This weekend couldn’t really have gone much better for us, as aside from Chelsea everyone else around us dropped points while we took care of our business against West Brom. It wasn’t quite “the Soprano’s” or even “Breaking Bad”, but you can probably make a decent case for this weekend being “the Wire”.
If we’d drawn with Bournemouth, Southampton or frigging Middlesbrough, a lot of us would be wailing, wringing our hands and bemoaning the fact that THIS is why we can’t win the league. In previous years it would be justified as the margin for error was generally very small and any slip up could prove costly. The way the league is now though, the middle and lower teams are all dangerous if you’re not right at it.
It’s making me change my outlook a little and the next time we drop points in a game we’re expected to win (it could even be this Saturday at Palace) I’m going to try and not get so down about it.
Palace aren’t very good but they can be dangerous if you let them. They’d had a decent run recently but then lost to West Ham last week and then got turned over by Leicester at the weekend.
Leicester even had the luxury of resting Vardy and Albrighton. Their replacements, Musa and Japanese Dirk, both scored, but not before Benteke had gone within a whisker of putting Palace ahead. Martin Kelly picked him out and the big fella sent a great header crashing against the bar. Not gonna lie, I’m worried about him this weekend.
Fuchs got his first ever goal for Leicester to make it 3-0 but Palce had their chances, not least when Benteke went clean through on goal and did what he always seems to do; shit himself and hit it straight at the keeper. He should probably try chipping it up to himself and heading those in, he might have better luck that way.
Cabaye eventually pulled one back for Palace but I feel like it shouldn’t have counted due to him sporting a horrendous bleached blonde hairdo. All these knobheads copying Messi is just embarrassing. Have some individuality you identikit tattooed bad haircutted cunts.
Incidentally, before the game the Leicester players had a team photo before the game posing with a big portrait of the dead King of Thailand. We’re through the looking class here, people.
Stekelenberg was the hero for Everton last week but his blunder allowed Vokes to put Burnley ahead at Turf Moor. The Blues equalised when Bolasie showed good strength to barge a player off the ball and then drill a shot into the far corner. The player he barged off the ball was Lukaku though, which was pretty funny, not to mention impressive, with for the strength it took and also the sheer selfishness of it.
After that it was all Everton and Burnley were right under the cosh and hanging on for a point. Flanno was brought on to help with the rearguard action, but with virtually the last kick of the game Arfield hilariously won it for the Clarets with their first shot of the half. Who was first to reach him and start the celebrations? Flanno of course. He loves beating the blueshite.
Elsewhere, Stoke are out of the bottom three after winning at Hull. Shaqiri got both goals, the first was a cracker and the second wasn’t bad either. Stoke are a great example of the point I made in the opening paragraphs. They’re down at the bottom but have players like Shaqiri, Arnautovic, Bony, Bojan and Wee Joe. You can quite easily come unstuck against them because they’ve got genuine quality.
This isn’t La Liga where the top teams only have to show up to beat the dross 6-0, you have to work for your points here which is why nobody will run away with it and also why Leicester were able to defy the odds last year..
Final observation on this, Mike Phelan is rapidly morphing into the most unfunny one from Cannon & Ball. Not the hyperactive little fella with the braces, the other one.
West Ham are slowly coming out of their funk and just about recorded another win at the weekend (and also dumped Chelsea out of the League Cup in midweek). It looked like Sunderland were going to hold out for a point though until they fell asleep for a stoppage time corner and Winston Reid fired home from the edge of the box. Moyesy saw his arse because he thought it was offside. As with most things, he was wrong.
He’s still without a win this season and Sunderland might not win another game until they finally accept they fucked up by hiring him and send his little pasty white arse packing. He’s actually starting Steven fucking Pienaar in midfield with Rodwell now, and Alehouse Vic is on the bench. He’s putting the band back together. Who’s next? Tony Hibbert?
The Mackems were cock a hoop when they survived at Newcastle’s expense last season, but look at it now. The Geordies have got it easy now, beating up on shitty Championship opponents and enjoying their football, whereas Sunderland can’t win a game and are being embarrassed by their players on twitter….
Arsenal dominated possession at home to Boro, but the Smog Monsters had some great chances that they didn’t take. Negredo missed a sitter, Gaston Ramirez was denied by Cech and also the crossbar, while Adama Traore also forced two great saves from the Arsenal keeper.
I don’t know what the deal is with that Traore, he barely got a look in at Villa and he’s not been starting for Boro, but whenever I see him he looks dangerous. Generally you’d assume that anyone who couldn’t get in the Villa side must be shite, but that lad who’s been getting rave reviews for the Blueshite this year was also at Villa and I don’t remember him ever playing, so normal rules don’t apply with those fucking losers.
Traore was fantastic in this game and Arsenal couldn’t live with his blistering pace and direct running. He’s an interesting one and maybe worth keeping an eye on as he’s only 20.
Bournemouth’s recent upturn in form continued with a draw against unbeaten Spurs. Both sides had chances but the result was fair. Sissoko should have been sent off for elbowing Arter right in front of the ref, who gave nothing. He’s shite that Craig Pawson though. Sissoko will be banned for three games but what good does that do Bournemouth? It’s all well and good players being punished for incidents that refs can’t always see, but this cunt was looking right at it.
Final point on this, and you probably won’t believe this, but Jack Wilshere completed 90 minutes. As I said, we’re through the fucking looking glass here.
Moving on, and Bob Bradley ditched the Milk Tray outfit in favour of a smart grey suit jacket after being ripped by Gary Lineker (and me). He still waiting for his first win as Swansea boss after they were held to a goalless draw by Watford. Swansea had a shitload of chances but just couldn’t score. I’m sure I saw Mo Barrow use his right foot once too, so Bradley is already having an impact but for now they remain in the bottom two.
