Leaderboard

Monday May 23: The aftermath. I’m still pretty gutted today. Yesterday was hard to take and was made even worse for me when I got home from Anfield and threw the golf on the TV looking for a distraction, only to have salt poured into the open wound as Mito Pereira, a 110/1 outsider I’d bet on to win the US PGA Championship, went the full Aston Villa and blew a lead playing the 18th by hitting into the water. So yeah, a shitty day and today doesn’t feel any better. I’ll be fine by tomorrow I expect but right now I’m just full of resentment, anger and disgust. Towards Villa, City, the Premier League, fans of pretty much everyone other than Palace and of course to Mito fucking Pereira. I’m just catching up on some of the other stuff that happened yesterday and the first thing I want to do is talk about that Richarlison tweet. He’s done that to trigger us, to get under our skin, to rub our noses in the ‘disappointment’ of finishing with 92 points and second to a team that has blatantly cheated. It hasn’t worked though. I’m annoyed at the tweet but it’s not for the reasons he intended. What annoys me is his lack of self awareness. This cunt just seen his team lose 5-1 and they survived relegation by the skin of their teeth. Yet he thinks it’s acceptable to poke fun at Liverpool for not winning the fucking quadruple!! I mean, even by Everton standards that’s something else. This is the same cunt who posted a picture of himself with the number 7 on his back after Villa beat us 7-2, and then went crying to the Brazilian media about how Liverpool fans are always mocking Everton. He’s the fucking worst. Biggest cunt in football and I’m including the rapists and nonces in that. I don’t think I’ve ever wished serious injury on a footballer but I’d gladly make an exception for him. I don’t think ever seen him smile. I know he plays for Everton so there’s not much to smile about, but even allowing for that he seems like a miserable, ornery bastard. Even when he scores there’s no joy. He just looks angry all the time, the horrible little fucking scrote. The irony is that he’s doing all this shit to play to the gallery, but if another club comes calling for him this summer you won’t see him for dust (and whatsmore, he’d jump at the chance to come here if we were ever stupid enough to give him the opportunity). Then he’d tell the fans he had no choice and that the club forced him out to pay off their debts. They’ll believe it too, because “Richy lad fuckin’ loves us yeno”. Meanwhile, City had their parade today. If you can call it that. There were more people in the guard of honour for Divock yesterday than there were lining the streets of Manchester. My first reaction when I saw the footage was to laugh. The more I thought about it though, it stopped being funny and it just annoyed me. Even most of their own fans realise how hollow the success is, that’s why the parade’s are so shit. Any other team in the country that won a title would put this to shame. Fucking hell, Sunderland took 75,000 fans to London last week for the League Two playoffs. If they ever won a title, literally every non Newcastle fan in a 50 mile radius would be lining the streets. I resent them having days like this because they don’t fucking deserve them. It’s wasted on them and I’m not buying the excuse that it’s because it’s become normal now so they take it for granted. We wouldn’t. United didn’t. Besides, wasn’t their first parade an abject embarrassment too? I looked at De Bruyne on that coach today, staring down at the sparsely populated pavement and I just thought “knobhead”. Some might feel that it’s a shame and that he’s wasted there. That he deserves better. He doesn’t. He fucking chose to be there. No-one twisted his arm. He chose to extend his contract so fuck him. Fuck all of those players on that bus and especially fuck the manager. This is exactly what they deserve, the sportswashing pricks. When De Bruyne hangs it up he’ll be viewed as Aguero is. A great player who really shouldn’t have spent the best years of his career at a club not really befitting his talents. He’ll have medals of course, but its hollow success that means fuck all. Whatever happens in Paris on Saturday our lads will have one of the greatest days of their lives when the parade hits Liverpool next week. You think City players will be telling their grandkids about the 20 minute bus ride they had around the Etihad in front of fewer people than you get at an Everton pitch invasion? Our parade is over 8 miles and it will be packed the whole way around. Theirs was less than one mile and most of it looked like a deleted scene from “28 days later”. Look, I get it. It’s understandable they don’t have a million people showing up like we do. They just don’t have the fan base. It’s not that they’re a small club, clearly they aren’t and never have been. They have more fans than most clubs but they aren’t anywhere near as passionate