Jump to content

Articles

Manage articles
Show all categories
  • tlw content
    The general feeling amongst the fanbase seems to be that the derby result has nailed us down in seventh position in the table but, as the great philosopher Lenny Kravitz once said: “Baby, it ain’t over ‘till it’s over”. Lenny almost certainly wasn’t thinking of Everton having to get more than a point from games against West Ham and Chelsea but he’d definitely agree that there’s chance for them to mess it up yet. Even before the news that Moyes had been lined up for the Old Trafford hotseat there was more than an outside chance of those games being tricky encounters, now they positively scream Devon Loch.

    Given the above, it would be criminal to see the next two matches as anything other than lovely opportunities to give the end of the season a little shot in the arm and sprinkle a little more positivity on the summer. It is tempting to want to bring Andre Wisdom in for Agger but I’d be more inclined to offer Skrtel a shot at some redemption and a chance to prove that he shouldn’t be rolled up in a carpet and thrown in a lake this summer. A good performance  would give him the chance to suggest that might not be necessary (we might decide on the less drastic action of just selling him).

    In the place of Gerrard it would make sense to drop Jordan Henderson alongside Lucas and offer him the chance to prove that his recent good form can be extended and he is capable of shining in his favoured position. He’s got the range of passing and the energy to do the job and this could be the perfect time to allow him to show he’s developing the bravery and the confidence to dominate the middle of the pitch.

    That would leave his berth on the left-hand side of the pitch available and plumping for Fabio Borini makes a lot of sense. He brings the same attributes that Henderson has been bringing to that position in that he can press high up the pitch and move inside but has the added bonus of offering more of a threat in behind defences. The idea of Coutinho looking to slip the ball through to him is one that has winner written all over it. So, there we have it. Two games, six points, sixth position and we all go and get a Cornetto. Happy days. 

    Stu Montagu

     

    This is the best season we've had for a while out of Steven Gerrard in terms of injury and probably the best we've got to date out of Daniel Agger, so the club deserve a lot of credit to that extent, we've managed to deal with a lot of the niggles.
     
    But now the season is effectively dead (barring a hilarious Everton collapse and let's face it, finishing above them is nothing to crow about) we've taken the decision to let them both rest up and get their ailments attended to. 

    Who do we play in their absence? It's only two games but it gives the manager something to look at. Centre half is going to be a position that needs a lot of work over the summer months and we're possibly in a position where we need to sign two or three. It's a huge overhaul to a key position and we need to get it right. 

    But for the rest of the season I'd like to see Andre Wisdom given the game time. Kelly is going to replace Carragher and in an ideal world he'd play but he's still in the later days of his rehabilitation. Wisdom impressed in the team at right back and he has played a lot for the youth levels as a centre half. He's probably going to be a central defender long term and I'd like to see him play alongside Carragher for a couple of games and see how he copes as a Premier League centre half. We've got nothing to lose because if he makes a mistake, so be it. It's not going to cost us anything.

    Midfield is a different proposition altogether. The balance in central midfield isn't right still, there's still something missing and we still get walked through far too easily. But Gerrard has had a good season in there for us. You'd probably say Shelvey would get the nod, and I'd be OK with that but I get the feeling that his time at Anfield is up and he'll be moved on in the summer. 
     
    I'd probably like to see Suso get the nod over him but there probably isn't room in the team for both him and Coutinho. Which is understandable because we're a light touch as it is. It'll probably be Shelvey but I don't think that will benefit us long term, but our options there are limited.

     

    Dan Thomas


    Since the draw with Everton has locked us into seventh place, and there’s nothing to play for in the final two games, it’s actually quite prudent of the club to work on the fitness of two players who have a history of long term absence. The new fitness team that came in during the summer has done wonders getting Agger fit for the majority of the season so the move to take him out of the line up to get him ready for next year seems practical. It would also appear that whatever happens with the middle of the defence next year, Agger will be the lynchpin of it. 

    The stat of Gerrard playing in every minute of every game until the Newcastle game is remarkable given his recent injury history. It’s also transpired that he’s been suffering with a similar shoulder injury to Joe Allen, so great credit must be given to Gerrard for playing through it and for playing to such a high level.
     
    Taking both out of the team plus the absence of Suarez means that team will take on a very different look for the final two games. Add into that mix the end of Carra’s extended lap of honour and I feel there’s an almost melancholic air to the team that finishes the season.

    Who replaces Agger is a more interesting question than who replaces Gerrard, because it seems that the back up centre backs are on their way out in the summer. How true that is no one knows for sure, was Skrtel’s cameo against Everton an indication that he’s not as out of favour as we thought? It’s only minor press reports and fan speculation that gives any indication that he is leaving. Carra’s performances haven’t warranted being dropped so it’s not like Skrtel can claim to have been overlooked in favour of a player in worse form. Let’s say for argument’s sake that Skrtel and Coates are leaving this summer, we should probably be looking at some of our youth prospects. Wisdom is the one that stands out, he’s acquitted himself well when played at right back and his natural position is meant to be in the middle. Having an experienced, vocal player like Carra alongside him will also ease him into that role. Plus we’re hardly playing long-ball, grock teams in our final games so he won’t be under too much duress. Kelly shouldn’t be considered, his injury means he shouldn’t be rushed back and he the same rules that are applying to Agger and Gerrard should be applied to him.

    In the middle it’s a shame that Allen is injured since it would be interesting to see him play in the more advanced role that he did so well in against Zenit and Sunderland, I suspect that we’ll probably see more of the next year though. Either we could drop Downing back into midfield and put Borini up front or we could swap out Gerrard for another midfielder. Henderson already plays as an advanced attacker so his role shouldn’t change in Gerrard’s absence. If Shelvey comes in then maybe you ask Henderson to play a little deeper just to see how he copes with the lifting and carrying that Gerrard does so easily. 

    Another suggestion is again to bring through a youth prospect who has had limited first team experience. Whilst in theory this would work, I just think playing alongside a Lucas who is still struggling for long term form and Henderson who has only recently asserted his position would make us too flimsy in the middle. Coady seems to be the natural choice but I’d rather see him get a few sub appearances ahead of starting games.
     
    I want to win our final two games but these are risk free games so if Rodgers wants to promote some young talent and give them a go I’d welcome it; everyone loves seeing young players coming through. For me though I’d probably bring in Shelvey and Wisdom to deputise for the senior players with some of the young lads on the bench to get 30 minutes at the end.
     
    Julian Richards
     

    To me this comes down to who is in the manager's plans beyond the end of this season.  For example, there are three potential replacements for Agger, but there are huge question marks over the future of two of them. 
     
    The best option to replace Agger is clearly Skrtel, but what if the plan is for him to leave this summer?  Then you have Coates, who may be in the same boat as Skrtel.  And finally Wisdom, who has played well at centre back at all levels below the first team but has only played full back at senior level.
     
    Earlier in the week I wanted Wisdom to get an opportunity alongside Carragher so we can see how he copes with playing centre half at the top level.  With what's happened at Everton in the last couple of days though, it's not inconceivable that they may fail to beat West Ham and that would open the door for us to maybe still make a run at catching them.  So I'd pick Skrtel for the Fulham game and then revisit it for QPR depending on whether we still have a shot at overtaking the Blues.
     
    If 6th place was beyond our reach, then I'd give Wisdom a run out on the final day, as long term he has a real shot at being a very good centre back.  It's a position where experience is vital though, and a strong case can be made for sending him on loan next season to a club that will play him at centre half every week.  Coates is an interesting one, he can clearly play but in order for him to develop he needs games and we can't give him that.  Even next year that seems unlikely to change as it's expected that we'll bring in another couple of centre backs this summer.  So Coates either needs to be sold or loaned out, as another season like this one is no good to him or us.  I don’t really see much point in picking him in either of the final two games. 
     
    As for replacing Gerrard, assuming we continue to play the system then either Henderson or Shelvey will take his place alongside Lucas.  If it's Henderson, then someone else will need to come in to fill the role he's been playing.  Borini seems the most likely if that happens, certainly for the Fulham game anyway.  I can't say I'm thrilled about that, I'd go with Shelvey myself.  If 6th place is gone by the time of the QPR game, I'd start with Suso and I'd give Ibe some minutes off the bench.  And I’d also bring Coady in for Lucas as he’s had a fine season at u21 level and deserves an opportunity.
     
    Dave Usher
  • Jonjo Shelvey's stunning strike at the Stretford End looked to have secured all three points for Liverpool u21s, but an unfortunate late own goal from John Flanagan meant they had to settle for a point.
     
    Shelvey's 25 yard thunderbolt gave Alex Inglethorpe's side the lead inside a couple of minutes, but Stephen Sama was shortly sent off for a professional foul and it was backs to the wall stuff after that.
     
    The youngsters looked to have weather the storm until Flanagan inadvertently diverted a shot past the excellent Danny Ward.
     
    The result means United finish above Liverpool and both sides will now meet in the playoffs at Old Trafford this weekend.
  • Anfield legends Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher have played in the same team for the last time after the skipper was ruled out of the final two games of the season with a shoulder injury.
     
    With Carragher retiring at the end of the season, last weekend's Anfield derby proved to be the pair's last stand. The two local lads have played together in the Reds first team for 15 years since Gerrard made his debut in 1998 and had previously lined up as youngsters together in the reserves. 
     
    Gerrard has been carrying the shoulder injury for some time and will undergo surgery this week.  He is expected to be fit for pre-season but will miss England's international matches with Brazil and Ireland this summer.
  • With the title already settled it's the bottom of the table that's providing the most interest as the season draws to a close.  QPR and Reading have been down for weeks but had their fate officially sealed this weekend, ironically in a drab 0-0 borefest at the Madejski, befitting of both of these terrible sides.
     
    The fight to avoid joining them looks like it could go down to the wire, and would have been even more intriguing had Wigan not conceded a last minute goal at home to Tottenham.  Games are running out for Wigan and a home game with Champions League qualification chasing Spurs wasn't what they needed right now. 
     
    This time last year they were beating everyone on the road to a great escape, but it's not happening for them this time.  Not yet anyway.  
     
    The goal they conceded to fall behind early in this one was criminal, Martinez must have wanted to bust some heads after that, fannying around in their own box and then a casual clearance from the keeper straight at Bale, who couldn't believe his luck as the ball hit his outstretched foot and cannoned into the net.  That was the luckiest thing to happen to Bale since Suarez bit Ivanovic.
     
    Boyce headed Wigan back on level terms, he's like their end of season lucky charm.   He came up big for them a few times last season in the final few games and it was looking that way again until late on until fate dealt him a cruel blow.
     
    A cracking strike by McManaman had put the Latics ahead early in the second half and they held onto it until the very last minute when Boyce unfortunately put through his own net.  Really cruel that, especially as it came from a free-kick that never should have been awarded.  Kyle Walker actually fouled Beausejour and then swan dived to the floor and the officials bought it.  Sickening if you're a Wigan fan.
     
    It could have gotten even worse as Spurs almost won it in the dying seconds when the keeper (I don't even know who he is, it took me ages to learn Al Habsi's name and even now I usually spell it wrong, so this fool's got no chance) could only parry Bale's swerving free-kick and an almighty scramble ensued.  Wigan just about survived and live to fight another day, but time is running out.  They need at least two wins to have any chance now. 
     
    Is there any team that dives more than Tottenham though?  They're like Mourinho's Porto at times.  Bale is obviously the worst, but he's not the only one by a long way.  
     
    Bale of course was this week crowned PFA Footballer and Young Footballer of the Year, and also picked up the Writers Award too.  Luis should have got it, but Bale has been incredible too and if Suarez wasn't going to get it then Bale was a worthy winner.  Not of the young player one though, what the fuck is that all about?  He's now taken over from Nabil El Zhar as the world's oldest youngster.
     
    I wasn't bothered that Bale won it, I was bothered by the speech that dog Gordon Taylor gave about Bale and Van Persie being great role models that Suarez should aspire to. That would be Gareth "seven bookings for diving" Bale and Robin "banged a stripper behind his wife's back" Van Persie.  Yeah Luis, you really should be more like them.   This coming off the back of our gobshite Prime Minister also banging the 'role model' drum about Suarez.  
     
    I'm so sick of all this bullshit about footballers being role models.  If you let your kid look at footballers as their role models then you're an unfit parent.  Why should a footballer be any different than, say, a rock star.  I don't see Liam Gallagher being pilloried for being a 'bad role model', so why should Suarez.
     
    But if you want to take it down that road, then I'm putting it out there that Suarez is a much better role model than Bale.  No, hear me out. 
     
    Luis Suarez is a great role model for all the poor buck toothed kids out there.  I'm sure they all look up to him and when people poke fun at them they can just say "Luis Suarez has teeth like mine, so fuck off".
     
    Gareth Bale on the other hand, has completely sold out all those kids who have jug ears by using his newly acquired wealth to have his sticky out lugs pinned back.  They can no longer say "Gareth Bale has ears like mine, so fuck off".  No, they're reduced to pathetically utterly the words "Well... well.... Franny Jeffers has got ears like me"  which is usually met either with howls of laughter or the words "Franny who?"  Does Bale care about that?  Does he bollocks, the insensitive, self absorbed prick
     
    Luis could have got his teeth done, but he didn't as he's not some superficial, insecure, vain little gobshite.  He accepts who he is, he's true to himself and he's a great example to kids out there who don't look like Justin fucking Bieber.  
     
