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Saturday Aug 31: Burnley 0 L 3. Terrific win that. We made a difficult fixture look like a stroll in the park. There aren’t many fixtures I look at these days and think ‘this has the potential to go wrong’ but this was one of them so it’s brilliant seeing the lads take care of business with no real problems. I actually went to this one, which is rare for me as I don’t do many aways these days. I really enjoyed this though, not least because Turf Moor is a dump. I mean that in the nicest possible way though. It was refreshing going to a ground that actually felt like a football ground. It’s full of character and it felt like stepping back in time. give me a match day experience like this as opposed to going to Boro, Bolton, Sunderland, Wigan etc Not sure about the pub called ‘The Royal Dyche’ though. Even had a picture of Dyche’s face photoshopped onto a King’s head. Mad. I’d have taken a photo but it was a ‘home fans only’ pub and the locals hanging around outside didn’t look the friendliest. The only blemish on the afternoon was Sadio’s tantrum after being subbed. I think it says everything that virtually everyone I’ve seen commenting on it is completely on his side and understood his frustration. Mo was bang out of order there today. No doubt all the stattos will be out in force though telling us how the numbers disprove the notion that Salah is greedy. Fuck that, I know what I see with my own eyes and stats can’t disprove anything when it comes to things like this. I don’t even care if they show that Salah passing to Mané is the top combination between our forwards (not that they will, I’m just saying) because no matter how many passes he may have made, stats aren’t going to show the times he should have passed and didn’t. Mo can be a right greedy bastard at times. Not all the time, not even most of the time, just some of the time. There are occasions when you can see he’s just decided that he’s going to get himself a goal and he won’t let anything stand in the way of it. Today was one of those occasions and he’s lucky that Sadio and Bobby didn’t actually make more of it than they did, because if he was pulling that shit playing alongside Suarez all hell would have let loose. Just ask Sturridge. If he’s got a clear sight of goal on his left foot I have no problem with him backing himself. When he’s ignoring unmarked team-mates to drag it back onto his and trying to force things though, that’s not on. Klopp should have subbed him because at 2-0 he was playing for himself, not the team. That’s probably what Mané was saying. Sunday Sep 1: Just read today that Seb Coates (remember him?) had himself a right Jon Walters yesterday. He plays for Sporting now, and he gave away THREE pens and was sent off in the same game. Amazing. His manager was probably like… Oh, I was right about the stattos defending Mo. Seen loads of shit flying around today to try and show he’s not greedy, and like I said yesterday none of those numbers mean a damn thing. Nobody is saying he NEVER passes or that he doesn’t contribute to other people scoring goals. Of course he does. This desperation to show he isn’t occasionally a selfish bastard though is cringeworthy. You can shove your stats when it comes to this. For example, he got an assist for Bobby yesterday even though what actually happened was he was dribbling and over-ran the ball, taking him away from the goal, only for Bobby to run up and lash it in the net. The most ludicrous assist at Turf Moor since the ball his Aquilani on the back and Stevie smashed it in from 30 yards. There were two occasions yesterday when what Salah did was actually pretty fucking scandalous. Is there a stat for ignoring a wide open team-mate and instead trying to go with a very low percentage effort on your weak foot? If there is, Mo would lead the league in that, or at the very least he’d be putting pressure on Harry Kane. It’s not a big issue, but it is an issue and there’s nothing wrong with admitting it. His desire for goals is part of what has made him so successful, but he needs to balance that with what’s best for the team. I bet there’s not much that can make Sadio lose his rag, so if that was me that had made him so angry I’d be having a long hard look at myself. Imagine making Sadio mad. Monday Sep 2: Bobby Duncan gets his wish and is sold to Fiorentina for £2m. Great stuff by the club, made up they did this. I said initially I’d just sack him, but that if they could get money for him then great. The one thing I didn’t want was him getting a second chance and us being fed a load of bollocks about “redemption”. He’s a good player but as I’ve said before, he’s not well rounded enough to be anywhere near our team. He’s a number nine, a penalty box player, and we don’t have room for one of those in Klopp’s system. So he either needs to be able to play wide (which he can’t as he’s not quick enough) or he needs to add to his current skillset to do some of the things Firmino does. Maybe he’ll do that, but I’d be amazed. I actually think his career is at it’s highpoint now and it’s all downhill from here, because he seems as thick as he is cocky. Maybe he’ll prove me wrong but I doubt it. He’s going down Jerome Sinclair Boulevard quicker than you can say “Jordan Rossiter”. Tuesday Sep 3: Hahahaha that row between Owen and Shearer was fucking great wasn’t it? I don’t know who is in the right and don’t really care. I’m with Owen all the way though simply based on him saying: “I don’t have to justify myself to fucking Newcastle fans”. The Geordies hate him anyway, and frankly who can blame them? That being said, it’s kind of their own fault as they were the only people on earth who thought that Owen actually wanted to sign for them. Deluded bastards. I remember being told at the time by a very good source close to Owen that he was in tears on the night he joined them. He’d desperately been trying to get hold of Rick Parry to see if there was any way he could come back here, and when there was no joy on that front he signed for Newcastle, who paid him a King’s ransom to make the pill a little bit less bitter to swallow. In fairness to Owen, he couldn’t help the fact that his body began to break down and he couldn’t live up to the ridiculous salary they were paying him. Newcastle fans have every right to hate him though, just as he has every right to not be arsed what they think. My opinion on him hasn’t changed at all by any of this. I have no ill will towards Michael Owen but I don’t love him either. I’m indifferent with a leaning towards liking him for all the great memories he gave us. The Shearer bombshell he dropped was interesting though wasn’t it? I wonder how close he actually was to moving here in 2003? If that had happened, it’s mad to think how different things would have been. We might have had more of a shot at the league but then Istanbul would never have happened. Sliding doors and that. Meanwhile, Milner has his say on the Salah / Mané thing…. Just brilliant, and as usual the use of hashtags is top drawer. Sadio’s reply was great too, it’s just a shame Mo didn't get in on it, as it would have been a good chance for him to completely diffuse the whole situation. Wednesday Sep 4: There’s a 17 year old scouse kid at Wigan who we’re meant to be after as a replacement for Duncan. No idea if he’s any good but based on what I read about him today he’s already a better fit for us than Bobby was because he can play on both wings. The 23s could have this lad and Harvey Elliot playing either side of Brewster. In other news today, Lovren had some interesting things to say: “Yes, I did consider the move, I knew I gave my best for Liverpool and won the Champions League, and I am not kind of player that likes to be benched and earn money. Yes, some people around me advised me ‘what do you care, you are in big club, shut up and take the money’, but I am not happy sitting on the bench. “Milan contacted me, but Roma was most persistent, but the negotiations didn’t go well. I don’t want to go somewhere and prove someone who I am and how do I play and am I ready or not. “I am a professional, I have won the Champions League, won a World Cup silver medal, I achieved big things in football and don’t deserve to go anywhere on loan and to have someone checking me and my quality. “I feel very happy because all the time I felt Liverpool was by me, and I respect that a lot. Klopp told me: ‘Listen, buddy, you are top-class player, we will not let you go on loan. We need you’. “When he told me that, it was unclear to me because I know currently I am in worst position of all centre-backs in the team. But there will be a lot of matches, some injuries are possible too. I wanted to leave, it didn’t happen, I was told Liverpool needs me and I accepted that. It was not meant to be for me to leave. “I feel I am in my prime age, in great shape, mentally ready and you can’t buy experience. Not many players have played in the World Cup final and Champions League final as me. I didn’t want to force my way out from Liverpool. Two years ago I signed four-year contract, enjoyed every moment in Liverpool, achieved big things and that could not be possible had I not been in such big club as Liverpool.” That’s my boy. Personally I’m made up he’s still here. So that makes two of us, me and Mo. Meanwhile, Emre Can is left out of Juve’s CL squad and Luis Suarez says he didn’t want to leave the house for weeks after he lost at Anfield. Thursday Sep 5: Rumours that Shaq pulled out the Swiss squad because he had the hump that Xhaka got the captaincy and not him. Seems a bit unlike him and if it’s not true then he’s got every reason to be pissed off with Xhaka after he said this: “If the captain’s band really is the problem, then we can sit together at one table. We are grown up enough to talk about it. If he really has a problem about that, then he may like the captain’s armband. That’s no problem for me. It does not matter to me if I have it. I want to give everything to the team, whether that’s with the band or without.” That’s made Shaq look like a right little diva. Maybe he is, who knows. Doesn’t really seem the type to me, but something is going on because I’m not buying that “I want to concentrate on my club” excuse, when he never even gets a game for his club. There is beef between them though if reports are to be believed. It’s probably nothing to do with the captaincy and more to do with Shaq thinking Xhaka is fucking turd. Meanwhile, Can puts out a strong statement about Juve’s treatment of him, and then later puts out another statement about how much he respects them so he’ll shut up now. I'll tell you this, my estimation about ‘Big Sexy’ as a man, just fucking plummeted. Friday Sep 6: Roy Keane, fucking hell. Loads of people hate him, especially anyone Irish who isn’t from Cork, and I’m not going to launch any kind of defence of his character. What I would say is that I don’t think there are many people out there who I enjoy listening to as much as this fella. Any time he starts talking I want to reach for the popcorn, because it’s going to be gold. His attack on Ferguson was glorious, especially because everything he said was true. The thing is, it’s “Sir Alex” and he’s virtually untouchable. Nobody says shit about him, but Keane is just genuinely not arsed about anything is he? He’ll just say whatever he wants. His outburst about Jon Walters made me a little uncomfortable though. Few people have given Walters more shot over the years than me, but mocking him for crying on TV when discussing some personal tragedies he’s had in his life is a bit much even for me. Not Keane though, he just went in with both feet on him. I plan on watching the entire thing as like I say, Keane is just fascinating viewing for me. I’m not sure I’ll be able to get through it though because Neville’s little high pitched laugh and his constant egging on of Keane, like some snivelling little schoolyard sidekick, was making me sick. He never said a word when he was going off on Ferguson though. Sat there and didn’t react at all, even though Ferguson was like a second Dad to him. Shithouse. Going back to Walters for a second though, I watched a clip of him talking about a bust up he had with Keane and it was a funny story. He does some show with Kelly Dalglish for Joe.co.uk and it’s really good. I watched a couple of episodes of it today and some of the stories are brilliant, especially the Kenwynne Jones / Pigs Head one. Go to 28:50 on this, trust me it’s worth it. …. and that was the week that was

Brighton went to the Etihad with a bold plan to go toe to toe with Man City and conceded a goal inside the opening 90 seconds, the deadbeats. City won 4-0 without breaking sweat, which was entirely to be expected. Of course we always have to have one eye on what City are doing, but in reality games like this are not even worth worrying about. Just accept it’s going to be a five goal City win beforehand and treat anything less than that as a win. This is how it’s going to be most weeks, we just have to hope that some of the close games don’t go their way. Guardiola was at his condescending best afterwards, praising Brighton’s positive approach and saying that he’s “not just a coach, he’s also a fan” and that’s what he likes to see. Yeah I’ll fucking bet it is. Nothing would suit him more than if all these star struck young managers show up at the Etihad expecting a defeat and just wanting to impress “Pep”. It wasn’t all sunshine and roses for City though, as Laporte went off with a bad injury that was sustained while committing your typical cynical Man City foul. Funny thing is, the blame is being placed on Rodri for not committing a similar foul a second earlier to prevent Laporte needing to step in. Harsh that, the poor lad has only just signed for them so he hasn’t been fully indoctrinated in the “Guardiola way” yet. This was a tough lesson for him to learn as no doubt he got a bollocking for his lack of shithousery. Some are suggesting that Laporte’s injury is such a big deal that it might give us an advantage in the title race. Sorry, not buying it. These cunts did without Kevin De Bruyne for most of last season, so losing Laporte won’t phase them at all. I realise he’s their best defender but the truth is they could drag Richard Dunne out of the pub and play him back there most weeks, because half the league are too scared to attack them and the other half don’t usually get that close to City’s goal because they’ve been fouled in their own half. While that result was entirely to be expected, there was a big surprise at Stamford Bridge where Chelsea blew a 2-0 against Sheffield United against were held to a draw. The draw itself wasn’t THAT surprising, but the Blades coming from two down wasn’t something anyone could have predicted. Abraham’s close range effort put Lampard’s men in front and he added another just before half time when he took advantage of some confusion at the back. Chelsea played some nice stuff and seemed in complete control even though they conceded a minute after half time. The third goal wouldn’t come though and the longer the game went the more jittery they looked. The Blades began to sense there might be something in it for them and so it proved as Zouma’s stoppage time own goal gave them an unlikely point. We’re four games in and I still have no idea what Sheffield United are though. I suspect they’re a bit shit but results wise they’ve done well. I still couldn’t name more than three of their players either. I know McBurnie, Billy Sharp and Callum Robinson, but off the top of my head that’s it, I can’t think of any more. I bet by the end of the season I still only know about six of them. Elsewhere, Leicester won again. My tip for the top six are actually looking like they might even be a threat for top four. I’m not ready to go there yet but it wouldn’t be much of a shock when you look at how flawed everyone outside of us and City are. My boy Vardy opened the scoring with a trademark Vardy goal. Bournemouth fell asleep and let him get in behind on a ball over the top and he lobbed the bouncing ball over the keeper from 25 yards. Great finish. Great player. Bournemouth hit back immediately though with a lovely finish from Callum Wilson. Tielemans tapped in a Vardy cross to restore Leicester’s lead, but he was then fortunate not be sent off for a studs up challenge on Wilson. I don’t think it was intentional but Wilson is lucky he wasn’t seriously injured as it looked horrific on the slow motion replay. The VAR official disagreed though, apparently. Wilson was later booked for a dive. He did make the most of it but he was clearly shoved by the defender and on another day he gets a pen for that. VAR has done Bournemouth no favours whatever in this one. Vardy then wrapped it up with an instinctive finish. Speaking of Vardy, you can add the Bournemouth keeper to the list of pricks who haven’t done their homework. I’m even boring myself with this now, but it really is a joke. Taking two touches when Vardy is around should be a sackable offence. This prick got away with it twice in one game, the fucking tool. I’m irrationally angry about it. I mean I’ve got no reason to care, it doesn’t impact my life in any way, yet I see this happen week after week and every time it pisses me off. Your paid thousands of pounds a week to do a job, the least you can do is fucking be prepared. Meanwhile, I may have jumped the gun on Norwich. They might actually be Fulham after all. I thought they had more about them than the Cottagers did last year but they’ve got three points from four games and have shipped 10 goals ready (amusingly, Chelsea are the next worse on nine!). Norwich got battered by West Ham and Tim Krul was the only thing standing between them and utter humiliation. 2-0 flattered Norwich massively. Haller and Yarmolenko got the goals and Haller also should have had a penalty when he was chopped down when dribbling between two defenders. Paul Tierney had a great view and waved it away. He’s shite him. Almost as shite as VAR. The Norwich manager had a moan about a couple of VAR incidents but said he’s “always been a friend of VAR”. Well fuck you then, if you want it then this is what you get, soft arse. Tell you what’s fucking mad. In the form table for the last 15 games, Palace are top four. How has this happened? More to the point, how have I not noticed? I feel as though they’ve been struggling and are a bit shit, but apparently they’ve been sneakily picking up wins without me knowing. They did it again this weekend. They were crap against Villa but just about eeked out a narrow win. It helped that they were up against ten men after Trezeguet was sent off for two yellows. Absolute bum he is. The goal came late when Ayew bundled his way through to finally break Villa’s resistance with ten minutes left, but the game ended in controversy when Kevin Friend disallowed Henry Lansbury’s equalising goal. So, so bad that decision. I’ve got no love for Grealish but he got screwed there big time. He was nudged in the back and was losing his balance as he entered the box. He just managed to pop the ball off to Lansbury and then he sprawled forward as a challenge came in. Not a foul, but definitely not a dive and he wasn’t even looking for anything. All he was trying to do was lay the ball off before he went over. Lansbury hammered it in first time but Friend had blown his whistle a split second before. The whistle didn’t have an impact on the play at all but because he’d blown before the Lansbury hit his shot that meant VAR couldn’t get involved. Honestly, this whole fucking thing is a pantomime now. I’m going to be mentioned VAR four or fives times in every round up this year. I’m bored already and we’re only four games in. So, so fucking shit. Villa should have had a point and they were understandably livid about it, especially Grealish. Still, never mind eh? Down at St Mary’s Southampton were held to a disappointing draw by Ole Gunnar Solskjaer’s struggling United side. Dan James put the Mancs ahead with a good finish but Vestergaard equalised. Southampton had a player sent off for a stupid challenge but United couldn’t find a way though. They had a good penalty shout waved away by Mike Dean though. Could have gone either way, but after decades of them getting every decision going it’s been noticeable in recent years that’s no longer the case. Either it’s because Ferguson has gone, or it’s because they’re shit now and refs feel under less pressure to help them out. Mind you, those two things are inextricably linked anyway. Speaking of horrible arl man bastards, did you see that fucking geriatric twat crying on the Fan TV channel afterwards? You must have seen it, the thing went viral and everyone was laughing about it. Not me though. Of course I can see why it’s funny, but I couldn’t get past how annoyed I was by it. Seriously, who the fuck does this cunt think he is? United are coming off decades of unprecedented success. Even in recent years when they’ve dropped off the pace they’ve still won silverware. Now, this entitled old twat is carrying on like this because they drew at Southampton??? In a week when Bury actually went out of fucking business this bastard is literally in tears because it’s their turn to be average for a few years. It’s not funny, it’s fucking outrageous. When I watch that I genuinely want to slap him. “He wins…. he wins that ball so much” Ah shut your mouth you absolute fucking self entitled, glory hunting, coffin dodging cunt. Fuck off. Just fuck off. Anyway, I’ll move on from this before I say something I’ll regret (in time I might regret what I actually have said, but as of now I stand by it). Will Hughes made amends for his missed sitter last week by firing Watford into an early lead at St James’. The ‘worm with eyebrows’ missed a great chance to equalise and still hasn’t scored since his arrival in January. Rafa defo had the last laugh on Mike Ashley, as the signing of Almiron was basically like taking a shit on his desk. While Almiron’s waits for his first goal, centre back Fabien Schar has scored five in that time. He bagged Newcastle’s equaliser just before half time with a composed finish. The ball fell to him after hitting the hand of one of his team-mates though. It was entirely accidental but that doesn’t matter anymore. If it hits the hand of an attacker the goal is automatically ruled out. Just ask Man City. So how come this one stood? Was the VAR operative asleep at the wheel, Solskjaer style? The game is a complete mess right now because of this shit. It was brought in to stop controversy and ensure that justice is served, and it’s failing on both counts. Onto Sunday, and the Blues just about edged past Wolves at Goodison. Usually I’d rather they lost, but I’m not too bothered they won this one because Wolves fans are just such colossal ballbags. All these wankers who still come to Merseyside and sing about unemployment and pass it off as “banter”. Nah, it just makes you seem like bad Tory bellends. So while I wouldn’t say I wanted Everton to win, I’m happy to see Wolves losing. I mean fucking hell, their captain is scouse and they’re signing that shit? Just like United did for all those years. No self awareness at all. I mean, these cunts are the first to sing about scousers nicking hubcaps, but half of their song book has been shamelessly robbed from us. It’d be ace if the Europa fucked up their entire season, the player trafficking cunts. As for Everton, Richarlison scoring twice was nailed on after I ripped him for about six paragraphs last week. Doesn’t change a thing. I never said he was shit, just that he was a 12 goal a season player who should never be in the Brazil squad. Finally, Erikson gave Spurs an early lead in a typically eventful North London derby on Sunday. Then Granit Xhaka went the full Granit Xhaka and cleaned out Son in the box. The tackle was so late that by the time he hit him he wasn’t even in the camera shot. What a liability he is. A slim, Swiss, Charlie Adam without the goals. Kane despatched the penalty expertly (he’s fucking good at pens, I can’t take that away from him) and Spurs had Arsenal exactly where they wanted them before they allowed Lacazette to score seconds before the break. That changed everything and Arsenal dominated the second half. Still, Spurs had their chances and Kane hit the post with a brilliantly struck effort. Aubamayeng equalised with a deft touch from a Gendouzi pass and Arsenal thought they’d won it late on but Kolasanic was rightly adjudged to be offside. Kane produced his customary dive near the end but Martin Atkinson didn’t buy it. I’ve heard differing opinions on this one, but it’s blatantly obvious what happened. Kane slowed down, waited for the defender to arrive and then stepped into his path before falling over like a big fucking tree. Never a pen in a million years for me. Similar to Calvert-Lewin with Lovren actually. Some call it clever, others call it cheating. Generally depends if it’s one of your own players really. With Kane it’s definitely the latter because there are so many examples of him doing it. Imagine what his reputation would be like if he was some foreigner and not the England captain. I almost called him a slobbering goon there but I promised in week one I’d be nice. On the balance of play the draw was fair but I’d argue that Arsenal deserved to lose purely on the basis of their fans chanting “stand up if you’ve won the league”. The same cunts who are dismissing anything that happened pre-Premier League will be the first to sing about “winning the league on Merseyside”. I don’t know what the fuck is going with people these days. It’s as though facts are just thrown out the window now in the quest for “banter”. You’ve got Trump and Johnson just making shit up as they go, and now footy fans are following suit. Arsenal fans should be embarrassed about that chant, but they won’t be because “it’s just banter”. Burnley were just as bad this weekend too, responding to our “Champions of Europe” chant with “Champions of England, you’ll never sing that”. You’re singing that to us?? The 18 times Champions of England? Fuck me, that’s like some skid mark who won Wimbledon in the 1920s taunting Bjorn Borg.