as most. They might be the most apathetic fans in the entire league and it’s completely understandable too. How would you feel if we were owned by Qatar, Abu Dhabi or the Saudis? I wouldn’t be going to any trophy parades either. Nothing City win is worth anything. It’s hollow and meaningless and no-one gives a fuck. Even loads of their own fans can’t even be arsed showing up to celebrate it. So the next time when Guardiola is crysarsing about a lack of recognition for their ‘achievements’, maybe he should look a bit closer to home. If even their own fans are apathetic about it why should anyone else care? The laughable thing is City are claiming to have the most commercial revenue of any club in the world. Seriously, Everton would have double the amount of people at a parade if they ever win anything again. Granted, there’s more chance of Ed Sheehan making a decent song, but you get the point. In fact, City would have had a better turnout if they’d gone down County Road. I’m not even kidding. Tuesday May 25: I almost forgot, the Carvalho signing was made official yesterday and early reports say he won’t be loaned out. I’m not convinced by that at all and still expect him to go back top Fulham once pre-season is over, but then I suppose Divock won’t be here *wipes away tear* and maybe Taki goes as well, so there might be room in the squad for him. He’s apparently viewed as a front three player who could also play as a ten if we went 4-2-3-1. I’m still not in “Champions League Final mode” yet and I’m finding Sunday’s irritation and sense of injustice tough to shake off. Not for me. Not for the fans in general. I’m feeling bad for Klopp and the lads more than anything. It’s 2019 all over again. They had a season that would have won the title in virtually any other year but they were beaten by a club playing with loaded dice. You know what the worst part of Sunday was, and I only actually seen it this morning? The video taken from the lower Kenny stand of the lads celebration when Mo put us in front. I could see from my seat on the opposite side of the field that they were really excited and clearly thought this might be the goal that wins us the title. They didn’t know about Villa shitting all down their own legs. It’s only when I saw the video this morning though that the extent of it really hit me. They’re all massively fired up and Joel starts shouting to the fans “What’s the score? What’s the score?” The fans tell them 3-2 and you can just see the air being sucked out of the group. Shoulders slump, they turn to run back for the restart and although Mo does his customary celebration he was probably gutted too. That hurt me because they deserve better. I know they’ll all go home to their mansions and their hot wives and their lives won’t be any worse off for this, but I don’t care. I want success for them because they’re just a brilliant group of lads. It’s not just that they’re incredible footballers. Klopp has assembled a squad of great people who I love rooting for. We don’t have any dickheads, they’re all relatable, nice lads who work their fucking nuts off for our club. I look around the league at some of the other big clubs and the difference couldn’t be more stark. Look at that United squad. Imagine rooting for that group of knob heads. Arsenal too. It’s different with them as they’re nowhere near as awful as the United squad, but they’re still mentality midgets who love them smell of their own farts. I’m so thankful for what we have right now, and I just wish them the success they deserve, for them even more than for myself. Not sure if any of that makes sense but I’m just trying to articulate how I’m feeling today. Wednesday May 26: Klopp is voted Manager of the Year by the LMA and also wins the Premier League Manager of the Year award. The only people arguing about it are City fans who have been brainwashed by Guardiola’s conspiracy theories, and of course Evertonians. Apparently “whoever wins the league should get it”. If that was the case why would there even be a vote? Interestingly, apparently there was a small spattering of booing when Guardiola’s name was read out as a nominee. That tells me that Nick Harris, Tariq Panja, Miguel Delaney and a few others must have been in attendance and probably had their drink on. Love it lads. It’s mental that anyone can even dispute Klopp getting it though given that this season he has done something that’s never been done before. It was an open and shut case. City fans are whining like mad on Twitter and it just further convinces me that these pricks don’t really want to win stuff for themselves, they just don’t want us winning it. The fume from them that Klopp gets more respect than Guardiola is just ridiculous. We finished just one point behind them but we won two cups and might become European Champions. It’s really not a contentious decision. Mind you, these twitter accounts are probably mostly bots anyway