    So I ask you again Gordon Taylor, who's a better role model for our children?  The guy who says "Love yourself for who you are, kids.  I'm living proof that you can have teeth like Mr Ed and still be fucking awesome" or the one who says "sorry kids, you may have to live the rest of your life with chimp ears, but not me, I'm fucking loaded!"  
     
    It's Luis isn't it, Gordon?  You won't admit it, but deep down you know.  They all know.  Luis Suarez = Great fucking role model.
     
    I'm ridiculing the players for their dubious voting of Bale as 'young' player of the year, but it could be worse, they could be the Scottish PFA.  They managed to name four candidates for their POTY award, and not one of them played for Celtic.  What the fuck is going on there?  
     
    Maybe the players up there are just thinking "We've got rid of Rangers, let's just pretend Celtic don't exist and we can have a competitive league".  Can't get my head around that, no Celtic players?  I'd never even heard of any of the four players nominated, although I probably couldn't actually name four Celtic players either.  I reckon I can name three.  Wanyama, Fraser Forster and Scott Brown.  Oh, and Chris Commons.  Haha look at me, SPL expert.  Quite pleased with myself there actually.
     
    Anyway, enough of Scotland, back to real football.  Southampton's game with West Brom was a lot more entertaining and competitive than anybody expected.  Both teams are safe and comfortable in mid-table, the sun was shining and often these games are non-events.  Not this one, it was incident packed, bad tempered and three players were sent off.
     
    Ramirez was first to go, for flailing an elbow at Long who had been pulling him back.  Definite red card, but I've always been of the belief that if someone is dragging you back when you're running then you should be able to free yourself using whatever method necessary.  If they don't want to be smashed in the face with an elbow, they shouldn't be pulling people back by the shirt should they?  Simple really. I may be on my own with that one though.  Well, just me and Luis probably. And his buddy Ramirez, obviously.
     
    In between all the chaos there was a decent game of football.  Fortune's scrappy effort broke the deadlock and Lukaku should have added a second after a brilliant move involving all manner of fancy flicks and backeels.  Not really what you expect from West Brom like, but they seemed to enjoy themselves in this game.
     
    Lukaku (who along with Benteke was the true outstanding candidate for young player of the year, not old man Bale) ran clear and produced a composed finish to make it 2-0 and that's when it got out of hand.  Ramirez went for the elbow and Fortune went for then shoving Ramirez in the face in the ensuing melee.  Long made it 3-0 and then Danny Fox got his walking papers for a horrible two footed lunge at Steven Reid.
     
    I don't want to labour the point, and the offences are wildly different I know, so it's like comparing apples and oranges or Shotton and Messi.  But come on, that two footed tackle from Fox was far, far, far worse than a little harmless bite that didn't even break the skin.  
     
    Reid is fortunate he wasn't seriously hurt by that tackle, and to be fair to him he could have stayed down and rolled around and no-one would have thought any less of him.  He didn't, he jumped straight up to admonish Fox, who was rightly red carded.  
     
    He'll get three games for that, meaning he'll be able to play on opening day next year whilst Suarez watches from the stands (hopefully our stands, presumably he can just about afford the price of a Main Stand ticket next season, but only because he got that pay rise earlier in the year).  
     
    Spare a thought for the ref though, this was his first Premier League game and it was a baptism of fire to say the least.  Poor bastard was probably expecting a nice tame end of season affair and he got this snidefest.  He got all three red cards right though, the second one was soft but under the letter of the law he was right to send Fortune off, and whilst Ramirez would have been ok under 'Dave's Law', sadly for him we're still some way off that being implemented.  One day though, one day….
     
    Elsewhere, West Ham and Man City met at the Etihad in another game with little riding on it.  City are secure in 2nd and West Ham are comfortable in the middle of the table.  It wasn't the greatest game of the weekend but City's opening goal was quality as Aguero finished off a lovely passing move. Yaya's strike to make it 2-0 was even better, he's not been at his dominant best this season but he's some player on his day and this was a hell of a goal.  
     
    West Ham hadn't offered anything up to this point, but Carroll then went close with a powerful header that was unfortunately too close to Hart.  The big fella wouldn't be denied though and got his goal right at the end when he chested the ball down and drilled a right foot shot straight at Hart once again, only this time the keeper made a complete Walters out of it and it squirmed through his legs and over the line.
     
    The most depressing result of the weekend saw Stoke beat Norwich to all but guarantee their Premier League survival.  Nzonzi was lucky to only get a yellow card for scything down Kamara, and then Jerome kicked the keeper in the face as Stoke did their best impression of… errr Stoke.
     
    Adam scored just after the break and they held on without any real scares as Norwich were pretty poor in attack.  There was one funny moment when Shotton brought the ball down well with a nice touch, and then it seemed to go to his head and he took off downfield on what Crouchy would call 'a mazy one'.  Predictably he didn't get very far, he lost the ball and Norwich launched a counter attack that ultimately came to nothing.  
     
    Pulis went ballistic at the poor lad though.  It's not his fault Pulis, yer scruff.  It's your fault for continually asking him to be a Premier League footballer.  It's like me asking my sausage dog to make me breakfast and then kicking off on her for not doing it.  
     
    (Yes, I have a little sausage dog, you got something you want to say about that?  Thought not.)
     
    Pulis is such a whopper though, he wouldn't let any of his players do interviews afterwards and says they aren't allowed to speak until they are mathematically safe.  Yeah, because Charlie Adam coming out and giving a couple of soundbites about how important his goal was but they aren't safe yet and still have work to do etc etc etc is really going to distract the squad ahead of their next game.  Classic case of a manager trying to make out he's cleverer than he looks, which in Pulis' case isn't difficult.
     
    Pretty sure I saw him on the Jeremy Kyle show the other day, all trackied and baseball capped up and denying claims from some woman that he sits around the house drinking special brew all day and only goes out to nip to the bookies or the alehouse.  Might not have been him though, these old chavs all look the same to me.
     
    Speaking of Jeremy Kyle though, did you read that story this week about how Phil Brown brought him in to give Southend's half time team talk?  It's difficult to know what to say about that.  I guess it's probably best to file it away in the 'Mental Phil Brown' folder along with his claim last year that taunts about him being orange through hammering sunbeds are a form of racial abuse.
     
    Finally on Saturday, Everton edged out Fulham at the Pit with Pienaar grabbing the only goal of the game.  This was Fulham's 20th consecutive league defeat at Goodison.  Fucking hell!  They should probably just forfeit from now on and save everyone the trouble of turning up.  Absymal that.
     
    Berbatov went off injured, which ended any hope Fulham had of a comeback.  They had their chances but didn't take any.  Fellaini missed an absolute sitter, I could take the piss but I'm saying nothing as I don't want to tempt fate ahead of the derby this weekend.
     
    Onto Sunday, and Arsenal welcoming the new champions with a guard of honour.  It was the right thing to do, but if I was an Arsenal fan I wouldn't be happy about it.  Wenger had pleaded with them to be respectful to Van Persie.  The Gooners response was basically "Fuck off, if you wanted us to be respectful you should have sold him to a club other than Manchester United".  I'm with the fans on this one.  Van Persie got dogs abuse, just as he should have.  This is football, not the fucking opera.
     
    Walcott scored inside two minutes to give Arsenal the lead.  He was offside too, which is unusual against Manchester United.  Still, with the title won expect refs to be giving all kinds of decisions against them in the next couple of weeks just pad out the stats a bit.  No red cards and no penalties conceded so far for United.  Bet you anything you like that changes in the next three games.  Still, at least the ref had the decency to apologise to Rio Ferdinand after it happened.
     
    Van Persie had an eventful first half, he was booked, then he was denied a goal by the keeper's face before finally winning and converting a penalty to earn United a point.  Got to hand it to him, it takes balls to be able to step up and bury a penalty when so many people inside the ground hate your guts.  Still a twat though. 
     
    Afterwards we were subjected to a Phil Jones interview in HD.  Absolutely fucking shit meself, the last time I was that startled was when Mancini unexpectedly sent out David Platt in his place.  I still have 'Nam style flashbacks about that.  A heartfelt plea to the BBC; I know it was after the watershed but still, no-one needs to be seeing Phil Jones' grid in such explicit detail. 
     
    Onto the 'Battle of the Bums' at the Madejski.  A predictably shite game between two terrible teams.  Both play in blue and white hoops, both stink and both will be playing in the Championship next season.  That's where the comparisons end though.  Reading haven't spent much and are were they probably should be on the basis of what they've spent and the calibre of player they have.  Nothing wrong with that, good for them in fact.  They aren't spending what they don't have and they'll be in good shape to come back up next year.
     
    QPR on the other hand, they're probably the worst run club I can ever remember in the Premier League.  There was a report this week listing all the players they've bought and the salaries they are getting.  It's astonishing what some of those players getting.  Everyone knows about Samba and his 100k a week, but Park Ji Sung is apparently on 70k, Rob Green 50k, Junior Hoilett 50k, Shaun Wright-Phillips 60k, Nedum Onuoha 55k, Jay Bothroyd 30k, Esteban Granero 65k, Diakite 40k, M'Bia 50k, Luke Young 45k, Jose Bosingwa 70k, Bobby Zamora 70k…. the list goes on and on.  
     
    It's absolutely amazing to see the money they've thrown away on players who are either shit, disinterested or both.  No wonder Peter Odemwingi was so desperate to join them.  Money for old rope.
     
    The last team to spend so recklessly was Portsmouth and before them Leeds.  But at least they signed good players and enjoyed relative success until the overspending eventually caught up with them.  QPR didn't even have that, they just outspent most of the league to end up rooted to the bottom for most of the year.
     
    Bosingwa has been slaughtered for laughing on his way down the tunnel after they had been relegated, but why would anyone even be surprised?  He joined QPR for one reason, and one reason only.  Same reason virtually all the other players they've signed recently did.  Money.  
     
    Laughing isn't his crime, being a terrible professional and producing embarrassing, half arsed performances all season is his crime. I mean Clint Hill was laughing too, but no-one is arsed about that as unlike Bosingwa he's a good pro who's tried his best all season.  And if he's still there next season, he'll give his best to help them get back up.  How many of their other players fall into that category?
     
    And I hate to say it, but Junior Hoilett is a fucking jinx.  That's two seasons in a row he's been relegated.  Hopefully Stoke will sign him this summer.
     
    Joey Barton wasn't slow to put the boot in on his former club, saying "Too many wankers amongst the playing staff, most of them signed by Hughes. Some good lads, but not enough.  Too many maggots."  Actually it's not his former club is it, as he's technically still a QPR player and may have to go back there if Marseille don't agree a fee for him.  Now that would be something to see as chances are some of those 'maggots' will still be there.
     
    He's right too, they've had players taking the piss all season and not done anything about it.  If anyone needs Jeremy Kyle in for a team-talk it's QPR.  
     
    JK:  "So Harry, we asked Bosingwa if he was laughing because he thought it was funny to be relegated.  He said "No".  Guess what?  HE WAS LYING!!!"    
     
    Barton:  "Fuckin' told yers didn't I?  He's a maggot"
     
    'Arry:  "That's it, you're history, you one eyebrowed bastard.  I'm selling you to Leyton Orient"
     
    Bosingwa: "Harry, that test is bullshit man, I'm telling the truth.  Let me see that card, Jeremy"
     
    JK: "That's it for this week.  Join us next time when we find out the real truth about what went on when the QPR lads went to Dubai on a 'winter training break' in March, and we'll have the lie detector results relating to Harry and his taxes". 
     
    Swiftly moving on, and Chelsea had a routine home win over freefalling Swansea.  The arse has completely fallen out of the Welsh side since they won the League Cup, something that has happened to other sides in the past including ourselves last year.  
     
    Oscar got the first just two minutes before half time, and things got worse for Laudrup's men when they conceded again from the spot just before the half time whistle.  
     
    Onto Monday night, and who saw that one coming?  Deary me, Sunderland's little revival came to a shuddering halt at Villa Park and then some.  It's quite funny actually as when we put six past Newcastle two days earlier my Mackem brother-in-law was like a little kid on Christmas morning.  He was going for a night out with some of his Newcastle supporting work mates and he ripped the piss out of them big time.
     
    Bet they couldn't wait for him to report into work on Tuesday morning.  Credit to Villa, they were excellent and fully deserved it.  Benteke was in beast mode again, and we've seen how hard he is to handle when that happens.  He just completely ruined Sunderland's defence all night, both in the air and on the ground.
     
    Sunderland just completely capitulated and the Di Canio effect didn't last long did it?  Still, the six points they picked up in the previous two games will probably be enough to keep them safe as they've got a kinder run in than the rest, unless the psychological damage from this humiliation stays with them, which is possible.  Same can be said of Newcastle too though.
     
    Villa, Newcastle and Sunderland are all on the same points now.  Of the three, Villa look to have the most going for them simply because for all their weaknesses they play for eachother (the polar opposite of Newcastle who were a disgrace against us), and in Benteke they've got a player that strikes fear into opposing defences.
     
    To think that earlier in the season I was mocking Lambert for not picking Darren Bent.  Fair to say I've had a rethink on that one now.  Lambert putting his faith in Benteke is probably the best decision made since Cadbury's stopped putting raisins in Double Deckers.
     
     
    Dave
  • Report by
    Dave Usher
     
     
     
    Now THAT'S how you storm a castle. Newcastle can consider their Princess well and truly captured. Even without our 'best and fastest soldier' our offensive warriors rampaged through the would be suitors, whilst our gatekeepers have rarely had an easier afternoon all season.
     
