It goes without saying I didn’t watch the United - Arsenal game, but I may as well have given how many people I heard going on about it. I didn’t watch the MOTD highlights either, but I did watch the ‘highlights of the highlights’ bit, where Alan Shearer and Ian Wright review the main incidents and then give absolutely terrible takes on them.
My observations based on that are as follows:
Firstly, if Mignolet had been beaten like Cech on United’s first goal, some of our fans would want him strung up.
Secondly, the little lay off from Martial was one of the best pieces of play I’ve seen all season. He’s too good and has too much flair and style to be wasted playing for Mourinho, it annoys me that they have him. He’d be incredible for us, if he could find his way into the 18 man squad that is.
Arsenal were robbed of a penalty because Welbeck didn’t stay down and instead tried to get up and play on. Scandalous decision from the ref and yet more evidence that there is absolutely no benefit in trying to play honestly.
Pogba was hilariously sent off, and it was the right decision even though it was probably accidental. Also, what the fuck is Bellerin doing tackling like that, the weirdo. It doesn’t excuse Pogba’s recklessness but Bellerin needs to work on his tackling technique as that was just bizarre.
A few days earlier Pogba been saying he hopes Man City players pick up injuries and have to miss games. Now he misses the Manchester derby through suspension. The old Karma Chameleon coming through big time there.
Finally, I don’t think there has ever been a more insignificant little jabroni who has ever bothered me more than Jesse Lingard. I fucking hate him. I hate everything about him. I hate his first name. I hate his second name because it sounds Scandinavian yet has an 'a' missing so it's neither one thing nor another. I hate his ugly face. I hate his goal celebrations. I hate him. I’d never tire of hitting him in the face with a shovel.
“Best game of the season” apparently. Sorry but no, any United win automatically rules it out of the running for that. If they’d lost, then yeah I could get on board with that. They should have done too by all accounts, as Arsenal hammered them but kept being foiled by that werewolf looking cunt in the United goal.
Have to laugh at all the fawning over this game when from what I’ve heard they were like two drunks fighting outside a boozer at 2am. Just taking wild swings at each other because neither could defend. No wonder United are usually so negative if this is what happens when they open up. De Gea made more saves than any keeper in Premier League history apparently. Fucking hell.
The sooner he fucks off the better. Here’s the thing that bothers me. What are Madrid fucking playing at? They almost had him a few years ago yet they haven’t come back in for him. What happened to their kid in a toy shop “I want that one” mentality? When that kid is told "no" he'll just sit down in the aisle and wail until he gets their own way. That used to be Madrid.
Now it’s Barcelona pulling that shit all the time. Look at the league table you fucking knobs, Barca are handing you your arses. You know what you need? A world class keeper, that’s what. So go and get him you fascist pricks.
Rafa’s Chelsea homecoming didn’t go well as he was booed by the home fans and beaten 3-1. His team did take the lead through that Dwight Gayle jabroni but they couldn’t hold onto it and Chelsea overpowered them in the end. Hazard scored twice, the second coming from the penalty spot after he dinked it.
Here’s a thought, why are Barca bothering us about Coutinho when they could go and get Hazard? Why have they never even been linked with him? It makes no sense, unless they’re being nation snobs and want a Brazilian rather than a Belgian.
Who’s Rafa’s goalkeeper coach these days? Remember when Pepe used to save loads of pens and give the credit to his coach, Valero I think it was? If he’s still with Rafa then he’s taken his eye off the ball because as I keep saying, Hazard ALWAYS waits for the keeper to dive so you have to stand up and make him then make a decision.
I wouldn’t mind, but he absolutely telegraphed that he was going to dink this one, he didn’t even try and disguise it. That keeper obviously hasn’t done his homework. The Mig would have saved that, no question.
On the subject of Rafa’s backroom boys though, the little mute boy was sat next to him on the bench and I'm sure I saw him say something to the boss. It’s taken him 10 years but he’s finally found his voice. Good for you, little fella.
By rights Newcastle probably should go down as they’re shite, but with Rafa they’ve got a fighting chance as he’s better than any of the other managers down there.
I note with interest that David Luiz is still in Conte’s doghouse and couldn’t even get on the bench. Looks like he might be off in January. I’d take him in a heartbeat but I wouldn’t play him centre back. Defensive midfield though? I’d be all in on that. Won’t happen, I know, I’m just sayin’.
Fat Sam’s first game at the Pit ended in a fairly routine win over Huddersfield. He was giving it the full Allardyce, standing there on the touchline with his headset and shit. He’s a fucking tool.
In the season finale of the hit comedy show “€verton in €urope” on Thursday night, the Blues travelled to Cyprus to play a team that sounds like some kind of spray you put on Athletes Foot. Big Sam didn’t travel, apparently due to a ‘pre-arranged medical appointment’.
It sounded like it had the potential to be hilarious but it was a massive fucking let down and wasn’t funny at all. The writers have run out of ideas I think and the show is probably ending at the right time.
Are we buying that Allardyce absence excuse? I’m not, it’s fishy as fuck. If it was Pardew doing this I’d put it down to him needing to stay the hell out of dodge due to the number of Cypriot husbands gunning for him after many a summer spent in Ayia Napa. With Allardyce, it’s more likely to be kebab shop owner related troubles rather than irate husbands though.
Perhaps Sam was at home licking his wounds after the savaging he took from Marco Silva? He picked the wrong Johnny Foreigner to take on there I think. The Watford boss took exception to the mash potato faced Allardyce puffing out his chest and taking a shot at him. “Lets put it this way. If you look at my track record why wouldn’t I be here irrespective of Marco Silva? Marco Silva’s track record has got no comparison whatsoever with mine because he got Hull City relegated”.
