I suppose the only crumb of comfort in relation to our continuing shitness is that - aside from Chelsea and Southampton - pretty much everyone else stinks too. Man City are an absolute disgrace at the moment, Arsenal keep slipping up, United are in transition and Spurs are arguably even worse than us.
City just about got a draw at Loftus Road but they didn’t really deserve it as QPR could have had six. They’ve won just one of their last seven in all competitions and they’re basically handing the league to Chelsea as no-one else is going to stop them. They picked a hell of a time to revert back to being "Man City - loveable losers" didn't they. They're not even loveable anymore, they're just being losers. Couldn't have done this six months ago could they. Fuckin' mancs.
Charlie Austin thought he’d given QPR an early lead with a good near post header but it was ruled out as he was at least five yards offside. Seconds later he had the ball in the net again and was off celebrating, doing some ridiculous dance. Again, his joy was short lived as this time it was ruled out in altogether more bizarre circumstances. Hart had taken the free-kick but the ball hit his standing foot first before going straight to Austin who buried it. Referee Mike Dean rightly ruled that it shouldn’t stand because Hart touched the ball twice, but it was a huge let off for City.
Austin was then denied by Hart as QPR laid siege to the City goal, but eventually his persistence paid off when he drilled a low shot into the bottom corner. He’s not quick or flashy but his movement in and around the box is great and he can finish; he reminds me so much of myself it’s scary actually. As much as I like to describe myself as “a shit Berbatov”, the truth is if I’d ever been good enough to be a footballer - and stupid enough to get a load of shit tattoos - I’d have been Charlie Austin I think. Even his goal celebration reminded me of myself on the dance floor (back when I was alive of course, there’s none of those kind of shenanigans now I’m in my 40s and married).
Yaya went close with a vicious curling effort that went inches wide before smashing a little 5 year old girl right in the face. Thankfully she’s ok, but what the fuck was her dad doing not protecting her? He actually put his hands in front of his own face, the massive shithouse. Toure gave her a shirt and also a phone call, which is very nice of him. Pity he couldn’t find her a new dad too. Fucking coward.
Aguero showed wonderful ball control with both foot and hand to draw City level before Hart denied Austin twice in the space of seconds again. Austin then pulled out wide and delivered a brilliant cross that Demichelis diverted into his own net under pressure from Zamora. City peppered the QPR goal and eventually got a late equaliser thanks to Aguero’s quick feet once again. Take the little Argentine out of that team and they’d be like us as nobody else is doing jack shit.
Meanwhile, Southampton won again. They kept a clean sheet again too. I’m writing that a lot lately, the bastards. Substitute Shane Long’s late brace gave the Saints a 2-0 win over Leicester and that’s nothing to be sniffed at; I’d bite your hand off for a 2-0 win over anyone right now, Leicester and Burnley included. Southampton are eleven points clear of us, Spurs and Everton now and nine clear of United. Are any of us pulling that back? I wouldn’t put any serious money on it, I’ll tell you that much.
If they hold on for a top four spot Brendan is never going to live it down after his quotes back in August: “I have absolutely no sympathy for Southampton. They have a choice as a club. They don’t have to sell. They had that choice. Maybe Southampton’s objectives have changed. They were on course to be a Champions League club, I believe, but, obviously, that has changed”. That may be his “you never win anything with kids moment”. To be fair he wasn’t alone in thinking that way was he?
Burnley recorded their first win of the season with a scrappy 1-0 over Hull at Turf Moor. Burnley make me think of the 1970s. The stadium, the kit, their nickname ("the Clarets"), the town, even the name “Burnley”, it all just screams out “throwback” to me for some reason. The only thing that gives the game away is the pitch, which is immaculate and nothing like the mud baths everyone used to play on back then. Ashley Barnes headed - or rather shouldered - the only goal of the game, and Hull were absolutely awful.
Danny Ings looked quite lively, he’s like a poor mans Charlie Austin. He’s not quite as good at football, he’s got worse tattoos and even his beard is inferior. And can someone give Sean Dyche a throat sweet for fucks sake? He sounds like some kind of weird AVB / Steven Hawkins hybrid.
Final thought from this, Paul McShane is still earning a living as a Premier League footballer. That might be the most remarkable thing about this season so far. Steve Bruce seems like a fairly intelligent fella and an above average manager, so how the hell is this happening? I mean if it was Neil Warnock I could understand…
Speaking of Warnock, I see he recalled my boy Puncheon for the trip to Old Trafford at the weekend. My first thought was that J-Punch must have decided to play ball on the whole “kicking some of his appearance bonus ‘upstairs’” thing, but then I realised it was just because Zaha couldn’t play against his parent club.
Carrick started his first game of the season for United, and that was all the encouragement the Hodge needed to call him up for the upcoming games against Slovenia and Scotland. Carrick lasted 20 minutes of his first training session before getting injured again. Tell you what, I’m glad actually Sturridge didn’t come back for that Chelsea game now.