    Those who get that will probably be chuckling away to themselves right now.  Those who don't, you'll just have to take my word for it that it's funny, as I'd be on dodgy ground if I explained it.  Dodgier ground than Pardew himself finds himself on as the Toon Army turn on him.  I hear the local airwaves were lighting up with angry Geordies wanting the head of a manager who's still got something like 30 years on his existing contract.  Last season must seem like an awfully long time ago to Newcastle fans right now.
     
    They probably well fancied their chances in this one, let's face it there will have been a lot of people thinking this was the perfect time to take us on after what has happened with Suarez.  I wasn't buying that though, I knew we'd put on a performance after the week we'd had.  I didn't think it'd be a performance quite as emphatic as this mind, but I was confident of a win.
     
    It wasn't so long ago that the idea of going into a game without Suarez filled me with dread.  The last time he was suspended we had to use Shelvey at centre forward and we also had Joe Cole playing.  We somehow won that day, but it was far from convincing.  The difference now is we have Sturridge and Coutinho.  That's not to say Suarez won't be missed, he's one of the top five players in the world and he's the best player in England, of course we'll miss him.  But we do have the players to cope with it much better now.
     
    I'm not going down the 'blessing in disguise' route, it's not in any way a blessing but there's definitely an 'every cloud has a silver lining' feeling about it because now it's Sturridge's opportunity to come to the fore.  He's been waiting his whole career for this kind of opportunity, as he's always been on the periphery watching more established, higher profile strikers selected ahead of him.
     
    Rodgers clearly believes in Sturridge, but we've had some problems accommodating him and Suarez in the starting line up at times.  Occasionally it's worked great, other times not so much.  Sturridge had been hot and cold (overall more hot than cold but he's had some below par games), but with no Suarez he HAS to be the man now, and he's the kind of lad who will embrace that.  I had no doubt he'd put on a performance against the Geordies, he'll have relished the opportunity to show everyone he can lead the line and be the main man, and that's what he did.
     
    The key for Sturridge now is to show he can do it on a weekly basis, and the absence of Luis will give him the chance to do that.  The rest is up to him.  Staying fit is also important, obviously, as he's had a few little niggles since he's been here and hasn't been able to put together a long run of games.  He was flying until he did his thigh against City, and it wasn't until last week against Chelsea that he showed that kind of form again.  Some of the things he's done have been world class though, and there were glimpses of it in this game.
     
    The two goals will get him the headlines, but for me his best contribution to the game was his role in our wonderful second goal.  Getting in front of his marker and cushioning a brilliant ball into the path of Coutinho was impressive enough, the way he turned on the after burners to leave their left trailing in his wake was pretty tasty as well, but I loved the way he spurned the chance to try and score because Henderson was in a much better position.  That was class.
     
    He's got a reputation for greedy, and at times that's certainly true.  You could easily say the same about Suarez too though, and most other top strikers for that matter.  Backing yourself to be able to score is an attribute you need to have, but it has to be allied to an awareness of what is going on around you and the way Sturridge put that goal on a plate for Hendo had me purring almost as much the 'no look pass' from Coutinho that had sent Sturridge clear in the first place.  
     
    Just a great goal, and the kind of football we've been seeing more and more as the season has progressed.  We've scored some brilliant team goals this season and the football we've played is as pleasing on the eye as anything I've seen in many years.  I could watch that second goal again and again, it was fantastic.
     
    We were already one up at that point thanks to Agger's fine header in the opening minutes.  We'd started the game on the front foot and looked up for it right from the off.  Newcastle were struggling to cope as we moved the ball quickly and incisively, and our full backs were further forward than their striker for most of the half.
     
    At 2-0 it was in danger of getting away from Newcastle.  The next goal was going to be pivotal because if we got it then a rout was well and truly on the cards as there were already signs that their players were losing their rag.  If they'd scored it though, different game altogether as the crowd would be back into it and we'd have come under pressure.
     
    They should have got it when the left back went by Downing and delivered a great ball into the middle that was met by Perch.  It seemed a certain goal but he somehow managed to head it wide.  It looked like it hit him on the side of the face or something, it was an incredible miss and Carragher's face was an absolute picture.  Karma for last season that, when that Perch shithouse feigned injury to get Reina sent off.  Bet Pepe had a little chuckle to himself when he saw that ball drift wide.
     
    Apart from that one incident Newcastle offered virtually nothing.  We looked dangerous any time Coutinho got on the ball, Sturridge was causing problems and Johnson was marauding forward down the right at will.  The only concern I had at this stage was whether we'd be able to keep eleven men on the field, as the ref was card happy and Newcastle's players were doing their best to turn it into a snidefest.
     
    Sturridge was booked for basically standing still.  He was shoved and confronted by Debuchy, and then yellow carded for just standing his ground.  Debuchy was booked too, when really the ref should have just told them to pack it in and get on with the game.  That booking for Sturridge really annoyed me, as did Johnson's yellow card which was for very little too.  Compare that with what that rat Tiote was getting away with.  He's a liability he is, a yellow card waiting to happen.  He was fouling, snarling and stamping all game and yet he somehow escaped a booking whilst others were being punished for minor offences.
     
    I honestly thought Johnson was going to walk, as he got into something with Tiote that could have been avoided and then he was pulled up for a foul on Gutierez that had the home crowd screaming for a red card.  It shouldn't have even been a free-kick, the Argentine ran into him and then rolled around like he'd taken a body shot from Sugar Ray Leonard.  Johnson could not have avoided contact no matter how hard he tried as Gutierez just ran straight into him.  
     
    Marriner awarded a free-kick but thankfully didn't bow the pressure and give Johnson a second yellow.  However, you had to assume that one more foul and Johnson was in trouble.  I wonder if it was in Rodgers' mind to maybe get him out of there and send on Andre Wisdom?  I'd have probably done it, but credit to Rodgers for sticking with him and to Johnson for avoiding any further trouble in the second half.
     
    The pivotal moment in the game was our third goal.  At the time Newcastle were having a good spell, no doubt after being torn into by Pardew at half time.  They needed to score the next goal and when they didn't it was all over.  Once again, it was a cracking goal from us.  Coutinho outmuscled Ben Arfa (no mean feat as the Frenchman is strong for his size and is usually difficult to knock off the ball) and then drove at the defence before dinking a perfectly timed ball through to Sturridge who finished emphatically.  He then broke out the celebratory dance, something I wasn't a fan of initially but which I'd be happy to see on a weekly basis from now on.
     
    Game over, they weren't coming back from that and the way we were playing a big score was well and truly on the cards now.  Sturridge added a second, and again it was just a brilliantly worked goal.  Henderson tracked back and won the ball, and then immediately turned and ran into the space down the left.  Debuchy saw him and initially went go with the run before then stupidly trying to play offside.  Gerrard lofted the ball into the space and Henderson, returning the favour from earlier, unselfishly rolled the ball across for Sturridge to grab his second goal of the game.
     
    That was the catalyst for the self proclaimed 'loyalest football supporters the world has ever had' to head for the exits.  Actually a load of them had got off at 3-0, reminding me of that time at Anfield when one of them ran onto the field at 3-0 and lashed his season ticket at Keegan, only for them to pull it back to 3-3 before losing it in the last minute.
     
    Rodgers then introduced fit again Borini for Gerrard, a somewhat surprising move I thought, given that the skipper had up to this point played in every minute of every league game.  Would have been a nice achievement if he'd seen out the full season, presumably there must have been some sort of injury involved, possibly this shoulder problem we've been hearing about?
     
    Anyway, Borini got in the goalscoring act quickly enough, showing good movement to create space for himself and then a poacher's instinct to toe poke the ball in before the keeper could set his feet.  Great play by Downing to set it up too, he had another very effective game and always looks good in games when the team is playing well.
     
    Borini celebrated in his trademark fashion, biting his own hand, prompting criticism in some quarters from misguided, uninformed fools who interpreted it as making light of the Suarez bite.  Do your research, you're supposed to be journalists so how about acting like it instead of blurting out the first thing that enters your heads.  Remember those morons accusing Suarez of celebrating his handball by kissing his wrist?  Inexcusable really, although if I'd been Borini, Sturridge or Henderson I'd have probably gone and playfully bit the arm of whichever team-mate reached me first.  That's just me though, I daresay Brendan wouldn't have been happy had any of the lads done that.  Would have been funny though.
     
    Newcastle's collective head had gone completely now, they were being humiliated in front of their own fans and Coutinho was the tormentor in chief.  Debuchy completely lost his rag with the little Brazilian and was rightly sent off.  It was a second yellow, it could easily have been a straight red as it was a nasty, deliberate lunge.  He was clearly annoyed at being knocked to the ground as he went shoulder to shoulder with Coutinho, and when our boy then skipped by him as though he wasn't there it was too much for the temperamental Frenchman to take and he chopped him down.
     
    Coutinho really showed something in this game, not just his great skill and eye for a pass, we knew about that already.  No, I'm on about his toughness, he's a strong little guy isn't he?  Knocking over Ben Arfa and then Debuchy, he shouldn't really be able to do that as he looks so lightweight.  It's exciting to think how good he could potentially become as he's just still a kid.  He was just an absolute joy to watch in this game and only the crossbar denied him the goal his display deserved, and what a goal it would have been too.
     
    It got worse for ten man Newcastle as from the free-kick that resulted from Debuchy's red card, Henderson whipped in a great cross that was almost met by Agger and then Borini, but eluded everyone and nestled in the corner of the net.  How satisfying a day must this have been for Sunderland lad Hendo, he must have been buzzing afterwards. 
     
    The Newcastle fans had started the day booing him and former Toon man Enrique (no chants of "Jose Enrique we're in the top six" this year though!).  They ended it by booing Pardew and their own team.  I wouldn't have wanted to be a police horse after this one, that's for sure.  Rodgers sent on Suso and Shelvey for the closing stages but we were mostly content to just pass the ball around and not try to inflict further embarrassment on the home side.
     
    It's easy to focus on the deficiencies of Newcastle and dismiss just how good we were.  For me though, you have to give great credit to Rodgers and the players for this as Newcastle have it all to play for as they aren't safe yet.  They were well up for this one and we lost here last year in really disappointing fashion.  Throw in the stressful week we've had and the fact the Geordies will have been desperate to bounce back from being bummed by Sunderland in their last game, and all things considered this is a highly impressive result and performance.  
     
    The funny thing is, we probably created twice as many chances against Reading but couldn't put any of them away.  It's so frustrating when you look at the points we've thrown away, and that's what we need to work on next season if we're to build on the improvement we've seen in this campaign.  I can live with games like the Reading one, it was a freak result and on another day they'd have suffered even more then Newcastle did.  It's the performances we saw against Southampton away, and Villa, West Ham and West Brom at home for example that need to be eradicated.
     
    We've now got more points than we managed last season and we still have nine more to play for.  We've scored more goals than we have in a long time, and only Manchester City have kept more clean sheets apparently.  We've scored more and conceded less than Spurs, and whilst you can take all of these things in different ways I'd say it shows we've got a platform to build on.
     
    I've always looked at goal difference as a good barometer of a team's ability.  You can sometimes have a team riding high in the table but with a poor goal difference.  Generally that's a team punching well above it's weight, like Everton when they finished fourth or Newcastle last year.  Then you'll have a side with a massive goal difference but disappointing points tally.  Usually you'll find that's a good side that has been let down by some daft results and consistency.  Usually they're called Arsenal!
     
    This year it's us.  Our goal difference is miles better than Everton for example, but they've maximised what they have and been more consistent than us.  Our best pisses all over their best, but they've played at their best (or close to it) more consistently than we have.  We're also suffering from that slow start brought about by bedding in a new style and being a bit short in attacking areas.  
     
    Since Sturridge and Coutinho have come in we've been much better though. Imagine having to play out these final games if we hadn't brought them to the club in the last window?  Doesn't even bear thinking about does it?  We did though, and that's why even without the best player in the league we can still enjoy a good end to the season, providing we avoid the kind of let downs that have plagued us all year.
     
    Next week is a huge game for us and will go a long way to deciding who ends up with local bragging rights.  We go into it on a high but the Blues will present a much sterner test than Newcastle did.  They won't defend on the halfway line and they won't allow us to just run through their midfield as the Geordies did.  It's a game we have to win though if we're going to catch them, as games are running out.
     
    Star man was Coutinho, but everyone impressed bar Pepe who had absolutely nothing to do other than catch a few crosses.  Not bad for a one man team though was it?
     
     
    Team:  Reina; Johnson, Carragher, Agger, Enrique; Lucas, Gerrard (Borini); Downing, Coutinho (Suso), Henderson; Sturridge (Shelvey):
  • Whilst the Mancs were collecting another title we've spent the week watching our best player getting hammered by all and sundry before eventually being given a ridiculously excessive suspension for an act that was more stupidity than barbarity.  The season can't finish quickly enough now, and I'm sure I'm not alone in wanting a lengthy break from football.  A ten game suspension would be like heaven for me at this moment in time to tell the truth, I'm seriously just fed up with it all.  Just about the only thing left to cling to was the hope that Stoke would go down, and that's not looking good now after they won at hapless QPR.
     