paid for by Abu Dhabi. Shame they can’t get them to attend the parade as well. Some interesting stuff from Sadio and Mo today on their contracts. Mo said that he won’t talk about it ahead of the final but that come what may he’ll still be here next season. He gave the impression that he doesn’t think there’s any rush to get it done as a result of that. Sadio was asked about his future and said “I’ll tell you after the final” but didn’t give the same assurances that Mo did about being here. Some have taken that as a sign he’s leaving, but it didn’t look like it on the video. He was grinning when he said it and it didn’t look like someone who was saying “I’m off just as soon as this final is over”, but Sadio is a little bit of a strange cat and English isn’t his first language, so it could mean anything. I really hope he is close to agreeing a new deal and that it will be announced once they’ve finalised everything. I don’t think Mo is anywhere near agreeing anything but I don’t think he’s too bothered and I don’t think the club are either. He’s here next year and they’ll try to work the rest out as they go. If Mo is talking about leaving on a Bosman though that might be forcing our hand with Sadio if he is planning on doing the same. I can’t see the club letting both go for nothing. Bobby is an interesting one too though as he’s in the same boat but no-one ever talks about it. He told the Brazilian media he really wants to stay. He said it over and over in fact. I don’t think he’s getting a new deal but if he does it would have to be on reduced terms as he’s not the vital component he was when he signed his last one. It’s a fucking minefield, no wonder Michael Edwards is quitting. Thursday May 27: Paddy Power have a video of former Everton players ‘pretending’ to be Real Madrid fans. Some of it is quite funny actually. Reidy is sound, I like him and he’s just having a laugh. Kevin Campbell, who I really don’t like, was also pretty funny in fairness. Stubbs and Ball though, proper fucking bitter bastards them. They probably didn’t even want paying to do this. In fact, I bet they didn’t even need any lines, they were just being themselves. My big takeaway from it is that I can’t imagine our former players doing shit like this. Not least because I can’t imagine Everton in a European Cup final, but even if they were, could you see any of our lads doing that shit? Maybe the likes of Ruddock and Babb I suppose, but I’m not even sure they would. Ok, Ruddock 100% would, but it’s the fact that this is so natural to Blues players that’s really damning. There were probably dozens of them auditioning for the roles, including half the current team. Give it 15 years and it will be Pickford and Gordon doing this shit. The Sadio to Bayern thing is still being heavily reported in Germany and some weird rumours started here that we’re in for Kane to replace him. Couple of points here. Very few people despise Kane more than I do. Also, very few people rate him more highly than I do. He’s world class and would fit perfectly into our team with Mo and Diaz either side of him. That said, there’s no fucking way this is even remotely doable. Even City couldn’t afford him, so there’s no way we can and even if we could spend that, we wouldn’t. The idea of us spending 100m plus on a 29 year old is laughable. We’re not Real Madrid or Man United, that goes against everything that we do. Admittedly, I was really surprised when we signed Thiago but he only cost £30m. If we have £100m to spend on a player this summer, it would go on Bellingham who is 11 years younger than Kane. Friday May 28: I see Stevie showed up to our training session today. I wouldn’t have let him in. Not unless he had the severed head of Tyrone Mings in a sack as a peace offering. He did a video for the club website too wishing the lads luck and predicting a 2-0 win. Feels a bit weird having the manager of Villa doing that. Not sure I’d like that if I was a Villa fan, especially after the shit few months they’ve had and the embarrassing collapse on the final day. There’s been loads of good media stuff ahead of the game tomorrow. Trent and Robbo did a press conference, Sadio did a boss piece with Carra and Klopp has done various bits and pieces too. He’s done a sit down interview with Asif Kapadia (the guy who made the Maradona movie) which is more about the Klopp the man than the manager. It’s great, you should check it out. The Sadio stuff is really worrying me now as Klopp was even more cryptic than Sadio was on Wednesday. "I couldn't care less in the moment, we are all fully focused on this game. No concerns, completely normal - it's not the first time in my career before decisive games that Bayern Munich rumours come up!" Ok, so that was fine, I think. But then when he was pressed he said this… "This is the wrong moment to speak about that. Wherever Sadio will play next season, he will be a big player, definitely!" What the