TwelveMonkeys

...that's an annoying trait..I type the number eight in a bracket and it is automatically changed to a 8)!!! Bollocks.

NOOS....THE FACTS!! I know Noos pretty well....not in the biblical sense...but enough to pass on the following... 1) he has ginger hair 2) he has ginger freckles 3) he once scored a 30 yard header!! 4) he has ginger pubes 5) he once shat in my drawer at work 6) he has a tendancy to shit his pants 7) he can say as many swear words in German as English 8) it's not a front....he genuinly is a cunt I don't know if this adds to the man or not. Personally, if I had to be gay...no option....the Lord himself flicked the gay switch and stuck his holy finger in the fuse box........I wouldn't fuck him with yours. Hope this helps.

Truth be told, Devon Miles was a cunt...but whenever he was on the telly that bird was also in shot....quite literally...used to spend half the show wiping my man juice of the tv. Now Colonel Dearing....Beedly, beedly, fuckin beedly!!!!

I am fuckin sick of hearing about how hard Mr T was, or how cool KIT was. It's time we started to recognise the bit-part players that make these programmes.. Lets hear it for Colonel Decker, Devon Miles, and Higgins. True heros of our time.

Decking in pub = pubs for faggots. Kebab heater in pub = a quality addition to the pool table, big plasma, and the bird behind the bar with the huge tits Smoking in a pub = scented candles!!! Fuck.

...I believe you may only be reading headlines, Noos. If you carried on with the story you would see.. ...'MAN DIED WHILST OUT JOGGING'... ..A man died today whilst out jogging. On reasling his local fag shop was about to close, John Fuck from Leeds broke into a light jog to ensure he got to the shop in time to stock up on smokes. Having had no exercise beyond sparking up for 25 years, his lungs imploded after three strides. Local police (sponsored by B&H) logged death by jogging. A close friend of John Said "..sniffle, sniffle, fucking death trap...I've been tellin him for years....would he listen....fuckin exercise will kill ya.."

I would have gone for something ending with the word 'spunky's', but funkys is good. Fair enough...Noss is off the hook, but what about Tom Hanks, James Blunt, and the Welsh rugby legend Barry John? Fucked up bastards...all of em.

Agree. I hate smoking and believe all smokers are nothing but dead beat fucked up losers with nothing going in their sorry lives but the constant drag of a death stick. However, pubs are pubs. Any day soon, your local boozer will resemble that fuckin coffee bar in friends, but with your local ugly birds playing the key roles. We must act now.

Are there hidden messages in everyday names? Never believed it myself until.... ....Elmyn Noos...I stab poo's. It's simple rhyming logic, but I am sure you will agree, very strong evidence that Noos is an arse bandit. Noos?

TwelveMonkeys reporting for duty, sir. Sorry I've been away so long. I nominate me for position of General Weight. My duties will include: - preventing fat people from eating in public - making fat people make use of 24 hour supermarket opening times to shop at 3am, and so prevent me having to watch them shovel everything with a diet sticker into their trolly, whilst munching on twelve mars bars. - Death to all fat people that "are comfortable with their weight". - new laws to ensure all fat people have their names changed to reflect their waistline such as pigsy, fat-fuck, tank, pie-king, wibble wobble jelly arse, etc - new games shows like Gladieaters....like gladiators but where fat people go head to head with those fuckin hard bastards that fight in a cage. I won't let you down.