West Ham picked up a much needed win as they smashed Bournemouth 3-0 to kick off their New Year - and of course the Davie Moyes era - in style. Not really a surprise, they’ve got ‘the Chosen One’ now and as the man himself says “winning is what he does”. I’m just glad we’ve got such a big lead over him or we might be in trouble.
Mark Noble’s deflected strike set them on their way and Sebastian Haller added a brilliant second with a bicycle kick. He was giving it the sulky / not celebrating celebration to the fans as he’s taken a lot of stick recently. Sorry lad, but you cost big money and you’ve done fuck all in a team that has been so bad that they’re in relegation trouble and had to sack a Premier League winning manager. You don’t get to give it the big ‘un just for doing what you’ve been bought to do.
Noble made it 3-0 from the spot after being brought down by Harry Wilson, who did everything in his power to not make contact but just couldn’t avoid it. Thats why you don’t want players like Harry back in his own box defending.
Felipe Anderson finally did something worthwhile and made it 4-0 with a nice individual effort. Good player him but he’s been a massive let down this season. Creswell was sent off for a reckless challenge on Fraser but VAR downgraded it to a yellow. Not sure how I feel on that, but it didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things as Bournemouth were already dead and buried.
Bournemouth are in real trouble now but they’ve just been ravaged by injury recently. If they get their main players back I think they’ll just have enough to pull out of it as when they’re at full strength they’re a decent side.
Poor Dom Solanke still can’t find the net though. He hit the post late on and I just feel really bad for the lad. Hopefully he can start scoring in the run in to keep them up. After all, if he fails, we can forget about getting any more cash from Nice Guy Eddie for our kids.
Mind you, that ship may have already sailed after Jordon Ibe got himself nicked for allegedly driving his Bentley into a coffee shop and leaving the scene. Fucking hell. Am I the only person who read that and found the most disturbing aspect of it that Jordon Ibe has a fucking Bentley? The shitness of modern football.
Update: Solanke scored in the FA Cup. Good for him, hopefully now the monkey is off his back he can get rolling. If that Calvert-Lewin bum can manage double;e figures there’s no reason Solanke can’t, as he was always the better of the two in all of the England junior sides.
Meanwhile, Leicester continue to be our closest challengers after they made it two away wins out of two without Jamie Vardy after comfortably seeing off Newcastle, who are really slumping now after a decent spell not so long ago.
That Ayoze Perez loser opened the scoring when he took advantage of a gift from Lejeune. Scandalous play that. It’s one of the first things you get taught as a kid. Never pass the ball across your own box. The soft cunt tried to play it from one corner of the penalty area to the other even though there were two Leicester players between him and his intended target.
Now ok, maybe he thought “It’s only that loser Ayoze” and having played with him he’s well aware of how shit he is, but even so, the sun even shines on a dog’s arse somedays and this was one of those days.
Bit surprised to see him celebrate, especially in the manner he did, sticking both fingers in his ears. Were the Geordies booing him then? I guess they must have or you’d have to be a colossal twat to do that. Perez is just a regular sized twat, so he must have been provoked. Par for the course with them really, but I didn’t expect them to be giving him stick considering how much money they fleeced Leicester out of.
Maddison made it 2-0 with a brilliant left footer into the top corner from 25 yards. Great finish but it was another gift from Lejeune who again passed it straight to a Leicester player. He’s so bad he belongs in that Fulham side that went down last year. He’s very much from the Tim Ream school of defending. Shite.
Poor Steve Bruce had to make three enforced changes by half time and then he lost a fourth player to injury early in the second half to leave them with only ten men. He was rightly bemoaning the fixture load afterwards as three of those injuries were hamstrings, brought about through fatigue.
Some clubs have enough players where they can rotate and give people a rest, but Bruce didn’t think he had that luxury and paid the price. He probably should have played the kids because as well as losing the game they lost four senior players. Klopp mentioned it in his pre-Everton presser so that leads me to think it’s going to be three men and the babies on Sunday. Adrian, Divock, Lallana and the kids.
Newcastle’s misery was complete when Choudhury lashed one in off the bar from 20 yards to wrap things up for the Foxes and keep them ahead of Man City, who had the luxury of a training session masquerading as a competitive fixture against Everton.