Burnley away is supposed to be one of the tricky games. For most teams it is. Hell, for us it usually is. This time though we made it look routine. At no point did this ever look like it was going to be anything other than a comfortable win for us. Even when it was 0-0 it felt like only a matter of time before we scored. Burnley tried to do what they do. They had the two physical lads up front and they hit it long long to them at every opportunity, but they got nothing out of Virgil and Joel. Those of you who have been reading the Premier League Round Ups over the last 12 months with know I’m a big Ashley Barnes fan. He’s a handful and will cause problems for most defenders, but he never had a sniff in this game and was eventually subbed having done nothing. The easy thing is to give Van Dijk the credit for that but for most of the game Matip was the one dealing with Barnes, while Virg took care of Chris Wood. The two centre backs, ably supported by Fabinho, were the bedrock on which this win was based. They were so dominant they basically just removed Burnley’s teeth. The Clarets were yapping but they had no bite. This was just such an impressive performance, but we’re so good these days that wins like this are almost taken for granted now. They shouldn’t be. It’s not easy to do what we did here. There are some opponents that are tailor made for us and I just expect us to swat them aside. Teams that try to play football against us, especially in their own half, we’ll murder them every time. Burnley though, they present a fairly unique set of problems and we’ve often had trouble dealing with them. This shows just how strong we are now, and I’m not specifically just talking about the players either. A lot goes into wins like this that we fans don’t really see. The untrained eye just sees a good performance and an impressive win, but without the right gameplan we wouldn’t be seeing that, regardless of how much better our players are than theirs. I feel as though we’re just incredibly well prepared for games these days. We know what the opponent wants to do, and we know how to stop them doing it. It’s rare that we get outmanoeuvred by anyone nowadays. That’s because Klopp and his team of analysts have a plan for each opponent. Obviously I don’t know the specifics of what the plan was here, but you could tell from watching the game and also by what Klopp said afterwards that one of the keys was to make sure we had players around Van Dijk and Matip when they were dealing with the long balls. If you don’t have that you’re going to have all sorts of problems against Burnley, because even if the defenders win the header, Barnes and Wood are generally backing in and making it difficult for them to get a clean contact. Their midfielders then pick up the bits and they build from there and get plenty of crosses in. It’s simple but effective, and they’re very good at it. Usually. Not this time though. Virgil just completely dominated Wood all day, and although Matip had the tougher assignment in Barnes, he dealt with him very well too. That was a good battle between those two, with a little bit of needle there too. That’s how Barnes likes it, but Matip was up to the challenge. Fabinho constantly being around his centre backs any time there was a loose ball helped massively too, and between the three of them they just dominated. That being said, Burnley did still manage to force Adrian into a few saves, even though most of them were moot as they were offside anyway. Adrian didn’t know that anyway, as in the first instance the flag didn’t even go up. I had a moan about that last week in the Arsenal report and the same thing happened again. I mistakenly thought last week that the lino didn’t flag because they’ve been instructed not to do so and to just let VAR deal with close calls. Apparently that’s only in the CL though (thanks to @RobbieOR for that). So last week when Aubamayeng went through, the lino didn’t flag not because he’s been told not to, but because he either thought he was onside or he took the shithouse approach and decided he’d leave it to VAR rather than risk getting it wrong. And the exact same thing happened in this game. Wood was offside when he went through but the linesman kept his flag down. Adrian made a good save and the ball was smuggled behind for a corner. Had they scored, it wouldn’t have counted because VAR would have ruled it out, but because they didn’t score it couldn’t bemused and Burnley got a corner (just as Arsenal did last week). What if they’d scored from the corner? How is that fair? It’s bullshit. VAR is giving the linos a safety net that only encourages them not to make decisions in case they are wrong. I don’t blame them as it’s a sensible approach, but it’s asking for trouble and I feel it’s going to creep in more and more. Anyway, Burnley didn’t score from the corner so no harm done, but there is going to come a time when a team does score in these circumstances and all hell will break loose, especially if it’s a decisive goal in an important game. That was the only real moment of concern in a one sided first half though. We almost took the lead when Mané picked out Salah in the box and he struck a first time shot onto the post. Looked in all the way that. It was a really good effort. We had other chances too, most notably when Salah ran through but was beaten to the ball by Pope, only for the ricochet to go inches wide. Both of those were unfortunate, but lady luck smiled on us eventually when Trent’s cross flicked off the back of Wood and looped over Pope into the top corner. Complete fluke but who cares. Trent wasn’t arsed that they took the goal off him because he got the assist anyway, and assists are the new goals now for him and Robbo. Mané made it 2-0 when Mee passed the ball straight to Bobby on halfway, and he drove forward and then rolled the ball into Sadio’s path for him to stroke it first time into the corner. There was never any doubt he was going to score that was there? He’s just in sensational form. All credit to Bobby there though, because he slowed down his run enough to allow Sadio to get ahead of him, and the pass was timed and weighted perfectly. It was pretty much game over at 2-0 but you always want to get the third just to be sure. We had loads of opportunities to do so but didn’t make the most of them and had to wait until 80 minutes to finally wrap it up through Firmino. Some of our football had been sensational at times but the final pass rarely matched the build up. That’s when the final pass was actually even played of course. *looks accusingly at Salah*. Salah could have put one on a plate for Firmino but instead checked onto his right foot and attempted an off balance shot from 18 yards. It barely even reached the keeper. Appalling that was. Bobby said nothing though, he just looked at the floor and probably muttered “greedy fucker”. Soon after there was a similar situation when Salah should have rolled it to Mané but once again checked back and into trouble. That had been a sensational team move and would have been one of the goals of the season if Salah had fed Sadio. Both of those incidents annoyed the shit out of me at the time, but as annoyed as I was it was clearly nothing to how furious Mané was. I didn’t see it at the time and only found out what happened after I checked my phone at full time on the way out. I saw a few of the lads talking about it on whatsapp but I had no idea what had really gone on until I saw the videos on social media when I got home. My first thought was “fucking hell, that’s mad” as it was so out of character. My second thought was that it was hilarious seeing Mané just yelling and gesticulating at everyone! What makes it even funnier is seeing Bobby’s reaction walking down the tunnel. He’s a fucking case isn’t he? So funny. He just loves life doesn’t he? He works hard and he plays hard. Does anybody in football have more fun doing what they do than Bobby Firmino? The way he leaned over and patted Sadio on the head sympathetically spoke volumes too I reckon. It smacked of “I know lad, fucking greedy bastard didn’t pass to me either”. Sadio was on one though, he was letting everyone have it! Klopp, the Kloppelganger and Hendo all got an earful. Luckily Milner was on hand to sit down next to him and calm the situation. It’s not what you want to see but these things happen and it’s not a big deal. In a perfect world Salah would have passed the ball. In a slightly less than perfect world he might not pass it but Mané keeps his cool. In the real world though, sometimes people let emotions get the better of them, and Sadio was massively pissed off! It’s funny watching how angry he is, because that’s not him. The only player less likely to show a reaction like that is probably Gini, who’s just the nicest guy on the planet and has probably never lost his temper with anyone. Really though, who can blame Mané in this instance? The last time I saw a reaction like that to someone not passing was when Suarez looked like he wanted to kill Sturridge during a derby game at Anfield. My memory is shit these days, but from what I recall we were destroying Everton and could have put seven or eight past them the way the game was going. We got a pen and Sturridge took it off Gerrard because he was on a hat-trick. He missed, and then spent the rest of the game desperately trying to make up for it and to get his hat-trick, much to the annoyance of Suarez who just wanted to batter Everton and didn’t care who scored. After one particularly bad selfish moment from Sturridge, Suarez went apeshit and turned to the bench and was screaming at Rodgers to get Sturridge off. Soon after he got his way. Klopp went a different route. He probably ought to have taken Salah off and had a quiet word to tell him to stop being such a greedy twat, but instead he took off Sadio and Bobby to give them a rest. That’s probably what tipped Mané over the edge because if that was me I’d have been saying “I’m out there playing for the team while he’s playing for himself, but you take ME off? And fucking Bobby too??” He let rip at Hendo as well, and again I can understand where he is coming from on that too. Apparently Hendo bollocked him last week for something he did wrong against Arsenal, so Mané is probably thinking that the captain should be pulling Salah into line too. Only problem with that was Hendo had already been subbed by the time Salah didn’t pass to Mané. He was on when he ignored Bobby though, and that one was actually much worse, so yeah, have a fuckin’ word Jordan lad. This isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things and I’m sure it’s all been straightened out now. It is something that everyone is going to be looking at now though, so ideally in the next game they’ll both put a goal or two on a plate for the other and we can all move on. I’d like to think that this might have shaken Mo a bit (seeing the normally mild mannered Mané going postal ought to give him pause) and make him realise that it’s fine to back himself when the odds are in his favour, but he needs to knock this other shit off where he’s trying to dribble past five players or taking low percentage shots (and ANY shot on his fucking right foot is low percentage). The two incidents in this game were inexcusable, and I only reckon he did it because he figured the game was won so he was entitled to try and get himself a goal. Even the ‘assist’ for Bobby wasn’t pass. He just over ran his dribble and Bobby ran up and smacked it in. Still, the stat nerds will use that as proof he isn’t greedy when the eyes tell a completely different tale. It’s not acceptable really. This happened quite a bit last season too. He needs to play the game as though it’s 0-0 and if a team-mate is in a better position and he doesn’t have a clear sight of goal, then pass the fucking ball. You know that Bobby sure as hell would, and although Sadio has had his greedy moments too, he never really looks like someone who is just on a one man crusade to get a goal, as we’ve seen sometimes with Mo. Ultimately though, if this was going to happen then better it happen now in a routine 3-0 than in a game when it could cost us. The win maintains the 100% start and keeps us top. We couldn’t have asked for more at this stage. The thing with this team now though is it doesn’t really seem to matter who they’re playing and where. Barring two or three exceptions I see pretty much every game now as an almost certain three points. When was the last time we were able to think like that? The late 80s probably. The standards currently being set by us and City are unprecedented. Both teams seem to win every week now. It’s unrelenting. This win gave us a club record for consecutive wins and also equalled a club record for consecutive away wins. We’ll lose or draw eventually and it might be in a game where we least expect it. I doubt it though, this team is just too good and too well prepared. I wouldn’t be surprised if we’ve won every game by the time we play City in November, and I’d be even less surprised if they’ve won every game between now and then too. The Champions League will be well under why by that point though, and playing twice a week might make things trickier. That’s when the likes of Origi, Gomez, Milner, Shaqiri, Ox and co are going to be needed. Star man is Bobby. Could easily have been Virgil or Fabinho, or even Matip for that matter. I thought Adrian had a good game too, even though he wasn’t called into action too often. He made some good saves and I’m made up for him that he got his clean sheet. I reckon he might be the happiest footballer on the planet right now. He probably can’t believe his luck. He’s loving it though, you only have to look at his instagram to see how much he’s buzzing off being a Liverpool player. He’s replying to every post by any of his team-mates or the club, it’s funny as fuck actually. He doesn’t look like losing his place any time soon either based on how Alisson looked last week at the UEFA awards. A mate saw him hobbling down the steps and described it as “like a fella going to the social to put an invalidity claim in”. He didn’t look like someone on the verge of a comeback, put it that way. Team: Adrian; Alexander-Arnold, Matip, Van Dijk, Robertson; Fabinho, Henderson (Oxlade-Chamberlain), Wijnaldum; Salah, Firmino (Origi), Mané (Shaqiri):

Saturday August 24: L 3 Arsenal 1 Did any of you expect anything else today? Seriously, did any of you think we might not win this game? I couldn’t have been any less worried. I knew we’d beat them and I knew if we played anywhere near our best level it wouldn’t even be close. It wasn’t that long ago that Arsenal were better than us. Now the gap is as big as it’s been since… I don’t know, maybe since they were ‘the Invincibles’. Arsenal should be made up to com away with just a 3-1 defeat as they were utterly dominated. These are special times. The football we play is sensational and Anfield is an impregnable fortress now. Arsenal didn’t help themselves with how they approached the game, but it didn’t really matter what they did, they were always going to get smashed because we’re miles better than them. All over the pitch we’re great. The midfield still has it’s doubters and some of the concerns are legit, but in games like this they’re great. They swarmed all over Arsenal and the energy and relentless pressure was just too much. The front three were right on it and the defence was superb too. They deserved a clean sheet, although Arsenal did miss two sitters in the first half so we can’t feel too hard done by. What’s all the shite about Virgil being dribbled past by Pepe though? It’s not really important, but it’s still irrationally annoyed me. If someone dribbles past him then good luck to them, the statistic doesn’t really mean much other than it’s a funny little thing to throw at rivals fans, but I’m to having that his record went today because it fucking didn’t. Pepe didn’t dribble past him. He knocked the ball past him and legged it. Virgil went back with him, stayed goal side at all times and then nicked the ball off him. In what world is that classed as a successful dribble? Load of old bollocks that. Sunday August 25: Bobby Duncan is being linked with Fiorentina now. Something is amiss here. Last week he was the subject of a failed bid by a Scandinavian club. When players keep being linked with other clubs it’s either because the club wants rid and is trying to generate interest, or because the agent is hawking them around. Pretty sure LFC don’t want shut of him, so that leaves the agent. It’s weird though because if you look at Bobby’s twitter he’s the biggest ‘dream come true’ ‘I love the Reds I do’ fanboy since Adam Morgan. Why on earth would he want to leave, especially when the deals being mooted are not just season long loans, they’re permanent. Meanwhile, Lovren is now being linked with a move to Germany. Sick of this now. The sooner this window is closed the better. As much as I like the idea of the window closing before the season starts, it’s been rendered completely pointless by the fact that it’s open for everyone else. It needs to be the same for everyone in future. Monday August 26: The u23s got their first win of the season, beating Southampton 4-2 away. Brewster, Jones, Chirivella and Longstaff got the goals, but the goals against tally is something they need to be concerned about. I hope Chirivella gets himself a decent move before the window shuts, as he's such a good player. Not good enough to make it here, but he's a lovely player to watch. Great technician as Brendan would say. No Bobby Duncan in the squad tonight though. Hmmm. Well would you look at that, Roma are supposed to be back in for Lovren now. What are they going to offer this time? A free tour of the Coliseum, a slice of cold pizza and some ice cream? Stop wasting our time, you mingebags. Tuesday August 27: Roma sign Chris Smalling on loan. See, that’s why they didn’t go for Big Dejan, because they didn’t want to pay any money. He’s not the only United player off to Serie A on loan, as Sanchez is going to Inter. This is hilarious really. Sanchez is swapping the Europa League for the Champions League, while United are still paying him £6m a year for him to take a step up. Be dead funny if him and Lukaku tear it up over there. I don’t think the Mancs realise it yet, but they're where we’ve been for most of the last 30 years. Miles away, floundering, kidding themselves that with the right couple of signings they’d be right back up there. It’s a long way back for them. A long way. Meanwhile, Harry Kane says it’s still early days and Spurs can keep pace with us and City. Nope, not a hope in hell. We’ll both be at least 20 points ahead of Spurs and the rest, just like last year. The standard being set by the top two is just unrelentingly high. Any dropped point feels like it’s the end of the world. Spurs lost at home to Newcastle last week. If that happens to us in a couple of weeks, it will almost feel like the season is over. It doesn’t really matter much to Spurs because when you’re just competing for top four you can lose ten games and still achieve your goals. The levels reached by Klopp and Guardiola has changed football as we know it. All the old conventional wisdom no longer applies. Also today, some talk that we’re trying to get Matip tied down to a new deal. Well deserved, he’s been fucking terrific since he got back in the team. Joe Gomez is brilliant, but Matip is in the team ahead of him on merit. There aren’t many players out there that could keep Gomez on the sidelines. Matip is top class and the partnership with Virg is as good as there is anywhere. This talk about Klopp leaving at the end of his deal just won’t go away, and today Dudek has come out and said that if and when Klopp leaves, there’s only one man for the job - Steven Gerrard. I really hope not. I love Stevie and I hope he has a great managerial career. Whoever replaces Klopp though will be on a hiding to nothing. Gerrard might be the absolute last person I’d want to take over, even if he proves himself as a manager (which he hasn’t yet). Wednesday August 28: Jesus Christ, this Bobby Duncan thing is mad. It was obvious that something was going on, but no-one could have envisaged what happened today. The agent is clearly a massive twat but what people need to remember here is that agents work for players, not the other way around. All this ‘poor Bobby being given bad advice’ is a load of old Zlatan. Make excuses for him all you like, but I don’t care how ‘young’ he is, he has to know that putting out a statement accusing Inglethorpe and Edwards of bullying is not going to end well for him. Apparently he’s not been in training all week and refused to play for the 23s on Monday. Just who the fuck does this