fuck? “Wherever he will play”. That really doesn’t sound encouraging at all. This is stressing me out when I should just be looking forward to the game and being excited about it. Instead I’m shitting myself that the game is going to finish, we’ll have lost and the Sadio is gonna reveal he’s off. The weird thing is that if you ask me who the club should keep if it’s a straight choice of Sadio or Mo, then I’d say Mo. If you ask me whose departure would upset me most on a personal level, it’s Sadio. I’ll be fucking gutted if he goes and it’s casting a bit of a shadow over the game for me. If we don’t win and then Sadio leaves, coming a week after what happened on the final day of the season, fucking hell that would leave a bad taste over the summer and make it hard to remember how amazing the rest of the season had been. And then just when it would seem things couldn’t get any more depressing, we might go and sign Kane… And totally redeem ourselves! Alright fucking hell, calm down, I’m not saying I’d be made up if we signed Kane*. At least Thiago was in training and looked to be at full speed. Whether that’s enough for him to make the starting eleven we’ll have to see, but having him on the pitch is going to be vital. Fabinho too, not least because it will free up Hendo to be able to help out Trent and cover for him when he goes forward. I don’t want Naby having to help out against Vinicius Jr. He’s the only Madrid player that genuinely scares me. Although they will have Bale and Hazard on the bench probably, which really unsettles me. Hazard has done fuck all since he’s been there but it would be typical of him to turn it on against us. He always did. I’ve been confident about this game all along but now that it’s upon us my arse is going a bit and I’m seeing all kinds of bad potential scenarios. I need to come down off the ledge because we are a much better team than them and ultimately if we perform we should win. I ask myself the question “do I trust Klopp and the players?” and the answer is that I trust them as much as it’s humanly possible to trust a sports team. So I need to focus on that and keep the negative thoughts out. Up the fucking Redmen, let’s do this. * I probably would be ….and that was the week that was

Given the situation we were in and the drama and emotion of it all, I didn’t even catch up on most of the other results until the day after. I wasn’t looking forward to Match of the Day because I knew I’d have to skip through our game and City’s game due to them doing that thing where they show both at the same time so you can see “how it unfolded” Fuck. That. Other than what happened with us, it was a decent enough final day in which most results went the way I’d want them to. In fact, if Aston Villa weren’t so…. well, Aston Villa… this would have been the absolutely perfect day. No top four for Arsenal, Leeds saved themselves (I’m glad, most of you probably aren’t!), Everton got battered, United lost yet again. The only slight blemish was West Ham didn’t win and push the Mancs down into the Europa Conference where they deserve to be. How have they finished above West Ham? That European run really torpedoed the Hammers' league campaign didn’t it? I’ll start at the bottom with Burnley and Leeds. I strongly fancied Burnley to stay up because they were at home to Newcastle while Leeds had to travel to Brentford. Newcastle had nothing to play for, whereas Brentford were looking for payback on Leeds because of a video that circulated after Leeds beat them in the playoffs a couple of years ago. The Leeds players were singing about Thomas Frank and Brentford had been waiting for their chance at payback. My boy Ivan Toney tweeted it out a few weeks ago so you know Brentford were relishing the chance to put Leeds back in the Championship. So yeah, advantage Burnley I thought. Leeds had a kid making his debut in midfield and Gelhardt leading the line as my boy Bamford was still not ready to return. I didn’t like their chances of beating Brentford at all so fair play to them. It wouldn’t have mattered what Leeds did if Burnley had won though, but they shit the bed completely. The first goal they gave away was unbelievable. Nathan Collins just punched the ball off the head of a Newcastle player. Not one of those, hand above the head inadvertent handballs either. He deliberately did it. It was like watching a kids game when the ball comes within range of the hand and they can’t help but instinctively reach out and touch it. Wilson buried the pen and Burnley never really recovered. Burnley got relegated because Ben Mee got injured. It’s that simple I think. If he’d been available during the run in they’d have been fine. That Collins is terrible, I have no idea where they found him but they should send him back there. Unless it was the Championship, in which he’s headed back there anyway. As this was happening, Leeds thought they’d taken the lead with a smart finish