That Sunderland result was obviously frustrating but going into the Festive fixtures I’d have been happy to come out of it in second place and still only trailing Chelsea by six points, so for us to still be second and having shaved a point off their lead is a more than satisfactory outcome. We’ve got Spurs to thank for that, but I’ll get to that in due course.
I’ll get the weekend’s games out of the way first. The Blueshite played on Friday night at Hull. They probably thought that would spare them from the ignominy of being last on MOTD again, but it didn’t. Last again, as they should be. Losers. They needed a really late equaliser from breeze block head Barkley to spare their blushes after Hull had led twice through Dawson and my boy Snodgrass, who having previously been denied by the bar, sent a glorious free-kick fizzing into the top corner.
He’s got six goals so far this season and he really should be playing for a mid-table side rather then being in relegation battles year after year. Everton’s first equaliser came when Hull keeper Marshall punched into his own net from a corner. Otherwise known as “doing a Westerveld”. Maybe there was ice on the ball?
Onto Saturday, and Chelsea made it 13 wins on the spin but they didn’t have it all their own way against Stoke and were twice pegged back before eventually winning 4-2. Cahill headed in from a corner to put them ahead but Martins Indi levelled just after the break.
Soft shite Motson debated with himself for a good 30 seconds whether the goal should be credited to Martins Indi or whether it was an own goal off a Chelsea defender, even though no cunt touched it and it went straight in. It’s 2017, why is this hysterical old fuck still on telly?
Willian restored Chelsea’s lead but Crouchy - bless him - stole in to make it 2-2. Have I mentioned before how much I love Peter Crouch? No? Well I fucking love Peter Crouch, I wish he was my mate. Stoke’s players were obviously so delighted for the big fella that they lost concentration after the goal and immediately fell behind again, the knobheads.
Willian was once again the scorer and Conte was giving it the beans as usual, high five’ing everyone on the front row. I don’t mind Conte but he’s pissing me right off lately simply because I’m sick of them winning.
Costa wrapped it up late on but this wasn’t especially convincing from the leaders. Like I said last week, the “Arsenal Invincibles” they are not. Good team, maybe even the best team and possible champions, we’ll see. Just don’t let that winning streak fool you into thinking they’re better than they are.
That doesn’t apply to Costa though, he’s every bit as good as people say and probably even better. His goal in this game was just fucking ace and he’s virtually unstoppable at the moment.
Given that for a little while there it looked like they might drop points, it was bitterly disappointing that they never, as even though you tell yourself they'll come back and win it’s still hard not to get your hopes up. If Chelsea eventually winning was a punch in the guts, what happened at Old Trafford was a full blooded kick to the balls.
They were losing to Boro until very, very late on, but then scored twice in the last few minutes to win it. This was all happening before we played City and a few of us were following the scores while we waited to go in to Anfield. It was all going so well but as soon as Boro conceded the equaliser we all knew what was coming next. I’m back in “see no evil hear no evil” with these fuckers though so I didn’t watch it and I have nothing else to say about it. I can't even remember who scored.
Moving on, and Bournemouth laid the smack down on sorry, manager-less Swansea at the Liberty. Afobe fired in the opener after yet more comical defending by Swansea’s two centre halves and that little Scottish jabroni who terrorised us added a second just before half time. Josh King wrapped it up on the break in the second half.
Bournemouth look like they’ll comfortably stay up again but it’s interesting that they’re doing it without most of the players they brought in last summer. Ibe is nowhere to be seen having disappeared up his own arse some time in November and their team is more or less the same as it was last year.
Wilshere has been a good signing though. He’s playing really well and interestingly, he’s not getting injured. There has to be something that Arsenal are doing that is killing their players every year. Wilshere was always crocked, Ramsay is just as bad, while the likes of Walcott and Diet Walcott (you might know him as Oxlade-Chamberlain, or Kieran Gibbs if you’re Andre Marriner) are good for a three month layoff every year too. Rosicky was another one who’d disappear for six months at a time, and there’s poor old Abou Diaby, may he rest in peace.
