melons

I'm in agreement with RICO, I reckon she'd have gone for the 500k too and it's became a matter of principle to both now. I honestly hope this works out to some extent for her, not for the finances but from reading some responses, the absent parents might actually think twice before fucking off on their child.

Lance, he made a child, that is the partnership, divorced or not he still has responsibilities, he didn't honour them. It does state that he went travelling around Europe for a year not only that, but that they met again at Glastonbury years later, if he was doing his bit, surely he'd just be on the end of the phone!

You think? Just the mothers or the fathers too? I can base this on personal evidence, or if you like i can string out a shit load of researched material regarding gender inequality, parental inequality, wealth inequality ect. I, as a single mother worked 2 part time jobs, then went to uni, did a degree, attained a 2:1 and I'm now flipping burgers because the constraints of being a parent means sacrifices. You either parent or you don't. Those 2 jobs became almost impossible to jugle with the children and limited child care that was a 40 minute drive away. The degree, took me 2 years longer because I'd spent months at my daughters bedside as she frequently lost her sight. I'd bet my house I wouldn't have left those jobs had my ex helped with child care, I'd keep that house on the bet and say that I'd have nailed that degree in the 3 years, and more than that, I'd have probably got a first if I hadn't spent so long going between North Wales and Alder Hey. I'm no longer a single parent, step dad is amazing, but do I expect him to take a drop in hours or a wage cut in order to be at home more so I can go out and forge my career? Should my ex husband have been actually allowed to join the Navy given he had 4 children and his job meant he'd be at sea for months at a time? He got a good wage for it, but only because I did the parenting. How would he have done that role without me? http://www.equalpayportal.co.uk/statistics/ http://www.fawcettsociety.org.uk/2013/11/equal-pay/ http://www.gingerbread.org.uk/content/1813/Paying-the-price Would you like more? Err no partnership? How did the child arrive?

I think Monty covered this far more eloquently then I ever could. However, I think the cunt of the highest order is quoted below. You know, it's not often I get riled on here, but you have managed it, so well done if being a wind up merchant is the justification for your worthless little life. You're a pathetic excuse for a human being if you have no understanding of the costs both emotional, physical, financial or the time constraints raising a child has on a family, that said a family lessens that impact on an individual. But a single parent, its all consuming, but nah, thats way above your comprehension. Having kids does stop you going out and forging a high profile career, it does limit your career options, it does restrict the hours you're available for work. It actually does stop prospective employers wanting to take you on. So what if it is greed, he was the greedy cunt fucking off to travel around Europe, he was the one having limited input, he was the one not dishing out child support, initially he was greedy with his time. Then he became greedy with wealth.

Indeed, I certainly hope that should it reach court and it is in her favour that the award is nowhere near what she is asking, merely an equivalent of what maybe the CSA payments would have been based on the time he was eligible to have paid them. Had he no record of any income ect at the time, then something be figured out to a more realistic figure.

You're forgetting I'm on both sides of the equation, my household budget both pays and receives maintenance, my husbands incredibly spiteful ex took him to the cleaners in every way she could. She gets CSA yet every time we have the boys they come up with clothes that wouldn't even be accepted in a charity shop, shoes with holes and always complaining about one thing or another. So, we're expected to believe there is no money for clothes yet eldest child had an xbox one in february for being well behaved over half term. She drives a car that is less than a year old, mine is 9 years Mr Melons is 14 years old. Does it piss us off? Yeah it does a bit, but it's just the way things are. We make sure they have a full wardrobe and decent shoes here, they don't however have the latest consoles. The law is skewed, but not in favour of your ex, in favour of the children. Why should the child live in poverty or with short comings with one parent when the other one can balance it out? Does she not work? Are all of these trips from your child support? No? So what is your issue? We both signed a some order that we can't go back at each other for money for ourselves, we can however for the children. I'm not taking it personally, I'm able to see her point and I agree with it, thats all. This guy escaped child support, escaped child care and all at the expense of his ex wife doing all the running, child care ect? And she can't get even a token payment back? Just for him being a cunt, I would be. I would be taking him to court for damages, the stress I'd have come under raising said child, the exhaustion, everything. I'd be the biggest cunt that walked the earth. From what I can make out, the kids was born in 82/83?? He started to make a mint in 96 - when the child would have still qualified for CSA but he was being a cunt, thats at least 4 years of payments owed from when he had money that he claims he paid, that she claims he didn't and there was no evidence of. Let me think how that looks? She probably did get some payments, but nowhere near the level she would have been entitled too.