    Crouch was recalled and opened the scoring against his former team.  Must have been like a dagger through the heart of 'Arry that, as Crouchy's like a son to him isn't he?  An adopted son, obviously,  I mean there's no physical resemblance at all.  Some would say the same about Jamie, but I'd disagree, they actually have the exact same face, it's just that 'Arry's looks like his has melted.  I like him though, I know many don't, but I do.  He's a t'riffic lad, a top, top manager and he's never given me a problem.  It'll be a shame if he's managing in the Championship next year, it looks like he will be though based on his comments about wanting to stay at QPR.
     
    Crouch then won a penalty that Walters converted for Stoke's second goal, although it sticks in the throat a little seeing Clint Hill punished for an offence that Shawcross and Huth have actually registered as their own trademark and are NEVER penalised for.  It's been quite the week for double standards where punishments are concerned though hasn't it.
     
    Loic Remy will definitely be off this summer, and we're one of the clubs being linked with him.  I'd take him, he's been very impressive since he came to England, but I can't help thinking he's got Spurs written all over him.  They need a centre forward and he looks like a perfect fit for them.  Mind you, there's every chance we're gonna need one too now, as who could blame Suarez if he chose to flee from this absolute fucking abortion of a country, where even the Prime Minister has got it in for him.
     
    Adel Taraabt is probably the happiest man in West London right now, as being back in the Championship will make him look like Zinedine Zidane once again.  Classic case of a good player who just can't quite make the step up to the top level.  I've actually thought a name for this affliction, I call it "Rob Earnshaw Syndrome". 
     
    That win for Stoke has given them a little breathing room, especially after the defeats for Villa and Wigan.  The Latics probably should have got something from their game at Upton Park, they played ok and had their chances but poor finishing let them down.  If they get relegated they'll probably be the best side to go down in a long time.  The point I made about Taraabt got me thinking, if Wigan do go down it'd be interesting to see if Di Santo stayed there and if so how would he do in the Championship?  I'm calling it now, he'd score no more than 12 goals even at that level.  He's no good at any level.  I've actually thought a name for this affliction too, I call it  "David Ngog Syndrome".
     
    Wigan fell behind when Matt Jarvis' cross was missed by everybody and squirmed into the far corner.  Kevin Nolan got the second when he latched onto an overhead kick by Carroll.  The big fella was outstanding again by all accounts, although he wasted a great chance late on when he ran clear and screwed a shot wide.  Needs to score more goals, but the rest of his game is really impressing now that he's got his fitness back.  Last week I jokingly referred to him as a Ferrari, he clearly isn't.  He's more of a top of the line Range Rover, or a Monster Truck.
     
    Moving on, Sunderland went into their game with Everton on a massive high after their emphatic victory over rivals Newcastle last week and they picked up a second win on the spin, although this one was a much closer encounter.  This result has all but removed the spectre of relegation that had been looming over them a week ago.  They aren't safe yet, but they're very close, and Di Canio's loving it isn't he?
     
    Sessegnon got the only goal of a disappointing game when he seized on a bad pass by Bilbo Baines (ludicrously not on the six man shortlist for PFA Player of the Year) and drilled in a low shot from 20 yards.  There weren't many chances for either side and the closest the Blues came to an equaliser was when Larsson almost lobbed his own keeper from the halfway line.  Mignolet saved it at full stretch and was booked for his trouble.  It was truly bizarre as everything about it looked like Larsson was actually trying to chip the keeper, his body position, the way he struck the ball, absolutely crazy it was.  Huge relief for Larsson, no doubt Di Canio would have chopped off his balls and fed them to him had that gone in.
     
    Another club in the same boat as Sunderland is Norwich.  They had taken just 10 points from the last 48 and were hovering dangerously just above those sides in serious trouble, so a home game with Reading was just what the doctor ordered for them.  For 50 minutes they had the same problem we'd encountered seven days earlier;  Alex frigging McCarthy.    Then Ryan Bennett fired in a rebound after the keeper could only parry a shot, and a couple of minutes later Elliot Bennett scored after McCarthy had a 'Gordon Bennett' moment (is 'Gordon' the only Bennett who doesn't play for Norwich?  Who is he anyway, I only know him because 'Del Boy' always mentions him in Only Fools & Horses) flapped at a cross.  I guess his luck has ran out now.  Always the way that.  Reading pulled one back against the run of play when Bunn failed to keep out a swerving shot by McLeary but the Canaries held on for the win that probably makes them safe.  
     
    Norwich defender Ryan Bennett has been charged by the FA this week after getting into it with a couple of Arsenal fans on Twitter (where else?).  Someone was giving him grief and he responded with "I'll finish you in a couple of seconds".  And that's worthy of an FA charge?  Are you fucking kidding me?  Mind you, the summer is coming up and those FA jaunts don't pay for themselves you know.  Have to fine some fools to top up the kitty for next season. 
     
    Another player who can consider himself unlucky to have fallen foul of the all powerful and all knowing FA is Olivier Giroud.  His harsh red card against Fulham has been upheld and he'll now serve a three match ban.  That's basically three matches for slipping over.  Or put another way, three matches more than Sergio Aguero got for trying to insert himself feet first into the rear end of David Luiz, and three more than Callum McManaman for attempting to perform knee surgery on Massadio Haidara using only his studs.  
     
    Arsenal won the game but it wasn't pretty.  Sidwell was sent off too, after just 12 minutes.  Correct decision by Marriner as it was a dangerous challenge.  This was his first game back from a three game ban too.  Wonder if his 'previous' is taken into account when punishment is handed out.  He can expect a minimum of six games this time, as the FA are nothing if not consistent.  Sorry, did I say 'consistent'?  I meant 'cunts'.
     
    Mertesacker got the game's only goal, heading in from about three inches following a Koscielny knock back.  Koscielny is used to knock backs I imagine, the dopey looking bastard.  He always reminds me of Daniel Ayala for some reason.  It wasn't a good performance by Wenger's side but at this stage the points are the only thing that matter and this was a big win for them.  Apparently the Gunners plan on giving the Mancs a guard of honour this weekend.  I remember a time when Wenger would rather have cut off his own cock than do that.  I liked him a lot better when he was like Ferguson's kryptonite.  These days he's one of Fergie's little poodles, like a skinny Sam Allardyce wearing a sleeping bag.
     
    Elsewhere on Saturday, Gouffran headed Newcastle ahead just eight minutes into their game at the Hawthorns.  Billy Jones equalised in the 2nd half and that's how it ended.  Nothing much to say about that and there's even less to say about Swansea's goalless draw with Southampton.
     
    Sunday saw a dramatic game at White Hart Lane.  At least it seemed dramatic until the Luis Suarez show completely overshadowed it.  City led until late on through Nasri's strike in the opening minutes, but Spurs came roaring back to win it with three goals in the last 15 minutes.  The first was scored by Dempsey following a cross by Bale that might be the most beautiful thing I've seen on a football field since Bryan Ruiz cut his hair a year ago.  Just absolutely stunning it was.
     
    Defoe ended his longest ever goal drought by lashing one into the far corner and Bale wrapped it up with a good finish.  Pleased for Spurs, I hope they get third as I've got less beef with them than the other two contenders and I want to see my boy AVB shove it right up Chelsea.
     
    Finally, Monday night.  Suarez had moved two goals clear in the race for the Golden Boot with his goal against Chelsea the day before, but it was fairly obvious his season was now over and Van Persie had five games left to catch him.  He only needed one, as his hat-trick saw off Villa, secured the title for United and knocked Luis off the top of the scoring charts.  Remember last season when they lost the title with the last kick of the season?  I liked that much better, as if I have to see Phil Jones pulling gurny faces then I'd rather see 'sad gurny face' rather than 'happy gurny face', although admittedly it's difficult to tell them apart.
     
    Obviously I didn't watch the game (why the hell would any Red be putting themselves through that?), so all I've seen of the game was the (offside) goal everyone on twitter had been creaming themselves about.  It was good, but I was expecting something mind blowing and it certainly wasn't that.  I admit I'm not exactly impartial though.  I've also seen the photographs of Evra 'hilariously' chewing on the plastic arm to get at Suarez.  Seems mocking fellow pro's is acceptable now, so any player in the league that has an issue with another player can now take the piss out of them, using props if necessary, as clearly the FA are fine with that as no disrepute charge has been forthcoming.  Don't react to abuse from any fans on twitter though, that's a big no no.
     
    Whilst I'm quoting FA rules, here's another useful one for any footballers who might be reading.  It's not actually a written rule so you may not be aware of it.  Racially abusing someone is ok if one of your parents are the same ethnicity as the person you are abusing.  You won't be punished for that even if it's on twitter where the entire world can see it.  It's not ok to do it if it's only a grandparent though, you'll get 8 games for that one even if there's no proof or independent witnesses, so be careful.  And if you have no-one of that ethnicity in your family and your abuse is caught on camera for everybody to see, that will get you 4 games.  Hopefully that's cleared things up a bit.
     
    Back to the football, and Roy Hodgson was quick to pay tribute to his 'good fwiend Siwallex'.  "If we're talking about magic in football, the only magicians I know are people like Sir Alex".  Yeah, they call them magicians now, back in the good old days they called them witches and burned them.  With all that whiskey in his system he'd have gone off like a bloody catherine wheel.
     
    Staying with United, I see Danny Welbeck is on the shortlist for PFA Young Player of the Year.  That would be Danny Welbeck, the striker, who has scored less league goals than Jose Enrique this season?  Danny Wellcrap.  One league goal?? Even Stewy Downing has more than that.  I think. 
     
    Gareth Bale is on the shortlist for both Player and Young Player awards.  Young player?  He's 23 and has been playing in the Premier League for SIX YEARS!!!  Anyone that wants to argue the case of footballers being thick only ever has to point to the PFA voting to back up their view.  Takes the piss every tyear. The senior award is just as bad, as neither Baines nor Michu made the list but Michael Carrick and Eden Hazard did.  
     
    Michael Carrick is a good player and seems like a decent enough fella.  As far as Mancs go, he seems alright.  You know what I hate about Michael Carrick though?  He's one of those players who people buzz off just because they think it makes them look like some kind of football savant.  If you don't think Carrick is amazing it's because you aren't knowledgeable enough to 'get him' and 'appreciate' what he does and how important he is, not because he's basically a poor mans Xabi Alonso.  It seems you have to be some sort of superior football intellect to truly appreciate Michael Carrick, although surely that's blown out of the water by the fact Fabio Capello didn't fancy him yet Roy Hodgson does?  
     
    Michael Carrick fanboys are the same kind of people who'll tell you than Iniesta is actually better than Messi, and us lesser mortals can't see it because we don't truly understand the intricacies of football.  Football snobs absolutely love Michael Carrick.  If he were a football team he'd be Borrussia Dortmund, although now that Dortmund have gone 'mainstream' and are admired by everyone the hipsters need to find a new, 'undiscovered' team to drool over.  And if Carrick gets the Player of the Year award, he'll need replacing in their affections too.  It'll be Tom Cleverley I reckon. 
     
    Dave
  • In a week in which the British media have been clamouring to show who can be the most outraged at the conduct of Luis Suarez, one man has managed to emerge from the pack as by far and away the most hysterical, nonsensical whopper in his field.  
     
    That man is the Daily Mail's Jeff Powell, who claims that Suarez's little nibble on the arm of Branislav Ivanovic (the didn't even leave a mark, let alone break the skin) deserves more severe punishment than the boxing authorities handed out to Mike Tyson after he bit a chunk of Evander Holyfield's ear off.  Even by Daily Mail standards, this was pretty incredible, although this is the same man who last week claimed Margaret Thatcher 'saved football' so I guess we shouldn't be too surprised.  Take a bow Jeff, you're in a league of your own.  
  • Dave Usher
    reports from
    Anfield
     
     

    It's typical of being a Liverpool fan these days that we don't even get to savour a last second equaliser against a side we despise.  The brief euphoria of that last gasp Luis Suarez goal was soon wiped out by the awful realisation of the nightmare that was about to unfold as those leaving Anfield began to get wind of the incident that virtually no-one inside the ground had been aware of at the time. I'll get to that in due course, but given the media frenzy we're caught up in, it's easy to overlook the fact that a game actually took place yesterday and even without the crazy, inexcusable antics of our star player there's plenty to discuss, so I'll get that out of the way first.
     
    In terms of the game itself, it didn't really come to life until the second half.  The opening 45 minutes were fairly uneventful and low key in comparison to the usual encounters between these two teams.  Neither side played particularly well and chances were at a premium, there wasn't much intensity about the game at all and that suited Chelsea more than it did us.  
     
    Rodgers had opted to leave Sturridge on the bench, a decision I expected and agreed with, but it wasn't until the striker was brought on to face his former team-mates that we had any kind of spark.  He was in the sort of mood we last saw against another of his former teams, when he tore Manchester City a new one a couple of months ago.  As my mate Dan said this morning, hopefully someone can convince him he used to play for Newcastle, and then Everton etc.
     
    Had he started the game there's no guarantee it would have worked as well, and given how open we looked against Spurs when we started with Sturridge instead of an extra midfielder, and how unbalanced we looked when he came on and played wide in a front three against West Ham, I fully expected him to be left out against a side with the calibre of players that Chelsea have.
     
    Going with Suarez in the centre flanked by Coutinho and Downing was the prudent move I felt, but it didn't work out and needed changing.  To the manager's credit he wasted no time in doing that and took action at half time.  I don't think our lacklustre first half was specifically because there was no Sturridge, I just felt like our play was generally lacking in any kind of tempo and we were too pedestrian in the first half.  
     