Over at Turf Moor, Moyesy finally let his players off their defensive leash against Burnley. He got all brave and obviously fancied his chances of getting something from this game as he fielded four forwards. That’s if you can call Januzaj a forward. It’s a stretch to even call him a footballer at this point.
Anyway, Gollum’s bravado backfired as his team produced an abject display and were walloped 4-0, with odious homophobe Andre Gray bagging a hat-trick. He’s also bagged one of Little Mix apparently. Yet another classic case of good things happening to shit people.
Last season Leicester v West Ham was a game that impacted the top of the table. This year it’s a relegation battle. Marc Albrighton had a stormer for Leicester as they edged it 1-0. His brilliant cross on the run was headed in by Slimani for the only goal of the game. The pair had earlier combined in similar fashion only to be denied by the post.
Anthony Taylor is shite though isn’t he? He was right on the spot as Huth put a thunderous challenge in on Payet. I didn’t necessarily think it was a free-kick but you often seen them given, so that’s not really the issue. The problem was that Taylor saw it, did absolutely nothing and then about two or three seconds later changed his mind because Payet stayed down and Bilic threw a strop on the touchline. Weak as piss, baldy manc bastard.
I described it as a relegation battle but I don’t think it was in fairness, as both of these teams will be alright. The league is basically the top six, those fighting relegation and then everyone else, a group that I’d say both West Ham and Leicester are a part of.
Two more of the ‘everyone else’ category met at St Mary’s, with West Brom coming out on top. I wouldn’t be surprised if they finished top of that group, so in other words, seventh. Shane Long had put Southampton in front but the lead was wiped out almost immediately through Matt Phillips, before Robson-Kanu hit a fucking screamer to put the Baggies ahead.
His first top flight goal in three and a half years apparently. He’s one of those players who’s a complete bum at club level but a superstar when he puts on the shirt of his country. See also Healy, David and Diouf, El Hadji.
Van Dijk then picked up a second yellow card to compound Southampton’s misery. They lost all three games they played over the holidays but it’s hardly surprising given they had to squeeze them into six days and they’ve already played more games than anyone else due to being in the Europa League and reaching the league cup semis. We thought we had it bad over Crimbo and New Year, but the poor old Saints got well and truly blasted in the arse.
Onto Sunday now, and Giroud scored a ridiculous “scorpion kick” goal as Arsenal beat Palace 2-0 at the Emirates. Funny as fuck, as everyone immediately forgot about Mkhitaryan’s one a week earlier, and rightly so. This was way better because 1) it wasn’t offside, 2) it went in off the bar, which is always better, and 3) he’s not a manc cunt. Iwobi got the other goal and Palace offered virtually nothing. Fat Sam not off to the best of starts there is he? Pards be like….
Sunday’s other game saw Spurs wipe the floor with Watford after a brilliant display. Kane and Alli bagged two apiece and it should have been more. Kaboul scrambled a consolation in stoppage time but 4-1 flattered Watford.
Onto Monday now, and the early game was a stinker as Leicester and Boro played out a goalless draw on Teesside. They’ll both probably be satisfied with a point given where they are in the table. This game was so dull it bumped Everton up to second from the end on MOTD.
Over at the Etihad, City did well to beat Burnley despite having to play with ten men for an hour. I’ve seen it suggested that Fernandinho was unlucky to be sent off, but that’s a red all day and the Burnley lad is lucky he wasn’t injured.
What pissed me off here is that Burnley just continued to play the same way even with a man advantage. They should have thrown the kitchen sink at City who lost three times in December and are having a bit of a confidence crisis. Instead, they played for a point and got what they deserved - fuck all.
Clichy got the first when he collected a cross from Sagna and drilled in a low shot off the far post. Tells you all you need to know right there. One full back crossing to the other. Who is it with ten men again? Fuck you Sean Dyche, yer big shithouse.
It was funny - not to mention a little awkward - seeing Guardiola trying to whip the crowd up and get them to try and help his players overcome their one man disadvantage - two if you include the hapless Sterling, who quite literally tripped over a blade of grass when one on one with the keeper. Aguero scored from the loose ball to spare his blushes, but that was piss poor again from him.