This is my point, for me working full time with 4 kids with no family support and no ex on hand to help with the child care near on killed me. I don't say that lightly, i was exhausted and struggled to keep my head afloat. He got to leave the home, join the navy and earn a very decent wage if my CSA payments are anything to go by. I had to ditch work, I couldn't survive on the low income of benefits. Went to uni and got in shit loads of debt. I gained a decent degree given i did it with 4 children, 1 having soto's and another in and out of Alder Hey (90 miles away) with recurrent optic neuritis. I did this on my own. With no help from him or any other family member. I could now go and earn a decent wage, but that'll mean extensive commuting given where I live, so I work in a local farm estate and i'm again close at hand for the kids. Could I have attained a decent wage had I no commitments? Too fucking right I could. Could I have had a blast knowing I had no childcare worries? Err let me think about that. I'm not saying that i'm going to go after smiler for all he's worth, bless him I don't think it'd get me very far. What I am saying is that the parent left holding the children is the one who has had their life chances massively limited, and should the absent parent do well after years of paying nothing, they should be forced to pay something, yes even if it is after the fact.

I commend my ex on paying his dues, it still doesn't cover what it costs to raise the kids, but fair play to him, each month the money enters my account and I choose what to spend it on. It does go on the kids, I may not spend it all on new clothes, hair cuts, games ect, but it does go towards raising them, he may think that there is no way the kids cost that much, but that would simply be because he doesn't see every outgoing, is the mother not allowed to put maintenance money towards the cost of running the car that she ferry's the kids about in, heating the house, buying the shopping, paying the nursery fees, dinner money? Or is it only her wages that are allowed to pay for those things? Its amazing how many men have this view. That the funds need to be seen to be spent on the kids - such as new clothes ect. God forbid the mother ever goes out on the piss on a night off. Mr melons' wage is more substantial than mine. He currently pays CSA for his kids, he pays the house bills and mortgage and supports my kids, along with my pathetic wage and maintenance that pretty much covers whats left. He's more than paying his share at raising (over half of whom aren't even his) children and has no issue with it. He chose to have his children, and to take on mine. Paying the cost of such is just part of the course.

20 years, and there is no evidence of the settlement, I find this a bit daft given he's supposed to be worth a mint. Common sense would say to keep evidence of such. It is a money grab, I'm not disagreeing with pretty much anything you've wrote - other than the fact she covered all the outgoings for raising the child, not him. Him handing some cash back shouldn't be an issue even if the kid is an adult now. The CSA can claim back to a date and no matter how much time has passed that money is still owed to the parent with care. They didn't use the CSA or keep records of any funds changing hands. Their fuck up. He still owes her maintenance, it doesn't matter that the kids older and no longer needs it. It's her the money is owed too, not the child. This is another thing that really fucks me off, every penny of my wages goes on this house and my kids (and my step kids when they're here), if I only had to hand over 25% of my income to support them i'd be laughing, I would actually be chuffed to fuck. These kids financially rape me each month. Dinner money alone comes out at £150. Thats not pocket money, new games, hair cuts, shoes, clothes, thats dinner money. The fact I get maintenance for the children means more money goes on the kids, it doesn't mean it is to be handed over to the kids - it is there to help maintain them. It sure as hell isn't enough to keep them. If I go out of pocket each month, If i have to constantly do without a holiday to Greece, the US or a trip to London for a long weekend for things they want, why shouldn't their dad? And if he isn't in a position to now, but is in the future, why can't he pay me back then? My eldest moved in with her dad a few months ago, no biggy, she just thought things would be a bit better for her up there, she's moving home here in September for uni. Kids are fickle. They go where life is the easiest on the most part. by the time the kid turned 18 his dad was worth millions. I'm not surprised he went there. It doesn't mean there was any issue either way.