Mata got the only goal of the game just five minutes after coming on as a sub. Speroni should have saved it though, the spare part faced bum. Bet he has the game of his life when he plays us in a couple of weeks though. United fans spent most of the game celebrating City’s title triumph last year by chanting about Steven Gerrard’s slip. Fucking losers.
West Ham were held to a goalless draw at home by Aston Nilla, but big Andy was back from injury and twice went close to scoring when he got on the end of Downing crosses only to be denied by Guzan.
Onto Sunday now, and Arsenal’s amusing defeat at the Liberty Stadium. They dominated the game and went in front through… well I don’t even need to say it do I? And it’s best if I don’t as it usually causes me to fly off the handle. Grrrrr.
Ashley Williams twice tried to boot Santi Cazorla into the middle of next week. Picks his marks him doesn’t he? Remember him taking out Coutinho last year? Pick on someone your own size yer big shithouse. Swansea hadn’t even really been in the game until out of nothing they drew level through a stunning free-kick by Sigurdsson. Three minutes later they were in front when substitute Gomis (who’s absolutely terrible from what I’ve seen) rose above the Arsenal defence and headed the winner from a Montero cross. His celebration was really, really embarrassing, as he crawled across the turf trying to be a lion or something. I don’t even know where to start with that.
Montero was really good though, which surprised me as previously any time I’ve watched him he’s looked to have pace and very little else. He ruined Calum Chambers all day though. At least it’s not just our ex-Southampton defender that’s looking shite anyway, as the arse has falled out of Chambers's game after a bright start. Until this weekend Luke Shaw was struggling too, now he’s had one good game and got Phil Neville saying “he reminds me of Gareth Bale when he opens his legs”. Little bit too much information there, Phil. Could have been worse I guess, he could have said "that tackle reminds me of our Gareh".
Arsenal’s results this season have been surprisingly mixed but the eye test tells me that they’re playing much better than all the other struggling "big boys". At least they look like they can create chances and still play attractive football. They’re shipping goals though, in 15 games (Prem and CL combined) they’ve conceded 20 goals, which is the same as us. At least they can score though. But then we'd be scoring too if we’d paid Sanchez enough to get him here instead of letting him go there. Fucking cheapskates. Grrrr.
Moving swiftly on before I depress myself further….Newcastle won for the fifth game in a row as goals from Ayoze Perez (he’s got ‘Ayoze’ on the back of his shirt, the knob) and Coloccini sank West Brom at the Hawthorns. Watching Pardew afterwards reminded me of that scene in Red Dwarf when Kryten went into “smug mode”. Pards looks like he’s forgotten where the off switch to "smug mode" is, he’s really insufferable at the moment. The sooner they go back to being shit the better.
Gareth Barry was stretchered off as Everton drew with Sunderland. No-one wants to see that, least of all the poor St John’s Ambulancemen who had to carry his fat arse from the field. Larsson’s free-kick gave Sunderland the lead midway through the second half but Bilbo Baines equalised from the penalty spot. Pantilimon should have saved it but the big dope dived over the ball. Big Vito would have saved that, unless he'd been made another offer he couldn't refuse. *cough* Betting syndicates *cough*.
Lee Mason had a terrible game. Or a “Lee Mason game” if you like. He’s shocking isn't he? Every week he’s exposed for the bum that he is. He should have sent off Gomez and Wickham and he also allowed Tim Howard to just lie on the ball to stop Fletcher taking it off him and scoring. Should have been a free-kick and sending off, but he gave neither, the baldy bastard.
Spurs lost at White Hart Lane yet again. This time it was Stoke turning them over, who followed in the footsteps of West Brom, Newcastle and even us. Fucking hell Spurs, how bad must you be losing at home to that lot?
Bojan’s superb early strike set Stoke on their way and Walters made it 2-0. Guess what, it wasn’t even a penalty. Walters scoring from open play? I say again, Spurs how bad must you be? Chadli pulled one back with a cleanly hit volley at the back post but the comeback was halted when Naughton was sent off for a professional foul on Moses. Not entirely sure what the referee was thinking as Naughton wasn’t the last man, perhaps the red card was for the stupidity of fouling Moses rather than allowing him to just run up his own arse before smashing a shot into the nearest defender.
It’s been a bad week for Spurs though and Adebayor is in the doghouse after having a pop at the fans who gave the team grief afterwards. Instead of moaning about the fans, here’s an idea, STOP GETTING BEAT BY SHITE AT HOME! He then made a sort of botched denial / non-apology about it, saying: “I have NEVER criticised Tottenham fans. I just merely suggested that it would be more positive if they got behind the team more.” Reminds me of the time I didn’t call an old girlfriend fat, I just merely suggested it would be more positive if she didn’t eat so much.
Dave
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