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I hope not.

... what free security software should I be downloading? I know this question has come up before, but I imagine the answer changes over time. On my previous laptop, I had AVG, Ad-Aware, and Zone Alarm. Any changes, additions, replacements recommended? I've heard Ad-Aware is no longer of much use, but may have been misinformed about that. Much appreciated...

Apologies to anybody who's seen all of these, but some of them are just pure comedy genius: Tommy Cooperisms Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..." A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high." I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it." A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy" Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom! What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!" Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice." A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore" Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night. Do I always drink my whisky neat, no, sometimes I have my shirt out. I went on a whisky diet once. Eat nothing and drank only whisky. I lost 3 days in a week.

.....where's the best place going to be ?