    Chelsea were similar, and it's no surprise to me that both of their goals came as a result of corner kicks as before the game that was my biggest concern; corners and counter attacks.  We dealt with the counter attacks well, but corners were a problem throughout, as they have been all season.  It's an issue that won't be fixed without introducing bigger, more physically dominant players.
     
    We did put together three or four really nice moves in the first half but those moments of quality aside it was very laboured.  Johnson made a mess of a shot following a wonderful move in which he'd done very well to find himself in the box and running onto a good ball from Suarez, whilst Suarez brought a save out of Cech after good play from Downing.  There were a couple of other occasions in which Suarez almost got on the end of something, but we never really got going until Sturridge came on at half time.
     
    By that stage we were a goal down and it could have been two.  The goal we gave away was a bad one, whilst Pepe was almost embarrassed by a dipping free-kick by Luiz that he very nearly fumbled into his own goal before recovering it on the line.  Heart in mouth time that was, it really looked like it was going in from where I was sat.  The only other incident of note in that half was Torres elbowing Carragher in the head and being booked for it, the shithouse.  It was noticeable that he offered no apology to Carragher either.
     
    The pair were at eachothers throats for most of the game and there is clearly no love lost there that's for sure.  In the second half Torres hit the deck dramatically and let out a scream that I could hear sixty yards away from my seat down the Kop end of the Main Stand.  A furious Carragher stood over him hurling insults and telling him to get up, but was booked as a result of it.  And how stupid does Torres look in that mask?  He's like the world's worst superhero.  "Is it a bird? No.  Is it a plane?  No. It's Shitman".  
     
    Torres was booed every time he touched the ball (which wasn't often) and taunted with chants of "Chelsea rent boy" by the Kop.  A world of difference between that and the reception given to the other returning former hero.  The warm applause and chanting of Rafa's name at the start of the game was deserved and appropriate.  Continuing to sing his name throughout the game was not, it was excessive and just wrong.  Dress it up however you like, but the fact is the loudest and most frequent chant of the day was for the manager of the opposing team, and even worse, that opposing team was Chelsea.  That's wrong in my eyes, and it went above and beyond the boundaries of what was appropriate.  
     
    It just summed up what was a weird atmosphere all day though.  The applause and chanting for Anne Williams was moving, the reception given to Rafa at the start was class, but then after that things just got a bit strange.  Dusting off the 'La Bamba' song was weird enough, but when the "Best midfield in the world" chant started ringing out it just became a bit surreal.  We're trying to win a game here against a superior side, how about getting behind the players and manager that are here now instead of pining for days gone by?  By the time Rafa's name was being belted out as the players left the pitch after securing a well earned point with a spirited second half fightback, I was just flabbergasted really.
     
    The present isn't too good and who knows if the future will get any better, but this constant harping back to the past does no-one any good.  After that grandstand finale it should have been "You'll Never Walk Alone" ringing around Anfield, not the name of the Chelsea manager.  It just didn't sit well with me, I couldn't understand it at all, but maybe it's just me.  In the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal and God knows we've certainly got bigger issues than that to worry about than that.
     
    Anyway, the arrival of Sturridge completely changed the game.  It's nice to actually have a game changing option on the bench as generally we've not had that.  Coutinho made way, it was an easy decision as the Brazilian never got into the game and was repeatedly losing possession.  The change transformed us an attacking force, within seconds of the restart Sturridge had skinned a couple of players and played Gerrard in on goal.  He took the shot early and it was destined for the bottom corner until the outstretched boot of Cech deflected it behind.  Minutes later Sturridge had turned brilliantly and smashed a shot against the post from 25 yards.  Johnson's follow up cross was then inches away from being turned in by Henderson and we applied huge pressure to the Chelsea goal.
     
    We were moving the ball much quicker now and had a far better tempo to our play.  We need that, as when we play at this kind of tempo we look a very good side.  We don't do it often enough though, the pressing of the ball especially is something we need to work on as when we do that effectively it's the catalyst for everything else.
     
    The equalising goal was a cracker.  Carragher picked out Downing's run with a chipped ball over the top, and the winger produced a quality touch to knock the ball back to Suarez.  That was class, but the ball from Suarez to Sturridge was even better, simply brilliant that was.  The finish wasn't bad either, as he adjusted his feet very well to sidefoot the ball into the net at the Kop end.
     
    We were well on top at this point, but once again our inability to defend set pieces would cost us.  I don't know why Suarez was back there defending anyway, it seems a bit daft to me.  For years it's annoyed the hell out of me how we bring everyone back for corners.  I think Kenny was the only one who left players up there, every other manager has brought everyone back and I absolutely hate it.
     
    Suarez isn't comfortable in that situation, and he got sandwiched between Agger and Torres (Luis was marking Torres from corners, which is insane as Torres is decent in the air and has a height advantage).  His arm went up as he was off balance, and the ball struck it.  Nailed on penalty, no complaints about the decision and I don't particularly blame Luis for it either.  He didn't deliberately handle, I wouldn't even say he deliberately put his arm up, it just ended up there as he got into a mess trying to challenge for the ball.  Note to Brendan, leave him on the halfway line in future as he's a liability in his own box.
     
    There was a big delay before the kick was taken, mainly due to Carragher admonishing Mikel who appeared to be trying to get the ref to book Suarez (which he eventually did).  You could see Carra wagging his finger in Mikel's face and repeatedly saying "Fuckin' behave yerself you".  How fired up was Carra in that second half though?  He was all over the place, on the refs case, on the fourth official's case, getting into verbals with the Chelsea players.  I'm convinced the six minutes stoppage time we got was a direct result of him harassing the officials and pointing out Chelsea's time wasting.
     
    Anyway, the impressive Hazard didn't let the delay effect him and casually rolled in the penalty to give Chelsea the lead once more.  He was a threat all day I thought, he was the one Chelsea player who looked like he could do something out of the ordinary and cause us a problem.  Thankfully Rafa subbed him and sent on Benyoun (warmly applauded onto the field by the home fans).  The Chelsea fans weren't amused, "You don't know what you're doing" rang out from the away end, amusingly met with "Rafa's right, your fans are shite" from the Kop.
     
    Rodgers made his second change too, taking off Downing (who had a decent enough game) and sending on Shelvey.  Always a risk sending him on, you don't know if you're going to get 'good Jonjo' or 'bad Jonjo'.  We've seen 'good Jonjo' lately for the under 21s and with England, but for the first team it's mostly been 'bad Jonjo' in recent months.  
     
    A typically wild challenge earned him a booking within a couple of minutes of coming on, and then he missed a great chance after a brilliant flick from Sturridge had found Henderson who had in turn fed Shelvey.  The shot went into the side netting, reminiscent of another chance he had recently when he did the same thing (I think against Zenit?).  Aside from those two incidents, he was alright so we didn't really get 'good Jonjo' or 'bad Jonjo', we got 'ok Jonjo' which is an improvement.
     
    It was looking like the game would peter out into another demoralising result for us, but when the board went up with six minutes on it that lifted everyone.  We were applying pressure but not really looking like we'd score, until right at the death Suarez pulled it out of the fire for us.  When Agger launched the ball forward it looked for all the world that he'd overhit it and it would go out for a goal kick, effectively ending the game.  Suarez did wonderfully well to get himself into position to head it back to Sturridge, and then spin off into the box and take up a position between the two centre backs.  The ball in was quality, Suarez got his head on it and Cech couldn't prevent it going in.  Anfield erupted, Chelsea players went mad at the referee and the final whistle went as soon as the game restarted.
     
    Chelsea's beef was the amount of added time played.  Rafa spoke of forty odd seconds over the six minutes being played.  From watching it on sky, it was 30 seconds over the six minutes when Luis scored.  30 seconds that will have been added on when Rafa sent on Lampard in stoppage time, so the ref was right and that goal came - literally - in the last second of the game.  Incredible stuff, and a real feel good moment.  Not for long though.
     
    At that point I was blissfully unaware of what had happened between Suarez and Ivanovic.  The first I knew of it was when I got outside and people started talking about how those who were watching on TV had been texting them about what he'd done.  "Oh for fucks sake Luis" I thought.  
     
    Of course there's been the inevitable shitstorm as a result of it, with every Tom, Dick and Jason having their say (that balloonhead Roberts wasn't a minute before putting the boot in was he?), and whilst Luis is clearly in the wrong and should be suitably punished for it, a lot of the things I've been reading and hearing are just hysterical, reactionary nonsense, and not just from 'outsiders' either.  Some of our own fans need to have a word with themselves too, there were a couple of bad whoppers on the local radio phone in and I dread to think what kind of moron was calling up Talksport.  Some tool rang up Radio Merseyside saying he can't support the club anymore because of Suarez.  Well fuck off and support someone else then, someone who fits your high moral code and who won't make you feel so "ashamed".  Maybe the local convent has a football team? 
     
    With all due respect, the idea of selling Suarez as a result of this, is for want of a better expression, absolutely fucking stupid beyond belief.  Any Liverpool fan suggesting that needs to give their head a wobble.  So the national media have got upset about it and we're getting loads of bad publicity again, big fucking deal.  I honestly don't give a shit anymore if people outside of the club don't like him, and I don't give a shit if the club are getting bad publicity about it.  
     
    We've got much bigger problems than the moralistic minority/majority/whatever not liking us, and old romantics clinging to some misguided notion about how as a club we're some kind of moral guardians against bad behaviour.  Much bigger problems.  Like being 7th in the table for a start.  If we're 7th in the table despite having the best player in the country, then how on earth is selling said best player in the country going to help?  The obvious answer is that it is not.
     
    And don't give me this bollocks about how we've replaced great players before and we'll do so again.  Newsflash, it's not the 70s or 80s anymore.  Yeah we often used to replace great players with other great players and we kept rolling on collecting titles.  We could do that because we were the best, everyone wanted to come here meaning we had the pick of whatever players we wanted and because we had great scouts and we usually had a genius in the manager's chair.  Times have changed, the goalposts have been moved by gazillionaire Russians and Arabs and replacing your best players just ain't that easy anymore.  Just ask Arsene Wenger.
     
    We didn't replace Alonso.  We didn't replace Mascherano.  We didn't replace Hyypia. We'll struggle to replace Carragher and don't even get me started on what will happen when Gerrard hangs it up.  What makes anyone think we have a hope in hell of suitably replacing Suarez?  As long as he wants to be here, then we should not even contemplate allowing him to leave, it would be so far beyond stupid it would pass Jason Roberts on the way to landing somewhere near Dave Whelan.  
     
    I expect fans of other clubs to demand we sell him, I expect certain buffoons in the media to do likewise (predictably that bastion of morality the Daily Mail demanded "Now kick out the cannibal" and even claimed Suarez's nibble was worse than Mike Tyson biting off a chunk of Evander Holyfield's ear) but our own fans?  Get a grip of yourselves, it comes to something when Joey Barton is the voice of reason.  "People are going on like he's actually eaten someone. Nobody has died. Worse things happen in nurseries every day of the week."  Quite, Joey, quite, although being supported by Joey Barton is probably not going to be especially helpful, whilst Mike Tyson choosing to follow Luis on twitter is also unlikely to do our boy any favours, hilarious as it may be.
     
    What's even more disappointing is the moralising from some of our ex players.  Graeme Souness has some brass neck on him given some of the shit he pulled back in the day.  He's done far, far worse things than Suarez has, but then there weren't 50 cameras positioned all around the stadium back when he played so he got away with it.  Luis would get away with it too under those circumstances, referees NEVER see the stuff he does as he's so crafty.  Unfortunately the cameras ALWAYS pick it up.
     
    And for Souness to bring Hillsborough into it is about as low as you can get.  "In this of all weeks" he says.  You of all people want to go down that road Souey?  Really?  Suarez would be well within his rights to come out and say "At least I didn't do an exclusive with that rag on the anniversary, you two faced, hypocritical prick."  Suarez won't do that of course, so I'll happily say it for him.  "At least he didn't do an exclusive with that rag on the anniversary, you two faced, hypocritical prick."  
     
    Souness was also apparently concerned about 'the image of the club'.  This is the man who signed choir boys Neil 'Razor' Ruddock and Julian 'The Terminator' Dicks because he thought we were too soft, and who defended Ruddock after he smashed Peter Beardsley's cheekbone in a pre-season friendly.   Talk about being in a glass house and lobbing stones.  I'm just waiting for El Hadji Diouf to have his say on it now.  
     
    Then you have Phil Thompson calling for a ten game ban.  Well done Phil, that's very helpful that is.  With friends like these, who needs enemies eh?  I'm not suggesting they should defend the indefensible, but don't be putting the boot in either when we've all seen players do far worse.  Thommo was assistant manager when Carra threw a coin into the crowd at Highbury.  Was he calling for a ten game ban then?  Was he fuck, I love Thommo but he should stop being such a drama queen and get a grip.  He's been hanging out with Paul Merson and Matt Le Tissier too long.
     
    All this "oh he's disgraced the good name of the club" is doing my head in too.  He isn't the first person to step out of line, and he won't be the last.  He's done far, far, far more good for the club than he has bad since he's been here.  I hear talk of 'protecting the brand', but where would that 'brand' be without his 30 goals this season?  I dread to think.  
     
    What exactly is this 'good name of the club' getting us anyway?  Nothing, because it doesn't exist.  If we have such a good name, how come everyone seems to hate us!!  It's a myth, these days we are no different to any other club who has a player step out of line, and there is not a club in the land who would get rid of their best player for doing what Suarez did, not unless they just wanted to cash in.  Why should we be any different?
     