kid think he is? Seriously? We’ve had so many better players come through the system than him, and not one of them has ever carried on like this. I suppose it’s possible he didn’t see the statement before it was put out there, but it’s highly unlikely. And even if he hadn’t, he retweeted the fucking thing before removing it soon after (no doubt when the club got onto him about it). Few things in football shock me these days, but this has. The agent played the mental health card, which is a fucking disgrace really and an insult to those who genuinely suffer from it. Don’t tell me Duncan is suffering from it, because I’m not having it. If he’s ‘not left his house in four days’ and is depressed it’s because the agent has filled his head with all sorts of bollocks about the direction his career needs to be going. The truth is it’s going at exactly the rate of progression it should. If he wanted to be playing first team football by 18, I fully respect that but he should have signed for someone else when he walked out on City. He came here to play in the 18s and he had a great season, winning the Youth Cup. He was then moved up to the 23s, and he’s had a taste of the first team in pre-season. Apparently that’s not good enough. What a self entitled tit. I’m more annoyed with him than I am the agent to be totally honest. Agents tend to be cunts so I expect it. The agent has now links to Liverpool and all he’s interested in is lining his own pockets. If Duncan was an overseas youngster I’d still be pissed off, but I’d be a little more understanding. He’s not though, he’s always giving it the “boyhood red living the dream” stuff, while behind the scenes he’s been trying to get a move since the end of last season? And now he’s allowing his agent to accuse Inglethorpe (by all accounts a top fella) and Edwards (no idea what he’s like, to be honest) of bullying. He hired that agent and the agent speaks for him. The same agent who encouraged Saido Berahino to completely sabotage his own once promising career. No-one forced Bobby to hire this guy, and in fact he got rid of the agent he had previously so he could hire this cunt. Why would you do that? Especially when your cousin is Steven Gerrard and there’s no way on earth he’d have advised that. In fact, why do Academy kids even need agents? The answer is they don’t. They could just use the PFA agents and then when they’ve made it, and actually need an agent to negotiate endorsements and stuff, then they can hire one. Bottom line here, Duncan is way too big for his boots and has been indulged far too much. Agents often do more harm than good with young players. You know who Duncan should be looking at as a warning for what could be in store for him? Jerome Sinclair. Look at him now. His career went down the toilet because he wanted more money than we were willing to pay him. And he was better at 18 than Duncan. Personally I’d have torn up Duncan’s contract the second he removed all the LFC references from his social media today. I’d have written the £1.5m he’s currently worth and told him to go wherever the fuck he wants. It won’t happen because the club see these players as assets and they won’t just give him away. Maybe they think they can rehabilitate him but as far as I’m concerned what we’ve seen today tells me all I need to know about his mentality. He won’t make it here, you can quote me on that. Speaking of dickhead strikers with LFC connections, Dean Saunders has been jailed for refusing to take a breath test. Was this before or after he advocated us signing Wayne Rooney the other week? Was probably the same day. The copper was probably listening to the show and hung around outside the studio to see if he got into his car. What a dickhead though. Thursday August 29: Decent draw that. Getting Napoli again is shit though, especially for the fans who travel to these games, but Salzburg and Genk are sound on that front, and also for the footy side of things. We should get through that without even breaking sweat. Virgil and Alisson were both over there for the draw and to pick up awards. Alison got UEFA keeper of the year, while the big man was Defender of the Year and also Player of the Year. Well deserved too. How satisfying was it seeing one of our lads sat next to Messi and Ronaldo, and beating both of them to an award? I keep saying it in the match reports, but we’ve got it so good right now that we need to take time out to smell the flowers. In the voting for UEFA Player of the Year, we had four of the top six, as Salah and Mane were in there too. Just think about that for a second. Think about where we were when Klopp arrived, and look at it now. Fuck me, it’s incredible. Also today, Duncan tweeted "I just want to play football!" before later deleting the tweet. Presumably that doesn't apply to u23 games? At least he only had to delete a tweet. His agent deleted his entire account after the LFC family went for him. Don’t these dickheads ever learn? You don’t take on Liverpool fans as it always ends in tears. This clown was doomed from the moment Carragher attacked him and brought what he’d said to everyone’s attention. Within a few hours what was left of his reputation lay in tatters after old tweets of his had been dug up showing him to be a racist, homophobic, nonce supporting sleaze who had sent creepy audio messages to Babestation girls. It’s hilarious, this prick thought he could take on LFC and win, and he’s been completely ruined. Instead, his name is now mud and if Duncan hasn’t sacked him already then it’s only a matter of time. At least he’s still got Berahino. Friday August 30: Allison isn’t close to a comeback yet says Klopp. It’s going to be interesting to see when he actually does return given the way Jurgen downplayed it initially. Adrian has been a bit wobbly of late but the good thing about him is he doesn’t seem the type to lose any confidence because of a mistake or two. He’s quite cocky, which isn’t a bad thing in a ‘keeper I guess. Meanwhile, Duncan re-instates his social media profile pictures and pins a tweet showing Klopp patting him on the head in pre-season. Presumably the message is that he’s a Red again now. Well I still say “fuck him”. No doubt what we’ll see now is a lot of finger pointing at the agent for corrupting poor little Bobby, but he’s a big boy, he knew what he was doing. The only way he gets a pass on this is if it turns out that the agent did all of this on his own and Bobby knew nothing about it. That’s not going to be the case though, because he not only knew about it, he endorsed it by RT’ing and then throwing a strop and removing all the LFC stuff from his profiles. Yes, he’s only 18 and that has to be taken into account, but 18 is not 8. Footballers need to grow up quicker than normal kids because they’re in the public eye and they get media training from the club. He’s old enough to know better and what in the holy fuck were his family doing allowing this situation to develop like that? It’s mad. I’d still be looking to get rid of him asap, regardless of how many goals he might score this year. Not because I don’t believe in second chances (generally I do) but because a second chance isn’t going to change anything. Why? Because to make it at the top level you need much more than talent. You need to have a strong mentality and a team first attitude. This week has shown he has neither. If he makes it here I’ll be genuinely staggered. You know who I really feel sorry for in all this? Paul Glatzel, a fantastic lad who matched Duncan goal for goal and assist for assist, but didn’t feel the need to post weekly updates on social media about how many he had. Glatzel won’t play this season because he blew his knee out in pre-season. I’d love to know what he thinks about all this. ….and that was the week that was

The weekend kicked off on Friday night, with Everton having the chance to knock us off top spot. All they had to do was beat winless, newly promoted Aston Villa. An easy task for the big spending Blues, the team tipped by many to be the biggest threat to the big six this year. Well, at least that’s what you’d think if you believed the hype about them. They’re about as much of a threat to the top six as I am to Rafa Nadal’s hopes of winning another French Open. The Blues are what they are. A mid-table side that will never be good enough to be anything more, and probably won’t ever be bad enough to be anything less. They deserved to lose at Villa. They were second best and offered very little. Villa played well and they’ve actually started the season looking very competitive. Unfortunately for them they won’t get to play Everton every week and it’s going to be a slog for them. Everton though. Every year it’s the same. Every year we hear about how good they’re going to be and every year they’re bang average. They’ll win enough home games to keep them in the middle of the table and con their fans into thinking they’re on the right track, but away from home they’ll continue to stink it up. Said it before but it’s worth repeating. Andre Gomes is a massive fraud. I was first alerted to this when everyone seemed to be creaming themselves about him after the Anfield derby. All he did was play a couple of half decent passes while striding around looking handsome. Newsflash, he’s not very good. That’s why he’s at Everton. When you’re that good looking and you’ve got Barcelona on your CV, it’s easy to fool people into thinking you’re better than you are. How the fuck is Richarlison doing it though? He’s never played for Barca and he’s damn sure not handsome. It’s one of life’s great mysteries how he ended up in Brazil’s Copa America squad. I’ve long suspected that they have some equal opportunities scheme whereby shite players are given the same rights as the great ones. Think about it, Brazil’s squads have always been the same. World Class Superstars with a smattering of “how the fuck did he get in there” turds. It’s been like that as long as I can remember. The 1982 squad had Zico, Eder, Falcao, Socrates, Junior…. and some cart horse up front called Serginho. Kleberson actually won a World Cup. And don’t get me started on Fred, Andre Santos, Jo, Afonso Alves, Roque Junior or that fat lad with the cornrows who warmed United’s bench for a few years. Richarlison is a decent Premier League forward. I’m not telling you he’s completely useless and he’s certainly no Dominic Calvert-Lewin, but he’s a 10 goal a season forward who spends so much time lying on the floor he may as well be a fucking rug. Those cheeky bastards are forever complaining on social media about Salah’s diving, when they’ve got this cunt hurling himself around on a weekly basis. I do look at him sometimes though and think he might look good if he had better players around him, but then if he was as good as some seem to think then he should be standing out anyway, surely? Currently the only thing he stands out for is his constant cheating and his annoying face. I took a dislike to him the first time I saw him (opening day against us, two years ago) and my first impressions are usually pretty reliable. So anyway, the Blues had their chance to go above us but their arses went, as usual. They’ve spent so long in our shadow that any time there’s a chance to emerge from it and have a little frolic in the sunshine, they react like an albino and retreat back into the shade. That result was funny but it was topped a day later when United lost at home to Palace. The winning goal came in stoppage time after United had equalised in the last minute. To top it off, after all the discussion that went on after Pogba’s miss last week, Rashford only went and missed a pen! Just absolutely hilarious. There’s so much to this one that I don’t know where to start. Ok, I think I’ll start with Daniel James. What a little prick he’s turning out to be. It was quite a nice story when he got a move from Swansea, but he’s a cocky little prick and he hits the floor quicker than Richarlison. He had more dives than Tom Daley last week at Wolves and that was perhaps in Paul Tierney’s mind when he booked him in this game. Replays showed that he had actually been caught this time, but it’s the boy who cried wolf isn’t it? He’s only been in the league two minutes and his card is marked already. He scored a nice goal to equalise in the 89th minute after United had trailed for most of the game. Now ordinarily, when it’s a game you’re expected to win and you score in the last minute to equalise, you pick the ball up and run back to the centre circle. That’s what United’s other forwards did, only they then had to run back over and drag James away as he was posing with his arms folded in front of the Stratford End. What a tit. You’re not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy. Even Lingard wouldn’t have pulled that shit, and when it comes to posing there is virtually nothing that is off limits to that ballbag. So United were now thinking they might go on and win it, only they got caught in hilarious fashion. Pogba was striding forward with the ball but wasn’t paying attention and was robbed by Benteke. The ball was worked to Zaha who drove into the box, and although he had it nicked off his toe, Van Aanholt had made up huge amounts of ground to seize on the loose ball and fire a shot through De Gea at the near post. Incredibly funny. I like Van Aanholt. I don’t think he’s a particularly good full back as he can’t defend and doesn’t really seem like he wants to, but I like the adventurous streak he has that sees him spending more time in the opposition box than Benteke. As for United. They are who we thought they were. This is why I said in the ‘Week that Was’ when they beat Chelsea 4-0 that it was a good thing, because it would give them delusions of grandeur and make them think they’re better than they are. These were my exact words - United spanking Chelsea 4-0 was great. Why? Because they’re shite but this will make people think they aren’t. Let them get their hopes up. Let them think Maguire is going to be their Van Dijk and that this is the season when Pogba lives up to all of his hype. It’s going to make it all the more enjoyable when it all goes to shit and they lose 3-0 at home to Villa or Bournemouth. Ok so it wasn’t 3-0 and it was Palace, but the point stands. And they still might lose 3-0 at home to Villa or Bournemouth. Chelsea got their first win of the season after edging a five goal thriller at Carrow Road. It was deserved, although Norwich put up a good showing and it was a cracking game. Norwich won’t be involved in too many dull ones. Tammy Abraham scored twice while Mason Mount got the other. Just what Lampard needed really, as he’s putting his faith in some of these young players (partly through necessity, but in fairness Giroud, Batshuayi and Willian were on the bench so it’s not like he had no other choice) and his future at the club will hinge on whether they become top level players or not. The jury is obviously still out on Abraham but he definitely has something about him. He looks like he SHOULD be a really good player, but we’ll see. He already looks better than a lot of the high profile, big money flops Chelsea have signed at the position. Kezman, Shevchenko, Torres, Batshuayi, Higuain etc Mount has started the season brilliantly but it’s getting on my tits how commentators feel they have to give him his full name every time they mention him. It’s because both his first name and surname start with the same letter. You automatically feel like you have to say both because they roll off the tongue. There’s loads of examples, and it’s hard not to do it to be fair. It’s just instinctive. Bobby Ball. Charlie Chaplin. Nina Nana. Dion Dublin. Peter Piper. Frankie Fredericks. Gary Glitter. Yeah I’ll stop there. Norwich were good again though, especially going forward. Defensively they can be a bit open but that Godfrey kid looks like a big prospect. My boy Pukki (that’s right, I’ve made it official now) had a goal and an assist. After last week’s Round Up I received a whatsapp message from a Danish mate of mine (who will remain nameless to spare his blushes later in the season when Pukki bags goal number 20) saying “Pukki is shite. Wasn’t even anything special in Denmark and flopped at Schalke and Celtic” So anyway, Pukki scored again and also set one up, and now he’s officially ‘my boy’. So in your face DT! Oooops, sorry Pete! Watford’s dreadful form continued as they lost 3-1 at home to West Ham. When you’re losing at home to West Ham you know you’ve got problems. They got off to a brutal start when the Hammers were handed an iffy pen inside the first minute. Mark Noble slotted it on his 6000th appearance for the club. It might not be that many, but you’d think it was given how much attention it was given by TV and radio. Watford equalised through Andre Gray and then Will Hughes missed from a yard out. Worst miss we’ll see all season that one I think. It proved costly as West Ham’s new centre forward Sebastien Haller tapped in to get off the mark for the season. He added a second not long after to put the game beyond Watford. £45m he cost, which feels like a lot for a player most of us have never heard of, but I constantly have to check myself these days as £45m isn’t really much anymore for English clubs. Javi Gracia is on thin ice as that Watford board don’t fuck about when they’re on a bad run. Hopefully he comes through it as I like him, he seems like a decent bloke. Meanwhile, up in Sheffield, James Maddison’s beautiful pass with the outside of the foot set Vardy clear and he leathered the ball in with his left foot to give Leicester the lead against Sheff Utd. I loved that. As the ball hit the net you heard him shout “YES!!!” and then immediately cup his ears in front of the home end. Vardy was a Sheff Wed fan as a kid so naturally he milked this one, especially as the home fans had booed his every touch prior to that. He was even taunting them on Twitter later, wishing Wednesday fans a good Bank Holiday weekend and posting a pic of his celebration and an Owl emoji. It wasn’t the winner though, as Olly McBurnie headed the Blades level minutes after coming off the bench. I remember the first time I saw him. He was playing at Anfield for Swansea and I looked at him and said to my Dad “what the fuck is that?”