by Gelhardt. He had just strayed offside though. They did eventually go ahead when Raphinha won and converted a pen. Things got worse for Burnley as Wilson added a second to make it 2-0 but Cornet pulled one back to give them hope and when Sergi Canos brilliantly headed Brentford level with 12 minutes to go it was game on. Especially as Canos was booked for taking his shirt off and then picked up another one minutes later for a foul. That’s why if I was a manager I’d fine any player who takes off their shirt unless it’s right at the end of the game. It's fucking stupid and serves no purpose. The situation was on a knife edge now and Weghorst was inches away from scoring the goal that - at that moment at least - would have saved Burnley. Cork had an effort cleared off the line too as the Clarets threw the kitchen sink at Newcastle. A goal then would have been enough, but then Harrison won it for Leeds with a deflected shot that found the bottom corner, sparking wild scenes of celebration in the away end. Bye bye Burnley then. You know what always shocks me? Hearing Ashley Barnes talk in his southern accent. He’s got Burnley stamped through him like a stick of rock and I always expect a Lancashire accent when he speaks. Then he’s all “yeah up the apples and pairs, guv’nor”. Freaks me out. After Everton stayed up I didn’t really care who went down and had it been Leeds and not Burnley I wouldn’t have been arsed in the least. Yet when I heard they’d stayed up, and I then saw the video of Jesse Marsch huddling with his players in the dressing room afterwards, I have to admit I felt pleased for them. I feel no joy at Burnley going down though. I know loads of people can’t stand Burnley and I get it. Yet I think there’s something endearing about a club like that managing to come up and hang around for as long as they have without spending any cash. I also feel bad for them because of the ownership situation. It’s staggering that kind of leveraged buy out shit is still happening. The Premier League are just complete fucking cunts aren’t they? So I take no pleasure in Burnley’s demise but Leeds just bring more to the table. They’re fun to watch, even after Bielsa. I was critical of the decision to not let him see out the season and I didn’t think Marsch would be able to make any noticeable difference. He has though, I got that one badly wrong as they were clearly not getting out of it with Bielsa in charge. Right from Marsch’s first game in charge Leeds just looked like a more solid, organised unit. They lost that game (at Leicester) but you could see they weren’t going to be conceding six or seven every other week under the new guy. And they haven’t. They’ve been much more competitive while still playing attacking football with great energy. Marsch is always going to get the Ted Lasso jibes and he won’t get the respect he deserves because, let’s face it, when Americans talk about footy it just doesn’t sound right and is a lot like when Brits talk about the NFL. Even if they really know their stuff it’s hard to take seriously because it sounds funny hearing an Englishman talking about “offense” and “de-fense” and “route trees”. It’s the same when an American is using footy terms. It shouldn’t be, but it just is. It sounds unnatural. But Jesse Marsch knows his shit and he’s performed a mini miracle keeping them up, especially with all of the injuries Leeds have had to deal with. They’ll be fine next season I think. There’ll be no relegation battle for them. Can Everton say the same? Can they fuck. The only thing that I took solace in last week when they secured their Premier League status is that I’m sure they’ll be even worse next year. They’ve gotten away with all of the financial doping but because Burnley are taking legal action that means the PL can no longer turn a blind eye to it and cover Everton’s tracks. Maybe there’ll be a points deduction but even if not you’d have to assume the PL are going to force them to get their accounts in order and to start balancing the books. The only way they can do that is by selling players and lowering the wage bill. There’ll be no big spending spree this summer, which is a shame in a way as they usually throw massive sums at shite players. They’d actually get a better return on their cash if they had just set fire to it. How is that? Well a pile of burnt cash can't shame the club by getting caught noncing. Everton are pathetic. Everything about them just screams out “LOSERS”. All season they booed and abused their players. Then when the situation got desperate they rallied around the team, gave them fucking rabid support and turned Goodison into a fucking war zone. It worked because they got the results they needed to stay up. Then they started patting themselves on the back for their great support. Where was that support all season then? The irony is that it wasn’t until they started doing what they’ve always sneeringly referred to