I miss Roy Castle
to the tune of "Record Breaker"
If you're the tallest, the smallest,
If you're the fattest, the thinest, if you always win it,
Your the fastest, the slowest, if you really go,
Then you're a crouchamanic, a crouchamaniac,
You're a crouchamaniac.
If you're the best, the worst, longest immersed,
If you're the base, the ace, furthest in space,
If you can score, more, that a herbivore,
Then you're a crouchamaniac, you're a crouchamaniac,
You're a crouchamaniac.
If you can fly like a bird,
If you can play the highest note, ever heard,
If you could swim the Atlantic,
Then the records, mmm, they would go frantic.
If you're the rarest, the fairest, grown the longest hair,
If you're oldest, the boldest, got the most gold,
If you're the newest, the fewest, largest tattoo,
Then you're a crouchamaniac, you're a crouchamaniac,
You're a crouchamanaic.
If you could lift, twenty tonnes,
If you could score, ninety-nine thousand runs,
The whole sporting world, would applaud it,
The McWhirters, mmm, they would record it.
If you're the wildest, the mildest, cleverest child,
If you're the strongest, longest, never been wrong,
If you're the latest, the greatest, then you can state,
That you're in crouchamania, crouchamania,
You're a crouchamaniac.