All Pep’s arm waving and gesticulating was met with silence. Remember when City had a passionate crowd? Back when they were shit that was. Now all the glory hunters have killed their atmosphere. Anfield isn’t what it was, but fuck me we’ve got it so much better than most. When Klopp does that shit the house comes down, poor old Pep obviously thought he’d get a similar response but instead he got nothing.
Maybe that’s why he acted like such a bell in his post match interview. Apparently if you have the most possession you shouldn’t be given red cards. Yep, he's a real football visionary this fella. *Homer Simpson voice* In case you didn't know, I was being sarcastic.
He came across like a a bald Mourinho there. Cracking under pressure because he’s used to having everything his own way. Klopp had a bit of a strop too, but it was nowhere near as cringey as this.
Burnley had pulled one back thanks to the clown in City’s goal and after that they finally began to have a go. They almost equalised at the death but Bravo tipped Keane’s shot over. Credit to City though, any time you play for an hour with ten men and still win that’s a good effort.
The other mancs won too. The only thing I saw from this was a gif of the West Ham sending off on twitter. Phil Jones pulled a Johnny Evans there, went in to do the lad, came off worst and rolled around to get himself off the hook and get the opponent in trouble. Fucking lowlife ugly gurning manc piece of shit. The West Ham lad’s red card has been rescinded though, so no harm done eh? Fucking joke that. Jones deserves to pick up a bad injury after that, the shitbag. Imagine if that was a foreign lad doing that shit.
Elsewhere, West Brom came from behind to beat Hull at the Hawthorns, but the visitors were the better side throughout and had 17 attempts to West Brom’s five. They dominated possession too, but if you don’t defend set-pieces against Pulis this is what happens. My boy Snods bagged his seventh of the season but goals from Brunt (from a corner), McAuley (from a corner) and Morrison (amazingly, not from a corner) condemned Mike Phelan to the sack.
His replacement is some cat named Marco Silva who nobody other than bad footy nerds has even heard of. Who the hell do Hull think they are, Swansea?
The Blueshite had a comfortable win over a Southampton side who started well but eventually ran out of gas and conceded three in the last 17 minutes. The first was offside and the second was never a penalty. So not only did the Saints get screwed over with the fixtures, they also got done over by Kevin Friend and his assistant.
Tuesday saw Arsenal go 3-0 down at Bournemouth and put us all on Arsenal Fan TV alert. They went and ruined it for everyone by coming back to snatch a draw, but Giroud celebrating his equaliser with a scorpion kick celebration instead of just grabbing the ball and taking it back to the centre spot, and Arsenal then playing out time instead of going for the win (and needing Cech to bail them out) was just about the most Arsenal thing ever. This is why you never win the league lads.
The most surprising result over the entire holiday fixture list was probably Swansea winning at Palace. Not that Palace are any good, it’s just that everyone was expecting Allardyce to have some impact fairly quickly and this was the perfect fixture for him to get off the mark. Instead, it was Swansea’s new boss, Paul Clement, who got the “new manager bounce”.
They led through Alfie Mawson (how is he not playing for West Ham or Spurs with that name?) but Zaha volleyed in a stunning late equaliser to give Palace momentum in the closing stages as they looked for a winner. Then they got caught with their pants down as Angel Rangel of all people stole in behind them to win it with two minutes left.
A furious Allardyce slouched in his seat and was cursing like a bloated old sailor. He locked his players in for 40 minutes afterwards and read them the riot act. Meanwhile, Pards be like…
Finally, Chelsea’s winning streak was finally ended as they were turned over at White Hart Lane. Deli Alli scored a couple of headers and the result was no more than Spurs deserved. Maybe Chelsea were lacking sharpness after all that rest they’ve had over Christmas and New Year?
Alli is such a good player but if Real Madrid are in for him then you could hardly blame him for wanting to leave, if only for the fact that the Bernabeu faithful won’t sing his name to the tune Achy Breaky Heart. Whenever any suggests he owes Spurs anything, that’s all he needs to say to justify walking out.
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