I actually watched this one, or at least I watched until City scored and then I switched it off. I had thought there was a chance the Blues might get something from the game. More fool me. Honestly, they were a fucking joke. As usual.
Here’s the thing. You’re probably going to lose when you play Man City because they’re really good. If you have a go at them you at least have a chance, but if you sit back and just defend then it’s a guaranteed loss. No prizes for guessing how Everton approached it. Shithouses.
The annoying thing is that on the rare occasions Everton tried to attack they looked like they could score. Shame they only tried about three or four times in 90 minutes. Foden had an early goal ruled out by VAR after Mahrez was caught offside in the build up. fucking redshite conspiracy this.
Mahrez then thought he should have had a penalty, but the linesman had incorrectly adjudged him offside and flagged prior to the ‘foul’. VAR looked at the incident and decided that he was onside but that it wasn’t a penalty. Again, fucking redshite conspiracy. “Fuck VAR” echoed around the Etihad. The Man City fans even joined in at one point….
Jesus eventually put City ahead with a lovely curled finish that Pickford got his hand to but couldn’t keep out. If only his arms were just a little bit longer. It looked close to being offside and there was a check to make sure it was ok. If that decision had gone against City there’d have been angry fans on the pitch I reckon. The City fans might have even joined in.
Much was made of how City’s goal celebration was muted because of the shadow of VAR. How can you tell? Everything they do is muted, the half arsed wankers.
Jesus made it 2-0 when he was given too much space in the box and was played onside by Mina. Really poor from Everton but they were given a lifeline when Bravo passed the ball straight to Moise Kean and Richarlison ended up tapping in at the back post.
Jesus was within a whisker of a hat-trick when his powerful shot came back off the post and all in all it was a much more comfortable win than the score suggests.
Ancelotti was laughing in his post-match interview but strangely there wasn’t the same kind of fury that was directed at poor Ole the following night. I’ll get to that in due course.
How shit are Burnley? They lost at home to Villa and they’ve been in a terrible run of late. Villa managed to overcome the disappointment of the most ludicrous VAR disallowed goal decision yet. No-one enjoys laughing at Villa more than me, but that Grealish goal that was chalked off angered the fuck out of me.
It’s scandalous really. Wesley’s heel is a millimetre offside and he isn’t even facing the goal. Not just that, it’s second phase and he had nothing to do with the actual goal. Just fuck off with that shit. Grealish actually handled it well, saying “if you’re offside you’re offside”. Technically he’s right, but fucking hell, come on. No-one wants to see goals ruled out for that, not even Villa goals.
They didn’t let that setback kill them though. There are some teams, I’ll mention no names *cough* Wolves *cough* who might completely lose their heads over a VAR decision or two that went against them, but Villa just rolled their sleeves up and got on with it.
Wesley eventually put them ahead but it was weird because based on the MOTD coverage it sounded like the away end didn’t even cheer it. Can’t blame them really given that the one that had been ruled out earlier had absolutely no hint of anything untoward about it. It’s happening more and more now, fans aren’t celebrating if there’s even a slight doubt that something might not be quite right.
There was more of a cheer when Grealish curled in a beauty to make it 2-0 soon after as there was no way that was getting ruled out. That cart horse Wood headed in to give Burnley hope with ten minutes to go but Villa held on for a win that came at great cost, as they lost both Wesley and Heaton for the season. They’ll struggle to overcome that. Still, it’s Villa so fuck ‘em.
Southampton’s resurgence continued with a win at home to Spurs. Ings scored again and it was a cracker, drawing comparisons with Gazza against Scotland. Both teams had chances after that but Southampton deserved the win and over the last eight games they’re second in the form table, which I don’t think anyone seen coming.
I hammered them for not sacking arl Ralph when they lost 9-0 but turns out that maybe they knew what they were doing. Fair play.
Spurs continue to look really mediocre but the longer Jose has to get his feet under the table the more defensive and boring they’ll become. They’re neither one thing or another at the moment.