as “Kopite behaviour” (supporting the team and greeting the coach etc) that they managed to create any kind of atmosphere. And it worked for them. They actually think Lampard is good, which is great news really because he’s shite and if he stays he’ll take them down next year. He won’t stay though. He’s already started laying the groundwork for his departure. Talking about how tough it’s been and how he can’t wait to go back down south now and spend time with his family because he’s hardly seen them. That’s his get out of jail free card. He won’t want to stay there with the financial mess they’re in. His stock is currently as high as it’s going to get because he kept them up. He’s a Tory and self preservation is second nature to them. He’ll desert that sinking ship like the fucking rat that he is. Same with Richarlison, the biggest rat of them all. If anyone comes in for him this summer he’ll be gone like shit off a stick, and he’ll convince the fans he’s done it to help them because the club needs the money. They’ll lap it up too. He’s played them like a fiddle, playing up to their rabid hordes with his stupid little jibes at us on social media. He thinks it winds us up but all it does is make me fucking cringe. He’s one sad, pathetic fucking loser with so self awareness whatsoever. Laughing at us for narrowly missing out on the title minutes after his team just lost 5-1 to finish 16th. I mean, it takes a special kind of fucking moron to not see what a terrible look that is. He even had a Newcastle fan in the replies rightly telling him “have some shame”. A Newcastle fan talking about a lack of shame!! That's when you know you're in the wrong. The only thing I will give Richarlison credit for is that unlike most of his team-mates he clearly does care and always puts a shift in. I despise everything about him and have done since he was at Watford, but one thing I can’t level at him is that he doesn’t work for the team. Give me that over the complete disinterest from his tone deaf strike partner who sat around watching his team struggle and after humiliating defeats would then go on instagram posting pictures of himself dressed as a woman from the 1950s. But then he came back for the last few games, scored a couple of goals and that will be enough to make the Blues forget just how much he’s taken the piss out of them. Another one who will leave at the first opportunity. If he really wants to make them think he cares, he should dress up in a Real Madrid kit and post it before kick off on Saturday. They’ll build him a statue then. I’m not even kidding. It doesn’t take much to get tributes from the Blues. Lest we forget that Dele Ali and Donny Van Der Week were put on a mural alongside Pickford, Coleman, Richarlison etc before they’d even kicked a ball. Alli still hasn’t kicked a ball for them has he? I know he's played, but has he touched the ball? Can anyone recall him doing ANYTHING for them? Still, at least he got a haircut and removed that red dreadlock eh? They define themselves by what we do and that’s why they’ll always fail. Forget about us, concentrate on getting your own shit together. It’s fucking mental when you look at how giddy they’ve been the last couple of weeks. They’re acting like they’ve achieved something this season. They’ve been dogshit for virtually the entire season, they survived by the skin of their teeth yet they’re strutting around, dicks swinging, like they’ve got something to be pleased about. They're fucking mental. Being a Blue is quite literally the most miserable existence of any fanbase in whole of football. There’s no joy in it whatsoever so they have to manufacture joy where there really isn’t any. Like invading the pitch and celebrating like Scots who’ve won at Wembley just because a team that spent more money than anyone outside of the two manc clubs just about survived relegation with one game to spare. They’re a different breed. It’s going to be great next season when they finish bottom. Speaking of bottom, Norwich ended their season fitting style by getting fucking leathered 5-0 at home by Spurs. Son scored twice but thankfully Mo got one to ensure the Golden Boot was shared. I didn’t like their little bro fest on twitter congratulating eachother though. Whatever that contract offer is, knock ten grand a week off it just for that shit. Urgh. Then you have Lineker furthering the tiresome “nice guy Son” narrative with “look at him smiling, you can tell he’s such a lovely guy and his team-mates love him”. Fuck that shit. He’s a little twat and I’ll die on that hill. Spurs fully deserved top four as even if they did their best at times to blow it, they’re miles better than anyone other than the top three and it should never have been as close as it ended up. Arsenal are exactly who I said they were though and they proved it by twatting Everton when it meant absolutely nothing. They were smelling themselves too, especially Arteta giving