. I still think that when I look at him now. He just doesn’t look like a footballer at all. They paid £20m for him, which again backs up my earlier point about how you don’t get much bang for your buck these days. Another sub, Leicester’s Harvey Barnes, got the decisive goal with a stunning half volley from 16 yards. Great finish that, and Leicester have started well. I said at the end of last year they’d be top six this season and I’ve seen nothing to change my mind, either from them or from the Mancs, whose place they’ll be taking. Chris Wilder wasn’t happy with his players afterwards. I liked what he had to say though. He didn’t want to patronised about how his side worked hard as he said “that should be a given, they don’t get praise for that”. The fans had clapped them off for giving it a go but Wilder wants more than just effort. On Match of the Day Lineker referenced him giving the players the hairdryer treatment and then sarcastically asked Danny Murphy and Ian Wright if they’d ever had that. I really enjoy MOTD you know. You’re not getting the in depth tactical analysis you get from Carra and Neville on MNF, but it’s light and breezy and fun. Some of the regulars are a bit dull (looking at you here, Jermaine Jenas), and Wrighty is probably my favourite of their regular rotation. Murphy is hit and miss but I’ll always have a soft spot for ‘SuperDan’ even when he’s talking absolute Zlatan. He was great talking about VAR last week I thought. The opening 30 seconds of the show this week was superb. Last week Lineker had made a bald joke about Shearer and Murphy and there were actually some complaints made about it. Not sure whether these people were genuinely offended, or just wanted to be dicks about it. Not sure which would be worse actually. Anyway, the show starts this week and once again Lineker is joined by a couple of baldies (Murphy and Wright) and he just reels off about 10 hair related puns in 30 seconds, all the while Murphy is chuckling and Wright is in absolute hysterics. Brilliant stuff and a massive ‘fuck you’ to the whoppers who complained. Bet it was fucking Guardiola, the weirdo. There was another great moment later when Lineker says “Which legendary Palace striker scored twice the last time they won at Old Trafford?” Wright is sat there with a massive grin on his face as Lineker throws us the curveball and says “Yes, it was Mark Bright”. Wright should be on every week, he just makes it more fun. There was a south coast derby at the Amex, where Florian Andone was sent off early on as Brighton lost at home to Southampton. Terrible tackle and Brighton’s manager apologised for it afterwards. There was a clip from before the game where one of Andone’s team-mates bizarrely booted him on the ankle as they were walking out onto the pitch for a look around shortly after arriving at the stadium. He wasn’t happy and maybe he carried that irritation onto the field because it was a cunt of a challenge. Djenepo curled in from 20 yards to break the deadlock. Lovely finish following a swift break led by Ings. Lokadia hit the post as Brighton pushed for an equaliser, but they were caught on the counter again in stoppage time as Redmond tapped in at the back post. Not really impressed with Southampton though. Sunday was interesting, as Spurs were beaten at home by Newcastle and Bournemouth briefly threatened to give Man City a scare. I don’t think anyone saw that Spurs defeat coming. Not because Spurs are playing well (they’ve been awful so far), but because Newcastle have been written off by everyone, particularly their own fans. Not that anyone can blame them. Joelinton got the only goal of the game in the first half with a simple finish. The Spurs defenders just left him on his own. Terrible defending. Vertonghen has been on the bench up to now and you have to wonder just what Pochettino sees in that Davinson Sanchez lad, as I’m just not having him at all. When Newcastle signed Joelinton I initially thought they’d bought some lad called Joe Linton and assumed he was a cut price deal from the lower leagues. It was only later I realised he was Brazilian and cost £40m. I really hope he’s shit just so that Ashley can use it as an excuse to never spend another penny. Not that he needs an excuse mind. They defended well and battled hard for their win, but they rode their luck at times. Spurs missed some great chances and were denied a clear penalty when Lascielles fell over and brought down Kane late on. I can understand Mike Dean not being sure on first viewing, but how is that not being overturned by VAR? I’m not complaining as I’m happy Spurs lost, but that looked a ‘clear and obvious’ pen. I’m pleased for Steve Bruce. I like him. I can’t help it, he’s just always come across as a decent fella. I still want them relegated, but it’s nothing personal against him. Wolves haven’t started as well as many of us expected they would. Perhaps the Europa League is going to impact on their domestic form? Their opponents on Sunday know all about that. Burnley were dismal in the opening months of last season but they recovered in the second half of the campaign and they’ve started well this time. I’m boring myself now telling you all how good Ashley Barnes is. He opened the scoring in this one with a brilliant strike from just outside the box, and he was inches away from slotting another just after the break. Hopefully we keep him quiet this weekend, as he’s the biggest threat to us for sure. Wolves were seriously devoid of any real creativity but Jimenez went close to a stoppage time equaliser when his scuffed shot struck the post. Burnley must have thought they’d survived but then with only seconds to go Wolves were awarded a really soft penalty when Jimenez went down. He calmly slotted the pen to give them a third straight draw. They got out of jail in this one though as they were second best for much of it. Finally, City beat Bournemouth, as expected. The only thing I have to say about this is that Harry Wilson scored a fucking screamer of a free-kick after coming on as a sub, which was nice. Actually I have one more observation on this. Regular readers will know that I struggle to look at the TV when Ederson’s face is on there. He’s just really brutal to look at. Well anyway, he’s now got a skinhead which has made him even more gruesome. He looks like an inmate you’d see being interviewed on “Brazil’s toughest prisons”. Wait, one more thing. Aguero did an interview afterwards in English. Fair play, it’s only taken him seven years to learn the basics. I thought I was lazy, but this guy really takes the piss. Kinell. Right, so I said I’d make my predictions after three games and I will. It’s probably not really long enough to get a proper feel for it, especially with the newly promoted clubs who are still playing on adrenaline as it’s all new to them, but here goes anyway. The title is between us and City, and obviously I’m going with us because how can I not? The rest of the top four will be like a bunch of drunks scrapping outside a boozer at 2am. Arsenal might just be the soberest of them and could nick third spot. Fourth will be between Spurs and Chelsea, and I’ll go with Spurs to just edge it even though I don’t feel strongly about it and would not be surprised if Chelsea pipped them. Leicester will get 6th spot ahead of United. At the bottom, Sheffield United will go I think. The other spots will be between Villa, Newcastle, Watford, Palace, Brighton and Southampton. It could be any of them but I’ll say Villa and Watford, but reserve the right to change my mind and flip flop throughout the season as I usually do. I actually have a sneaky feeling it might be Southampton but I'm not willing to commit to that yet.

There was a time not so long ago when a performance like this would have us all buzzing and we’d be talking about it for weeks. Now it’s just what we’ve come to expect. That’s the level this team have set for themselves. It was only a few years ago we were looking up at Arsenal, aspiring to be at their level even though they themselves weren’t actually winning anything big. They were still superior to us though, as were Chelsea, Spurs and United. We’re light years ahead of all of them right now. Further ahead of them all than at any point since the 80s, so much so that I’d be surprised if any of you reading this actually thought Arsenal had a chance against us. That’s not arrogance, it’s just common sense based on everything we’ve seen over the last couple of years. Before the game I said to the lads that these are the days we need to savour because they don’t come around too often. For 30 years we’ve been struggling along aspiring to put together a team like we have now. Sometimes we got close but the window closed quickly. What we have now though, it’s truly special. It’s mad though. You go on social media see people bitching about Wijnaldum or Henderson, or complaining that Lallana is getting five minutes at the end and using that as reason to kick off again about us not signing anyone. I feel as though what this team are achieving isn’t being fully appreciated by everyone. In some ways I get it. It’s easy to get too wrapped up in the future; what might happen, what we want to happen and what we think needs to be done in order for it to happen. It’s understandable to a degree and I can’t deny that at times I’ve done it myself. But I watched the way we casually swatted Arsenal aside and I just feel that maybe we need to take time to stop and smell the flowers. You know what I mean? We’ve got it pretty fucking good right now. What we’re being treated to currently is something we’ll look back on in years to come and maybe reflect on it as the best time of our football supporting lives. We probably need a title for that, or failing that another European Cup or two, but we will look back on these days, with all these spanking wins and great performances, and we’ll think “fucking hell, that was something else wasn’t it?”. We haven’t seen this team lose at Anfield in well over two years. We’ve seen them play in two European Cup finals in as many years. We’re the current European Champions. We lost one game in the league all last season. We’ve won 12 straight league games. And we’ve done all that with a swagger and by playing incredible football. Not every game of course, sometimes the lads have just had to grind it out, like last week at Southampton. Generally though, if you give Klopp a week to prepare for a game like this, you won’t be disappointed with what you see. Honestly, I knew we’d twat Arsenal. There was not the tiniest doubt in my mind. It’s not even a reflection on them either, well not much. I wouldn’t be surprised if they finished third as they play good football and can score goals. My bravado was not about them and their glaring weaknesses, it was about how good this team of ours is right now. Arsenal will finish somewhere between third and fifth this season. Under normal circumstances that means they’d be a tough opponent. You can’t take winning for granted against fellow top six sides, unless it’s Arsenal at Anfield. They just don’t match up well against us. The way we play, they literally have no chance against us at Anfield. We’re too fast, too intense, too clever and too talented. They can’t live with it and they know it. That would explain Emery’s weird approach to the game. Much has been made of him going with a diamond, but it was more the tactics than than the system that surprised me. It seemed as though Arsenal wanted the game played in their final third. They weren’t interested in playing through midfield or getting men forward, they just packed eight outfield players in their final third and tried to pass it around in their own box. It was bizarre. I couldn’t figure out what they were trying to do but all I can think is that the idea was to draw us onto them and then suddenly hit their front two to exploit their pace. It was highly risky but I sort of understand the logic. I’m not tactical genius but I could see what was happening as it was obvious. When they had a goal kick both of our full backs were pushed right up the field which meant we matched their two strikers up man for man with Virgil and Joel. Pepe would then stand in the space left by Robbo, while Aubameyeng went to the opposite touchline. Van Dijk and Matip went with them, while Fabinho dropped into the space vacated in the middle. Everyone else was pressing them in the final third. Arsenal were playing with fire but it almost worked. They had two breakaway chances in the first half that they wasted. One was when Adrian came out to deal with a situation he could have left to Van Dijk, and he put his clearance straight to Aubamayeng who thankfully failed to find the empty net with his 30 yard lob. We had an even bigger let off when Hendo missed his kick and was robbed by the lightning quick Pepe, who raced clear and nicked the ball away from Robbo to go clean through on goal. His finish was dreadful though. Adrian did well to stand up and make the save, but it was a terrible miss and a huge let off for us. Aside from those two moments it was complete and total dominance from us and the only disappointment was that it took so long to score. Even if Arsenal had taken one of those chances I still think we’d have smashed them everywhere as we just looked so confident and in control of the game. I expect Emery will take some flak for it, but the way I look at it he just tried something different because doing the same thing wouldn’t have worked. Arsenal usually come here, play their own game and get absolute webbed all over Anfield. That’s why I was predicting a 5-1 win. If they try to do their thing against us they’ve got no chance. Emery obviously knew that so he took a chance on trying something new. It didn’t work, but people need to understand here that this isn’t Arsenal “getting found out” and the game shoudn’t really change anyone’s perception of what they are or aren’t. We’re just miles better than them. There’s no shame in that, because we’re miles better than everyone other than City. Arsenal were outplayed by arguably the best side in the world. If we’re not the best, we’re the second best, and the gap between us and Arsenal is massive right now. Without sounding patronising, 3-1 is decent scoreline for them, especially based on how the game went for 75 minutes. They could easily have been looking at four or five (like the previous couple of years), but then we eased off in the latter stages and they got one back to make it look a bit more respectable. The way the game ended cast a slightly disappointing shadow over it, but halfway through that second half I was just sat there marvelling at just how strong this team of ours is. This was Arsenal, not some newly promoted side, yet it was men against boys. Right from the start. I saw our starting line up and compared it with theirs and it was basically over even before it began. I thought maybe Arsenal would go with all three forwards and try to fight fire with fire. If it turned into a shoot out I’d still have backed us, but teams can get lucky as we saw with Spurs at City last week. Arsenal pose more danger than most. Arsenal left Lacazette on the bench and yet even without the extra attacker I thought their side looked weak as fuck. Bringing in David Luiz to fix your defensive issues is like going on a chocolate only diet to solve a weight problem. I really like him as a footballer and maybe as the spare man in a back three he can be useful, but stick him in a back four against our forward line (or any forward line for that matter) and it’s not going to end well. That said, he is better than Mustafi so technically they have upgraded at the position. The midfield looked lightweight too, and so it proved. We just bossed it in there and I have no idea what that Ceballos was meant to be doing. Presumably he’s in there for his eye for a defence splitting pass. We saw that last week when he created a goal for Aubameyeng, and he almost repeated the trick in this game but unfortunately Sadio couldn’t finish after being found in the box with a perfect pass. Seriously, what the hell was Ceballos doing there? It was symptomatic of Arsenal’s game throughout though. They’d get a goal kick, pass it short and then they’d proceed to keep playing little passes in and around their own box until we eventually took it from them. Honestly, it was a miracle that their goal stayed intact as long as it did. I think part of the problem was it took us a while to figure out what they were doing. Not just with the passing it around in their own third, but also with what they were doing when we had the ball. They were so narrow and seemed happy to just let Robbo and Trent have it. I bet they don’t have another game this season in which they have this kind of space. It was crazy. Robb put in two brilliant crosses that deserved to have someone on the end of them. Bobby was a whisker away from one and I think Mo was closest to the other. Trent didn’t quite have his radar going though. He put in plenty of crosses but the delivery wasn’t the best and in fairness it’s not easy when Arsenal had eight men (nine including the keeper) in their box every time we put a ball in. They aren’t the biggest side though and we exploited that. Defending crosses against our front three is one thing, but you could see any time we had a corner that there was a big height advantage for us. I actually said to my Dad early on that Van Dijk or Matip might be our best chance of breaking the deadlock. Virgil almost did but his thumping header smacked Bobby on the ear. Unfortunate that as it would have burst the net. Arsenal knew they had a problem there and were so pre-occupied with stopping him that no-one did anything about Matip. When you look at the goal, Virgil is being dragged all over the place by his shirt and had we not scored there was every chance we’d have gotten a pen there. We did score though, as ‘Big Bird’ just sort of leaned in above everyone and got the side of his head on the ball to send Trent’s corner flying past Leno. I thought Matip was brilliant all game, but to score just capped it off nicely. I didn’t even expect him to play. I’ve said in previous reports I feel as though he should be first choice as he’s done nothing to deserve losing his spot, but because of the threat Arsenal have up top with their speed merchants I expected Gomez would start this one and I was surprised (but not disappointed) when I saw the team. He justified his inclusion and then some. He’s going to take some shifting from this team as he’s fucking brilliant. Free transfer too. I do love a good Bosman. Anyway, the goal was no more than we deserved. I didn’t think it would immediately force Arsenal to change their approach though as teams who are playing defensively tend to not change much at 1-0, not until they get to the latter stages anyway. Arsenal didn’t really seem to change much even when it was 3-0 though! They only started to come out and have a go after Klopp began to make substitutions because the game was over. We just blew them away in the early part of the second half. The penalty was soft but only because Salah stayed on his feet. The shirt pull was there for all to see and although it only impeded Mo’s run slightly, it did impede it and it happened right in front of the ref. Luiz can complain all he likes but if you get wrong side of a forward and you grab a handful of shirt right in front of the ref, what do you think is going to happen? You can grab a shirt when you’re grappling with someone, but when they’ve gone past and you just reach out and grab them then you’re asking for trouble. Mo has developed this weird penalty taking routine that up to now I’ve not really been too taken with. It’s too obvious where he’s putting it for me. The run up is so wide and from such a strange angle that it’s either going down the middle or to the keeper’s right. For some reason Leno dived the other way, but it wouldn’t have mattered as Mo leathered it right into the top corner. Great penalty. He’s been playing superbly this season and looks razor sharp but until this game he hadn’t really gotten much reward for his efforts. His second goal was glorious though. It was the Salah of 17/18 that. It felt like he was doing stuff like that every week back then. Since then he’s had loads of exciting runs like that but usually the finish hasn’t been there. This one was sensational. He got himself isolated with Luiz, who was on a booking after the penalty incident, and he just had him on toast. Luiz got too tight initially, then he didn’t drop off enough and ended up in no man’s land. Not tight enough to stop the turn, too tight to be able to match Mo for pace. The only options he had was to bring him down and pick up a red card, or let him go and hope for the best. He did the right thing I reckon. It was a long way from goal and Mo still had a lot to do. Other defenders were in the vicinity and Luiz was entitled to think that one of them might get across and at least force Salah to do something to beat them. They didn’t. The afterburners went on and he had a clear run into the box before drilling a low shot into the far corner. Sensational stuff. At that point I really thought we’d go on to get five or maybe even more. Arsenal’s heads were all over the place but they were still fannying around in their own final third and inviting pressure. I reckon our lads probably couldn’t believe their luck. It was just too easy. We were pressing them and they couldn’t get out, but at no point did they abandon the approach and start to go long. They just couldn’t get out of their own half, and in fairness it never really looked like they wanted to. On the odd occasion they broke and got the ball to Pepe or Aubameyeng, they were dealt with by Virgil and Joel. There was one nervy moment though when a suspiciously offside looking Aubameyeng raced through the centre. He took an age to make his mind up and that allowed Matip to get back in and make a great challenge. And that brings me to another problem with VAR. The linesman is told not to flag in those situations and to allow it to play out as the video can sort it out later. If Arsenal had scored there, it would have been disallowed as he was actually offside. But because the flag didn’t go up Arsenal got a corner out of it. What if they’d scored from the corner? How is that acceptable? And speaking of VAR, does anyone actually know what that ‘checking for red card’ bollocks was in the first half? As far as I’m aware, the replays didn’t show anything even remotely iffy so what exactly were they looking at? Everyone was hanging around waiting, but I don’t think the time wasn’t added on at the end of the half. Shite. At 3-0 we had our tails up and were just flying around. There was one great moment when Wijnaldum nipped in to rob an Arsenal player and run off down the left wing. They got two players over to cover him, and he just casually ’megged one of them and laid it off inside. Great that. The best party piece of the game though was obviously Bobby’s outrageous chip over Ceballos. His shot was blocked but if he’d banged that into the top corner we might be talking about the greatest goal Anfield has ever seen. I still don’t know how he got that much height on the ball without dragging it back first. He must