Sut

How do you get a parrot to speak? Put it on the 81.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does that taste funny to you?" Two snowmen standing in a field. One says to the other, "Can you smell carrots?" Two goldfish in a tank. One asks his mate, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Its kind of related... http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/GOODFELLAS-SIGNED-BY-DE-NIRO-PESCI-SCORSESE-KILMER-ETC_W0QQitemZ200078949167QQihZ010QQcategoryZ18833QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem I'm putting a script for the Magnificent 7 up for sale. Now its not an original, but I did download and print it myself before doing some rather excellent (if I do say so myself) copies of all seven's autographs (even Horst Bucholtz and Brad Dexter's). Only twenty quid. You'd be mad not to want it.

http://www.scorsesefilms.com/news.htm#departed2 2 Feb 07 DeNiro to Join Scorsese in Departed II? With a domestic take of $125.2 million, Warner Bros. Pictures and director Martin Scorsese are seriously considering following the money and making a sequel to Academy Award nominated film "The Departed". According to the Hollywood Reporter: "Talks are under way to put together a sequel to the crime thriller, which has garnered five Oscar nominations and is the biggest boxoffice hit of Scorsese's long career. Sources say that "Departed" writer William Monahan is working on a take that would bring back the temperamental foul-mouthed cop played by Mark Wahlberg, who received an Oscar nomination for the role, and introduce a new character to be played by none other than Robert De Niro. Sources caution that Scorsese would need to approve any take before development was to move forward. A prequel is not being ruled out, either. "Departed" is an adaptation of the Hong Kong pic 'Infernal Affairs,' to which Warners acquired the rights in 2003. The studio also had option rights to the movie's two sequels."

Martin Scorsese's mum's pepperoni pizza. Depends what you mean by simple. Ingredients --------------------------FOR THE SAUCE------------------------------- 1 1/2 c minced onion 3 tb olive oil 2 cn whole tomatoes; including -liquid, 1 ; coarsely chopped 1 ; (28 ounces each) 1 cn tomato sauce; (15 ounces) 1 ts dried basil; crumbled 1 cayenne pepper; to taste 1 sugar to taste 1 salt to taste 1 lb pizza dough; thawed -according to 1 ; package directions 1 ; if frozen 2 c grated mozzarella 1/4 c freshly grated parmesan; up -to 1/3 1/2 lb thinly sliced pepperoni Instructions Make the sauce: In a large saucepan set over moderate heat, cook the onion in the oil, stirring occasionally, for 5 minutes. Add the tomatoes, tomato sauce, basil, salt, cayenne, and sugar. Bring to a boil and simmer, covered, stirring occasionally, for 30 minutes. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Pat the dough into an oiled pan, sprinkle with the mozzarella, spreading it in an even layer, add the pepperoni and top it all with enough sauce to coat. (The sauce should be chunky.) Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. Bake for 20 minutes, or until the crust is golden brown. Her son's films aren't bad either.

"I only ate my mom. I was saving dad for Thanksgiving." Any show that has a line like that can't be bad.

This prison drama from HBO with Winston Zedmore from Ghostbusters as the Governor and Mrs Soprano as a guard.

My mate's lent me the first season. He reckons its good stuff. Am I going to be wasting 8 hours of my life?

Apologies to Bob Dylan You must leave now, take what you need, its time you’d gone. For a people’s club it’s shocking to us how small you’ve grown. Take yer history, yer songs and yer shitty side. Cos we’re the only real team on Merseyside Look out Moyes the reds are comin' through And it's all over now, Bitter Blue. Kirby is for bluenoses, better use your sense. Take what you have gathered from coincidence. That Edna Everidge lookalike Bill Kenwright. He just can’t help from spouting loads of shite. In the table, too, we’re looking down on you. And it's all over now, Bitter Blue. Where’s the School of Science? They’re a fucking myth. And with your Dogs of War, you were takin the piss. You’ve had more fucking names than silverware But Kirby’s small, so you should do well out there. The People’s Club? We know that isn’t true. And it's all over now, Bitter Blue.

Nobody focks with the Jesus.

John Turturro in Miller's Crossing, Steve Buscemi in anything, McQueen in Tom Horn, the whole cast of Shawshank and Salif Diao in a Liverpool shirt.

http://www.bruce-campbell.com/ http://www.tvwavs.com/bcwavs/index.html

I'd say Nicholson's better. Cuckoo's nest, Shining and the Last Detail are all amazing films.

Dog Day Afternoon

Anyone seen Bubba Ho-Tep? Without a doubt the finest Elvis vs cowboy-boot-wearing Mummy film ever set in an old people's home. Bruce Campbell rules.

