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Harry Squatter

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Everything posted by Harry Squatter

  1. Harry Squatter
    My mum used to purposefully wait for my dad to come in from work and sit down for ten seconds before hitting him with whatever pointless task she wanted him to do. There always needed to be some shopping that my mum somehow could never get on the way home or some random task like clearing out stuff that had been there for months or years in the spare room. She'd also volunteer him to give lifts to people or volunteer him to help family or close friends without telling him. Seems more fun to let someone sit down and relax then hit them with a surprise. He always used to meet his mates for a few pints and a quiz night every Sunday but my mum would suddenly start arranging nights out on a Sunday to wind him up and would never arrange to meet anyone any other night of the week. I think she did it because she knew he was having a good time and we can't have that now can we?
  2. Harry Squatter
    Mine tends to do the washing up, ironing or tidying instead to make you feel guilty for sitting off, never works.
  3. Harry Squatter
    Just fucking get on with it - we missed out by being completely unambitious developing the Kemlyn road stand, the centenary stand should have been massive and had better facilities.
  4. Harry Squatter
    Some woman in work asked if she could borrow some of my coffee, got a jar of Carte Noir and on the lid there is a pattern of two leaves crossed over each other. She said "how long have Fred Perry done coffee?"
  5. Harry Squatter
    Polish women are bossy aggressive twats who try to bully their men as much as possible.
  6. Harry Squatter
    Sorry to hear about this mate, don't know what to say apart from congratulations on the wedding .
  7. Harry Squatter
    Can some kidnap that Dave Kirkby please and never let him near a camera or a computer again. I thought Ricky Tomlinson, Stan Boardman and Gerry Marsden were professional scousers but he is worst by a million miles.
  8. Harry Squatter
    Bobby Chariot
  9. Harry Squatter
    Link wouldn't attach in my previous post
  10. Harry Squatter
    This fella did a routine at one of my footy nights, basically stil thinks its 1965 and everyone still gets their cutlery sharpened by some fella who comes round with a trolley in the street. Frank Beckenbauer in the audience hasn't got a clue what's going on.
  11. Harry Squatter
    Was in a pub in st Ives by Cambridge and I was playing Pool against some of the locals, they said "our mates a scouser, he'll be here soon, he said he's from a dead hard area there but I can't remember which one" he turns up and he says he was from Aughton not far from Ormskirk, he was quite embarrassed and I told his mates it was a nice little village and not the ghetto he was making it out to be. They seemed quite pissed off that he'd built himself up as a hard case.
  12. Harry Squatter
    Scouse Travis Bickle
  13. Harry Squatter
    Some scally lad who worked as an admin officer on my team asked me if I met any scousers when I went to Brazil and Argentina because he said "you always meet scousers on holiday". He thinks that being a scousers is the biggest privilege anyone can have in life.
  14. Harry Squatter
    I remember Harry Cross being at Marine FC for some charity match - obviously not playing, I was about 12 and asked him to sign my programme he said "who do yer support lad?" I handed him my programme and said "Liverpool" he gave me the programme back and said "well yer can fook right off then lad" and pissed off to the bar. Miserable twat.
  15. Harry Squatter
    Anyone from Scottie Road, all people who live in Skem or outer lying areas need to remind everyone that they or their relatives moved from there at some point. I got a taxi to Crosby from Huyton once and the driver said "Crosby is full of wools and old people, I can smell the blue rinse now" as soon as he got near South Road. I said "I used to live round here and it's the same as people from Huyton as they are not officially from Liverpool" he then told me he was from Prescot so I said that was not part of Liverpool and just as "wool" as Crosby. He then said "YEAH BUT I'M ORIGINALLY FROM SCOTTIE ROAD LAD"
  16. Harry Squatter
    He is from Birkenhead
  17. Harry Squatter
  18. Harry Squatter
    Any al fella who drinks in the Penny Farthing pub all day then gets on the 10a bus at Queens Square about 5pm. They usually try to start some old type sing song, moan about all the foreigners in Kensington and make Dave Kirby sound like Peter Kay.
  19. Harry Squatter
    Coleen Nolan managed to get herself back in the limelight for a day as Jimmy Saville put his arm round her on Top of the pops once. She must have suffered far more than any of the 12 year old girls who he bummed in a Travelodge. By the way Shane Ritchie shagged all kinds behind her back when they were married not that she likes reminding people about it or anything.
  20. Harry Squatter
    Did he fix it for anyone to meet Gary glitter? Wonder what the owners of that hotel in Leeds think now that they let people visit his open coffin? Bet that's good for business and reputation now.
  21. Harry Squatter
    Dave fucking Kirby
  22. Harry Squatter
    A woman my mate manages is probably the biggest pisstaker I've heard of. She's been part time 3 days a week for the last 5 years and has had 3 jobs created for, all of which she's been completely useless at and either sacked off or gone off on long term sick. One job that was created for her basically involved colouring in a spreadsheet all day and requesting files but because she never had any "formal training" she threw a hissy fit and went off sick. Now she is getting paid a wage for doing work a grade below her, much to the annoyance of most of the office. She's now come to him and asked to come back to work full time because she can't afford to live on a part time wage and she knows that she's onto a winner by coming in and doing piss easy job for the same amount of money as someone doing a more intense role. He had to knock her back today, cue the waterworks and massive guilt trip that she can't afford to live on the wage she earns. There's no particular reason why she is part time as her kids are mid 20's but all of a sudden she's decided she's on the breadline and needs to do more hours. I can sense a six month sickie coming on. I feel sorry for my mate as no one in his place ever had the guts to sack her for fear of being accused of bullying.
  23. Harry Squatter
    Fuckin get him in the first team now Brendan *. * I've never seen him play so have no idea what he's like .
  24. Harry Squatter
    I think we should rest Downing til bommynight 2027
  25. Harry Squatter
    Scally birds/women seem to go to great lengths to tell you how hard their boyfriend or husband is. Some girl in our work only ever seems to go out with sted head bouncer types but tells everyone how hard her latest boyfriend is. Some scally woman I know always reminds everyone how her husband used to do kickboxing and lift weights. I'm not sure whether they believe everyone will be impressed or wary of getting into an argument with them. I used to work in an office in bootle and all the scally birds there would warn the lads in the office that their boyfriends would come down and wait for them after work to do them in. This would normally be as a result of them being gobby scally twats who were able to give shit out to people but were unable to take it back when someone took the piss out of them in retaliation. Some bird took the piss out of this lad once for having a receding hairline and that his bird might sack him off for someone with more hair, he then laughed at her when she had a takeaway meal saying "you wanna lay off them luv otherwise your fella might sack you off for someone with a slimmer arse". Cue tons of threats about her boyfriend coming up to twat him as "he used to be in the paras"
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