UKIP had a rare victory over the Conservatives as a solitary Marco Arnautovic strike was enough for Stoke to down Mourinho-less Chelsea at the Britannia. The result leaves the champions fifth from bottom and just three points above the relegation zone. They aren’t going to stay there but it’ll be fun while it lasts.
Chelsea actually played well but when you’re in this kind of hole it’s tough to get out. Was it significant that their best performance in weeks came with Mourinho not in the building? We’ll see I suppose, but this was the best I’ve seen them play all season, they were ridiculously unlucky to lose this game. Still, never mind eh?
Is it wrong that I’m not hating Costa as much these days? Pretty sure it's because he's not scoring anymore, and if that changes he'll be public enemy number one two and three again, but right now I just find him funny, he’s such a fucking baddie he should be in the WWE. The thing with Shawcross where he’s telling him he stinks was just pure pantomime villain stuff, and what was all that crap with the steward? No matter how many times I watch it I can’t see anything untoward happening, and if it was anyone else I’d completely dismiss it as nothing.
Thing is though, can you say for certain that he didn’t step on the steward’s foot intentionally while making it look like it was completely accidental? I can’t, in fact, I’d say there’s every chance he probably knew exactly what he was doing but there’s no way to prove that, which is why the whole thing looks ridiculous.
Most strikers go out on the field thinking about scoring goals. As kids they no doubt dreamt about scoring in cup finals or in famous stadiums. Costa is a different animal entirely, you can tell he goes out there just thinking about what dastardly shit he can pull to get under his opponent’s skin. I wonder what he was like as a kid; did he practice standing on people’s toes or blowing snot into his hand before flicking into another kid’s face? And did he look like he was in his forties back then too?
He was crap again in this game, and when he’s not firing Chelsea are bang average. Think about it, at the start of last season when he was banging in goals Chelsea were running away with it. Their form in the second half of the season when he tailed off was patchy, but they were so far ahead it didn’t matter. The season before when they didn’t have him, they finished below us. Steve Bruce isn’t right about many things, but when he said a team is only as good as it’s centre forward he was right.
The decision not give a penalty for Butland’s challenge on Remy was a disgrace though, and it has more wide reaching consequences than just screwing over Chelsea. Remy hurdled the keeper and as a result lost his balance and failed to convert what would have been an open goal. We want players to be honest and stay on their feet, but if this is what happens when they do then don’t go slating the next player who makes no attempt to avoid contact and just lets the keeper bring him down, because there’s no reward whatsoever for being honest. Mourinho will probably fine him a month’s wages for that shit, and the next time he plays he’ll be giving it the full Ashley Young at every opportunity, and it'll be the fault of this ref.
Good result for Stoke though. They’re such a weird team, a complete miss mash of good and shite. Arnautovic, Shaqiri and Bojan all playing behind lone striker Jon fucking Walters is like having a fancy shmancy crimbo tree decorated in diamond encrusted baubles, but instead of having a nice shiny star on the top, you have a big pile of dogshit instead.
Arnautovic and Shaqiri are defo the type of lads you see in the gym watching themselves lifting weights in the big mirrors.
Moving on, and Leicester are still winning games and still in the top three. They took the lead against Watford through Kante (never heard of him before this week) when Heurelio Gomes pulled a Heurelio Gomes and allowed a tame shot to go through his hands. The hapless keeper then conceded a pen when he clattered man of the moment Vardy, who picked himself up and emphatically smashed the spot kick down the middle. He’s scored in nine successive games now, which puts him just one short of equalling Van Nistelrooy’s record. Why the long face, Ruud?
Troy Deeney then converted a pen with 15 minutes left to give Watford hope but Leicester held on to briefly go joint top of the table until City and Arsenal played on Sunday. Mad that isn’t it? They aren’t going to stay there, it’s like Southampton last year, they’ll fall off a bit but could still make the top six, especially with Chelsea bumming around in the bottom half. Be funny if Ranieri finished above Mourinho like, given their history. Be even funnier if Ranieri made a crack about how a “70 year old loser” can finish above him.
Moving on, and the mancs were involved in another dull game on Saturday but they edged out West Brom as Van Gaal beat Pulis at his own game. Lingaard, or “Jesseh” as he’s known in those parts, broke the deadlock to finally shut the home fans up with their constant “attack attack attack” bleating. Berahino missed an absolute sitter to equalise before Mata converted a stoppage time pen to make the scoreline look more convincing than the performance.
Elsewhere, Newcastle were outplayed but somehow won at Bournemouth. The home side had 20 shots to Newcastle’s two and they had 16 corners to the Geordies none, but they still lost. They’re rarely played off the park by anybody but if you can’t score you can’t win. I’d love to see them stay up as they’re good to watch and are punching well above their weight to even be where they are, but it’s going to be tough for them.
Ayoze Perez got the only goal of the game when his weak shot squirmed past that jabroni Federici, who is the living embodiment of the expression “be careful what you wish for”. Bournemouth thought they had it bad with Artur Boruc, but then this chump steps in and suddenly Boruc doesn’t look quite so bad.
