The weekend's action kicked off on Friday night with that Ayoze Perez los… wait, I prmosied I wouldn’t call him a loser any more after he scored against City. I’ll start again. The weekend's action kicked off on Friday night with Ayoze Perez scoring the only goal of the game as Newcastle secured their safety with an unexpected win at Leicester.
Although Leicester should have had a penalty they didn’t really do enough to deserve anything as Brendan got well and truly Rafa’d. Newcastle have looked half decent at times since the turn of the year and I’m already having visions of them camping in their own box against us and taking points off us with a corner that goes in off Paul Dummett’s left arse cheek. *shudders*
Rondon has been in good form since the turn of the year and has suddenly become some kind of dead ball wizard. He’s had some belting free-kicks in recent weeks, so we’ll need to be wary of that. I’d also be happier if the 'worm with eyebrows' broke his duck before we play them too. He still hasn’t scored since his big money move in January and Mike Ashley will be buzzing as it means he can tell Rafa there's no more cash to spend because he wasted it on that turd.
Speaking of turds, it’s not been a great week for the Mancs. They were (by Ole’s own admission) outplayed at home by West Ham and needed two penalties from Pogba to fluke the win. Of course Pogba posed and preened after both pens as though he’d actually done something befitting of a player who gets the hype he does. He’s never, ever, done anything befitting of the hype he gets. And yes, I’m aware he won a World Cup. The point stands.
In typical fashion, Pobga went missing a few days later when United completely made a show of themselves in Camp Nou. They’re just shite, and it baffles me how some Reds are thinking there’s a chance they’ll take points off City. They won’t. Not because they won’t try, but because they’re shite. They’ll be lucky to hold City to three goals, although I do reckon they’ve got it in them to possibly score a couple (Rashford, Martial and Lukaku are all dangerous and Pogba is... well Pogba is quite good at pens) so they might at least make it interesting.
I’ve got more faith in Burnley taking points from City than these losers though. They rode their luck during that winning run they had and some people were taken in by it, including the United board who gave the Goblin the job permanently. Since that happened they’ve lost virtually every game. Great isn't it?
Last week I was taking the piss about that “Ole’s at the wheel” chant, but it’s even more ridiculous than I realised. I didn’t know the lyrics last week, only that they had a song with that line in and I was sick of hearing it. Turns out another line from it goes “We’ve got Sanchez, Paul Pogba and Fred” and - get this - it’s not a complaint, it’s a boast. I can’t even… I mean… fucking hell. Can they not hear themselves? They’re basically singing “we’ve got bunions, bad breath and piles”. Nothing to brag about lads.
Still, I expect they’ll be replacing that song soon enough, just like they took down the “chosen one” Moyes banner when the truth hit them like a massive sledge hammer.
Any week now they’ll be breaking out the ‘green and gold’ scarfs again and targeting the Glazers. “Green and gold, until we’re sold… or until we're good again”. Dicks.
Not much has happened in terms of the title or the top four race, so the biggest situational change this week has come at the bottom, where suddenly Brighton look in deep shit. They got battered at home by Bournemouth and then lost to Cardiff in midweek.
Cardiff were dead and buried but the ineptitude of Brighton has opened the door for them. Hopefully we can slam it back in their faces this weekend, but we could have done with a Brighton win there really.
That Bournemouth result was a real shocker. If you lose by five at home to Eddie Howe’s side you probably deserve to go down really.
That Dan Gosling jabroni opened the scoring after a lovely reverse pass from the impressive Callum Wilson. My boy Ryan Fraser then doubled their lead after another Wilson assist and Brighton's take became impossible when Knockaert had a moment of madness and launched himself at Adam Smith, earning himself a red card.
Brooks made it 3-0, Wilson added a fourth and Stanislas made it 5-0. Bournemouth actually look pretty good when they have Brooks, Fraser and Wilson all on the pitch at the same time. They just haven't been able to keep them all fit.
Brighton were utterly hideous though, mistakes all over the place and a complete lack of any fighting spirit. I don’t think they’ll get another point so it’s all going to come down to what Cardiff do.
They were really unlucky to lose at Burnley and once again had a legitimate beef with the officials.