Onto Sunday now, and City made it five games without a win when they were held at home by Southampton. In form Nathan Redmond put the Saints ahead when he seized on a casual pass by Gods Gift to Defending. Over-rated £50m turd.
City equalised through Iheanacho but couldn’t come up with a winner and frankly never deserved to, as they weren’t very good. Southampton could easily have won it as they had a few good chances they couldn’t take.
You have to give Southampton credit for what they keep doing. Redmond might not be as good as Mané but he’s at least doing a passable impression of him and there’s not been a huge drop off. They keep finding a way to do it. Sell Lambert, replace him with Pelle. When Pelle is sold, bring in Austin. Lose Lovren, sign Van Dijk. Get £30m for Fat Luke Shaw and sign Bertrand for a third of that, who promptly takes Shaw’s place in the England squad. Sell Lallana, replace him with Tadic. Clyne leaves, they bring in Cedric. Schneiderlin and Wanyama go, Clasie and Romeu come in and do the same job and Southampton have not lost a beat and made a shit ton of money.
Meanwhile, I think we might have reached peak Clatters in this one…
Seriously, someone get this man on the West End.#CelebrityRefs
— Celebrity Refs (@CelebrityRefs) October 24, 2016
(via @CaptainCaraher)pic.twitter.com/PJKbW0CVHL
I’ve saved the best til last. It’s not often you’ll find me rooting for a Chelsea win, especially when they’re breathing down our necks and just a point behind us. A draw would have been the best result for us all things considered but, full disclosure here, I wanted Chelsea to win 10-0. I had to settle for just the four but I’m ok with that, especially after the comical scenes at the end when soft shite’s toys came out of his pram because he didn’t like Conte’s touchline antics.
Yes that’s right, the worst behaved manager in football took exception to how another manager behaved on the touchline. The fucking balls on this prick. It’s not as thought Conte ran 40 yards and did a knee slide or poked some unsuspecting assistant in the eye from behind. All things considered Conte was quite restrained, as I dread to think what I’d do if I ever managed a team that was 4-0 up against Mourinho.
On that note I’m reminded of something a mate (who will remain nameless *cough* Brownie *cough*) told me he did when we were going for the title the other year and Chelsea (who were right in the hunt at the time, lost at home to Sunderland. You probably remember the game, Borini scored the winner from the spot, and when the camera went to a close up of Mourinho’s face at full time my mate whipped out his little tadger and started slapping it against the screen.
So all things considered, I’d say Mourinho got off lightly as there are plenty of things more humiliating than what Conte did.
To his credit, Conte didn’t react at all, his face was expressionless and you can tell he was thinking “oh shut up you fucking crying helmet”. He was asked afterwards what soft arse had said to him, but come on, he was never going to talk, he ain’t no fuckin’ rat. It didn’t matter as Italian media picked up the comments straight away and within minutes it was all over twitter.
“Don’t do that at 4-0. You can at 1-0, but at 4-0 it’s humiliation.”
What an absolute weapon. Conte’s actions had fuck all to do with humiliating Mourinho. If anything, he humiliated Chelsea’s own fans by showing them up for the useless plastic twats they are. Conte is stood there on the touchline, with his side winning 4-0, and all he could hear for the last ten minutes of the game was the droning, nasal, whining dirge coming from the away end.
In the end he’d had enough and began gesturing to the Chelsea fans to wake the fuck up and show some appreciation to the players on the pitch who had put four goals past United. That’s all it was, he wanted them to let his team hear their appreciation. Nothing wrong with that at all. If Chelsea’s fans weren’t so shit he wouldn’t have had to do it.
Mourinho’s comments appear to be massively hypocritical, but there’s no point trying to rationalise anything he says after a game because there’s always a bigger picture. It’s like the non-handshake thing he frequently does. For a while I thought he did this shit because he’s a spiteful, petty, unsporting cunt. Now I know better. He actually does it because he’s a calculating, spiteful, petty, unsporting cunt.
The second he went up and started talking in Conte’s ear, that was the story. That was what the papers would write about and that was what Sky Sports News would have on a continual loop for 24 hours. If he hadn’t done it what would the story have been? It would have been about United getting dicked 4-0. He might be a horrible, petty, spiteful little shit, but there’s a method to his cuntery.
As for the game itself, Chelsea scored after just 30 seconds when De Gea came running out of his goal and got nowhere near it, allowing Pedro to roll it into an empty net. Couldn’t have done that against us could you, you werewolf looking twat.
Cahill, Hazard and Kante added further goals while United offered very little. My initial fears that Zlatan was going to punish me for all the years of calling him a shit, flat track bully have proved to be unfounded, as he has shown himself to be the shit, flat track bully I always said he was. Does fuck all in the big games that big dopey gobshite.
Then there’s Pogba. Fuck me he’s a complete waste of a shirt. Cant play centre mid and does nothing as a number ten. Mourinho has now taken to talking him up as potentially being a great centre back. You couldn’t make the shit up. I can’t even come up with a punchline to top it. Christ.
United did bounce back with a 1-0 win over City in the League Cup. I saw most of that game as I had it on in the background while I was writing. Both teams were garbage and United’s goal should never have stood in a fucking million years, but Mike Dean is a loose cannon and there’s no way of knowing what decisions he’s going to make these days.
City really look bang average at the moment. I wish we were playing them in the next week or two instead of having to wait until New Year’s Eve, because we’d absolutely fucking murder them if we had them now. If ever there is a team that looks tailor made for the way we play it’s them. I’d rather be playing them this weekend than Palace, that’s for damn sure.
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