    You can't go all misty eyed talking about the exploits of Tommy Smith, Jimmy Case and Souness back in the day and then be horrified by what Suarez has done, it reeks of hypocrisy.  It seems people love nothing more than being outraged about stuff these days, it's a national past time.  Of course Luis was out of order, but all this 'dragging the good name of the club through the mud' talk just baffles me.  We signed the lad knowing he'd been banned for biting someone.  Were people worried about our 'good name' then?  
     
    I mentioned Carra at Highbury, we've also had Gerrard beating the snot out of a DJ for not playing Phil Collins, we've had Jan Molby sent to jail, we've had Souness breaking a Romanian player's jaw in two places with an off the ball punch, Paul Walsh lamped Kevin Bond, we had the Fowler / Le Saux thing followed by the line sniffing.  We didn't get rid of any of them, and why was that?  Because they were great players that's why, just like Suarez.  
     
    Besides, Football Clubs don't have 'a good name' anymore, not big clubs anyway.  They're all the same and we're no better than anyone else.  Greedy, selfish institutions there solely to exploit the loyalty of their long standing support and to make rich owners even richer and to pay footballers far more money than they deserve.  At least Suarez actually cares and gives his all every single time he pulls on the shirt.  In modern football he's a rarity in that regard, so no, I don't want him sold because for all of his flaws he's one of the few things about the club that actually brings me any kind of enjoyment these days, and I make no apologies for saying so.  
     
    All this probably looks like I'm condoning what Luis did.  I'm not, far from it.  I defended him vociferously over the Evra stuff as he was clearly not guilty of the things he was being accused of.  I wrote at great length about that and I defended him over the handshake thing too as there was far more to that than how it was reported.  I'll fight his corner on that stuff all day long.  I'm not defending this though as it's indefensible.  He's a fucking idiot and it's inexcusable what he did.  He let everybody down and I'm sure he knows that and feels like a right fool today.
     
    Let's keep it in perspective though eh?  What he did was stupid beyond belief, but he hasn't killed or maimed anybody, and it wasn't dangerous.  He didn't even leave a mark, which shows that he's mellowing a bit as the last player he bit still has the scars to prove it.  He probably uses it to impress the ladies, like surfers showing off with their shark bites.  Ivanovic won't be able to do that as Luis went easy on him, it was little more than what Martin Jol would call a 'comical nibble'.
     
    It wasn't pleasant what Luis did, and it doesn't seem like Ivanovic did anything to provoke it either (and he has handled it with the kind of class and dignity I wouldn't have expected from anyone connected to that club other than the 'interim manager').  In the grand scheme of things though, what we have here is an act of violent conduct that *should* carry a three game suspension.  Simple as that, except it won't be simply because it is Luis Suarez, 'bad boy' of English football.  They'll throw the book at him and take great pleasure in doing so.  The FA probably can't believe their luck, another chance to go to town on him.  It's an open goal for them and the worst part is, Luis laid on the assist.  He's only got himself to blame this time, but it doesn't justify the over the top reaction it's getting and the excessive punishment that will be inflicted.
     
    If the ref had seen it, he'd either have given him a red or yellow card and the suspension would reflect that.  To me it should unquestionably have been a straight red card, you simply can't have players (or anyone else for that matter) doing that kind of shit, it's violent conduct and should be treated as such.  Jermaine Defoe did the exact same thing and only got a yellow so there is a precedent there.  However, Suarez was already on a yellow card so either way he'd have been sent off.  The point is, far worse things than this happen on football pitches every week.  
     
    The reason this is such big news is because it's Luis Suarez, and because in our society and in our football it's highly unusual to see people biting eachother.  The unusualness of it is definitely magnifying the response, as is the identity of the perpetrator.  It is totally unacceptable, but is it worse than Torres elbowing Carragher in the face or Aguero trying to insert both of his feet in David Luiz's ringpiece last week?  I don't know, maybe it is, but that's more to do with how we as a society view these things rather than the actual severity of the incident or extent of injury caused.  
     
    It's kind of like the whole 'spitting is the worst thing you can do to someone'.  No it isn't, given a choice between someone punching me on the nose or spitting in my face I'd take the spitting all day long, whilst someone having a bit of a chomp on my arm sits somewhere between the two.  It'd depend how hard they bit me I suppose, if it doesn't break the skin then I'd prefer that to being spat at, if it's ripping flesh from the bone like something from the Walking Dead then I'll take the punch to the nose thanks very much.  
     
    That's how ridiculous this whole thing is though, I'm reduced to talking about things that are worse than what Luis has done.  Not to excuse what he did, but to try and add some perspective and stem the tide of mass hysteria that is sweeping this along and will no doubt continue to do so until the FA announce their punishment.  Honestly, it's fucking incredible.  Lorraine Kelly was asking her guests about it this morning.  I shit you not.  The Loose Women probably had their say too, whilst even the Prime Minister has stuck his oar in.  This is how ridiculous the whole thing is.
     
    Going back to the Defoe incident, the first I even heard of that was when people brought it up yesterday after the game.  Yet it is more or less the exact same thing that Suarez did.  Clearly there wasn't this huge media shitstorm when Defoe did it or I'd have known about it before yesterday.  I've read up on it now and it was actually treated as a bit of a joke at the time, there was no involvement from the Prime Minister then, and I daresay Lorraine Kelly didn't give a shiny shit about it either.
     
    Martin Jol, Spurs boss at that time, said of the incident: "He was nibbling his arm, there will be no mark. It is part of the game.  They kicked him three times from behind in 10 minutes and he wanted to show his frustration in a nice, comical way."  Can you imagine if Brendan Rodgers had said that?  As for Defoe's explanation?  "When the West Ham player fouled me, I reacted in a bit of a mischievous way - my character is a little like that at times".  Again, imagine if Luis had put that on his twitter after the game?  He'd have broke the entire internet, which probably wouldn't be a bad thing, although it would mean no-one is reading this and I'd have wasted several hours of my day writing it. 
     
    I can't and won't defend what Suarez did, but I will rail against the completely over the top, hysterical and hypocritical reaction to it.  Players will punch, kick and elbow eachother all the time.  It's seen as 'part of the game'.  Biting?  Different thing altogether, but I personally don't think it's any worse than the other offences, depending on the severity of the bite, obviously!  For example I'd rather be bitten than have Aguero launch himself two footed at my rear end, but it is far more unacceptable to bite someone than it is to punch them or elbow them.  That's just the way it is, and having already done this before and been heavily punished for it, Luis knows the consequences and he therefore should know better.
     
    The thing is though, that presumes he actually had control over what he was doing, when he probably didn't.  He's obviously got certain behavioural issues and in all seriousness, he should have some kind of counselling for it because what's to stop this happening again?  It's not a one off because he did it at Ajax.  He won't be able to give you a reason for why he did it because he simply couldn't control himself, and that's the worry.  It wasn't that serious an incident, no-one was going to get seriously hurt and it's almost comical really, but it was just staggeringly stupid and irresponsible behaviour.
     
    The crazy thing is, I don't think he even did it in reaction to anything Ivanovic did, I reckon he completely lost the plot because he was so mad at himself for giving the penalty away.  Just from watching the game again on TV you could tell he was pretty distraught after that penalty, some players can just shrug stuff off and put it out of their minds but that's not Suarez, his passion and will to win is just so intense it causes him to occasionally lose control and do crazy shit.  
     
    He even spoke about it this week in an interview with the Sunday Times, ironically published on the morning of this game.  His wife is always on his case telling him he behaves like a knob on the pitch and he needs to pack it in.  “She’s my biggest critic, she always comes to watch me. She asks what I’m doing, why am I arguing with the referee. ‘All you’ve done today is turn up to shout at people, why don’t you concentrate on playing football?’ If I don’t, they [sofia and his daughter, Delfina] won’t come and watch me anymore. These are things my wife has picked up on and so has everyone else, so it has made me think.”  Ouch. I wouldn't have wanted to be in his shoes when he got home last night.  His tea will have been in the dog and the sleeping bag will have been laid out on the couch.  
     
    He's a loon, but he's our loon and he'd have to do something a lot more serious than this for me to turn my back on him.  Not just because he's such an incredible talent (although obviously I wouldn't love him so much if he was just some average Joe), it's more than that.  Much more.  It's because he cares, he gives everything he has in every game, in every training session.  There is no more committed footballer anywhere than Luis Suarez.  There are others, such as Carragher, who can match his desire to win and total dedication to the cause each and every day, but none can eclipse it.
     
    What he did was stupid, wrong and it will prove costly to us and to him as there's no doubt he'll be facing a massive ban and he can kiss goodbye to any chance he had of winning any Footballer of the Year awards, and probably the Golden Boot too as Van Persie will surely catch him now.  Whatever happens though, Luis has no-one to blame but himself.  The FA will throw him to the wolves, you can see by the statement they've released they've already decided to hammer him.  The punishment won't fit the crime, it rarely does with that joke of an organisation, but the bottom line here is that if Suarez didn't sink his teeth into another player then he wouldn't be in this predicament.
     
    I wish he hadn't done it, but I also wish I could stop myself from laughing every time I see it.  I don't even know why I find it funny, I'm certainly not amused that we won't see him again this season (and worst case scenario we might never see him again, although I'm not in that scaremongering corner and think he'll still be here next season), but there's just something that is instinctively funny about seeing a grown man act like a three year old and grab somebody's arm and then start gnawing on it.  It's the sheer ridiculousness of it I guess, you don't see stuff like that very often.  But then you don't see players like Suarez very often, and that's why I hope he stays here for a very, very long time.  And if you don't like that…..
     
    ….bite me.
     
     
    Team:  Reina; Johnson, Carragher, Agger, Enrique; Lucas, Gerrard, Henderson; Downing (Shelvey), Suarez, Coutinho (Sturridge):
  • A spirited display by the Reds youngsters wasn't enough to prevent them going out of the FA Youth Cup to a superior Chelsea side, going down 2-1 on the night and 4-1 on aggregate.  Kris Peterson's early strike gave Steve Cooper's side hope they could complete an unlikely comeback, but two quickfire goals just before half time ended the contest and the second half was comfortable for the Londoners.
     
    The lads gave everything they had but were just up against stronger, quicker, better opposition and the 4-1 aggregate scoreline could easily have been more but for some wayward Chelsea finishing in the second half.  Ultimately, two bad five minute spells in each have proved to be Liverpool's undoing.  The tie was 0-0 until 88 minutes of the first leg, only for Chelsea to nick two goals in the closing stages.
     
    It was a similar situation in this game, with 40 minutes gone it was 1-0 to the Reds and very much game on.  By the time the half time whistle went five minutes later it was 2-1 to Chelsea and there was never going to be any comeback from that.  There is no question that the better side has progressed to the final though, and there is no disgrace in being beaten by this Chelsea team as they're pretty damn good.
     
    Maybe things would have been different if Cooper had been able to select his best side on both legs.  In the first leg he was without Sinclair and Trickett-Smith, they were back for this game but Jordan Ibe and Ryan McLaughlin were ruled out.  That made it extremely difficult, especially as skipper Jordan Lussey wasn't fit either but played through the pain.  
     
    Chelsea were boosted by the availability of star player Nathan Ake (no relation to Purple as far as I know), who played for their first team in the Europa League last week.  He came in at centre half to replace the injured Christensen, who had caught the eye in the first leg with an impressive performance.
     
    The Reds started brightly and Lloyd Jones headed narrowly over from a Lussey free-kick just three minutes in.  The opening goal came on 14 minutes when Maguire played a nice little ball down the line to Peterson, and the Swede drove past the full back and cut inside to the area, where he sidestepped another defender before wrongfooting the keeper with a clever, measured finish into the bottom corner.
     
    Just the start we needed, and if we'd got the next goal then who knows what would have happened.  Chelsea hadn't started well at all but our goal seemed to settle them down a bit.  Maybe they were a bit complacent to begin with and that goal woke them up, they certainly began to keep the ball better and enjoyed plenty of possession in our half.
     
    The shape of the Liverpool team was excellent though, the back four were resolute and the midfield in front of them worked tirelessly to shut down any spaces.  Chelsea had a lot of the ball around the edge of the box but there just wasn't any way through, and the likes of Lussey and Rossiter made countless tackles and interceptions to keep Chelsea at bay.
     
    Fulton had little to do in the first half, he made one smart save from a 20 yard effort by the Chelsea left back, but up until their first goal on 40 minutes that was the only real effort they had mustered.  It was a great goal though, albeit avoidable from a Liverpool perspective.
     
    Rossiter gave the ball away on the edge of the Chelsea box, but the speed and precision with which Chelsea broke had to be admired.  Swift started and finished the move, surging forward and playing a ball down the line to Kiwomya, and then continuing into the penalty area to get on the edge of the cross to beat Fulton with a sweet finish.
     
    It was a blow but the Reds needed to just get to half time and regroup for the second half.  Unfortunately they gave away a really soft goal just before the break when Rossiter allowed Ake a free header from a corner.  That goal was right in front of the small but vocal contingent of travelling Reds, who had just launched into a Rafa Benitez chant that was immediately silenced by Ake's header.
     