it loads on the touchline, the smug cunt. Pure unadulterated Arsenal that. Martinelli got the first from the spot, Nketiah quickly added another before Van Der Beek pulled one back. Cedric, Gabriel and Odegaard put Everton to the sword in the second half, but the travelling Blues didn’t care as they were too busy cheering Manchester City goals. City have well and truly overtaken United in their affections now. Sad cunts. Arsenal fans are now trying to talk themselves into "5th is a success" because they’d have taken that at the beginning of the season. What a crock of shit that is. At the start of the season they wouldn’t have been expecting Chelsea, Spurs and United to have the problems they’d had. Arsenal had a top four spot virtually sewn up and they threw it away. To Spurs. Losers. Speaking of losers, United lost again. This the worst side they’ve had in living memory and they’re a million miles away from being good again. They may even be worse next season as their best player is going to jail and they basically need seven or eight really good signings to get anywhere near challenging. Zaha got the only goal of the game to cap off a satisfying season for him and Palace. 14 goals, probably half of them from the spot but I can’t be arsed checking. Meanwhile, this was United’s worst season since 90/91 but it was actually much worse than their points tally suggests. They finished 6th and that flattered them massively. Palace finished 12th but I don’t think that reflects how they played either. They were better than that, and they were certainly a lot easier on the eye than they usually are. There’ll be no more Vieira disrespect from me after Palace's heroics against City and with him decking that little scrote who taunted him at Goodison. Shame Benteke didn’t do the same, the placid twat. I didn't actually realise when I wrote last week's round up that the Everton pitch invasion wasn't just at full time. They did it when they scored the third goal and there were still five minutes left. It wasn't just a joyous thing with them celebrating either, they were intimidating and abusing the Palace players while there was still time left. The Benteke video is appalling. Burnley should be putting in a complain about that too because there's no doubt that something like that will have had an influence on the Palace players. Palace had nothing of note to play for and they knew exactly what was happening when the full time whistle went. They will have just been wanting that game over and any motivation they had to try and get an equaliser will have gone as their personal safety will have been the priority. That's really not a level playing field is it? Action needs taking there. Some games behind closed doors next season is the least they should get. Same with City, who assaulted the Villa keeper after their game on Sunday. They should have been thanking the shit cunt. Anyway, United’s loss opened the door for West Ham to grab 6th sport and when Antonio smashed them into the lead at Brighton with a left footed thunderbolt it was looking good. Brighton hit back through Veltman and won it with a lovely finish by Gross late on and a stoppage time header by Danny Welcrap. Top ten finish for Brighton and well deserved too. Give them a good centre forward and they’d be pushing for top six. They lost only one of their final ten games, which was a stat that surprised me. That wretched run they had a couple of months back (seven losses in a row I think) really killed their chances of Europe but if they keep Graham Potter they might be able to climb a couple more places next season. Watford took on Chelsea at Stamford Bridge in what will hopefully be their last Premier League game for some time. We’ve seen enough of them and Norwich now. Please don’t come back any time soon lads. That Kenedy fella was playing for Chelsea. Where the fuck has been? On loan presumably, but how come he was allowed to play in this game? He was really good too. He set up the opener for Havertz and created a few other chances too. Chelsea’s fans were having a great old time singing about Steven Gerrard as Villa handed City the title with that collapse, but just as the Chelsea fans were reaching full volume that Dan Gosling jabroni headed Watford level. It’s a shame it didn’t stay that way as it would have been a fitting end to Chelsea’s season. They’ve been mostly shite since the turn of the year and Tuchel has work to do there this summer, especially with all of his defenders fucking off, Kante starting to look old and them having no reliable goalscorer. I mean fucking hell, they needed Ross Barkley to score the winner in this game. That’s not something you can count on, the breeze block headed cunt hadn’t scored all season. The sooner he goes back to Everton the sooner balance will be restored to the universe. They’re made for eachother. Finally, Leicester thumped Southampton in a bad tempered game. Maddison