That was a hell of a weekend for us. We might have been shit against Swansea but at least we won. Aside from City, none of the nine other teams above us did and we moved up four places and closed the gap on all those shitty Klopp-less wonders above us.
Watching the United - Leicester game was a strange experience. Clearly a draw was the best outcome for us, in the short term at least, but I found it impossible to fight that instinct of wanting the Mancs to get their arses handed to them. So I was all in on Leicester, even if them winning would have meant the gap between us and first place stayed at eight points.
Part of that is probably that I’m not taking Leicester that seriously. I think we’re all expecting them to fall away a bit, much like Southampton did last year, so them beating United would have been great for us. It wasn’t just that though, I wanted to see Vardy carry on scoring (which he did) and I'm sick of seeing United stink it up but pick up points.
Fair play to United though, they proved me wrong as I didn’t think even they were capable of making a Leicester game boring, but they did. Do their fans still sing that ludicrous “You’ve only come to see United” bollocks? I assume they’ve put that one in cold storage as not even the Mancs are that shamefaced, surely. Christ, they’re fucking grim aren’t they? There’s just nothing there, they’re so robotic and workmanlike. And fucking jammy too. They should have lost this but Ulloa shit himself when he had the chance to win the game late on.
All in all though, a draw suits us nicely. Ditto with the Spurs - Chelsea game on Sunday. That was strange too, as me and my al fella spoke before the game about what result we wanted and both agreed that a draw suited us best. Yet any time Spurs went forward muscle memory kicked in and the pair of us found ourselves urging them on to score. You can't fight the feeling, it's just instinctive to want Chelsea to lose because they’re such loathsome cunts.
That was a shite game though, neither side looked arsed about winning (Spurs were obviously goosed after their Europa League game) and the only real talking point was dastardly Diego’s latest antics. I’m warming to him by the week now, he’s fucking hilarious. He’s just such a bad guy he should have been sat on that bench wearing a sombrero covering half of his face and chewing on one of those little brown cigarette / cigar hybrid things the badass Mexican guys in cowboy movies always had. When he walks into a room, that whistling music from “the good the bad and the ugly” should be playing.
What he did with the bib cracked me up. He was defo throwing that at Mourinho, the look on the other subs faces said it all. Loftus Cheek looked uncomfortable and was like “uh oh, Diego is pissed off, I'm going to look the other way”, while Obi-Mikel was laughing like a naughty schoolkid whose mate had farted in assembly. Mourinho downplayed it, but the two of them had had a row a few days before in their Champions League game and there’s clearly something brewing there. That’s the cunt-off to end all cunt-offs that. The only way it could have been any more cuntier would be if Mongo got involved and made it a “cunt-off au trois”.
Also on Sunday, Arsenal shat the bed again. After losing at West Brom a week ago they dropped another two points at Norwich and to top it off, Sanchez popped a hammy and Wenger lost his cool when he was asked if he should have rested him. Sanchez had been dealing with a tight hamstring all week, just what the hell did they think was going to happen? They were lucky to get a draw as Norwich were all over them.
Good to see Andre Wisdom getting a game, but what’s going on with his hair? He’s got a big thick bald line on the back of his head, but I can’t tell if it’s an operation scar or a fashion statement. You can never tell these days.
West Ham were another of those sides above us who failed to win. They took the lead with a great free-kick from Zarate but big Rickie came off the bench to hit a deflected equaliser and that’s how it finished. Nice one Rickie la.
Back to Saturday now though, and Newcastle took the lead at Selhurst Park only to then roll over and have their big ol' beer bellies tickled by Pards, who will have absolutely fucking loved this.
Cisse headed home after 10 minutes and was giving it the big ‘un to the home crowd. Probably wishes he hadn’t now, as his defensive colleagues did what they do and absolutely capitulated. Within three minutes Palace were level (spawny deflected goal) and within another three they were ahead.
McArthur (2), Bolasie (2) and Zaha got the goals but it could have been double that. I’m finally willing to accept now that Bolasie is actually really fucking good. I wasn’t buying it at first, but he’s done it for a long enough period now to prove he’s the real deal. He’s not worth whatever it would cost to buy him, but he’s really fucking dangerous, especially as he’s now added goals to his game. Can't help wondering how good he'd look playing for Kloppo.
The saddest sight of the entire weekend for me was Steve McClaren’s little hair island that each week seems to be even drifting farther adrift from the rest of his hair. The last time I saw such a sorry, forlorn sight was on Shearer’s head before he accepted the inevitable and shaved it all off. Come on, Shteve, just put the poor little bleeder out of it’s misery and get that shaver on it.