have feet like fucking spoons to do that. If we could have grabbed a fourth then we might have continued flying at them looking for more, but Arsenal somehow managed to muddle through that wobbly spell and it was almost as though everyone eventually decided enough was enough. Klopp started making changes, the fans just sat back and relaxed (the atmosphere prior to that had been great all day) and the players got sloppy. To be fair, it was roasting hot for once. I was actually wearing shorts. To the match! That almost never happens. Bet it’s freezing and wet next home game. I wouldn’t say Arsenal’s goal had been coming but it did arrive in a spell in which they actually had some meaningful possession in our half for virtually the first time in the game. Every other moment they’d had was a result of a breakaway, but now they were actually playing in our half of the field because we stopped pressing them. The goal was scrappy. Hendo was a bit unlucky that his challenge didn’t stop Torreira. He was in the right place and got his foot in, but the ball just broke nicely for the Uruguayan to fire a low one past Adrian. The skipper probably could have done a bit better there. It was a strange game for him, because I thought he was fucking brilliant and yet he was arguably at fault for a goal and he was incredibly lucky not to have been punished for that mistake in the first half. Some of his passing was glorious though, and his energy was commendable on such a hot day. The changes demo took the momentum out of the game. Milner for Gini was like for like and didn’t change much, but I felt as though the game started to drift when Mané was replaced by Ox. My feelings on Ox as a winger are well documented but this wasn’t specifically about anything he did wrong. It’s just, I don’t know, I feel as though Mané going off allowed Arsenal to draw breath and think “ok, that’s going to make life easier”. Sadio wasn’t even involved in anything that significant but he’s such a fucking menace. He never stops and you can see that opponents are terrified of him these days. His departure affected us, but it also lifted Arsenal. Bobby going off for Lallana also basically let them play about forty yards higher up the pitch than they had been, but the game was won by that point and I have no issue with protecting the front three when possible. I do feel for the likes of Shaq and Divock though when Klopp would rather use Ox and Lallana out of position than give them a run out. Shaq especially just never seems to see the field regardless of how comfortable we are in games. No wonder he’s frustrated. All in all though, another great day at Anfield even though it almost felt like just a typical day at the office. The bar has been set so high by City and ourselves that no-one else is able to even get close. We’re both so much better than everyone else it’s ridiculous. Last week City made Spurs look like a relegation side (freak result aside) and this week we were pushing Arsenal around like they were a little kid in the playground. At Anfield I don’t think anyone other than City can even give us a proper game. Away from home it’s different, especially when Europe comes around and we’re playing twice a week. That can be more difficult, but it’s hard to envisage anyone other than City being able to take points at Anfield. That doesn’t mean it won’t happen, as freak results can happen and there’s always a potential ‘Leicester from last year’ game around the corner where we don’t play to our best and key decisions don’t go our way, but Anfield is a place where no-one wants to go anymore. Star man could have been anyone from about half a dozen. Bobby was brilliant, Robbo was Robbo, Virgil was imperious, Salah electric and Hendo top drawer. I’m giving it to Matip though. He was great. I don’t buy replica shirts anymore and even if I did I wouldn’t get a player’s name on it, but if you put a gun to my head right now and forced me to wear one, I reckon I’d go with Joel, because even though he’s ace we’ve got so many quality players now that hardly anyone is going to go in the shop and ask for “Matip 32”. They should though, because he’s boss. Team: Adrian; Alexander-Arnold, Matip, Van Dijk, Robertson; Fabinho, Henderson, Wijnaldum (Milner); Salah, Firmino (Lallana), Mané (Oxlade-Chamberlain):

Saturday Aug 17: Southampton 1 L 2 You know, it’s easy to pick holes in performances sometimes and if we’re being honest, there was a lot about this one that wasn’t good. But when you consider what the boys had to contend with this week, they were never going to be at their absolute best and it’s therefore pointless analysing the performance too much. All that matters is finding a way to win, and they did. They nearly always do these days. “Mentality Monsters”. If Adrian doesn’t make that horrendous fuck up we win this one comfortably and we’re all talking about what a good away display that was. The first was shite, but we played pretty well second half and it was only that blunder that made things a bit hairy. Adrian got away with it big time there though because if Ings hadn’t missed that sitter soon after then everyone would be taking about him. Like Alisson at Leicester last year though, it didn’t cost us so we can look back and laugh. He needs to be much more careful in future though because that casual shit just isn’t acceptable. Thing is though, this is almost inevitable now because managers want their keepers to play out from the back. It doesn’t matter how good they are with their feet (and Adrian is decent), it’s risky and at some point they’ll get caught out. I’m not necessarily saying I want my keeper to launch it all the time, but equally he doesn’t need to always be looking to play fucking slide rule passes to his defenders either. On a positive note though, how good was it seeing Ox back in midfield and playing like that? All things being equal, with everyone fit and one their best form, I think he makes my best eleven you know. Maybe not for every game and a lot of it is opposition dependant (no problem with the ‘three grafters’ set up when we play top sides), but Ox gives us that something a bit different from the others. I just hope he can stay fit now. Also today, I watched the last half an hour of the u18s game today and it was great entertainment. They beat stoke 3-2 with a last minute winner, and what a goal it was. 16 year old Layton Stewart latched onto a brilliant ball by Jake Cain and finished with a mid-air flicked volley lob over the keeper. Firmino-esque it was. He’s supposed to be one to watch. I didn’t see much of him prior to the goal but that finish was so fucking good. There’s a big French lad at the back who caught the eye too. Billy Koumetio. He’s 16 but physically he stands out at this level in the way Big Virg does at senior level. I’m gonna try and watch the 18s as much as I can this year. Sunday Aug 18: So it seems that with yesterday’s win, Klopp became the fastest Liverpool manager to reach 300 points. He doesn’t have a league title to show for that but as I keep saying, none of the sides of the past had to deal with anything like Guardiola’s Man City. I maintain this is the best side we’ve ever had, and although this stat doesn’t really mean a great deal in the grand scheme of things, I feel as though it’s more validation to my view that this team right now is our best ever. The mad thing is is only feels like yesterday that we were being subjected to the weekly comparison with Brendan’s points tally. Meanwhile, Marko Grujic says that former team-mate Phil Coutinho “will be the best player in Germany”. Second best, surely? I mean come on big fella, where’s your self belief? I’m not sure Coutinho will even be the best player at Bayern, let alone the whole league. It all depends on how much his confidence has been knocked by Barca. I wouldn’t have worried about that if we’d brought him back, as Klopp could probably even have me thinking I could go out there and score 30 goals a season (I guarantee my mate John is reading this and thinking “not sure about 30, but you could defo get 25”). Klopp would have had Coutinho back to his old self in no time. Whether Bayern’s coach can do that or not who knows, and frankly now, who cares. I’m interested to see how he does there, but I’m neither rooting for nor against him. Timo Werner is reportedly running down his contract and will be a free agent next summer. Bayern are favourites to get him but we’re STILL being linked with, even though when you actually stop and think about it, we’ve never really done anything to suggest we’re in the slightest bit interested in him. We might be if he’s on a free though. Bet he ends up at Juve though, the bargain bin rummaging through tightwad fucks. Shaq is making some noises about not being satisfied. Nothing he said was especially dramatic but it was enough to give the click baiters what they crave. Basically he thinks he should play more and is hoping to find a solution. Nothing to see here really, he’s got a point but until he gets out on the pitch and actually gets the chance to show he should play more, he can’t really do anything about it. He’s not going to start much and I think he understands that, as there are world class players ahead of him. I think his frustration (and mine) comes from the fact that when subs are made late in games that are in the bag, he still doesn’t usually get on. If Milner is on the bench, Klopp will always bring him on at some point. Same with Hendo actually. Shaq’s problem is that Ox, Lallana and Origi will also be sent on before him. I feel sorry for him, he’s too good to never play. Klopp must have a fucking heart of stone as I just couldn’t do it. One look at Shaq’s little face would be enough for me. I’d be like “You go on and have some fun little fella” and I’d rub his little head. Regardless of what happened on the pitch, seeing his little beaming smile would be worth it. Monday Aug 19: Harry Wilson scored for Bournemouth at the weekend and Klopp sent him a message of congratulations along with a selfie. Imagine being one of his players, you’d constantly be pissing yourself at the mad shit he does. You just know he was pulling some mad face on that selfie. It's going to be interesting to see how Harry does there, because it does feel as though Klopp likes him enough that he wants to give him time and wait for him to develop. He was good at the weekend so that's a perfect start for him. Mo did an interview with CNN and was asked about his future. We got the usual stuff about ‘happy at the club’ ‘happy in the city’ and that has been used for countless articles today on how that means he’ll be staying and talk of him leaving next summer is therefore without foundation. A lot of the talk is because Neville was goading Carra and said ““Salah’s going to leave in the next 12 months, I can see it already. “He [Carragher] knows, he won’t say it. I can see it, you can feel it, you can smell it, you know when a player’s like…” He's shit-stirring but I sort of feel the same way you know. The only thing giving me pause is that I don’t really see any club out there who could afford him. Maybe Mo would fancy a crack at playing for one of the big two in Spain, but they don’t have the cash. Well, Madrid might do as they’re like Joe Pesci in Goodfellas, constantly buying shit and saying “yeah yeah put it on my tab”. Their level of debt is massive, yet they still spend £300m this summer or something. If they could do that again then I reckon it would be “bye bye Mo, hello Jaden or Kylian” next summer. Hope not, but it wouldn't shock me. Are we in for Michel Vorm? Achteburg said we’d had talks with him but it wasn’t clear if he meant weeks ago or if we were still looking at it. It’d be a bit of a slap in the face for Adrian if we did bring him in. The only way it would be acceptable is if Alisson’s injury is worse than we’re being told, but the man himself keeps reassuring us he’s fine, so fingers crossed he’s not bullshitting us the way Klopp tends to. Meanwhile, the u23s were spanked at Chelsea tonight. Really disappointing performance considering the exciting talent in the side. Hoever, Van Den Berg, Jones, Larouci, Brewster, Elliott… they should be much better than this but they got battered. Granted, Chelsea had a bit more experience in their side and Batshuayi scored twice, but they were just miles better all over the park and clearly these kids of ours have some developing to do, especially on the physical side of things. They’ve conceded ten goals in three games so far this season. That shit needs cleaning up. Tuesday Aug 20: Klopp is hinting at retirement in a couple of years. Fucking hell. We are where we are right now solely because of him. That’s right, I said it, it’s 100% because of him. Of course others have contributed, but not one of them (players, staff or Michael Edwards) would be looking as good as they are without Klopp. What we’re seeing now, it’s still all on him and we’d still be bumming around hoping to sneak 4th every other year if he hadn’t arrived. He’s had the biggest impact on the club since Shankly when he arrived and transformed the place. We’ve been close to being really good at times since we last won the title and we’ve had some very good managers. We’ve had nothing like Klopp though. What he’s done is incredible, especially as it wasn’t achieved off the back of an open cheque book. Without him, we’ll just drift back into the pack again. Of that I’m sure. I mean who else is there who we could bring in? Pochettino is probably the next best out there, but would he have us at the level we are now? Not for me, even though I do think he’s great in his own right. There’s Guardiola too of course. He’s the next best manager out there behind Klopp, so maybe Edwards should be testing the water there. Ask him if in a couple of years he wants to manage a proper football club instead of that joke of an environment he’s in now? Ok, I wasn’t being entirely serious there (although thinking about it, it’s not as ridiculous as it initially seemed when I started saying it), but we are going to need a contingency plan in case Klopp doesn’t stick around. So what do we do? Personally I think it’s fairly obvious that if Klopp were to retire, within six months he’d be itching to get back in again, just like when he left Dortmund and his ‘year off’ turned into a few months. Shankly regretted quitting and would have come back. Kenny has admitted that once his batteries were recharged he would have liked to have come back too. So if Klopp won’t sign a new deal, offer him double the money with a clause allowing him a year off at any time he chooses. Let Ljinders or someone fill in until he wants to come back. Basically do whatever it takes to keep him, even if it’s something as unorthodox as that. “No individual is bigger than the club” but Klopp is as close as you’ll ever get. Meanwhile, we’ve rejected a loan offer from a Danish club for Bobby Duncan. Bit random that like. I don’t really see what we’d have gained by it, but usually when there’s talk like this it’s because the player is being hawked around behind the scenes (either by club or agent). He’d be much better off playing in the u23s this season and learning the system. If he does well at that level, then loan him out, but he’s got a long, long way to go yet. He’s got something about him and he knows where the net is, but to play in our front three you need to be so well rounded and at this point Bobby isn’t. Wednesday Aug 21: ‘Big Sexy’ is reportedly on his way out at Juve. Surprising in the sense that he didn’t really make much of an impression over there (a league that slow should have suited him perfectly), but not surprising that those scabby bastards are looking to cash in after signing him on a free. Mind you, considering the massively inflated salary they gave him they might not make too much on the deal, as no-one else is stupid enough to match that wage. No-one except United, but our window is shut so they can't do anything even if they wanted to. Can's a good player but if those reports of his salary were accurate they were paying him more than we pay Van Dijk and Salah. Crazy. It’s funny the way he was virtually forgotten about the second he walked out the door though. I can’t ever remember an established player leaving us and the fans just never giving him a second thought afterwards. It was almost like he was never here. We got Fabinho, who’s a much better player, and we picked up 97 points and won a Champions League. Emre picked up a Series A winner’s medal but he was a bit part player and now he’s been placed in the discount bin because they’ve replaced him with some more shiny new toys. Several players have left Liverpool and gone on to better things, but most don’t. And fewer still continue to have things so good when they leave Kloppo. Which brings me nicely to Daniel Sturridge, who today signed for Trabsonzspor. I didn’t see that coming. I was convinced he’d be headed to the MLS, and this is a strange one for me. I just can’t figure out what the appeal is for him going there. I give it less than a year before he’s looking for another club. Also today, Jaden Sancho has signed a new deal at Dortmund. Doesn’t necessarily mean anything other than they’ll get a bigger fee when he leaves, but you do have to wonder why he would sign this if he was - as claimed - planning on returning to England next summer. Thursday Aug 22: The Anny Road is apparently going to be extended to take the capacity over 60k. At least that’s what the club are implying having allowed the previous planning application to expire having done nothing with it. Whether it happens or not we’ll see. I wonder what would be a realistic number for us to fill every week though? 65 maybe? Possibly 70? We could probably do 80k if ticket prices were lowered, but that’s never going to happen. They’ve put a freeze on it after what happened last time they went for an increase, but you know they’ll be looking to sneak that through just as soon as they feel they can do it without a big backlash. Saw a clickbait headline today that read “Unai Emery reveals the one advantage Liverpool have ahead of this weekend’s fixture”. Presumably that advantage is being fucking miles better than them? Speaking of clickbait, the Echo continues to scrape the barrel for content. “We 'signed' reported £91m target Kai Havertz for Liverpool with spectacular results”. I looked at that and I’m thinking “don’t click as you’ll only end up getting wound up by what you see” so I didn’t click and I moved on. And then I kept thinking, what the fuck were they on about? They didn’t sign him on Footy Manager and write an article based on that, surely? I mean that would be fucking ludicrous. So I went back and almost clicked it. But I didn’t, I carried on with my day. But it continued to bother me. It had to have been footy manager, or Fifa. Would they really do that just to get an article out of it? So I went back, and yep, that’s exactly what they did. It almost defies belief. Someone signed him, then let the season play out on simulation mode and then compiled a detailed report on how his season went. Goals, assists, key passes, what position he mostly played in…. I mean fucking hell, is this where we are now? No wonder so many of our fans on social media are fucking clueless and post shite about wanting to swap the likes of Henderson and Milner for players they only know from fucking Fifa games. Jesus Christ. I’m irrationally angry now, both at the Echo for what they’ve become, and myself for giving them the click. Friday Aug 23: New deal for Ox. Made up for him. There was a feature on him yesterday by Neil Jones at goal.com that really put into perspective what Ox went through. We don’t really get it as fans because we aren’t seeing the daily grind that the injured lads have to go through. We also didn’t know that the injury he had was described at the time by one of the physics as “as bad as it gets”. His knee was completely fucked up and his hamstring muscle was detached from the knee and to be reattached. They didn’t tell us any of this at the time, but you read about it now and it’s like “fucking hell Ox!”. Just so good to have him back and hopefully we'll see him pick up where he left off, as he was looking great until that night against Roma. Looks like Nike might be the new kit makers and it could be a crazy amount of money. Said it before, I’d prefer Adidas just because it would remind me of the 80s and because they could bring out all the boss throwback kits. I’ve got mates who’d rather stay with NB because they like the gear. Ultimately I’m not really arsed. Speaking of not really arsed, Fernando Torres retired today. I’m not really arsed, because in his last 12 months here he was not really arsed. .... and that was the week that was.