    Whilst the young midfielder was partly culpable for both Chelsea goals, these kind of mental errors are to be expected given his age.  He only turned 16 at the end of last month, and his performances on the whole have been tremendous.  Even in this game he caught the eye, and considering the level of the midfielders he was up against (Loftus-Cheek in particular is extremely highly rated) it bodes well for the future that he competed as well as he did.
     
    That second goal was a complete killer though.  At 1-1 the lads were no worse off than when they started, an early goal in the second half would have made it very interesting, but going 2-1 down ended any lingering hopes they had.
     
    There were no more goals after that, although both sides missed great chances and Chelsea in particular could easily have scored three or four but for wayward finishing, good goalkeeping and poor officiating.
     
    It was the Reds who threatened first though when Trickett-Smith split the defence to send Sinclair through.  The striker did brilliantly to cut inside Ake and stay on his feet despite being fouled, but his shot crashed back off the bar.  Desperately unlucky, and you could argue the ref should have given the penalty anyway as the foul definitely knocked him out of his stride and impacted his shot.
     
    With 52 minutes on the clock Chelsea put together a fine move that ended with Faruz finding the net.  Once again that came as the away chanted the name of the current Chelsea boss, but thankfully a linesman's flag came to the rescue.  The correlation between 'Rafa chants' and Chelsea putting the ball in the net was alarming, especially with tomorrow's game at Anfield in mind.
     
    Despite the two goals conceded, Liverpool had generally done so well keeping Chelsea at arms length and that was due to the incredible work rate and pressing of the players.  You can't keep that level of pressure up for 90 minutes however as the second half wore on Liverpool's energy levels dropped and Chelsea began to create chance after chance as the space opened up. 
     
    The remainder of the game was basically Faruz and Kiwomya squandering chances.  Faruz robbed Maguire and then dragged a shot well wide, before missing the target again a minute later.  Kiwomya - who'd scored both goals in the first leg - then drilled a shot inches past the far post from a tight angle.
     
    Despite Chelsea's dominance, Sinclair had looked quite threatening and his link up with Trickett-Smith was always the Reds best hope of success.  The pair have a great understanding, with Trickett-Smith's intelligence and passing ability the perfect compliment to Sinclair's pace and movement.  They combined in much the same way they had earlier in the half as Trickett-Smith once more split the defence to send the striker clear, but this time the finish was disappointing as Sinclair's weak shot was easily saved by the keeper.
     
    Normal service was resumed after that, as Dunn lost the ball cheaply and Kiwomya dragged another shot inches wide after being played in by Faruz.  Former Celtic forward Faruz was subbed not long after, but not before he'd wasted another opportunity by smashing one high over the bar.  Very wasteful over both legs he was.
     
    Steve Cooper made his first change with ten minutes remaining, bringing on Nathan Burke for the tiring Rossiter.  Cameron Brannagan would have been a more obvious choice given he'd started the first leg and is ahead of Burke in the pecking order, but this was clearly a case of the coach giving other players an opportunity to experience playing in a big game in a famous stadium.  
     
    Alex O'Hanlon also got a run out when he replaced Dunn, who'd been fabulous in this cup run until the semi-final, when he struggled in both legs and seemed to be trying to do too much.  Definitely a learning experience for him, as it will be for most of the boys.
     
    Kiwomya got in once again with three minutes remaining, he got away from Lloyd Jones but was denied by Fulton.  Liverpool were really looking tired and ragged in the closing stages, they'd put so much effort into the game and were flagging badly.  
     
    The otherwise excellent Dan Cleary was caught in possession by Loftus-Cheek who had a clear run on goal until Cleary fouled him.  The ref could have given a red card but given the circumstances that would have been very cruel and thankfully he only produced a yellow.
     
    From the free-kick Baker struck the crossbar and Fulton made a magnificent one handed stop to keep out Loftus-Cheek's follow up header.  He was powerless though to stop Kiwomya putting the loose ball into the back of the net.  The linesman's flag denied the winger the goal his performance deserved, and replays showed he was onside.
     
    It was the wrong call by the linesman, but it was one of those that are easy to get wrong as it happens in a split second and there wasn't a great deal in it.  The other linesman on the other hand has no such excuse for the horrendously bad call he made - or in this case didn't make - deep into stoppage time when Peterson was blatantly tripped by the full back.
     
    The ref should have given it, but if he wasn't sure then there's no excuse for the linesman not putting his flag up as he had a perfect view of what was as clear a foul as you're likely to see.  It really pissed me off, it's still pissing me off now as I write this the morning after.  Not because it would have effected the outcome in any way, although it would have been nice if the lads had got a draw on the night.  
     
    No, what bothered me about it is I just don't know how you can view that incident and not put your flag up, it's negligent.  It wasn't a debatable decision open to interpretation, it was just a cast iron penalty and for neither referee nor linesman to give it is unacceptable.
     
     
    It would have been just reward for Peterson who kept going until the end and who caused Chelsea a few problems on the night.  As one of the older lads in the side he was one of the few who didn't seem to be physically inferior to Chelsea and he was able to compete with them.  In other areas of the park Chelsea just seemed too big, too strong, too fast.
     
    Lussey also impressed, he covered so much ground and made some vital tackles.  Credit to him for getting himself out on the field despite not being fit, he set a real captain's example.  Baio also deserves credit for the solid display he put in at right back, which isn't his best position.  Those three and Cleary (who gets the star man) were probably our best performers on the night, along with Fulton too who made some good saves and had no chance with either goal. 
     
    Several of these lads will be able to play in next year's competition, in fact only Peterson, Dunn, Lussey and Baio won't be eligible (along with McLaughlin), whilst Rossiter will be able to play the year after too.  The experience gained from these two games with Chelsea should stand them in good stead for making another run at it next season.
     
     
    Team:  Fulton; Baio, Jones, Cleary, Maguire; Lussey, Rossiter (Burke); Peterson, Trickett-Smith, Dunn (O'Hanlon); Sinclair:
  • Pepe Reina believes he has put his poor early season form behind him and is getting back to his best.
     
    The Spanish keeper who has been at Anfield for almost eight years after signing from Villarreal in the summer of 2005, endured a difficult to start the season but has kept five clean sheets in his last eight games. 

    “I’m happy because we’ve already kept more clean sheets than last season but there’s still plenty of room to improve it." he told the club's website. "As I said a few months back, there have been a few ups and downs. The start of the season was a bit rough to me; since November/December, I have probably turned the corner and picked the form up again."  

    "Hopefully it will stay for long. As I always do, I do my best and work hard on a daily basis. I looked after myself a little bit better in the last few months and tried to be as fit as possible.”
  • Arsenal were boosted by the suspension of Per Mertesacker as they took on Norwich at the Emirates on Saturday.  Walcott was on the bench, I'd completely forgotten about him as he seems to have vanished since he got his new contract.  Always the way that isn't it?  Has he been injured, or just shit?  For a spell early in the season he was rivalling Suarez and Van Persie for the Player of the Year award.  Now Bale is the only threat to Luis, which makes our man the most worthy winner as he's been in the frame for the entire season and not just because he got hot for a few months.
     
    Arsenal's midfield might be the only one in the league that looks more wide open to counter attacks than ours.  Wilshere, Ramsay and Arteta; not exactly much defensive discipline in there is there?  In fact, looking at Arsenal they seem to have glaring weaknesses all over the park (goalkeeper, centre half, defensive midfield) yet they're still in with a real shout of making the top four.  Says a lot about Wenger that, but then it also says a lot about him that there are so many glaring weaknesses in the side.  That's the quandry they find themselves in.
     
    No wonder Arsenal fans never seem to know if they want him gone or not.  They're a strange side, as this game showed once again. They trailed 1-0 with just five minutes left and those 'GOONers' that have TalkSport on speed dial will have been clearing their throats ready to vent spleen about Arsene to Stan Collymore.  Three quick goals meant they'd have to wait a few days until a goalless draw with Everton before re-commencing with the Wenger bashing.  
     
    Instead it was Norwich fans who were the ones bombarding the airwaves, not to berate their team but to complain of 'big club favouritism' from referees.  They led through Michael Turner's header but Arsenal got back into it with a debatable penalty when Kamara was penalised for pulling Giroud's shirt.  The fact it came from an even more debatable corner merely intensified Norwich's anger.
     
    It was a 50-50 call as both players were pulling the other's shirt.  It could have gone either way but the referee had a great view and didn't give it.  The linesman (who had also wrongly awarded the corner) was much further away and it was his raised flag that persuaded the ref to give it. To make matters worse for Norwich, Giroud then made it 2-1 after he clearly pulled Bassong's shirt as they battled to reach the ball first.  The 'Eagle-eyed' linesman didn't see that one, and he also missed a clear offside in the build up to Podolski making it 3-1 in stoppage time.  
     
    Chris Hughton called it 'almost criminal', which is overstating it just a touch like, but is entirely forgivable under the circumstances.  I'm not having this 'big club bias' thing though, as I remember them getting away with an obvious penalty at the Emirates last season when someone mugged Van Persie on the back post to prevent him getting a tap in.  And where was the 'big club bias' when that twat Leon Barnett went all MMA on Suarez earlier this season?  No, this was just a case of them being unlucky enough to run into a linesman who's head appeared to be up his arse, it's not part of some grand conspiracy to screw over the little guy.
     
    Norwich have to be careful though, they need to just put this one behind them and move on as they are a couple of bad results away from serious relegation trouble.  A home game against Reading next week should see them more or less make themselves safe, but they're struggling to beat anyone at the moment.  Luckily for them so are Stoke.  If Norwich lose to Reading I wouldn't bet on them staying up, so that's a massive game for them.  Fortunately they can expect Alex McCarthy to let four in, as that's usually how it works with keepers who have the game of their lives against us the week before.  A big home win is nailed on there.
     
    Everton saw off QPR at Goodison without any real difficulty.  If Anichebe could finish this would have been a rout, but he can't and it wasn't.  He did get one though, prompting Moyes to laughably draw comparisons with Drogba.  “The other day we were calling him ‘Baby Drogba’ at times, he was that good - and he could be. We need the supporters to show they appreciate him because he needs that.”  I can see where the comparison comes in to be fair, I mean he's big and he's black and…. erm yeah that's about it.  The other day I was calling myself 'Baby Berger', because I'm white, I have long hair and… erm yeah that's about it.
     
    Actually there is one other thing Anichebe and Drogba have in common, I don't like us playing against either of them, albeit for vastly different reasons.  Drogba was a nightmare for us, we generally just couldn't cope with him as he was too just good.  Anichebe is also a bit of a nightmare, because he's a big, nasty bastard who puts himself about and we just don't have anyone who can match up to him and his elbows.  Between him and Fellaini we're going to have our hands full in a few weeks, our back four should probably be wearing crash helmets for that one.
     
    Swiftly moving on, and it seems Charles N'Zogbia has remembered that he can actually play a bit when he puts his mind to it.  He was tremendous as Villa drew 1-1 at home to Fulham in an entertaining game in the Midlands.  He scored a cracker to put Lambert's side ahead but Fabian Delph headed past his own keeper to get Fulham back on level terms.  Terrible goal to concede, Delph's positioning was all wrong and Guzan had gone walkabout.  Delph's afternoon didn't get any better when he ballooned one miles over the bar from six yards.  A point isn't bad for either team though I guess.
     
    Turns out that Urby Emanuelson plays for Fulham.  Completely passed me by that one.  When did that happen and where has he been hiding until now?  Wasn't he meant to be some Ajax wonderkid, or am I confusing real life with Footy Manager again?  And what's with Fulham's training swag?  Schwarzer came out for his post match interview wearing a polo shirt that made him look like a Formula One driver.  Adverts all over the shop, only a matter of time before other club's follow suit.  Surprised that leech Ian Ayre hasn't already drove his Harley down that particular road.  Maybe if he had done he wouldn't have had to screw the matchgoing fan out of yet more money.  
     
    Big Andy scored again this weekend.  This time it was a deflected free-kick that earned West Ham a point at Southampton.  Free-kicks, penalties, headers, left foot, right foot, my boy's got the full repertoire hasn't he?  Fat Sam has been crying this week about how they won't be able to afford him as our asking price is too much for them.  No shit Sherlock.  Was there anybody other than maybe the LFC hierarchy that believed West Ham ever had any intention of paying £17m for Carroll?  It's not even as though they've looked after him, he's had two fairly lengthy injury lay offs since he's been there and God knows what condition he'll be in when he's returned to us in a few weeks.
     
    Classic case of a Cockney wide boy from an East End council estate going into a flashy car dealership, taking one of their most expensive motors for a spin only to wrap it round a lamp-post and bring it back saying "nah, bit rich for my blood guv'nor".  I know what you're thinking, if West Ham are the Cockney wide boy and LFC are the flashy car dealership... that makes Andy Carroll….  a Ferrari.  Yeah that's right, I called Andy Carroll a Ferrari, deal with it, haters.
     
    Southampton had taken the lead in slightly fortuitous circumstances when Ramirez's initial shot was blocked by both West Ham centre halves who had flung themselves in front of it, only for the rebound to fall perfectly into his path leaving him with a free run on goal.  His finish was emphatic, as you'd expect for someone with his quality.  I don't know what to make of him though, he's been a bit up and down but can clearly play.  I thought when they signed him he was too good for Southampton, now I'm not sure, partly because he's not been quite as good as I expected and partly because Southampton have been a lot better than I expected.
     