Kane did his hamstring while scoring from an offside position and will almost certainly miss the game against us next week (you never know with him though). That gives Jose all the excuses he needs to just camp in his own box and shithouse the fuck out of the game.
He was in fine form after this one, taking exception at some of the Southampton tactics (hilarious considering he invented most of that shit when he was at Porto) and then explaining a booking for something he said to one of the Southampton coaching staff by quipping “I was rude so I deserved the yellow card. But I was rude to an idiot”. The deadpan delivery of it was brilliant too. Great stuff.
Chelsea took the lead at Brighton through Azpilacueta but they couldn’t hold on and were pegged back late by a brilliant overhead kick by Jahanbakhsh. He’s their record signing but until the last couple of games I’d never heard of him. Brighton are like Watford, every other week they bring out some lad who has never been seen or heard from before and then it turns out they cost upwards of £20m or something.
I’ve just googled him and it turns out he played 19 games for them last season. Can’t just be me who’d never heard of him, surely?
Meanwhile, Watford continue rolling under Nigel Pearson. Deulefeu put them ahead at home to Wolves with a composed finish into the bottom corner. He then teed one up for Doucoure to make it 2-0.
Neto pulled one back with a deflected shot from distance. Interestingly, he didn’t taunt the crowd with his celebration this time, the little bellend.
Kabasele was sent off for pulling back Jota and Wolves piled on the pressure looking for an equaliser but they couldn’t find a way past Foster as Watford collected their 10th point from their last four games. They only had nine points from their first four months until Pearson arrived. That new manager bounce has been so high they’ll have snow on them when eventually come down.
It’s interesting because I’ve read a lot recently about how shit the Premier League apparently is. People are only saying this because we’re so fucking good and they don’t want to acknowledge it. It’s not that the Reds are brilliant, it’s that everyone else is shit. Ok, sure. Both European finals were contested by English teams last season (none of whom were Man City) so it can’t be that bad.
The standard is as high as it’s ever been. Higher in fact. That is obscured somewhat because some of the traditional top teams are in various stages of transition / freefall, but the standard of the league from top to bottom is high.
Put it this way, until a week or two back Watford were bottom of the table on just nine points. So, the worst team in the division could boast players of the calibre of Deulefeu, Foster, Deeney, Doucoure, Janmaat and Capoue.
Other teams down there are similar. Aston Villa are a newly promoted side who have a centre forward that has been capped by Brazil. Southampton have internationals all over the pitch, Bournemouth have some good players, Brighton lack talent but are superbly coached while even Palace, who I keep saying are shite, have several good quality international players.
Sick of them somehow getting results they don’t deserve though. The latest was a draw at Norwich, who should have been out of sight before they conceded a late equaliser. Norwich just can’t win games even when they dominate. It must be doing Farke’s head in as they play some great footy.
Cantwell’s opener should have just been the start but Norwich just couldn’t put Palace away, and Connor fucking Wickham equalised. You have to feel for Norwich, they’re so fucking unlucky. How unlucky do you have to be to be the team who concedes to Wickham? It happens once every three years.
What makes it worse is it was initially ruled out for offside only for VAR to correct it. It’s just heartbreaking for Norwich as this keeps happening to them.
Finally, Arsenal and United got the rare treat of being able to play on a Wednesday in the Europa League Derby. It was a game that was essentially just to decide who is the least shit. Personally I’d have made them play on Thursday, in the afternoon, as that’s more befitting of their current standing in English football. The mighty have fallen in a big way, but Arsenal at least had something to cheer about to start 2020 as they won this comfortably. They played well, but United were genuinely fucking abysmal.
The Gunners went ahead early through Pepe. Just look at that dope Maguire on that goal, dropping five yards behind everyone else and playing Arsenal onside. What a waste of money. Mind you, look at the cost of that entire United back four. Shaw £35m, Maguire £85m, Wan-Bissaka £50m and Lindelof £30m. £180m for that? No wonder they’re floundering.
Pepe skinned Shaw and picked out Aubameyeng who volleyed over, and then Lacazette skinned Maguire and should have scored but got his finish all wrong. Pepe then hit the post and it was just wave after wave of Arsenal attacks. Sokratis made it 2-0 when United didn’t clear a corner and that was the very least Arsenal deserved at half time. Credit to United, it’s not easy making Arsenal look this good.