Conveniently he has no record of this and she also denies it happened. There wasn't even evidence from the CSA - for a business man, he's a bit of a knob... an older article, So in theory when he had started to make a fortune in the 90's, his son, still qualified for child support. That he didn't pay, or rather has no evidence of paying. She's not got a great track record with men, mind.

Ha, don't even think of trying that one on me. I'm with a man who has to fight and get court orders on a regular basis, we're currently paying of around 8k in legal bills for court orders in regard to contact. The divorce being a separate matter and already paid. The thing is, it won't stop there either. She'll see her arse again and try and drag us back to court for a third time. We've already had two court orders in two years that she refuses to comply with. Indeed I am party to both ends of the stick having an ex husband. Does that mean Mr Melons shouldn't pay child support? Does it fuck.Does that mean we fuck off and abandon them because she's a bitch? No it doesn't. If anything, it means we make ourselves even more available to them. I understand why dads walk, jeeze, this woman is a nightmare, but what about the mess those kids are going to be in the future? How can anybody say to a child that comes knocking years down the line - yeah, i couldn't deal with your mum so I left you to it. Doing the right thing, be it having a twatty on with the ex does not include not paying to support your kid. No matter what the reasons behind the separation, there is no excuse for not helping out when you can. If you couldn't afford it back then, but are in a better position to do so in the future, then you should do it. Even if it is after the fact.

I was wondering how this would go down, and of course to an extent I agree with you lot, yet I also agree that there should be some redress even though it is years down the line. I'm not talking just under 4% of a mans worth (that is after all, all she is asking) but that if the circumstances drastically change financially for either partner, depending on the level of input on the child/rens life growing up that there be some kind of fall back. I partly think he should have done the right thing and handed over a sum of money - the amount he's racked up in legal fees I'm sure would have placated her, but he was probably just being stubborn. So let me get this straight, he was a fuck whit father who didn't pay his way for his son, not only that, he more or less fucked off and left her to do the care too. He's the cunt in this one, not her. My life was pretty much over when I had kids, even more so when I divorced, Smiler on the other hand, well he jets of abroad 2 or 3 times a year, has regular short breaks, theater trips, concerts and so on. I was at home with the children whilst he had privileges with his new wife, what about recompense for that? Should I add up all the weeks that had he shared the care of our children he would have had them and charge him child care fees? My earning potential limited due to child care comitemnts, his wasn't, shouldn't there be some recompense for that when he was able? I'm not a greedy person, and I would like to think he would do the right thing given he seems to have got his act together over the last few years, that or the kids have got older and I don't crave a weekend off every two months or so as much as I did when they were toddlers and young children, I digress. If I was in her situation I would be happy for him to say - here you go melons, count up what you've paid out in child care for when i wasn't available and all the school trips you've paid for. I'll back date those. The same way that when he was on the bones of his arse I would provide the food for the kids whilst they were with him and take them to his home and collect them. It's just being a decent person. Mwah. x

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/mar/11/divorced-women-children-legal-value-supreme-court?CMP=fb_gu

Pulling a really fit bloke that was definitely out of my league but i'd fancied for ages, going back to his, seeing the size of his huge, and I mean huge cock and quickly having to find an excuse to leave before feeling obliged to do the deed. Bumping into him a few weeks later and him asking to finish where we left off had me avoiding mutual friends for quite some time. Seriously lads, size does matter and bigger isn't always better. Unless you're really tiny, like.