Sunderland lost again, coming out on the wrong end of a close one against Southampton. Tadic got the only goal of the game from the spot after M’Villa had recklessly slid in on Bertrand who was going nowhere. He didn’t actually touch him, but Bertrand did what Remy didn’t and made sure he went down and he got his reward.
Footnote on this one; the lion is back in his cage already, as Borini was left on the bench in favour of teenager Duncan Whatmore.
There was a rare Andre Wisdom sighting at the weekend as he lined up at right back in Norwich’s win over out of form Swansea. Johnny Howson got the only goal of the game, which was followed up by music blasting out across the stadium. That in itself is bad enough, but they were playing the song that Sky use for the darts. Is this a new low? It just might be you know.
Gary O’Neill is at Norwich now. I thought he’d retired years ago. Remember when Rafa wanted to sign him? Kinell.
Pressure is increasing on Steve the Pirate now, which as I’ve said before is utterly ridiculous, but it does seem like he might be in a bit of trouble. Football these days is such a “what have you done for me lately” business. I saw something this morning that a third of the clubs in the Championship have already parted company with the managers they started this season with. A THIRD! We’re only in November!!
What price Brendan back to Swansea before the end of the season? He’s probably holding out for the Chelsea job though, he’s never been one to sell himself short has he.
Lanzini’s delightful curling finish put West Ham ahead against Everton at Upton Park but Lukaku equalised after a brilliant through ball from Deulefeu. Remember when Coutinho used to play that kind of pass every week? Granted, it was usually Sturridge running through onto them, back when Sturridge could actually run without breaking/pulling/straining/bruising something, but still, Coutinho’s defence splitting passes have been AWOL for some time. Interestingly, they disappeared around about the same time we started playing strikers who can’t/won’t/don’t know how to run in behind. I’m just spitballing here, but I think those two things might be related you know.
I should point out at this stage that I called all seven of these Saturday games correctly on the TLW pick em. I was feeling somewhat pleased with myself (not to mention more than a little pissed off that I hadn’t thrown a couple of quid on an accy) until I got all three wrong on Sunday.
Our game with Palace was difficult to call, as was Spurs / Arsenal. But did anyone see Villa getting anything other than their arses handed to them against City?
Delph came on as a sub to a chorus of boos and a load of inflatable snakes in the crowd. Can’t really blame Villa fans for being pissed off at him, it still beggars belief how he carried on over the summer, the massive tool.
It all kicked off late on when City put the ball out for a Villa player to get treatment, and Gestede put a little bit of “oomph” on the throw in back to Hart, who mis-controlled it and conceded a corner. The City players went apeshit at Gestede and demanded that Villa just return the ball to them. Fuck that, Hart didn’t need to try and control the ball, he could have just let it go out for a goal kick so it’s his own fault.
Bet Diego Costa was sat on his sofa watching MOTD and nodding approvingly at Gestede’s sneakiness though. Gestede nearly scored from the corner too, which would have been fucking hilarious. Embarrassing from City though, the self entitled cry arsing bastards.
New Villa boss Remi Garde was obviously “very appy” afterwards. We’ll see how long that lasts, as City missed three sitters inside the six yard box and also hit the bar. On another day Villa would have been battered.
The North London derby ending in a draw just makes our loss to Palace even more frustrating. We could have made up two points on both of them (as well as City) this weekend. That would have put a completely different slant on things, we’d have been strongly thinking top three as it’s wide open this year.
If we had a bit more firepower we’d be up there no problem as there’s nothing to be scared of in this league. Fucking Sturridge, he ruined last season and he’s making Kloppo’s job a damn sight harder than it needs to be now.
Spurs don’t have much star quality but they’re hard working, well organised and - unlike us - they’ve got a reliable, consistent goalscorer who’s never injured in Harry Kane. He put them ahead after beating Arsenal’s feeble offside trap. Tony Adams and Steve Bould will be turning in their graves at that.
Arsenal were shite and they’re incredibly fortunate to have got anything from the game as Spurs were by far the better side, despite the fact they’d played on Thursday night. Maybe Klopp has a point about this whole ‘tiredness is a load of old bollocks’ thing.
Substitute Gibbs equalised for the Gunners from an Ozil cross intended for Giroud. I’ll say again, that whole “Ozil assist” thing is the most misleading stat in football.
Giroud and Vertonghen got into a spot of handbags, and never before has that expression been more apt. What an absolute pair of fannies those two are. Not exactly Mick Harford v Brian Kilcline is it? Modern football, it’s all shit haircuts, sleeve tattoos, luminous boots and trying to get each other sent off. I’d love nothing more than to have a time machine where I could go back to the mid 80s every weekend and then write about those games instead.
Arsenal are a lot of people’s tip for the title but they’re no better than they’ve been for years. They’re basically the same every year, the main difference now is the other teams at the top aren’t as good which has opened the door for them. They’ll still find a way to finish third or fourth though.
Final observation on this, watching Kane’s post match interview he reminded me of a young Bruce Forsyth. Good game, good game.
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