Wood put Burnley ahead and then there was a dust up between Taylor and Barnes that ended with them going head to head like rutting stags. Then Barnes kissed him on the nose. Twice! Proper needling bastard him, I love it. Can’t wait to see him and Wood getting stuck into City in a few weeks.
Refs are defo out to get Warnock now though. Mike Dean gave Cardiff a penalty and then changed his mind. Could have gone either way but you’d be livid if that went against you like that. They had another good pen shout waved away too when Gunnarsson was tripped, before Wood eventually killed them off once and for all.
Cardiff deserved something from the game though and they’ve got far more fight in them than Brighton seem to have. In terms of talent Cardiff probably should be rivalling Huddersfield for rock bottom, but they’ve fought and scrapped all season and have significantly over achieved to still even have a chance at survival.
Southampton are virtually safe now though after beating Wolves. Not a shock, as Nuno Holy Spirit’s side do much better against the top sides than the bottom ones and they were probably still on a huge downer following their agonising FA Cup semi final loss to Watford. Let's hope they're done for the season now and give us an easy ride on the final day.
Redmond’s close range finish set the Saints on their way but Boli headed in from a corner to draw Wolves level. Redmond restored Southampton’s lead after being played in by Ings. Sims then wasted two great chances before substitute Long made it 3-1. Crazy. He hadn’t scored for nine years and then he slots in successive games. Football eh? Bloody hell.
Southampton’s players tried to do one of those European celebrations at the end when the players all join hands in front of the home end and throw their arms up in the air. Needs a lot more work, as honestly it was the campest thing I’ve ever seen. It doesn’t help when half of them are squirming with embarrassment and not really throwing themselves into it. It was proper awkward, I doubt we’ll see them attempt it again.
Talking of awkward, what about them Blues eh? After they beat Arsenal last week there was some classic blueshite bravado doing the rounds. They were getting all chesty, it was like last summer all over again, when Kopite heads were falling off because the balance of power was shifting.
Marco’s finally got the players playing how he wants and the rest of us better look out next season apparently. Heard it all before, and it never gets old. A week later they were losing to already relegated Fulham, who hadn't won a game since January. They’ll never learn, will they?
This was bad even by Everton standards. The best part of it is that Ryan Babel assisted the opener for Cairney and then scored the second himself (fantastic goal too), which was like pouring a whole salt cellar on a big fuck off cut. Don’t ever change, Everton.
Mourinho was in the stands watching which no doubt had some Blues thinking Moshiri’s millions had tempted him. His stock has fallen, but not by THAT much.
Andre Gomes got away with an awful cowardly stamp on Mitrovic (who screamed like he’d been hit in the chest with a spear), but the FA did him afterwards on video evidence, prompting a shitload of ‘whataboutery’ from angry Blues on Twitter, wondering why Salah wasn’t given the same treatment for an alleged dive against Chelsea. They’re more obsessed with us than Man City are, which is some achievement.
The Blues put out a statement that Gomes “accepts his three game suspension”. I bet he does, he’s probably fucking made up as it means he only has to play one more game for these losers before he can get the hell out of there.
Meanwhile, Spurs are well and truly back on track now after their recent wobbles. They followed up their 1-0 win over City in Europe by smashing Huddersfield at home a few days later. No biggie, as Huddersfield are crap, but Spurs had a lot of players missing and this could have gone badly for them.
Wanyama gave them the lead with his customary one goal a season. Thankfully this time it wasn’t against us. It wasn’t a worldy either this time, but it was a very nice finish. Good feet for a big man and all that.
Andros Moura (or should that be Lucas Townsend?) then banged in a hat-trick. He was lively against us the other week and with him and Son in the side they really don’t need Kane. Their record without the slobbering goon is pretty good, and I was honestly not surprised they knocked City out.
Of course I wasn’t expecting it to go down the way it did (quite possibly the maddest game ever seen in this country), but honestly, Spurs going through was kind of what I expected because Pep always shits the bed in the knockouts. Personally I think it’s great, but not everyone agrees, which is baffling to me.
As Reds we’re overthinking things massively at the moment though. Every little thing is being analysed and put through our internal “what’s best for the Reds” scanner. So much so that there are people out there who didn’t fully enjoy what happened to City because they’re worried that them going out will result in a backlash that sees them win all of their remaining league games.