All votes are in and the Liverpool Way 'Hall of Fame, Class of 2019' has been decided. It was very close, particularly for the final spot where a tie break vote was needed to separate Phil Thompson and Ian St John. However, even the tie break failed to split them so in the end we had no choice but to include both and therefore this year, five players will be inducted. Whereas last year four names clearly emerged from the pack, this time it was much closer. After missing out for the previous two years, Jamie Carragher finally gets his due and will be joined by Kevin Keegan (who had also missed out twice) and Phil Neal, who goes in at the second time of asking after narrowly missing out last year. Joining them are Thompson and St John, who were both first time nominees this year. The breakdown of the voting was as follows: As you can see below, Keegan was the clear winner with Tommy Smith one vote ahead of Neal in second spot. Carragher just held off Steve Nicol for fourth. The TLW contributors vote broke down like this: Jeff Goulding (Scott, Neal, St John, Carragher), Paul Natton (Carragher, Fowler, Nicol, Thompson), Chris Smith (Thompson, St John, Smith, Carragher), John Gallagher (Neal, Scott, Carragher, Thompson), Julian Richards (Carragher, Keegan, St John, Thompson), Dan Thomas (Thompson, Carragher, Scott, Keegan), Stu Montagu (Neal, Keegan, Nicol, Thompson). Totals: Carragher 6, Thompson 6, Neal 3, Keegan 3, Scott 3, St John 3, Nicol 2, Fowler 1, Smith 1 Note: Scott, St John, Neal and Keegan were tied on 3 votes so the tie breaker was the community vote above. Keegan and Neal received the most votes in the website poll so they get the nod. Phil Neal - The most successful LFC player ever. That has to be enough to get him in. Kevin Keegan - LFC's first 'superstar' player. He was man of the match in the first European Cup final success in 1977, which ended an incredible journey that he and other young players had originally started with Shankly in the late 60s. Terry McDermott - Possibly underrated because so much of the credit and glory went to those around him but he was the perfect all round midfielder and delivered big goals when it mattered. Jamie Carragher - The longer time goes by the more people realise how important he and Stevie were in keeping us relevant during a tough part in our history. It’s only when you see how good our signings are now you appreciate the shit they had to put up with! Jamie Carragher - A leader. You could hear his voice from anywhere, whether on the pitch or in the stands. A natural winner who gave everything he had for the red shirt and wouldn’t accept anyone who didn’t do likewise. They say the best players are the quickest thinkers and Carra read the game so well because he was such a quick thinker on the pitch. He’s quick off it too, not many get the better of him! Robbie Fowler - I would always watch and admire how clinical Robbie was in training. “Good finish” “Great goal” “Quality” “Class”. It was constant because he would hit the net with unerring accuracy and regularity. It looked effortless but it’s a talent you can’t teach. I only had the chance to play up top with him once, in the glamorous surroundings of a pre-season friendly at Lincoln! I have no idea of the result or if either of us scored, but I do know that I get to say I played up front with a man who was one of our best ever strikers! Ian St John - Saint was from an era we don’t see much footage of but he was one of the legendary figures everyone inside the club spoke highly of when I was there. He made a massive impact. I got to interview him once and I was nervous about it because he is such a big name in the world of football. He was amazing to talk with though. Honest, interesting and funny, talking about signing for Liverpool and playing for Shanks to working on 'Saint and Greavsie'. Talking with him made me realise just how much he achieved at Liverpool. He was also a big reason why my Dad ended up signing for Sheffield Wednesday. He must have rated my Dad so that’s another reason for me to like him! Phil Thompson - 'Thommo' was my coach at Liverpool during the Houllier era. He knew what it was all about to play for Liverpool. Coming through the Academy I had seen the pictures and the footage of 'Thommo' lifting trophies for the club and it made me want to listen more. I wanted to impress him and to get his approval on the training pitch. As a defender he is always mentioned as one of our greats and when I was around him those years at the club I got to see the incredible passion he has for Liverpool. I now work on the same Saturday afternoon football show as him on Sky, so I have to back my colleague and former coach! Jamie Carragher - Second on the all time appearances list with 737. Only Ian Callaghan has pulled the shirt on more times. That in itself is justification for this selection but there are plenty of other reasons too. Doesn't really get the recognition he deserves in my opinion. How many players stay at one club their entire career? Very few. Legend. Phil Neal - His unrivalled list of honours made this an easy decision. He won everything and he never missed any games, playing through all sorts of injuries including broken bones. Also chipped in with vital goals. I picked him last year and he just missed out. He has to go in this year, surely? Kevin Keegan - Probably doesn’t get the love he deserves on account of him moving away when he was in his prime, and also because he was replaced by Kenny Dalglish. He was a great player and the club's first superstar, so he’s an obvious choice for me this year. Ian St John - This was the most difficult one as I almost went for Tommy Smith. It was a toss up between 'the Saint' and 'the Sinner' if you like. I went for the one with the least ‘baggage’ in the end. Mind you, I was pretty down on St John for a while due to his vendetta against Gerard Houllier, but that’s long forgotten and I have to say the video LFC put out where James Milner was showing him around Melwood is one of the best things I’ve seen in ages. The Saint is an Anfield legend and older Reds who grew up in the 60s idolise him. That’ll do for me. Totals: Jamie Carragher 5, Kevin Keegan 4, Phil Neal 4, Phil Thompson and Ian St John 2 each. Thompson and St John also finished tied in the fan poll on 176 votes each so it went to a head to head elimination vote on the forum, and once again the vote was split right down the middle. Short of tossing a coin, there wasn't really any alternative but to include both. Others: Robbie Fowler 1, Tommy Smith 1, Terry McDermott 1. So there you have it, that's it for another year. See you next year when we'll have five new names (yet to be determined) joining the remaining five from this year to see who goes in as the Class of 2020.

It was all happening this weekend with the ol’ VAR wasn’t it? The biggest drama was at the Etihad where City thought they’d scored a stoppage time winner only for the video ref to disallow it. For that to happen to them twice, against the same opponent, in the space of just a few months is incredible. It’s also funny as hell. It was a weird game really, and a completely freakish result. Sterling had headed City in front from a stunning De Bruyne cross. Spurs equalised out of nowhere when Lamela’s shot somehow beat Emerson from 20 yards. City then regained the lead when Aguero tapped in another glorious cross from De Bruyne, only for Lucas Moura to come off the bench and equalise within about five seconds. Then we had the stoppage time incident that provoked so much discussion all weekend. Jesus scored and nobody had even the slightest inkling there was anything dodgy about it, until after a delay of a couple of minutes we discovered it wouldn’t stand. Fantastic scenes, I won’t lie, I was laughing my balls off, partly due to relief but mainly because I could hardly believe this had happened to them again. So much for lightning never striking in the same place. There was much debate amongst the pundits afterwards. Carra was steadfastly fighting the corner of VAR while everyone else seemed to be moaning about it. Carra’s point was that the new handball rule is the problem and all VAR did was allow the officials to enforce the rule, so it actually did it’s job perfectly. That’s as may be, but if we didn’t have VAR then no-one would be arsed about that rule and indeed it probably would never have been introduced in the first place. Here’s what I said about that rule last week…. Wolves had a goal bizarrely ruled out by VAR. I’m irrationally angry about it because if the ball had hit the arm of a defender like that rather than the attacker, there’s not a chance in hell a penalty would have been given, so why was this disallowed? I’ll tell you why. Because the law changed and now if the ball hits an attackers arm / hand, even accidentally, it’s no goal. What a fucking shit rule, but it’s what I’ve come to expect now as these cunts in suits are ruining our game. So, let me know say… *Monty Burns voice* I’ve had one of my trademark changes of heart. God bless VAR, the new handball rule and all of those who conspired to make that glorious moment at the Etihad happen. Ok, in all seriousness, I’m made up City didn’t win but that whole situation was terrible and it’s not what I want to see. I’m starting to hate what football is becoming with this shit. I’ve got no love for City or their fans, but that shit just wasn’t right. The ball hit the hand of two players at the same time, but the only one that counts is the attacker? Bullshit. Stupid fucking rule that I reckon will probably be scrapped after one year because everyone hates it. If only I could say the same about fucking VAR. That’s here to stay, because it’s all about catering for the TV audience and nobody gives a shit about the match going fan, whose experience of the game is being completely ruined by this shit. VAR also denied City a penalty early on when Rodri was manhandled in the box by Lamela. Michael Oliver didn’t see it as he was looking at other players in the box, but surely this is the whole reason why you’d have the video? I don’t know what’s going on or what the point of it is. It used to be that the ref would go to the touchline and have a look for himself, before deciding what decision to give. They’ve scrapped that, and apparently now it’s all down to some junior ref sat watching a TV to decide if the proper ref out on the pitch got it wrong. As if some little YTS ref is going to tell Oliver he’s fucked up. This is causing more problems than it’s solving, and people are spending more time bitching about VAR than they were about refs fucking up decisions. Anyway, all that being said, it was funny seeing various City players take to social media to complain about it. None of them knew the rule had been changed, which tells me that they didn’t listen when the ref came to visit the training ground to explain it all to them. It also tells me they don’t watch Match of the Day, as if they did they’d have seen that Wolves ‘goal’ last week. They’d have also heard Shearer and Murphy complaining about the rule and they’d therefore know exactly why their winner was ruled out. Tell you what though, as happy as I am that Spurs took two points off them, I have to say that City murdered them and Spurs looked fucking hopeless. It was daylight robbery. One of the most one sided draws you’ll ever see. City had 30 attempts and Spurs had three. The result is brilliant for us but I can’t take too much from it because Spurs are the third best team in the country and they were barely able to even lay a glove on City, despite the flukey scoreline. It’s a bit demoralising in that sense. Aguero and Guardiola had a bit of a set to after the Argentinian was subbed. They kissed and made up after they thought Jesus had won it, but something isn’t right there. Pair of knobheads. And did you see Jesus kicking off at Oliver at full time? The daft bastard. It wasn’t Oliver’s decision, there’s no point giving him shit. He may as well have been yelling at one of the stewards, as they had as much say in what happened as Oliver did. Guardiola wasn’t happy about the whole VAR thing afterwards but it was a bit much that he started going on about Adrian being a few inches off his line in the Super Cup shoot out a few days before. Stalking cunt. We should get a restraining order out against him, the fucking weirdo. De Bruyne meanwhile, was the epitome of class about it. He usually is. I wish he didn’t play for them as he’s a top lad and an incredible player. Over to the Emirates now, where Lacazette squeezed a shot through the legs of Pope to set Arsenal on their way to three points against Burnley. Ashley Barnes equalised (I said last week he’d get 15 goals this year and he’s already a fifth of the way there after just two games) but Aubameyeng won it in the second half. The Gunners were good value for the points as they looked dangerous every time they attacked. Dyche has never taken points off Arsenal. They’re his Kryptonite. That might explain why he’s always moaning after he faces them. He had another big rant about diving after this one, which was a bit odd as there wasn’t really too much out of the ordinary happening. Actually that may be his point. This shit has become ‘normal’ now. I agree with everything he says about players going down too easily and that it’s not good for the game. Thing is though, Ashley Barnes is as good as anyone at doing that. He backs in, waits for contact and hits the deck. It’s not as blatant as some of the more orthodox dives you see, but it’s essentially the same thing. I’d like to know where Dyche stands on that, especially as he’s a former centre back. New Arsenal signing Pepe came off the bench and looked really lively. We might have our hands full this weekend if he starts alongside Aubameyeng and Lacazette. Thankfully their defence is still as bad as ever. It took just 45 seconds for Villa’s first home game back in the big league to turn sour, as Tom Heaton gave away a stupid penalty and Josh King buried it. Harry Wilson scored Bournemouth’s second goal with a shot from distance. It took a massive deflection, but still, that’s a nice start for him and he played well. Villa pulled one back through one of their new signings, Douglas Luiz. Not sure what to make of him yet, other than to say his hair is shocking and he contributed to Wilson’s goal with a stupid dummy. His goal was brilliant though, so he might be good. We’ll see. Tell you who is good. Norwich. They’re really fun to watch. I said after we beat them last week that I think they showed enough to convince me that they were going to be alright this season. The only thing holding me back from declaring them as ‘defo staying up’ was that I said the same stuff about Fulham last year. I was still saying it even after the turn of the year when they were well adrift. I flogged that dead horse for months and I don’t want to make that mistake again. Norwich though, I really think they might be decent. By decent I don’t just mean staying up by the skin of their teeth, I mean ‘Bournemouth decent’ where they’re comfortable in mid table. I’m going to wait until after next week’s round up to make any definitive predictions about top four and relegation etc though, so don’t hold me to that one yet. I suspect Norwich’s defence is probably shit but they play great football and that Pukki up front looks the business. I was really impressed with him at Anfield and he followed that up by banging in a hat-trick against Newcastle. He can defo play. We’ve seen strikers have little purple patches before only for it to turn out that they’re shite. Michael Ricketts managed to get an England call up based on a few months of massive over-achievement, and remember that fella from Wigan who scored an overhead kick and looked great for about a month? What was his name? Began with a ‘Z’ I think. *googles* Amr Zaki. He scored 10 goals in 16 games, got linked with Real Madrid and then completely reverted back to what he was before. Shite. I don’t think Pukki is one of those though. He looks like a very good striker. His movement is great and his finishing has been sharp so far. He reminds me a little bit of Danny Ings and I can definitely see him being crowned ‘my boy Pukki’ in the not too distant future. Newcastle look lost. Rafa was able to keep them competitive but will Bruce be able to do that? We’ll see, but he’s got his work out. That club is so fucked up I almost feel sorry for the fans. Then I remember the “USA” chants and the tiresome “sign on” crap. No sympathy from me. Over at Goodison, Bernard scored for Everton to give them a 1-0 win over Watford. Bernard goals come around about as often as Halley’s Comet. He’s a Brazilian Stewart Downing. Nothing more pointless than a forward who never scores and Bernard is almost as pointless as Theo Walcott. Not quite though, as there is nothing on this planet that’s as pointless as Theo Walcott. Watford had their chances and would have gone home with a point if their finishing had been better. Meanwhile, Brighton’s decent start continued with a home draw with West Ham that leaves them on four points from two games. Hernandez gave West Ham the lead but Brossard scored on his debut to equalise. He’d earlier had one ruled out by VAR and he had about ten shots in the game, which is twice as many as Brighton had as an entire team in the second half of last season. Onto Sunday now. Chelsea started well but fizzled out against Leicester on Lampard’s Stamford Bridge homecoming. Mount fired them in front after six minutes and it had been coming as they were all over Brendan’s team right from the off. Brilliant goal it was too. Great pressing and desire as well as a nice finish. Kepa almost undid their good start when he was caught dawdling on the ball by Vardy. What have I said about this shit? Any keeper who takes more than one touch when Vardy is on the pitch should be fined two weeks wages. I’m not kidding. It’s just fucking negligent. These cunts are just not paying attention and it winds me right up. Kepa was standing around, surveying his options, thinking he had all day. He just about got away with it but it deserved to be punished really. Leicester eventually began to get a foothold in the game and Maddison became increasingly influential. Ndidi equalised when he powered in an unmarked header from a corner. Maddison, Vardy and Tielemans all could have won it for Leicester who finished the game really strongly. Leicester might actually fancy their chances of finishing above Chelsea this season. Sheffield United got their first win and are sitting pretty on four points from two games. They look alright so far. They’re competitive and won’t be a pushover. They aren’t as easy on the eye as Norwich but they’re not your typical Sheffield United alehouse team either. I always think of them as horrible bastards, launching it to Brian Deane or Jostein Flo up top. At one point they were basically just Wimbledon of the North, but they play some good stuff now under Chris Wilder. Lundstrom rounded off a nice team move to set them on their way just after half time. They didn’t really threaten much before or after that but they were never in any danger defensively as they completely shut Palace down and just looked like they wanted it more. There were seven minutes added on at the end and the home fans were understandably nervous. They needn’t have been. They could have added on seven weeks and Palace wouldn’t have scored. They offered nothing. Zaha has mentally checked out at the moment and without him on form they’ve not got much hope. They seem to start badly every year though so this is nothing new. It does feel a little bit different though. They haven’t strengthened much (in fact they’ve lost Wan Bissaka and Batshuayi so they’re actually weaker) and their best player has a titty lip on him. They might go down this year depending on how well the newly promoted sides do. Monday night was a good laugh, even though the Mancs played better than I expected at Wolves. Nothing special, they still looked bang average but I expected them to lose quite comfortably so from that perspective they overachieved. Apparently they were pretty good in the first half but I only tuned it at half time so I missed that. The second half mostly belonged to Wolves and they deservedly got their equaliser when Neves picked out the top corner with a lovely strike. Of course VAR then had to stick it’s fucking oar in and kill the moment. Wolves fans are going mental about one of the best goals they’ll have seen in ages, and then all of a sudden the dreaded VAR review comes and everyone is sitting around holding their dicks, waiting to see what happens. The goal stood, but the moment was still ruined. All this examining offsides to the exact millimetre is just tiresome. I don’t really know what the answer is, as if you’re reviewing it then I suppose it has to be turned into a black and white issue and you can’t say “he’s only a little bit offside so we’ll let it go”. I’m not giving you any solutions, I’m just saying this is shit and I hate it. I’d rather live with incorrect offside decisions than put up with this shit all the time. One small positive to come from VAR though is players now know that if they’ve committed a foul in the box and the ref gives it, there’s no point protesting your innocence and causing a scene. Conor Coady clipped Pogba and when the ref blew he didn’t bother saying anything, because he knew. He’d caught him and VAR would show it. What happened next was great though. Rashford had scored from the spot in spectacular fashion last week, but Pogba told Rashford he wanted it. Rashford seemed fine about it, but Pogba missed. Couple of things on this. Firstly, it wasn’t a bad pen and at least he wasn’t acting the fool with the stupid run up. It was a great save. Secondly, I don’t really think Pogba himself deserves the blame for that, as it’s 100% on Solksjaer and his weak as piss approach. “Let the lads sort it out, we have two penalty takers so whoever feels confident can take it”. Get the fuck outta here. They’re always going to feel confident, they wouldn’t be penalty takers if they didn’t. Everyone at United knows Rashford should be on pens but nobody at United has the balls to tell Pogba that. So they fudged it. This was like David Moores going with joint-managers because he didn’t have it in him to tell Roy he had to go. Pogba has everyone at United by the balls. I thought Gary Neville was going to cry afterwards. His voice went so high at one point that I couldn’t even hear him. I thought the sound had gone off on the TV. Then my two dogs started howling. His voice was that high that even Carra was taking the piss out of it, saying “you sound like me!”. You could tell Neville wanted to call Solskjaer a massive fanny but instead he tip toed around it and did his best to imply Pogba’s ego was the problem. Nope, this is all on the manager, your mate Ole. Pogba is not a good penalty taker but because he’s somehow managed to convince so many people that he’s a great player, nobody is willing to tell him. I mean fucking hell, Neville actually named him as his ‘one to watch’ and said he could even be Player of the Season. The only way that happens is if the hundred or so other Premier League players who are better than him all decide to retire at once. I’m genuinely baffled by all this. People go on about how talented Pogba is, but it’s completely fucking mental. I don’t see it at all. Being able to pull the occasional brilliant long ball out of your arse every now and again, or having the technical ability to hit the odd good volley just doesn’t make you a special player. Pogba’s fanboys will point to these things as proof of how great he is while completely ignoring all the massive flaws and countless shit performances. The way some people talk about Pogba you’d swear he was Kevin De Bruyne. The Belgian can do all of the things that supposedly make Pogba ’special’ but he does a hell of a lot more besides, and he doesn’t have any of the huge flaws in his game that Pogba has. Judging a player based on the occasional bit of brilliance and not on the overall package is such a fucking millennial thing though. Having a good FIFA rating is more important than actually delivering on the pitch. Paul Pogba is shit. He’s a liability and I hope he stays with United for the rest of his career. I also hope they let him take their penalties too.

