Mathewbet1

From the red machine to the slot machine.

He swans around the pitch like he's wearing pipe and slippers smoking a cigar. We are effectively playing with 3 at the back when he's in the team.

That's the problem, the hard stuff comes so easily to him, he forgets about the hard yards. That's what separates the great players from the could have been players. At the moment hes the walking definition of a luxury player. He's he most naturally talented player in our squad, possibly to the right hand side of midfield should be his position as he cant (or should that be wont?) defend for a toffee.

I can forgive the lack of pace or even things not coming off for him but what i cant get my head around is his shooting, for an elite level footballer or any level its has been shocking, shooting like a schoolboy , powder puff shots , scuffed shots , hard to fathom.

The last few weeks have been like watching a car crash in slow motion.

Although i've finally lost my rag with him. To be fair he's only dropped off in the last few weeks, during crunch time the most important part of the season which is unforgivable. He's one of the reasons we are where we are i.e., he got us into the position but is not clinical at the pointy end of the season. Im sure his goal contributions across the whole season stats stack up against anyone eles in the team.

He thinks defending is above him, he was disgraceful for that first goal not so much the missed header - watch the replay he wonders away from goal instead of going back to mark his man that leads directly to the goal, never seen anything like it.

When was the last time we had a clean sheet? defence has been shite for weeks as has the finishing, not a good combo when your going for a title.

Big game bottler

Every baldy needs a hairy friend, it's the balance of life.

With a dutch manager and dutch captain, you might say we have gone double dutch.

I'm worried that the light might reflect off his shiny baldy head when we are attacking the kop , thus obscuring the view.

He loves gooooooollllllllllddddd...'How about no, you crazy dutch bastard'

A week out with a broken finger nail.

Jota the slot a

To the eye they seem better than us although win against the shite and we are level on points with ‘’greatest arsenal team for a generation’’

Hopefully arsenal get all cagey in the second half

2 weeks out with a hip niggle. Our medical team need canning. Speaking ahead of the Merseyside derby, Klopp said Jota is now set for a two-week absence as a result. "Diogo scored the goal, felt a little bit and now we found out it's a little bit more," Klopp told reporters. "So he will be out for two weeks. Besides that, no [other new injury concerns]. I cannot really say a lot about it, to be honest. Before which game where he didn't start, he got a knock – normal challenge, then felt a little bit at the hip. "That was then fine because we didn't start him, brought him on, that was alright. Then he started the last game, was obviously OK and then with the finish… it's a small one but we are late in the season, so obviously now it's not a great moment for each injury pretty much. "It's not a big one. When I say two weeks, actually really it's pretty much nothing but enough to not be available."

Would you take Pepe Linders for a stop-gap year whilst we wait for Xabi?

I think a frenetic game suits us more currently as we've struggled with slow sluggish play, the players wont have a choice in this one and if Everton have a proper go then all the better.

If we cant get Xabi how about Xavi

Gerrard might get the job by default at this rate.

Imagine going from heavy metal football to mourhin-ball. No way.

If Pep Linders grows a beard i'm all in.

The guy in the middle is actually carrying a very large pint back from the bar.