I've added a bit. Could still get another verse in there. Ground Control to David Moyes. Ground Control to David Moyes. Take your bitter pill And make that whining noise. Ground Control to David Moyes. Report to household goods and toys. Check the barcodes On your famous BOGOF boys. This is Ground Control to David Moyes. It’s true your club is small. And the papers want to know if you’re still there, ‘Cos your trophy room is looking rather bare. This is David Moyes to Ground Control, I just can’t sleep at night. But it’s not my fault we’re crap Let’s blame the red shite. For here am I sitting in the Tesco, Far from Goodison. Liverpool’s not blue And there’s fuck all I can do. (Ching-a-ching-a-ching-a-ching-ching! Ching-a-ching-a-ching-a-ching-ching!) Ground Control to David Moyes, You look braindead Can you make some noise? Can you hear me David Moyes? Can you hear me David Moyes? Can you… here am I sitting in the Tesco, Far from Goodison. Liverpool’s not blue And there’s fuck all I can do. (Ching-a-ching-a-ching-a-ching-ching! Ching-a-ching-a-ching-a-ching-ching!)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/eng_prem/6356467.stm Winter reckons referees aren't good enough. Glad he noticed. Now fuck off back to Superstars.

Their worths must be based on some projected weight gain thing. Frank Spencer is a big lad isn't he, so it stands to reason that pound for pound he must cost more.

This was pre-Matrix, mate.

I thought Graham "Father Ted" Linehan's column was always good. The best thing was the mention that Lou Diamond Phillips wife allegedly ran away with another woman which was worked into every issue.

Dunno. Think lists like this might be the reason the mag itself died. They're just tryin to be contentious with a few of their choices.

The list came out just after Pee Wee been caught pulling the end off in a porn cinema so I think thats why its in there. That Superstar is the life story of Karen Carpenter told with Barbie dolls. If it'd been my list, I'd have put in a few more Lee Marvin or Steve McQueen films myself.

They had these "see also's" with every film - it was probably in there with Terminator 2. They also had a list of films to avoid. ET and Top Gun were two hours of your life that you'd never get back. Out of that lot, try to see School Fort Scoundrels - Terry Thomas is ace.

Anyone remember the film mag Neon? It was out in the late 90s and blew the likes of total flim and empire out of the water. They ran a list of the 100 films you've got to see before you die - was wondering if anyone here had seen the lot? 1. Jaws 2. Goodfellas 3. Naked 4. Planet of the apes 5. Peeping tom 6. The exorcist 7. The good the bad and the ugly 8. Apocalypse Now 9. Dark star 10. Videodrome 11. Star wars 12. Caddyshack 13. Blood simple 14. The long goodbye 15. One flew over the cuckoo's nest 16. Aliens 17. Schindlers list 18. Trainspotting 19. King of new york 20. Police story 21. The godfather part II 22. A bout de souffle 23. Blade runner 24. Withnail and i 25. Don't look now 26. Man bites dog 27. To live and die in LA 28. Gimme shelter 29. Seven 30. A clockwork orange 31. Dirty harry 32. The right stuff 33. Akira 34. The jerk 35. Deep throat 36. Menace II society 37. La cabina 38. The long good friday 39. Butch cassidy and the sundance kid 40. The italian job 41. Sleeper 42. Halloween 43. Das boot 44. Manhunter 45. The towering inferno 46. Crumb 47. Chunking express 48. School for scoundrels 49. Terminator 2: judgement day 50. Fast times at ridgemont high 51. Saturday night fever 52. Scarface 53. The president's analyst 54. Hustle 55. Do the right thing 56. Dr stranglove 57. Cross of iron 58. My favorite year 59. Evil dead II: dead by dawn 60. Enter the dragon 61. Live and let die 62. True romance 63. Kelly's heroes 64. Mccabe and mrs miller 65. Slap shot 66. Dawn of the dead 67. The usual suspects 68. Harold and maude 69. Brazil 70. Get carter 71. The great escape 72. Kiss me deadly 73. La grand bouffe 74. The parallax view 75. Shaft 76. Pee-wee's big adventure 77. Seconds 78. The last boy scout 79. Barbarella 80. Superstar: the karen carpenter story 81. Sweet smell of success 82. The thomas crown affair 83. Les yeux sans visage 84. Deliverance 85. The killer 86. The odd couple 87. Bonnie and clyde 88. Freaks 89. The haunting 90. The producers 91. Repulsion 92. Natural born killers 93. Beyond the valley of the dolls 94. This is spinal tap 95. The texas chainsaw massacre 96. The trip 97. American gigolo 98. Blue velvet 99. Up in smoke 100. Citizen Kane Some dead good films there. Some shite as well, but there you go.

Bastards still going on about the derby as if they'd won the European Cup ffs. Ground Control to David Moyes. Ground Control to David Moyes. Take your bitter pill And make that whining noise. This is Ground Control to David Moyes. It’s true your club is small. And the papers want to know if you’re still there, ‘Cos your trophy room is looking rather bare. This is David Moyes to Ground Control, I just can’t sleep at night. But it’s not my fault we’re crap Let’s blame the red shite.