In TLW's ongoing series focussing on our upcoming opponents, next up is Arsenal at Anfield on Saturday evening. Dave Seager (@goonerdave66) of gunnerstown.com was able to give an insight about what to expect from our North London rivals. Two wins from two, you must be happy with the solid start to the season? Yes delighted. Neither victory has been pretty but when you are waiting for stars to return from summer international duty, as well as blending in new signings and youth players, that is to be expected. In addition to that, you must be delighted with the business you did in the summer on a somewhat minimal budget? Oddly, we did end up with a net spend of around the rumoured figure but with spread payments on the purchases, obviously a loan and many players leaving who were surplus to requirements, we did exceptionally well. Who of all the new signings have impressed you the most and what has made them stand out in your view? We have only seen two cameos from (Nicolas) Pepe but enough to know we have an exciting talent to give us the pace and trickery on the flanks we have lacked. (Dani) Ceballos however, with a full 90 minutes last weekend looks a shining gem of a player. It remains to be seen if he stays at 10 or drops deeper as we progress but his ball retention and speed of thought will be vital against high pressing teams like yourselves. He reminds me of Santi Cazorla and that is high praise. David Luiz raised an eyebrow or two, but at £8 million he brings a winning mentality and will assist us in playing out from the back. Which members of your first team squad do you think can progress to the next level this season? I am looking forward to seeing (Lucas) Torreira’s second campaign, now he is fully adjusted to the league and I am perhaps not in the majority but feel the sky is the limit for (Matteo) Guendouzi. That said he will face a stern challenge from young Joe Willock (below) who now seems ready to challenge. The first season at a new club is a tough one for any manager, let alone someone who is coming to a foreign league and taking over from an iconic figure such as Arsene Wenger. How do you think Unai Emery has adapted to the club and what would you like to see him improve on in his second season? I think that most are wiling him to succeed but he lost a few supporters as we tailed off at the end of last season. He now has a large majority of his own squad and has been well backed by the club, so we need to see not only an improvement but also what his style of play is. For so long under Wenger we had a style and I am not sure we yet fully know what Unai’s is. I hope that having Edu and Ljungberg in and around the coaching set-up will help him. Arsenal has enjoyed some memorable moments at Anfield over the years, but it has been tough going of late. What are your thoughts heading into this fixture on Saturday evening? I suspect Emery will go with an alternative approach and play cautiously at the outset with three at the back and wingbacks. He will hope to stay in the game and play on the counter, exploiting space left by your advanced fullbacks. If we are in the match in the second half I think he will add pace from the bench. I would be happy with a draw. Where do you think Liverpool’s strength lies and conversely, do you believe there an area that Emery can expose? Liverpool’s obvious strength is the front three, fabulous fullbacks and well-drilled high press. If there are weaknesses, as I said above it is when the fullbacks bomb on they leave gaps and your midfield is not overly creative, whichever three Klopp selects. I am not sure of the stand-in keeper either. If there was one Liverpool player that you could put into the Arsenal line-up who would be and why? VVD for obvious reasons, given our defensive frailties. Do you have a score prediction for Saturday? Goals for sure – 2-2 would be what my heart says, but my head says 3-1 to LFC.

This was a great win. Potentially huge, as it's games like this where successful sides really separate themselves from the rest. Like many of the games in the early part of last season, it wasn’t especially pretty but it didn’t need to be. It’s all about results, especially when the circumstances are as difficult as this. Klopp described it as the “biggest potential banana skin ever”. Bit over the top maybe, but this was a huge test. The players travelled halfway across the world, came through extra time and a penalty shoot out and then had to go and play on the South Coast at 3pm on a Saturday. It’s never an easy place for us to go even under normal circumstances as they are always desperate to stick to us because we keep taking their best players. It was a fixture where we could easily have come unstuck, but the lads put on their big boy pants and dug in to get the win. In fairness it was so nearly much more than the scrappy grind it ended up as. After going 2-0 up we were flying and could have buried them completely had the third goal come. It didn’t, and then Adrian gifted them a late one to set up a tense finale. It was Leicester last year all over again. The similarities are uncanny. Mane and Firmino put us 2-0 up only for the the keeper to have a brain fart that left us hanging on. The main difference is that after we let in that daft goal at Leicester we kept them well under control and they never threatened to get another. The only reason Southampton didn’t complete a comeback was because Ings missed an absolute sitter. Cheers lad, appreciate it. Ins had scored the goal that got them back into it, but he didn’t really know much about it. Adrian just inexplicably kicked it right at him and it ricocheted into the net. Great pressure from Ings but that’s unforgivable that. What Alisson did last year was probably worse because it was so irresponsible and arrogant, but Adrian’s mistake was equally infuriating because he was just so unbelievably casual. What the fuck was he thinking? He Trent in acres but he ignored him and attempted a pass to Matip that had zero room for error. The only thing I will say in slight mitigation is that our defenders were pissing me off all day, continually passing the ball back to him even though everyone knew he had a bum ankle. He almost got caught in the first half as he took too long to get his clearance away. That should have been enough for the back four to think “yeah let’s keep it away from him”. But no, they kept passing it back to him and eventually he fucked up. Where was that pitch invading fan when we needed him? It didn’t cost us much (although any goal conceded pisses me off as our defensive record last year was something to be proud of and I’d like to beat it this year), but it took some of the shine off what was shaping up to be a really impressive win. The first half was shite but the goal just before the break lifted us and we came out after the break and did really well. The game completely turned on one moment of magic from a former Southampton player. Gotta love Sadio. It’s not enough that he’s been stealing his team-mates celebrations for years, he’s now started copying their goals. That goal had Coutinho written all over it. Absolutely brilliant. He’s got a new cerebration now that he sees as his own, even though Bobby has done it before and pulled him on instagram the other day saying “Sadii don’t copy me please!”. That was funny, but the reply from Sadio just made me want to hug him. “Huh? It’s different to yours Bobby! This is going to be my new celebration for this season. Don’t discourage me!”. “Don’t discourage me” hahaha bless his little cotton socks. I love Sadio Mané. He’s just such a genuinely lovely lad isn’t he? He’s also been the best of the front three for the last 12 months now. He’s no longer the ‘third man’ of that group. He’s top class and he’s been averaging almost a goal a game in 2019 now. He had another great game and was involved in everything we did. Bobby was really quiet in the first half and although Mo was looking good again (the goals haven’t come but he’s looked in brilliant form so far this season), it was Mané who stood out as the biggest threat. Southampton had been the better side until the goal and they had their chances. Adrian made some good saves to keep us on level terms but we were just predictably flat. Based on their midweek exertions I expected a performance like this to be honest. It’s hard, and any criticism of the team needs to be tempered because of it. You’re not going to get fluent football under these circumstances and all you can ask is for them to hang in there and just find a way to win. They did it, just as they did so many times last season. ‘Mentality Monsters’ is right. The second half display was terrific though. Southampton couldn’t get out of their own half as we just strangled the life out of them. We stepped it right up and created several great chances. We should have scored more than just the one more really. Sadio produced a great ball to send Mo clear but his shot hit the keeper’s foot. Then Mané got in down the left and put one on a plate for Bobby, but his shot rolled inches wide (would have been a ‘team goal’ of the season contender). No matter, soon after that Sadio robbed a defender and fed Bobby again, and this time he finished it superbly. We were flying in that second half. Robbo went close but was denied by the keeper (another one that would have had ‘team goal of the season’ written all over it) and Matip flicked a Milner shot just wide. It was all very comfortable until Adrian dropped that bollock. Was it just me who was pissed off that he didn’t reference it in his post match tweet. Instead of the usual bollocks about ‘great team win. big three points’ etc t would have been nice for him to acknowledge what he did. I don’t think I’m being too harsh here, as it’s not like I expect an apology from him, but at least reference it even if you make a joke of it. The good thing is that just like Alisson’s blunder last year it didn’t cost us any points. Alisson was full of contrition afterwards though and promised to never do anything like that again, and so far he hasn’t. Hopefully Adrian learns his lesson too. This is the thing with keepers who are good with their feet. They think they’re better than they are. Say what you like about the Mig, but he’d never get caught like that because he would never be that casual about his own ability that he’d take a risk like that. I don’t buy into the theory that Alisson’s absence is the reason we look more vulnerable though. It’s hardly Adrian’s fault that he’s having so many shots to save. It’s not like he’s playing in midfield or defence. That’s where the problem lies currently. I don’t pay too much attention to all the XG stuff, but the nerds who do seem concerned about what’s happening right now. Apparently this was our worst XG defensive performance since Lovren’s nightmare against Spurs at Wembley. Chelsea the other night was even worse. Even if you don’t put any stock in such stats it’s still fairly obvious that we’re not right defensively at the moment. It started in pre-season and it’s carried on into the real games. I’m not concerned about the long term as I’m confident we’ll get it right, but there has to be a little worry about the short term purely because there is so little margin for error if we want to win the title. Every game matters and if we defend like this against Arsenal next week it could be costly, as the one thing they can do is attack. At least we have a full week on the training ground to iron out a few of these issues. Need to make the most of those while we can, because once the CL kicks in we won’t have that luxury. Overall though I’m fucking made up with the lads. A 100% start despite also having to play ‘Cup’ games against City and Chelsea. They know how to win and they’ve got massive balls. Star man is Sadio. By a mile. Ox was probably the pick of the rest though and it was good to see him running around, enjoying himself in midfield rather than being a passenger on the wing. I’d keep him in the side for the time being, especially for home games, as he gives us that bit of extra drive. Team: Adrian; Alexander-Arnold, Matip, Van Dijk, Robertson; Wijnaldum, Milner (Fabinho), Oxlade-Chamberlain (Henderson); Salah (Origi), Firmino, Mané:

Saturday Aug 10: Didn’t take long for the glow of last night to be extinguished did it? I think we all expected City to win, but winning 5-0 was a bit fucking much like wasn’t it? West Ham are shite, but is this what we’ve got to look forward to on a weekly basis? You know, as demoralising as City’s relentlessness is, the thing that’s bothering me most today is fucking VAR. Along with oil money, this is the worst thing to ever happen to football. I hate it. It’s shit. It needs fucking off. What happened in the City game today was an absolute nonsense, regardless of whether the decisions were right or not. This isn’t what footy is supposed to be about . We’re going to have this kind of debacle on a weekly basis. Sometimes it will be us affected but even when it’s not I still hate it. That City goal that was disallowed for offside today was a joke. I don’t need decisions to be THAT precise, but the real problem is how this kind of shit is just killing the spontaneity of the moment. We’re going to reach a point very soon where we don’t celebrate a goal because we’re waiting to see if there’s going be VAR. In fact we already have. Technology does need to be used, but not like this. The u18s kicked off their season today and won 7-1 away at Blackburn. Impressive that, especially considering hardlyany of last year’s side were playing and I’d never heard of most of these lads. I’m sure the names will become familiar soon enough if they keep this up. Sunday Aug 11: United spanking Chelsea 4-0 was great. Why? Because they’re shite but this will make people think they aren’t. Let them get their hopes up. Let them think Maguire is going to be their Van Dijk and that this is the season when Pogba lives up to all of his hype. It’s going to make it all the more enjoyable when it all goes to shit and they lose 3-0 at home to Villa or Bournemouth. Maguire getting man of the match was a classic case of the narrative being written before the game. If United won and didn’t concede a bucket load, he was always getting man of the match, the weird looking cunt. I don’t care much for him. Monday Aug 12: Klopp says Alisson will be out ‘for a few weeks’ and LFC twitter goes into full blown panic because no-one believes him. It’s understandable as when it comes to injuries he’s usually fairly economical with the truth. So much so in fact, that you could even accuse him of lying through his shiny new teeth. Jurgen is honest about most things, he’s one of the most truthful managers out there in general, but player injuries? Nah, I learned a good while ago not to believe anything he says. Alisson may well be out for only a few weeks, but if it was longer, much longer, it wouldn’t be a shock as Klopp has form for this. People are panicking because we’ve signed Andy Lonergan on a one year deal. The suggesting being that this means Alisson’s injury must be long term. I don’t see it like that. We’ve got no fucking goalkeepers! Bringing Lonergan in makes sense, as Kelleher isn’t fit yet, Grabara is out on loan and the other keepers are all about 12. Elsewhere today, Pogba is still saying he could leave United before the end of the month. There’s more chance of him stringing together three good performances than there is of that. THAT’S how much of a long shot it is. It’s funny that he’s showing this level of disrespect to them though. What a twat. Speaking of twats, Ryan Kent has thrown a bit of a strop. He posted a passage from the bible which was a not so cryptic shot at the club for not letting him go on loan and for pricing him out of a move to Rangers. He unfollowed the Reds and deleted every picture of him playing for us. He’s previously posted a picture of Prince with the word ‘slave’ on his face as well as images from ‘Prison Break’. I’d fine him the maximum possible for that. I can’t even tell you how much I hate ’Prison Break’. Actually it’s not ‘Prison Break’ that I hated. It was myself, for continuing to watch it right until the end even though I knew after season two it should have stopped there and then and it was fucking rubbish. I’d be watching it and saying “why are you still watching this you sad cunt. Just switch it off and never go back to it. You’re weak as fuck. You make me sick.” So yeah, fuck Prison Break. And fuck Ryan Kent too, if he hadn’t signed a new contract he’d be a free agent now and could go where he likes. So tough shit. Tuesday Aug 13: Lovren is close to joining Roma and let’s just say I’m not thrilled about it, for reasons I’ve outlines numerous times in previous weeks. I won’t repeat myself here, other than to say that if we were selling him then it should have been done when our window was open and we could get a replacement. Of course, Klopp may well tell us he doesn’t need a replacement because he’s got Fabinho and two 17 year olds to act as cover. It’s bollocks though. Gomez is yet to complete even half a season for us, let alone a full one, while Matip has also had his injury troubles. Yeah, Fabinho is boss when he plays there but that means he’s not in midfield. I’m completely disregarding Van Den Berg at this point as you don’t come from a Dutch team no-one has heard of and immediately perform at a level good enough for the European champs, not when you’re only 17 anyway. So that leaves Hoever, who as I’ve said, I think is going to be a superstar. But he’s our right back cover, so if he’s needed in the middle who covers for Trent? And more importantly than all of this, who is going to put a smile on Mo’s face every day? Not gonna lie, I hate this idea. Meanwhile, Naby limps out of training with a muscle injury. Of course, oui. Let’s just be thankful it wasn’t one of the centre halves. Keita just can’t stay fit though can he? All that shit his country probably hasn’t helped. In other news today, Man City are found guilty of breaching FIFA’s transfer rules. Their punishment? A fine that is less than what they pay De Bruyne each week. I mean fucking hell, we got banned from signing kids and Chelsea got banned from signing anyone. City though? They can do what they like. Probably emailed FIFA and threatened to tie them up in court for the next ten years. Worked with UEFA so why not. Wednesday Aug 14: L 2 Chelsea 2. It wouldn’t be hard to pick holes in the performance if I wanted, but we won and in finals that’s all that matters. We were lucky though, as when it goes to pens anything can happen. We played better in the Charity Shield and lost in the same way. This time our keeper actually saved one though, and that made all the difference. Chelsea looked good to be fair, but then so did Norwich last week. Something about how we’re playing is allowing the opposition to get in behind us far more than usual. The second half was pretty good but before the break Chelsea looked dangerous every time they had the ball. Our midfield is often criticised for lacking creativity. I always feel that’s harsh on the lads, as it’s not really their strength. Their strength is work rate, pressing, facilitating the forwards and stopping the opposition from getting to our back four. We got work rate tonight, we always do, but some of the other stuff was lacking. The defence were outstanding individually, but not so great collectively. They all made some great blocks, clearances and interceptions, but Chelsea got in behind us about half a dozen times. Lots to work on there. The forward lads looked good though. Said bagged a couple of goals and Bobby was brilliant when he came on. Mo was fine too, even though he didn’t score. Do us a favour though, eh Jurgen? No more Ox in the front three, File that one away in the “never again” box with “Lallana in the front three” and “Karius in goal”. Adrian though. What a story that is. It was worth signing him just so Klopp could yell “ADRIAAAAAN” in his post match interview. He kind of ruined it then by saying “like in Rocky”. You don’t need to explain that one, gaffer. Fucking hell. VAR did it’s best to ruin another game though. I didn’t celebrate our first because I thought it would be ruled out, and I hesitated a little on the second one too. Then you have to wonder why we didn’t get a penalty for handball, and why their penalty wasn’t overturned? It was dodgy as fuck. Did they just not want to over-rule the ref because it was the first time a female had been given a game like this? If so it’s a joke. The technology is there to HELP the ref, so fucking help her! The abuse Tammy Abraham is getting online for missing a pen is fucking vile. Chelsea fans have form for this of course, but I’d hesitate to pin all this on them when it’s just as likely to be some EDL pricks masquerading as Chelsea fans. Some will be Chelsea fans, some won’t be, but each and every one of them is a massive fucking cunt. Not that twitter will do anything about it, they never do. It’s strange how you often hear about how this is a crime and people can be prosecuted for it, but the absolute worst instances of it seem to go completely unpunished. I mean, how hard can it be to nail these pieces of shit for the despicable shit they’ve posted tonight? They aren’t all hiding behind jar usernames either, some of them are quite happy for their identity to be out there. Scumbags. Thursday Aug 15: Lovren has apparently agreed terms with Roma but they are yet to agree terms with LFC. Standard Italian club behaviour that. The latest is that they’re now trying to get him on loan. Fucking Italian clubs, they just don’t like handing over cash to English sides do they? Always looking for fucking handouts, but then they’ll go to Holland or France and buy someone for £30m. We should tell them to fuck off. Wait, how did I miss this? John Arne Riise has just had a kid and he named him Colin! Hahahaha fucking hell. There’s nothing wrong with the name Colin, but it’s one of those names that you don’t ever associate with a baby. Like Nigel, Keith, Neil, Graeme, Wayne, Barry etc. Hell, I don’t even think people are calling babies ‘David’ anymore. So fair play to Riise for bucking the trend and not going with what’s fashionable. Friday Aug 16: It seems we have now told Roma to fuck off. Good, let Dejan stay where he is. By Mo’s side, making him smile. One player who is on the move though is Coutinho, who joins Bayern on loan. Good move for him under the circumstances. Decent deal for Bayern too, albeit not what they were really after in terms of getting a winger in. The real losers are Barca, which is always nice. They lost on the pitch too tonight, to a last minute overhead kick by a 38 year old who had only just come on the field. They’re proper shite without Messi aren’t they? Meanwhile, Klopp says that Adrian was injured by a pitch invading fan the other night and is a doubt for tomorrow. Fucks sake. Andy Lonergan is on stand by though, so it’s fine. I’m serious. He’ll probably be man of the match if he plays and save a last minute pen to preserve the three points. Klopp also had plenty to say about dickheads running onto the pitch, making reference to the Norwich fan who was on with his kecks around his ankles last week. “A man running around with his dick swinging. Who wants to see that?” That’s our manager right there. What a man he is. I usually watch Klopp’s press conferences on the laptop as I’ve got an LFCTV Go subscription, but I watched this one on sky (I haven’t got sky, but I have a knock off IPTV sub). I won’t be doing that again. Not when they’ve got that Danny Mills cunt on there. He was laying into Klopp for ‘making all kinds of excuses’ before tomorrow’s game. He was answering fucking questions! That seems to be all anyone wants to ask him about, and he did his best to play it down. Mills was also putting the boot in about Klopp ‘complaining about injuries’ when ‘that’s just football’. He wasn’t complaining you bald fuck, he was asked about who he has available and he answered the question. Mills has actually achieved the impossible. I hate Danny Mills the pundit even more than I hated Danny Mills the player. What a cunt. …. and that was the week that was.