    Sunday now, and the North East derby was a typically lively affair.  Howard Webb missed a blatant penalty when Graham was hauled down by Taylor, and he also should have sent off Gouffran for an over the top lunge on Adam Johnson as things threatened to boil over in the first half.  My brother in law had been seething when he realised Webb was in charge of this, and his mood worsened with each cock up by Fergie's favourite rent boy.
     
    Sunderland won it at a canter, but he was still kicking off about Webb three days later, texting about how Webb has been demoted to League One this weekend as his performance was that bad.  Not quite true though unfortunately, Webb was actually praised for his performance (incredibly) and had been scheduled to take charge of Colchester's game with Shrewsbury several weeks ago.  Besides, if Chris Foy didn't get demoted after not sending off Aguero for his hilarious two footed attack on the ringpiece of David Luiz then there's no way Webb was getting punished.
     
    The brother in law also sent me this song the Mackems have been singing this week to mock their neighbours:
     
    "Whooooaaaa me lads, the Mackem fans are roaring
    Sessegnon and Johnson and Vaughny are all scoring
    The Geordie fans are breaking stuff and making work for glaziers
    Running doon the Scottswood Road……
    and punching horses faces"
     
    Most of the talk afterwards was of Di Canio and his touchline antics.  They were hilarious but only because it was Pardew having to witness it.  If Di Canio was pulling that kind of shit on the touchline against us I'd want him strung up, the gobshite.  But it was Pardew, so it's ok.  The funniest part of the entire day - aside from the Newcastle fan trying to punch a police horse obviously - was Pardew and his backroom staff giving it the beans in celebration, obviously in retaliation to Di Canio's over the top antics, only for their 'goal' to be ruled out for offside.  I almost shit a lung when that happened, especially as the linesman got it badly wrong and the goal should have stood.
     
    Anyway, Sunderland badly needed the three points, but this game is about more than just points as they absolutely despite eachother.  Sessegnon's fine solo effort put them ahead, Johnson added a terrific second (prompting Di Canio to dash down the line and slide on his knees) and Vaughan went one better with a stunning third. I thought Di Canio may actually combust at that stage, he completely flipped his lid.
     
    He's a knob, completely over the top and he's probably public enemy number one in Newcastle right now.  But let's face it he's fucking funny and for better or worse - the Premier League is going to be a much more interesting place now he's in it.  Kind of like the managerial equivalent of Joey Barton, or better yet, Mario Balotelli.  It's fun to laugh at the crazy shit he pulls because he's someone else's problem.
     
    On the subject of Barton, I heard something on the car radio the other day about how the French FA have had to ask him to stop insulting Thiago Silva on twitter.  They were thinking about charging him with something but haven't been able to as there are some translation issues and they couldn't translate 'overweight ladyboy' into French.  I shouldn't laugh, as he's a complete weapon, and yet here I am, chuckling.  
     
    No other professional sportsman acts like this, he's a complete headcase, but a part of me thinks it'd be ace if more followed his lead. Imagine how funny it'd be to see Torres calling Ferdinand a 'camel faced twat' or Rooney letting rip about what he really thinks of Ferguson at the moment.  And I'd pay good money to read an uncensored Craig Bellamy on there, that'd be incredible. Imagine if everything he said on a football pitch was automatically tweeted out immediately after he said it.  It'd make Barton seem like Mother Theresa, or Gary Lineker as she's known as these days.
     
    Final thought on the North East derby: Spare a thought for female assistant Sian Massey.  She was running the line in front of the Newcastle bench.  Talk about running the gauntlet.  If you're a young lady, running up and down in front of Pardew for 90 minutes must be akin to walking past a hundred building sites wearing a short skirt and boob tube top on a hot summer's day.  The Sky commentators thought the whistling was the crowd expressing their displeasure at Webb and his assistants, but it was actually 'Slimer' repeatedly wolf whistling at Massey.  I bet she took a lot longer in the shower after this one than usual, trying to scrub off the stain of Pardew's ogling.
     
    The other game on Sunday was at the Brittannia.  It's not often I ever want Manchester United to win a game, but this weekend was one of those rare occasions.  They've already got the title sewn up so generally I couldn't care less about their results, win lose or draw.  This was different though, there's a real chance Stoke could go down so - dirty as it made me feel - I was all in on a United win, and predictably they delivered.
     
    Carrick prodded them in front following a corner and Van Persie made it 2-0 from the spot.  It was his first goal since he suddenly went shit about two months ago, and he celebrated by running to the bench and bear hugging a giddy Ferguson.  And just like that I did a complete about face and started rooting for Stoke.  The worst sight I've seen this season, made me a little bit sick in my mouth.
     
    Not that there was any chance of Stoke getting anything from the game, they've lost nine of their last ten, they're really, really shit.  United even gave Stoke a chance by putting the hapless Danny Wellcrap on, who's goals per minute ratio this season is horrific.  A record so bad it could have been produced by Simon Cowell.  'The Hodge' loves him though, which again tells it's own story.
     
    Finally, Ryan Shotton.  Wow.  Just fucking wow.  I'm now almost sure Pulis is only picking him to win a bet.  Him and Fat Sam probably made a wager on it, like the two old bastards in Trading Places.  Pulis: "A quid says I can pluck someone from the street with no footballing ability whatsoever and fool everyone into thinking he's actually a professional footballer".  Fat Sam:  "You're on, there's no way you'll get away with it".  Pulis: "Why not, isn't that what you did with Joey O'Brien and Nicky Hunt?"
     
    Honestly, Ryan Shotton has to be someone's idea of a joke, he's just not a footballer.  I know we often say that about players, but generally it's all relative and it just means that they aren't as good as most of their peers.  Ryan Shotton though, he is just not a footballer, I just refuse to accept it.  He's complete turd, to the point where I'm now actually a little uncomfortable watching him.  
     
    One attempted cross when the ball hit his standing foot and ended up spooning off for a goal kick was just amazing.  I'm telling you, he has no footballing ability whatsoever, even by Stoke standards.  I've tried to find the incident on youtube, if it had been any other footballer in the Premier League it would be on there as it was so funny and embarrassing, but because it's Shotton no-one has bothered to post it as it's par for the course.
     
    I was curious to know what Stoke fans thought of him, so I consulted my friend google and found this selection of quotes on him on "Oatcake", which is the website of one of their fanzines:
     


     




    "He is wank...End of."


     
     


    "Easily the worst player in the premier league by a country mile, just woeful!!!!"


     
     


    "Standing on the ball and flailing about with it like he had gelatine bones in his legs, continually losing possession and booting it aimlessly towards Heron Cross....a five year old schoolboy should have had a bollocking for that. No excuses at all, mammoth effort.....zero success, i'm afraid."


     
     


    "HE IS ABISMAL  im pro pulis, but i dont know what hes thinking with shotton? - GET SHOT OF SHOTTON - HES A LIABILITY "


     
     


    "That so called 'cross' which hit the boothen end roof was truly abysmal and i would of subbed him for that alone but every other basic thing he did he fucked up in spectacular style.....but we all forget he has a long throw!!  HORRENDOUS"


     
     


    "He is indeed shit. That fucking attempted cross that he punted into the Boothen hit me in the back of the head on its way back down, so that's another reason why I'm not too fond of him."


     
     


    "He went from a player lacking in skill but full of the arrogance of youth to someone who really shouldn't be near a professional football match unless cheering from the seats…."


     
     


    "I hesitate to say it but, Shotton is pinching a living as a footballer."


     
     


    "If he didn't have a throw he wouldn't be anywhere near the team, cant seem to do anything well, not even passing it to a team mate 5 yards away with no pressure on him."


     
     


    "It still to this day amazes me he has 'made' it. He wasnt that good when I played against him back in the school days. He's got no footballing ability at all for this level and isn't even that good at defending!"


     
     


    "How is Shitton a footballer? The first 2 things he did when he came on was the cross into row z then attempted a 10 yard pass that went straight out for a throw in. Absolutely dreadful footballer"


     
     


    "I really can't stand Shotton. He can't seem to do anything right. I know he is a local lad, in all fairness I couldn't give a bollox if your a local lad or not, if you ain't good enough, you shouldn't be wearing them red and white stripes. Basically to sum up my opinion of Shotton, I think he is pure dog shit."


     
     
    Haha brilliant, especially the lad who was hit on the head by a wayward cross!  There's a couple of things I take from those comments.  1) I'm clearly right about him when even fans of his own team share my opinion, and 2) Just how bad must you actually be when fans of STOKE CITY are saying that about you?  I almost feel sorry for the lad, but then I'm struggling to pay my bills whilst he's earning thousands for pretending to be something he isn't, so fuck him.
     
    Anyway, moving on to the midweek fixtures, and Tuesday night saw Everton go to the Emirates, ruffle some feathers and come away with a deserved point.  Arsenal's players spent most of the game crying about Everton's physical approach, which is typical Arsenal really.  Wenger complained about it afterwards too, which is typical Arsene really.  They don't like it up 'em as they say.  
     
    Moyes' response to the accusations afterwards was quite amusing:  "Do you mean when we were a little bit rough with the tackling? Up north we do that quite often. That's actually allowed in football. We weren't going to come here and let Arsenal stroke the ball around and make 600 passes. Arsene was upset. I thought we made it a right good game."  Funny stuff that to be fair, not as funny as comparing Anichebe with Drogba, but amusing nonetheless.
     
    Onto Wednesday night, Chelsea won easily at Fulham with three goals from defenders.  Mongo accounted for two of them (or presumably his giant fod did) whilst David Luiz got the other, which was a bit special apparently.  Couldn't be arsed watching any highlights of that one so don't have anything further to add.
     
    Same goes for City's win at home to Wigan.  The Latics were seven minutes away from a massive point until Tevez popped up to ruin their evening.  That game was a dress rehearsal of the FA Cup Final of course, and I could see that one being close too as City rarely seem to play well these days.  I sometimes find myself thinking it'd be nice to see Wigan win the cup, then I remember Dave Whelan and slap myself across the face for being so stupid.  Nothing personal Wigan, but I don't want to see that horrible old ballbag winning anything.
     
    And how disgusting is it that the FA are inconveniencing those fans with that late kick off time?  That's after inconveniencing them by making them travel to Wembley for the semi final first of course.  The late kick off time means fans won't be able to get back home by train, but the FA claim this is the time people would prefer to 'consume' their football.  Here's a useful rule I live my life by.  Anyone that uses the word 'consume' or 'consumer' in relation to football is a complete thundercunt.  I have yet to discover any exception to this rule.
     
    The people who run the game in this country are as bad as the parasites who own most of our clubs (speaking of which, Bill Kenwright proved once again this week he's the exception to that rule, he may be an overly sentimental, embarrassing luvvie who provides constant moments of comedy to Liverpudlians, but he's a good egg is Bill).  
     
    Wigan didn't sell their full allocation for the semi final, but good on them I say.  Why should 40,000 of them show up for the semi when 15,000 of them won't get a final ticket because the FA will take those tickets for those corporate buddies and the 'football family'?  I'd love to see the day when all fans of the teams involve boycott the game in protest.  It'll never happen, but it's the only way we'll get them to stop shitting on us.  
     
    One game I did watch on Wednesday was West Ham against the Mancs.  There was only one reason I bothered watching it, to see my boy Andy.  He caused havoc early on and it was his knock down that allowed Vaz Te to put the Hammers ahead.  Valencia levelled for the Mancs but the Hammers could feel a bit aggrieved given how well they'd played.
     
    Carroll launched into a glorious flying headbutt that took out both Evra and De Gea, much to the fury of Ferguson who spent the next couple of minutes berating the fourth official and no doubt had a go at the ref at half time.  It was hilarious from Carroll though, it was some proper WWE style, high flying Superfly Jimmy Snuka shit.  Even Gary Neville found it hilarious, although Ferguson and De Gea failed to see the funny side.
     
    How did the United fans respond?  "You scouse bastard" followed by a couple of renditions of "Murderers" and of course "Always the victim, never your fault".  Two days after the anniversary too.  You stay classy, Mancunians.
     
    Ferguson's complaining clearly did the trick though, as minutes after half time the keeper hauled Carroll to the floor and smacked him on the nose on his way down.  End result?  Yellow card for Carroll of course.  Ridiculous.
     
    Tell you what else was ridiculous, Diame's goal.  What a fantastic strike that was.  He's quality he is, but he's not the defensive midfielder we're looking for, he's more of an attacking player and I doubt if he could play that sitting role.  And even if he could, it would be a waste of his talents, as the boy can play.  £3.5m buyout clause?  Why aren't half the clubs in Europe all over that one?  There has to be a reason, but for the life of me I can't see it.
     
    A clearly offside Van Persie equalised (prompting a fabulous rant by Fat Sam afterwards), but it was no more than United deserved as West Ham had completely stopped trying to play any football at all by that point and were lust leathering it up to an increasingly isolated Carroll.  The big fella ended up filling in at centre half late on and made the clearance of the game to take the ball off the toe of Hernandez who had the goal at his mercy.  The complete footballer. Is there no end to his talents, he can do it all can't he?  Like I said, he's a fucking Ferrari, a Ferrari I tells ya.
     
    Finally, that 'Robin Van Persie' song might just be the worst player chant in existence.  It's our old Mascherano song, except unlike 'Ja-vier Mas-cher-ano' this just doesn't fit so they put an 'oh' at the start of it, which when combined with their God awful nasally droning Manc voices is basically ear Aids.  Still, it's one of their few chants that doesn't involve us, so be thankful for small mercies I suppose.
     
    Dave Usher
×
×
  • Create New...