The second half was more of an even contest but the only thing of note that happened was Fred producing the worst free-kick of all time. Roberto Carlos will be turning in his grave at that. Imagine being Brazilian and hitting a free-kick like that. It’s like being a Welshman who can’t sing, or a Scotsman who can’t handle his ale.
I mentioned last week about how United fans are trying to make Alexander-Arnold v Wan-Bissaka a thing and how laughable it is. Well after this game I saw Daniel James was trending, so I had a little nose to see why. It was a combination of United fans ripping him for being a pace merchant who belongs in the Championship, and Arsenal fans ripping him on account of United fans earlier in the season lauding him and continually making a James v Pepe thing.
The Maguire v Van Dijk one has been very quiet of late though. I say of late, but it died a death after a couple of weeks. Not even United fans are deluded enough to try and make that argument. Maguire has been fucking shite but he’s English so very little is said. David Luiz puts in a performance like Maguire and he’s ripped to pieces by every pundit on TV, yet Maguire’s shitness has gone right under the radar despite his world record fee. He’s been outplayed by Lindelof this season. The only positive thing that can be said about him is that at least he isn’t as bad as Phil Jones. Not yet anyway.
United fans are just completely ill equipped they are to deal with how shite they’ve become. Most of them have only ever been used to success and now that they’re back in the middle of the pack they’re all over the place. The views they have on James typify that perfectly.
Earlier in the season he was the second coming of Ryan Giggs. They were lauding him and swinging their dicks at how they plucked him from the Championship for peanuts and turned him into one of the best in the league. As soon as his purple patch ended they turned on him and now apparently his level was actually Swansea after all. The truth is somewhere in between, but United fans seem to only be able to deal in extremes these days.
They win a game and they’re back. Then they lose and it’s time to burn the whole thing down. Personally I love what they’ve done this season. Mostly bad but just enough good to make them stick with Ole. I don’t want them losing every week, this is much more fun because as long as it continues like this then they’re effectively just in purgatory.
Solksjaer was laughing in his post match interview and he’s been hammered for that. Van Persie was one of those who didn’t like it (my money would have been on Scholes leading that particular charge if Ole wasn’t his mate) and Solskjaer was asked what he thought about the criticism from the Dutchman.
His reply was bitchy to say the least. “I don’t know Robin and he doesn’t know me so he shouldn’t criticise my management style. He took my number 20 shirt but that’s the only thing he’s taking from me, because I don’t live in medieval times”. Bit of a soft 9and confusing) response. Should have just said “Yeah? Well at least I’m not a rapist” and then dropped the mic. That’ll learn him.
As for the laughing after a defeat, I wouldn’t like it either if that was my manager, but he’s not my manager so I don’t give a fuck. I just think he’s quite a nice fella, which is probably not what that club needs right now. Don’t tell them that though as this is ace.
Arsenal fans on Twitter were pretty chesty afterwards, especially when it comes to Pepe. Can’t blame them, everyone has been laughing at that signing because they paid a shitload for him and until recently he’d not done anything. My view is that even if he turns out to be brilliant it was still a terrible signing because another forward was the last thing they needed. They should have used the money on positions in which they desperately needed quality. Like, oh I don’t know, fucking everywhere else except up front.
The whole thing just made me feel smug and superior to be honest. We’re sat on top of the mountain feasting, watching all the peasants killing each other over scraps. Arsenal fans point scoring over the Mancs because their overpriced winger outshone United’s bargain basement one. This is the kind of thing these other fans are bragging about now because they’ve got fuck all else.
These are special times we’re living through currently and we should be savouring every second of it, as these things are cyclical and you never know how long it will last. United and Arsenal both look fucked at the moment and the chances are it will take a long time for them to get back to the very top. You never know though, there might be another up and coming Klopp out there somewhere and if they were to nab him then they might be back quicker than any of us think.
After all, four years ago who would have imagined we’d be where we are now? If you add Arsenal and United’s points tally together they’d still be behind us. Incredible really, but this is our current reality. And theirs.
Recommended Comments