put Leicester ahead in controversial circumstances. There was a drop ball and Southampton through they were getting the ball back. It was booted towards their keeper and everyone stopped. Except Vardy, who chased it and put pressed on Lyanco who fluffed his lines and let Vardy in. The keeper saved but Maddison pounced on the rebound. Southampton were fucking furious and rightly so. Vardy then made it 2-0 with a lovely finish. Ward-Prowse pulled one back from the spot but that loser Ayoze Perez then converted a brilliant Maddison pass to give Leicester a cushion again. He then added another one to make it 4-1. Leicester finished 8th, which on paper is probably not too far over par all things considered. They’ve had loads of injuries yet I still feel like they’ve had a really disappointing season. Maybe I’m judging them overly harshly because of the points they gifted to Everton and because the cunts somehow beat us, but I don’t think they’ve been good enough considering the squad they have. They should be 5th or 6th really. Maddison has had a sneaky good season though. 18 goals he’s scored, which is really impressive for a midfielder. The fact that Leicester have been so disappointing means no-one is really talking about him though. I reckon he’s got Newcastle written all over him. The Saudis will be looking to make a big splash this summer and he seems like exactly the type of cunt who’d jump at it. So there we go, another season in the books and they seem to go quicker every year. It starts in August, then you blink and suddenly it’s May. Overall it’s been amazing. It didn’t result in the title and I’m not going off on one again about the injustice of that. The thing I want to say really is that too much emphasis seems to be being placed on the end result. The final outcome. All this talk now that we need to win the Champions League to ensure the season is a success. I’ve been thinking a lot about that these last few days and frankly it’s bollocks. A season isn’t just about what happens at the end of it. It’s about the journey, the fun you have along the way. The joy of winning games and the anticipation of the next one. In fairness, maybe that's why Arsenal see their season as a success? I don't deny they have made progress, but still, they're such fucking bottle jobs aren't they? For us though, this entire season has been un fucking real. We’ve reached every final and the league title was still a possibility right up until the final whistle went at the Etihad. Yet we have fans of other clubs trying to banter us about ‘not winning the league’ and saying if we don’t win a European Cup it isn’t a great season. None of those cunts, NONE of them, have ever done what we’ve done. This is something 99% of other clubs in this country have never even come close to and never will. Look at Everton, wildly celebrating because they’ve won a few home games to stay in the league. They’re acting like they’ve had a successful season when they’ve been thoroughly miserable for nine months of it. We’ve had great fun from August until May. The result of one game doesn’t take that away. A footy season is 10 months long and we’ve had 10 great months. Other than City, who else can say that? And judging by their half arsed title parade even they don’t seem to have enjoyed themselves that much. Fuck everyone who isn’t us. So as is tradition, here's some end of season awards Player of the Season (excluding LFC or MCFC) 1) Son Heung Min (sorry mum) 2) Jarrod Bowen 3) Conor Gallagher He could play for us 1) Harry Kane (sorry mum) 2) Kevin De Bruyne 3) Conor Gallagher Manager of the Season (non LFC) Graham Potter Goal of the Season: 1) Salah v United (h) 2) Salah v City (h) 3) Thiago v Porto (h) Twat of the Season 1) Richarlison 2) Frank Lampard 3) Pep Guardiola 4) Anthony Gordon 5) Ben White Flop of the Season 1) Everton 2) Romelu Lukaku 3) Bruno Fernandez 4) Marcelo Bielsa 5) Jack Grealish Worst Fans 1) Man United 2) Everton 3) Newcastle (guaranteed number one next season, mark my words) 4) Leicester 5) Wolves Best Opposition Fans Palace. Best Opposing Player Performance Against Us 1) Kevin De Bruyne 2) Mateo Kovacic 3) Conor Gallagher 4) Gabriel Martinelli 5) Leandro Trossard Worst Opposition Player Performance Against Us 1) Geronimo Rulli (twice) 2) Paul Pogba (twice) 3) Harry Maguire 4) Zach Steffen 5) Ben White The Jason Puncheon ‘My Boy’ Award In the absence of Bamford, I’ll go with Allan Saint-Maximin just over Ivan Toney and Marc Cucurella. Premier League Team of the Season: Alisson; Alexander-Arnold, Matip, Van Dijk, Robertson; Fabinho, Henderson, Thiago; Salah, Mané, Diaz: Best of the Rest (exc LFC & MCFC): Martinez; James, Thiago Silva, Rudiger, Cucurella; Rice, Gallagher, Maddison; Bowen, Kane, Son: Massive Cunts XI: Pickford, Azpilacueta, White, Mina, Walker; Holgate, Bernardo, Fernandez; Gordon, Richarlison (c), Greenwood: Subs: Ramsdale, Mings, Maguire, Coleman, Coady, Son, Kane