Was it a meat pie tough or some dodgy chicken one? Fish (savoury) cakes are where it's at. God I miss those.

Err no idea, we've a few pairs darted about of different materials, I just grab the clean ones. Don't wear them when I'm chopping wood, it feels like there's less control on the swing. I'll be alright in about 3 weeks which is when I reckon it'll be finished, I just need to keep them in reasonable enough condition that they can recover afterwards. I've picked up a pair of cotton overnight moisturising gloves that I'll give ago tonight, see if that helps. Garden is looking pretty clear now though!

I've cut off the hard skin where the callouses were forming. It's now rather exposed and just a thin layer of skin. The rubber handle is on the log splitting axe. I've been chopping the wood from the tree that we've pulled down. I really need a magic wand or some garden fairies.

Haha. I'm not a pet woman, yet I seemed to have gained an old decrepit half blind senile dog, 2 cats and 3 guinea fowl. I've got a feeling we might have a lamb or two before the lambing season ends too. I use gloves when i'm digging about and moving the soil but when i'm chopping the wood its a rubber handle (oo err) that i'm swinging. I've only gone and cut a couple off and they actually hurt now where the skin is exposed. Woops!

Ha, i came here to moan about my hands and realised i'd missed this. Sorry Champ. I was thinking hydrangeas, rhododendrons are out as they're poisonous to sheep, there was a huge stink a couple of years ago about the sheep eating them when we had all that snow. The drive is currently covered in snowdrops and yep, bluebells come up later on in the year. Looks really pretty and by the time I've had Mr Melons do his sparky stuff and weave some LED's in, it'll look fab. I'm currently working on the top garden (the one with the washing line) It's half cleared, the tree is almost down and the summer house is bought. Thats no Vango Airbeam for me again this year. The house faces south and pretty much as sun all day, the ground is quite wet as it's on a hill and drainage comes through on its way down to the river in the bottom field. Wind isn't as drastic as you'd think given it's a valley, I'll take some more pictures tomorrow as a mid way type thing. In the mean time and why i logged on to here for this thread! My hands are so bloody sore, there are callouses forming and it looks horrific, any suggestions other than soaking them in piss*? *Yes, i know that toughens them up but I want soft lady hands.

Ah, didn't know that.

My nearest neighbour is 3 fields away, a good ½ a mile on a direct run. Now thats boss.

She's admitted there is an addiction, thats a huge step. Allow her to deal with that at least before embarking on the next issue such as seeking help for it. It can take years to realise there is some form of alcohol dependency, it can't be fixed overnight. I'd suggest i'd support her, but at least give myself some frame of time reference. My mum has used alcohol in the past, she'll deny she was ever an alcoholic yet admit she was a junky. Step dad was a functioning alcoholic until the day he died of cancer. My mum stayed with him, despite his alcoholism affecting her and making her life a misery. I wouldn't wish that on anybody. But I would suggest you give her some time to get her head straight and see a path, if she then wants to remain dependent on alcohol, it's her choice and you have to make your own choices about how to address it, be it leaving or staying. Sadly with their being kids involved it's not that simple as the flip side is to mitigate any impact they might feel as a result of both your decisions. You're quite closed in what you're saying, you said you've been to AA, but was that as a partner or someone who considered themselves to be dependent?

Yeah we're in the back. Blue top on me and black top on np.

My melons are firmly tucked away if that helps?

I'm not materialistic and don't go for the type of blokes that go on and on about cars houses work ect, but remember going on a date with a bloke a so called mate had set me up with. She's still not forgiven. Anyway, he's bragging about how well he'd done for himself ect and despite only replying to around a third of his texts and calls he wasn't taking the hint. I go for a date just so I can say no thanks dear. The merc was about 15 years old and he was about 4ft11". I reckon his house would have looked like something from the good life. Most uncomfortable dinner date, EVER.