I’ve had a great summer. It started in June with us winning number six. It got even better a few weeks later as I sat on the Kop watching Bon Jovi performing “Livin’ on a Prayer”. Then we got a new puppy. So life was good, it was a dream summer. And then the new season starts, Man City win 5-0 away and all of a sudden I’m sat here thinking “winter is coming”. I expect in a few weeks I’ll end up on a self imposed boycott of their games but for now I’m going to soldier on and report back with my thoughts on the fuckers. In fairness I can’t say what City did this weekend surprised me too much as West Ham are dreadful. They’re starting Jack Wilshere, for fucks sake. That tells you all you need to know. Fortunately for the Hammers he’ll be injured in a few weeks and Mark Noble will be back in. Noble has his critics but I always feel that West Ham are better with him than without. West Ham had a club record signing starting up top against City. £45m he cost and I’ve never even heard of the cunt. He’s bound to be shit, although I thought that about Felipe Anderson last year and he’s been very good. Still, they had to get one right eventually. Jesus set City on their way but the goal was all about the raw blistering speed of Walker. Obviously we all know he’s quick, but fucking hell that was mad how he just burned off Cresswell. Last time I saw pace like that it was Gabby Agbonlahor at Anfield, before he went fat and shit. Walker was like the fucking road runner. Honestly, if I had ever been able to run like that I’d have been utterly unbearable as I’d be shouting “Beep Beep” every time I sprinted past someone. De Bruyne put the second on a plate for Sterling, and seconds later it looked like it was three when Jesus tapped in Sterling’s cross. VAR chalked that one off though. Sterling was literally an inch offside, and even that was only visible by the lines drawn on the screen, as to the naked eye he looked well on. Sterling made it 3-0 with a lovely composed finish. VAR had a look at that too, as it looked more offside than the first one in real time. This one was an inch onside and the goal stood. Is this really what we want though? Technically both decisions are right, but the whole thing is a fucking farce and fans and players aren’t celebrating goals properly because they’re worried it will be chalked off. It intervened again when Aguero’s shit penalty was saved by Fabianksi, only for it to be retaken because VAR spotted that Rice had encroached and because he cleared the rebound, Aguero got a second chance which he buried. VAR was brought in to remove the controversy over incorrect decisions and stop people talking about bad decisions. Instead everyone is talking about VAR. It hasn’t made anything better, it’s just a different kind of shit. I hate it. Sterling broke clear for his hat-trick in stoppage time. He’s a good bet for the Golden Boot this year I reckon, he seems to score every fucking week and he’s hardly ever rested either. If he keeps improving the way he has been he might be worth us taking a look at in a year or two. Villa are back in the top flight, but hopefully not for long. It took me about five seconds of MOTD’s highlights of their game at Spurs to remember just how much I can’t stand these fuckers. What set me off? That stupid “Yippy aye ay, Yippy aye oh” song of theirs. I fucking hate Villa you know. There’s just something about them that irritates the fuck out of me. They’re by far the worst of all the Midlands clubs, which makes some doing. It’s like being the smelliest turd. I think of all the teams who aren’t traditional rivals or who aren’t competing with us for trophies, Villa are the one I’ve got the biggest downer on. It’s them or Newcastle, but I’m pretty sure it’s them. That might change on a week to basis but if you ask me now who’d I’d rather see go down, Villa or Newcastle, then right now I’m saying Villa. So much so that I was actually glad they lost at Spurs, even though a Spurs loss would have been good for us. The fact they led for so long and will have gotten their hopes up just makes it even better, although Spurs can fuck off with those late wins. John McGinn’s brilliant finish gave Villa an early lead and they had other chances to add to it. Trezeguet missed two good openings, which will have surprised nobody who has ever watched him playing for Egypt alongside Mo. He’s garbage. He moves like shit off a stick, but he plays like… well, shit on a stick. They held out until 73 minutes when Spurs new boy Ndombele lashed one in from distance. Kane put Spurs in front with four minutes after Lamela picked the pocket of Grealish on the edge of the box. Grealish still thinking he’s strutting around like King Dick in the Championship there. You don’t get that kind of time in the big league, son. Kane then drilled a low shot into the bottom corner to make it 3-1 in stoppage time. I liked it much better when he couldn’t score in August, the slobbe… no, I won’t finish that insult. I’m actually going to try and be nice to Kane this season. So I’ll refrain from personal insults as long as he doesn’t act the twat. I feel as though everyone is taking the piss out of him these days and it’s making me want to go the other way. First time he steps out of line though, all bets are off. Finally on this one, how come Alderweireld is still at Spurs? Hasn’t he had 12 months left on his contract for the last four years? Moving swiftly on, and Wilf Zaha defo wins the award for Plonker of the Summer. Imagine actually pissing off your own club and fans by pushing for a move to Everton. What the actual fuck was going on in his head? That was a “five to two in a nightclub, grab whatever bird is left on the dancefloor” type of move from him. He should have had much better clubs in for him than Everton, but he can thank his agent for the fact that the only offer he had was from a club who were never genuinely serious about signing him anyway. He signed a new deal at Palace with a big fat pay rise, which meant that they held all the cards. He got more money but it effectively took away any escape route. Palace have him tied down and don’t have to sell him unless they get the asking price they want. Everton knew the asking price and didn’t even get within £30m of it. And he still put a transfer request in to force it. What a plonker. He was left on the bench for Palace’s opener, ironically against Everton. He should have been sat there squirming with embarrassment throughout the whole thing. Needless to say, he’s no longer my boy. Everton were all over them in the first half but Palace had the better of the second and it needed two big saves from Pickford to preserve their point. He wasn’t happy with the defending and let them know it. It’s funny really, Everton have gone from having a keeper who actually had Tourette’s, to one who just looks like he has. Schneiderlin was sent off for two yellows, the first of which should earn him a hefty fine as it was stupid as fuck. Beating the ground repeatedly after a decision went against him. What did he think would happen? Tit. Actually the second should get him a fine too, as leaving your foot in like that when you’re already on a yellow is irresponsible. The surprise result of the weekend was Brighton thumping Watford at Vicarage Road. Going into the season Brighton would have been one of my three picks to go down. They still might be, because having watched the highlights of the game I reckon it was a fluke result. Maybe the new manager will be really good though, time will tell. He’s got a good track record and he does things a little differently, so we’ll see. One thing that’s obvious even after one game is that Brighton aren’t going to be as ultra defensive as they were under Hughton. Doucoure’s own goal broke the deadlock early and Andone’s sharp finish doubled Brighton’s lead midway through the second half. New signing Maupay, who they got from Brentford, came off the bench and added a third with a nice finish from a brilliant through ball by Dunk. The score flattered them a bit though and I’m holding fire on changing my mind about their shitness. MOTD have a little ticker bar at the bottom showing all the ins and outs of each club. This is great for lazy bastards like me who haven’t kept track of the summer market. I noticed on Watford’s list of outs that they sold someone called Dodi Lukebakio for £18m. Who the fuck is he, why have we never seen him, and how did they get £18m for him? He went to Hertha Berlin, who I can only assume are managed by the German Eddie Howe if this is the kind of transfer deal they do. Football is fucking mad these days. They also signed someone for a similar fee. Ismaila Sarr from Stade Rennais, who if I remember rightly is the lad who played right back for Senegal at the last World Cup and makes Kyle Walker look like a fucking tortoise. Interested to see how he does. Sheffield United are a team I know absolutely nothing about, but they played really well at Bournemouth and got a point. Mepham’s close range effort put the home side in front but with three minutes left Billy Sharp equalised. Dream come true for him. A boyhood Blade who spent his career in the lower leagues, he makes his top flight bow at the age of 33 and scores. I noticed that on Bournemouth’s bench were Ibe, Solanke and Harry Wilson. God bless you, Eddie. Tell you what though, Man United have completely fucked the transfer market by paying what they did for Maguire. Now other clubs are demanding similar fees for similarly ‘good but not great’ players. Nathan Ake is still at Bournemouth because an £80m fee was slapped on his head. I like him, but come on, that’s mind boggling. Dunk is still at Brighton too because Leicester wouldn’t pay the asking price for him. He’s essentially a Diet Coke Maguire so in fairness why wouldn’t they want massive money for him? What’s good for the goose is good for the gander and that. Your own fault, Brendan. You charge £80m for Maguire than this is what you get. Southampton got off to a terrible start by crashing and burning at Burnley. My boy Ashley Barnes scored twice and Gudmundsen added another. I’ll call it now, Barnes will get between 15-20 goals this season. Both his finishes were quality in this one. He might be the most under-rated player in the league. Southampton’s defending though, fucking hell. That eight foot tall lad with the long hair had a ‘mare, and his misjudgement of a bounce on Barnes’ first goal was pure slapstick. Imagine selling Van Dijk and replacing him with that guy. That’s some Suarez / Balotelli style incompetence that is. Burnley have Nick Pope as their number one again. He lost his place through injury to Joe Hart who then lost it to Tom Heaton who has now been sold to leave the way clear for Pope again. Hart is on the bench, which is quite the fall from grace considering where he was a few years ago. He must hate Guardiola even more than I do. Onto Sunday, and Newcastle got off to a predictable start under Steve Bruce, losing 1-0 at St James’ to Arsenal. They weren’t terrible, but then they were only playing Arsenal. And look at the absolute state of that Arsenal side these days. Fucking hell. They had two lads in there I’ve never even heard of. They were just about good value for the win although the first half was pretty even. Newcastle had a go but they lack quality and Steve Bruce is their manager. Almiron, the worm with eyebrows, got booked for a shocking dive. What was he hoping to gain by that? Has no-one told him that VAR is here now? Even if he’d fooled the ref he’d still have been booked and had the pen taken off him. Unless the ref was a woman and the powers that be were too frightened to over rule her, obviously. The Toon fans have been threatening boycott’s and protests, but they still showed up in their usual numbers. When they do protest there’s usually only about 20 of them, and everyone mocks them. They shouldn’t be mocked, it’s the gobshites who aren’t doing anything that deserve mocking. Big Andy is back there now though. I’ll set the over / under on starts for him at 12.5, and I’ll take the under. He didn’t play in this one, as naturally he isn’t fit. The other centre forward they signed looked quite promising though. I really hope he isn’t any good though as I can’t be doing with all that “Newcastle’s great number nines” bollocks we’re subjected to any time some cunt scores a goal or two. Remember the brief fuss over that Papis Cisse jabroni? I don’t like Newcastle’s kit either. Well, it’s actually quite nice, but it doesn’t look like a Newcastle shirt so from that point of view I must frown upon it. Tell you what else I frown upon. Brendan’s transfer dealings. He signed that Ayoze Perez loser. What is it the kids say these days? “I can’t even”. Not only did he sign him, he started him against Wolves in their first match. What the fuck, Brendan? Do Leicester have a transfer committee he can pin that one on? The game ended 0-0 and neither team really performed. Wolves had a goal bizarrely ruled out by VAR. I’m irrationally angry about it because if the ball had hit the arm of a defender like that rather than the attacker, there’s not a chance in hell a penalty would have been given, so why was this disallowed? I’ll tell you why. Because the law changed and now if the ball hits an attackers arm / hand, even accidentally, it’s no goal. What a fucking shit rule, but it’s what I’ve come to expect now as these cunts in suits are ruining our game. Nuno Holy Spirit was fuming about it and who can blame him. These two sides could be neck and neck this season and that decision might prove costly. Either one of these sides could break into the top six if they build on last year and United and / or Arsenal are as bad as I suspect they might be. Finally, Chelsea’s trip to Old Trafford was a bit weird. Two teams that you would generally regard as powerhouse of this league, but they’re both bang average right now. United won 4-0 but didn’t look that good. Chelsea lost 4-0 and didn’t look that bad. The truth is they’re both mediocre. Chelsea had the better of it early on but they didn’t score when they should have, and then conceded a soft penalty. Manchester’s own Anthony Taylor couldn’t wait to give that, the baldy bastard. Interesting that Ashford took it and not Pogba. Great pen too. Top bin. United want to play on the counter attack due to their pace and the fact that Solskjaer isn’t a very good coach and can’t really do much else. So having the lead helps them a lot. Had Chelsea scored first it could have ended 4-0 to them as both of these teams are just so flawed. As it was, Chelsea pushed forward looking to get back into it and they left themselves too open at the back and paid the price. They were the better side and lost 4-0. Football eh? Chelsea’s style of play might get them in trouble because some of their players just aren’t good enough to pull it off. Kurt Zouma trying to pass it around in his own box is like what it would be like if I tried to pole vault. Just painful to watch. Funny seeing some trying to big up Pogba just because of one relatively straightforward through ball though. He’s the biggest fraud in modern football. The FIFA generation love him. I just don’t get it. It’s probably the same wankers who thought Balotelli was ace, and who referred to him as “Balo”. Daniel James, their new signing from Swansea came off the bench and scored. He did his best to miss it but a deflection bailed him out. I reckon he’s gonna be like another Swansea winger from modern times, Jefferson Montero. Their legs move so fast that their brains can’t always keep up. That fourth goal was a proper shithouse goal too. Zouma was down in the United box after a clash of heads with Shaw. Both Shaw and Maguire stopped (along with half the Chelsea team) and were signalling for the ref to let the physic on. Taylor ignored it (not sure that’s even allowed with head injuries) and United ran up the field and scored. Cunts. Happy to call this one now though. Chelsea will finish above them. Is it wrong that I quite like Lampard these days? I fucking hated him back in the day but he seems like a decent fella. That might change now that he’s managing Chelsea, but as of now he’s alright. Watch this space though.