look first and must have been aware of Torres’ presence. For a horrible moment I thought Torres had blown the opportunity, as he opted to dribble around the keeper and stay on his feet despite being clipped. If he’d gone down it was a pen and surely a red card for Schwarzer, and by staying on his feet despite being knocked off balance I thought he was going to miss. He didn’t though, he clearly new what he was doing and he found the net easily enough in the end. Whilst his name was still echoing around Anfield, he did it again, this time producing a blistering low drive from outside the box after good set up play involving Hyypia and Aurelio. It was a great goal from a great player, and I dread to think where we’d be this season without his goals. We had a decent spell after that, as a bit of confidence and urgency returned to our play. The longer it went though, the less urgency we showed. At 2-1 it could have gone either way, but then another ridiculous defensive error from Boro allowed Torres to claim his hat-trick and secure the three points. Kuyt did well defending in his own penalty area, and then he launched a speculative long ball for Torres to chase. It was a good ball actually, but Torres was not favourite to make anything out of it until the keeper inexplicably came charging out and ran into Wheater, leaving Torres with the simple task of controlling on his chest and steering the ball into the unguarded net. I say simple, but he still finished it well. I was delighted for a number of reasons. Obviously it looked like it would seal three points, and I was made up for Torres too of course. I also took a great deal of pleasure from Schwarzer’s misfortune. He was given the kind of reception from the Kop that every visiting keeper gets, but he failed to acknowledge it. Inter’s keeper had done the same the other night, but that’s fair enough as continental keepers are not always aware of it. Schwarzer has no excuse though. Payback’s a bitch. Torres almost grabbed an exhilarating fourth, when Gerrard sent him scampering away and he showed blistering pace and directness to go past Pogatetz into the box. With the angle getting worse with every stride, he unleashed a powerful drive across goal that was headed for the bottom corner until Schwarzer got the faintest of touches to divert it wide. Peanut head Southgate made changes, sending on Mido (who was wearing the biggest pair of shorts I’ve ever seen) and Alves for O’Neill and Tuncay, and it made a difference to be fair. Downing in particular began to get into the game more, and he started getting the better of Finnan a little too much for my liking. He got a few crosses in, and lashed a wild shot so far wide it went for a throw in. The warning signs were there though, and when Mido picked him out on the left he produced a brilliant first touch to knock the ball past Finnan and then he slipped the ball under Reina to ensure a frantic finale. It was a class goal from an average player, and although people will point the finger at Finnan sometimes I think you just have to hold your hand up and say it was a great goal. I’m only basing it on what I saw at the time, but I don’t see what Finnan could have actually done to stop it. He was closing him down but the winger’s first touch immediately knocked it past him, and caught him on the back foot. From that point on he was beaten and couldn’t recover. I’m not sure if Pepe could have come out a bit quicker, and the shot seemed to go through him, but maybe he was taken a bit by surprise by how early the shot was taken. Or maybe he was just shocked that Downing could produce a piece of football like that. I know I was. At this point I was seriously concerned we were going to cock things up. We’ve thrown away so many points at home, and I could see another two going out the window. We needed to dig in, and Boro were on top at this stage. Then Alliadiere’s petulant side got the better of him, and we were more or less safe after that. I didn’t realise what went on at the time. I saw Mascherano and Luke Young having a little bit of verbals, and then I heard the crowd all shouting about something. Next thing the ref is waving a red card and the young Frenchman was walking off without any argument. I’ve since been told that Mascherano tweaked his nose, and he responded by trying to slap him. It seems a bit daft that he received the same punishment for that as Martin Taylor got for snapping Eduardo’s leg in half, but regardless of whether the punishment fits the crime, he was stupid to raise his hands given that he was already on a yellow card anyway (after a snidy kick at Aurelio in the first half). Yossi thought he’d wrapped up the win late on when he bundled in a rebond after Schwarzer had parried Gerrard’s pinpoint free kick onto the bar, but the linesman once again chalked off a goal by raising his flag. He was definitely correct on this one. With seconds remaining and Boro preparing to launch a free-kick into our box, Rafa brought off Torres to a standing ovation, and sent on Crouch. Sensible for three reasons. One, it gave Torres the ovation he deserved, two, it wasted a bit of time, and three, it allowed us to get Crouch back in there to defend the free-kick. We negotiated the final stages without any undue worries, and the three points are most welcome. On another day we could easily have lost this game, but like I say that’s irrelevant right now. In the long term I want to see us playing well, but in the short term I’ll just take wins, no matter how they come. We’re in a dogfight with Everton (and others) for that fourth spot, and although that’s clearly unacceptable, the time for analysing that is in the summer. Right now we just need to win, and keep winning, and hope that at the end of it we’re the ones in the final Champions League spot. At the start of the season fourth place was the very least I was hoping for, but right now I’d give my right arm to see us in fourth place after 38 games, and that shows just how disappointing we’ve been this season. Star man was easy, Torres was miles better than anyone else. Honourable mention again to Kuyt who I thought played well, and Aurelio who was pretty solid. Team: Reina; Finnan, Arbeloa, Hyypia, Aurelio; Lucas, Mascherano; Kuyt (Riise), Gerrard, Babel (Benayoun); Torres (Crouch):

Well I liked it, you can all fuck off.

Coming soon to a t-shirt near you: (courtesy of coop)

I thought it was brilliant.