You know who else needs putting out of their misery? A perpetual, never ending, 30 year misery? Aston fucking Villa, the pointless bastards. They lost at home to Watford and no one was even surprised. Watford are decent enough and look like they’ll stay up comfortably, while Villa are shite and seem certainties to go down this time after just about avoiding the trap door for years. Timmy Boy isn’t riding to their rescue this year.
The dangerous Ighalo gave Watford an early lead but it was cancelled out by Richards just before half time (shouldn’t have counted though as he was offside). Alan Hutton then put one in his own net to restore Watford’s lead. Shortly before that, the commentator had declared “Hutton has been Villa’s best player today”. Damn. Imagine Alan Hutton being your best player? Fucking hell, no wonder Villa fans are such miserable arseholes.
Birmingham fan Troy Deeney made it 3-1 and although Ayew pulled one back in the last minute, Watford held on for the points to leave Villa deep in the shit. Quique Flores has to be top three for manager of the year right now, behind Kloppo and Ranieri.
One Villa player who has been in the news lately is Jack Grealish amid accusations of him having a poor attitude. He’s been dropped for going out after they lost to Everton and posting up a load of stupid photos of himself on the ale. Jack Grealish, a bellend? Who knew? I mean it’s not as though you could tell just by looking at him or anything, is it….
Appearances can often be deceptive, but more often than not they tell you all you need to know. You look at a great white shark and you know it’s a predator. You look at a giraffe and you know it’s a bit of a dopey bastard that eats leaves. Does anyone look at Grealish and not see a massive fucking dickhead? Of course not. It's as obvious as the entire pot of gel on his stupid head.
Staying with the massive dickhead theme, Fat Sam is doing Fat Sam things at Sunderland and they recorded their second straight win at the weekend, beating ten man Stoke 2-0. Van Aanholt and Watmore got the goals after Shawcross had been given his walking papers for two clumsy fouls.
We all like to look down our noses at the likes of Allardyce and Pulis, but the truth is they are both fantastic managers in their own way. You’re not getting relegated with either of them in charge and that’s a special talent they have and it’s a talent that’s in demand for half the teams in the league, whose main objective is survival. If you want someone to build you a nice house, Allardyce is no good to you, but if you need your bogs unblocking to get the stink out of your home then there’s no-one better.
He’s brilliant at what he does and he might be one of a handful of managers in world football capable of keeping this Sunderland team up. The Mackems hired him and Villa hired Remi Garde, let’s see how that works out for both of them come May.
Meanwhile, City bounced back from consecutive defeats by us and Juve to beat Southampton at the Etihad. They didn’t put six past them though did they, the shit bunch of gobshite mercenary bellends. The poster boy for gobshite mercenary bellends, little Raheem, set up the opener for Prince Harry De Bruyne before Delph (who Villa fans would no doubt argue should be the poster boy) added a deflected second.
Long head the Saints back into it early in the second half and they had City on the ropes for a while there but just couldn’t deliver the knockout punch and Kolorov ended up punishing them with a sweetly struck third to secure the points. This is the thing with City, they aren’t a great team but they have so many talented individuals that they’ll beat most of the sides they should beat, and that’s why they’re favourites to win the title, even though Aguero is injured yet again.
I feel like Aguero doesn’t get the criticism he deserves for the one glaringly obvious flaw he has. No, not the injuries - that’s out of his control - I mean the haircuts. I don’t get what his deal is there. He’s a handsome enough lad, he’s got more money than most third world countries and yet he can’t find a decent barber? As great as he is, he’ll never be as good as Luis Suarez and this is one of the reasons why. Luis would never make himself look like a such a twat.
I’ll end with the undoubted highlight of the weekend though, those incredible scenes at Bournemouth. The Blueshite went 2-0 up but got pegged back late on to 2-2 as Bournemouth got two in the last ten minutes (Adam Smith’s goal was brilliant). Then, with 95 minutes on the clock Barkley put them in front again, causing the losers in the away end to invade the pitch en masse. It's been a while since we've seen that, there was a time when they used to do that just for winning a fucking throw in.
Anyway, time was up at that point and the whistle would have probably gone as soon as the game was restarted. But it took a while to get all the sad fucks off the pitch and the ref maybe lost track of time or something, because he played an extra three minutes and Bournemouth scored with the last kick of the game, on 98 minutes. Laugh? I nearly shat. #evertonarenthey
You know who’s a right twat? Gerard Deulefeu, that’s who. Why is he a twat? Because he looks like one, with his stupid floppy bit of hair, flapping around in the wind. I hate him.
Dave
@theliverpoolway
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