Bit of a cheap shot that, but that’s Allardyce for you. Silva wasn’t taking it lying down though. "Go and see what [Allardyce] was doing when he was 40 years old, or see what he was doing in his first seven seasons as a coach. Then look at what I am doing at the same age - or you can wait until I am 63 years old, and then we can compare what I have done."
Stop hitting him! He’s already dead!!
Silva’s impressive start with Watford continued as they held Spurs at Vicarage Road. They should have won and had two good penalty shouts waved away by Martin Atkinson. The first one probably wasn’t a pen but the second definitely was.
Davinson Sanchez was sent off for completely wiping out Richarlison. Love that, he’s had it coming to him for months that prick. Sanchez isn’t having a good time of it of late though, maybe Klopp was right about him? I think he’s going to be really good in time but he’s getting caught out a bit at the moment and Spurs are missing Alderweireld.
Elsewhere, Mark Hughes’ job looked to be dangling by a thread when Swansea took the lead at the stadium formerly known as the Britannia. It was a brilliant goal too. I mentioned recently how Wilfried Bony has gone the 'full Adebayor' and he proved it further by turning it on against his former club having done fuck all for the previous 12 months.
If there was one thing that got Adebayor’s juices flowing it was playing against a former club. We won’t see Bony do anything again for weeks now I bet. It’s a shame as he was really good once, before he took City’s money and lost his hunger.
Shaqiri equalised and Diouf then smashed in to make it 2-1 four minutes later and that’s how it stayed, although Shawcross was only spared an embarrassing own goal by the reflexes of Jack Butland. Wee Joe was terrific, bless his little cotton socks.
Swansea are shite but oddly enough they don’t let many goals in away from home. I’m not sure why that is, I can only assume it’s one of those statistical anomalies and because they haven’t yet faced our forwards. At the other end, they’ve only had 27 shots in 15 matches. Pretty sure we had more than that in 15 minutes against Arsenal earlier in the season and Arsenal had that against Mourinho last weekend.
Moving on, and Leicester edged out Burnley thanks to an early Demarai Gray strike. Lots of people getting excited about Gray but I don’t see it. He’s alright, but nothing to write home about. Needs to score more goals otherwise he’s just a poor man’s Wilf Zaha, who in case you missed it is my boy now.
Another Burnley game with two goals or less though. They are by far the most consistent team in the league when you actually think about it. 1-0, 1-1 and every blue moon a 2-0. They never have any other score, it’s impressive in its own shite, dull as fuck way and I really do need to start betting on it.
Pardew’s first game in charge at West Brom was against his old club Palace, who are managed by former West Brom boss the Hodge. It’s like managerial wife swap this shit, all these fucking bum managers playing musical chairs, it’s a farce. The game ended goalles…… zzzzzz Sorry, nodded off there for a second. Not even my boy Wilf could keep me interested in this one.
Onto Sunday now, and 'El Coastico' ended honours even. The little Jimmy Crankie lookalike who sank us last season put Bournemouth in front but my boy Charlie Austin equalised and then goaded the home fans in celebration. It backfired on him a little bit when he missed a sitter right in front of the same fans he’d been taunting.
Finally this weekend, City beat West Ham but it was far from convincing. They’ve lost a little of their lustre in recent weeks and almost dropped points to David Moyes. That has to set an alarm bell or two ringing surely?
Then in midweek they were finally beaten for the first time this season by Shakhtar Donetsk, who looked to be wearing the old Luton kit from the 1980s. I used to have that kit, it was boss. That was back before I started hating Luton due to a combination of them having a plastic pitch and that time they didn’t show up at Anfield because it was snowing.
Me and my Dad were already at the ground when we discovered it had been called off. The only person more disappointed than my 13 year old self that night was reserve striker Alan Irvine, who famously was told by Kenny that he was starting the game. He went to the toilet to try and clear his head and get himself mentally prepared, and when he came out everyone had gone home and switched all the lights out. He never did start a game for us, the poor bastard.
So anyway yeah, fuck Luton, let them rot in whatever lower division they’re in these days. Thanks for Paul Walsh though.
Where was I before I got sidetracked? Oh yeah, City. I’m torn here because I’ve got no time for them and ordinarily would be rooting for them to lose, but they’re only eight points clear of United at the moment so any mishaps for City only benefits their cunty neighbours, so it’s probably for the best that City keep winning I guess.
Tell you what though, I had no idea Joe Hart was only on loan at West Ham and is still a City player. I was sure that West Ham had bought him. The fact he’s only on loan makes it all the more baffling that Adrian hasn’t been playing. He’s a dick and I really don’t like him, but he’s a good keeper and doesn’t make mistakes on a bi-weekly basis like Hart.
I’m not having that new City keeper though, the fucking tattooed gobshite. He’s dodgy him, he almost palmed a Lanzini shot into his own net and he should have saved West Ham’s goal.
The equally dodgy Otamendi equalised with his fourth of the season. He’s got a nose for attacking the ball in the box so they should probably play him up front, as he can’t fucking defend. It will forever rankle with me that Mané was sent off in that game because Mo was tearing that over-rated turd to pieces.
City won it late with an acrobatic volley from David Silva. Great finish and a great ball from De Bruyne. Guardiola was giving it the beans on the touchline, in his stupid fucking XXS grey jumper that looks like he nicked it from some local school kid. Hate that guy.
Sakho should have equalised right at the death after the hapless Mangala was done for pace by Arnautovic. The Austrian isn't slow, but Mangala had a five yard start so how slow do you have to be for that to happen?
I dunno, Mangala and Otamendi playing in front of that walking fucking neck tattoo in goal. We complain about Matip, Lovren and the Mig but I’m taking our lads over that trio. All six may be turds, but at least ours aren’t runny ones.
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