Apparently, Spurs have less chance of getting something on Saturday because they went through at City’s expense. Even if I believed that (which I don’t, and I’ll explain why shortly), this was still one of the funniest things ever to happen on a football field. I mean come on, if you can’t enjoy this then you must be dead inside.
As for how it will impact on the title race, I get the concerns some of you have but I don’t share them and here’s why.
Let’s say that Aguero had not been given offside and that goal had been allowed to stand. City would be on cloud nine, feeling indestructible and about to face Ajax in the CL semis. Spurs on the other hand, would be broken. They’d be devastated and in no state to go and play another game at the same stadium against the same opponent a few days later.
Before this game I wanted City to go out in the most psychologically damaging way possible. Ideally I wanted them to win the game but lose the tie after conceding an away goal in the dying seconds of extra time, as that would have left them with tired legs as well as broken hearts. That didn’t happen but this was maybe even better. Even my twisted mind hadn’t thought up a potential ending like this.
They actually thought they’d won it and had a good 45 seconds of celebrations before they realised something might be up. That’s actually way better than if they’d just conceded a late goal to lose. How do you get over something like that in just a few days? Spurs will go there relaxed, confident and gloating. The odds on them getting a result have increased I’d say.
City having two games less to play isn’t ideal, but if they are dropping points it’s almost certainly going to happen in the next three games anyway, so the semi finals wouldn’t have impacted on that at all. They got through a potentially tricky game at Selhurst Park without any real problems on Sunday. Palace were dire but it's hard to criticise them too much when they've taken more points off City this season than we have.
For me, what happened on Wednesday night was the best outcome for our title hopes and it also removes the possibility that we’d have to play City in the Champions League final. I’d have made that a 50/50 shot for us, but it wouldn’t have been an enjoyable experience so I’m just glad the cunts are out. Fuck them, the financial doping scumbags. I may even need to rethink my VAR hatred after this.
Finally, Arsenal managed a rare away win on Monday night at Watford. I watched most of it and Watford were very unlucky. My Boy Troy was sent off early on so they played virtually the whole game with ten men, yet they still outplayed Arsenal.
They trailed even before Deeney saw red after Foster took too long to clear and Aubameyeng was able to block the clearance into the net.
Dean Saunders said the next day “This is going to sound stupid, but that’s the goal of the season for me. I enjoyed it more than Salah’s against Chelsea”. Deano lad, you should start every sentence with the preface of “this is going to sound stupid but…”
It was good play by Aubamayeng but it was dreadful from both Janmaat (who spurned an easy clearance down the line and cut back inside and played a weak backpass to his keeper) and Foster (poor touch and lack of awareness of who was closing him down and how quick he is). Goal of the season? Fucking hell.
Anyway, back to the Deeney sending off. He barely touched the lad, he just brushed past him and caught him the faintest of blows with his forearm. Torreira sold it beautifully though and made it look like he’d been clobbered with an elbow. A linesman, 40 yards away, drew the refs attention to it and Deeney’s night was over.
I thought the Watford fans were a bit mean to Torreira though as he only did what every single Uruguayan on the planet would do. It’s like the scorpion and the frog. Why did you do it? “I can’t help it, I’m Uruguayan”. I mean, as if he’s not going to collapse in a heap in that situation. May as well ask the poor lad to stop breathing.
As much as I thought it was a poor decision by the linesman (I don’t blame the ref, he can only act on what he’s been told) I don’t think ol’ Time Travelling Troy can have too many complaints about it given that he’s made it clear what his plan is when he faces Arsenal. He told us all live on TV a year or so back when he said “Arsenal lack cojones. Let me whack the first one and see who wants it”. The lino was probably waiting for it.
Much like Torreira though, Deeney shouldn’t really be judged for his actions either, as it’s beyond his control. He’s from the 80s, that’s how the game was played back then. At least he won’t miss the cup final. If it’s going badly, here’s hoping he clocks Kompany is his big bulb head, or tries to strangle the bald fraud with his stupid cardie.
Better yet, let’s hope he scores the winner and City end up with just the League Cup. Pricks.
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