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“We expected to win” said Adam Lallana afterwards. So did I. Seriously, I did. Even after I saw the team we picked I was confident we’d win. Why? Because it’s Anfield, it’s Everton and because every player who in this squad is a mentality monster, even the kids. Any time they’ve been selected we’ve seen the confidence in the younger players, so it shouldn’t really be surprising. It’s unusual and it’s rare that you see kids performing so well in limited appearances, but there is a simple explanation for it. Part of it is that Klopp can make players feel ten feet tall, but it’s not just that. It’s about how these kids are integrated into the group and how they are made to feel. Let’s say you’re Harvey Elliott for example. You’ve probably spent a lot of time up against Andy Robbo in training. Why would you then be even the slightest bit fazed about facing any other left back? It goes right throughout the squad. Curtis Jones trains every day alongside and against people like Fabinho, Henderson, Milner, Wijnaldum. As if he’s going to be even the tiniest bit intimidated coming up against Schneiderlin or Sigurdsson. I think Yasser Larouci is the only one not with the seniors on a full time basis, so Neco Williams and Nat Phillips for example, are used to coming up against Salah, Firmino and Mané every day. Seriously, it must almost be a relief to face Richarlison, Walcott and Calvert-Lewin. And I’m not saying this to be derogatory about the Blues’ players. They’re seasoned Premier League footballers, but most of our young lads train with the best team in the world day in day out so why would they be nervous about facing inferior players to those they pit themselves against every day? That no doubt sounds arrogant but it’s true. Those young players train with and against some of the world’s best players every single day, and even when they aren’t involved in the match day squad they are still there in the dressing room, or travelling to away games. Watch those ‘Inside Training’ videos on LFC TV and you’ll see that there isn’t an “us” and “them” situation. The senior lads are always joking around and mixing with the kids, and the result of all this is that the lads see themselves as Liverpool players and not just reserves. In the past it was often intimidating for a young player to be plucked out of the reserves and thrown into the first team. Now they’re so close to it every week they’re just desperate to be involved. They aren’t scared, they’re just hungry as fuck and they’re completely comfortable in their surroundings. Curtis actually said afterwards that he’s been “frustrated” sat on the bench. He’s 18 years old and the team are European Champions, miles clear at the top of the table and quite literally wins every single game. Yet he’s frustrated that he is only a substitute! Why is that? Partly because he’s the most confident kid in the world, but also because Klopp has these lads so close to the action they can almost taste it. If they were training with the 23s at the Academy and not really around the seniors much, they wouldn’t even be thinking about playing for the first team. When you’re with them every day though, travelling to every game as part of the squad and (in the case of Jones and Williams especially) sometimes even making the bench, you’re desperate to play. And when you do play you want to show Klopp that you should play more often. By all accounts every training session is like a game anyway, such is the intensity. So if they can handle that they can handle anything, as we’ve seen against MK Dons, Arsenal and now Everton. That winning mentality just runs right through the club now. It’s trickled down from the first team to the rest of the squad, and even the Academy sides have massive jones by scoring shitloads of late goals. It’s most evident with the kids who are constantly around the senior lads though. Not only did we win the game, we thoroughly deserved to win it. The start was a bit mad and Everton had three chances in the first 25 minutes. After that though, once everyone calmed down and just played the way they were supposed to, we completely bossed it. The second half was embarrassing for Everton as they were taken to school by a team full of kids. The Blues looked fucking terrified. You could see the fear in their performance. Ancelotti must be wondering just what the fuck happened because playing Liverpool doesn’t scare him. He’s already beaten us once this season and also nicked a draw. I think they smashed us in pre-season too. You’re not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy. The spectre of Anfield must haunt Evertonian dreams because the mental block they have when they come here is just so obvious. In the 20 years since they last won here, their biggest disappointments have probably been when there was expectation on them to do something. The one that always stands out to me was when Gerrard was sent off early doors and suddenly the onus was on them to win the game, and they completely shat themselves. This was a similar situation I suppose. When the teams were announced, the Blues were made odds on favourites. They must have thought this was the day they finally put that hoodoo to bed. And then an 18 year Kopite in his first home game sunk them with a goal of a lifetime. They must feel like they’re cursed. Maybe they are, but the more obvious explanation is that they’re just shit and mentality midgets. A few weeks ago Everton were at such a low ebb that I didn’t even have it in me to take the piss any more. I said in the last Derby report that ripping on them in the state they’d found themselves in was almost like mocking a disabled person. I couldn’t do it, it was too arlarse. That changed when they appointed Ancelotti though. They were fair game again as that gave them some credibility and something to feel good about, so I have no qualms mocking them now. What a bunch of fucking losers. They’ve had some brutal Derby defeats over the years and lost in pretty much every conceivable manner. I didn’t think last year could be topped but this might be the worst of the lot from their point of view. The cockiness from some of their fans when they saw the team we’d picked just makes me think they must not have been paying attention. I’m sure you’ll have seen the best comments posted all over social media. My personal favourite was the one declaring that they would win 8-0 just to punish us for the disrespect we showed them with the team selection. How can any Blue be that full of hubris after 20 years without an Anfield win? It’s mental. They deserve everything that comes their way. Some were pissed off we rested players because it put them in a “no win” situation. Don’t worry about who we pick, just win the game and worry about that shit afterwards. The smart ones took the view that they didn’t care if we played the under 9s, they’d still celebrate like mad because it’s us and it’s Anfield. That’s how they should have looked at it as beggars can’t be choosers. Maybe next time we will play the under 9s? I’d still back us to at least take it to a replay. The team selection was controversial I suppose, given the opposition. Even if we’d lost this game though I wouldn’t have said anything critical of Klopp’s team selection. It was the obvious thing to do. Had we been playing anybody else I wouldn’t have even contemplated going with a stronger side, it was only that 20 year unbeaten home derby record that muddied the waters. I didn’t want to lose that record and because of that I can understand why a lot of fans wanted a stronger team. Klopp isn’t influenced by anything like that though. He doesn’t let emotion or sentiment come into it and thank fuck that’s the case or who knows who else we might have lost to injury. A lot of people don’t seem to understand how this works. The six day break before our next game doesn’t even come into it. It’s not about the next game, it’s about the last game. And the ones before it. As soon as Klopp mentioned Newcastle losing four players to injury on New Year’s Day I knew he was leaving everyone out. If he’d fielded most of the first choice players you can almost guarantee some of them would have gotten injured. In my mind there’s no doubt about it. We saw it with Milner, while a year ago the exact same thing happened with Lovren when he was selected to play with the kids and stiffs against Wolves. No doubt Klopp wishes now that he hadn’t started Milner, who lasted just six minutes before pulling a hamstring. This is what happens though. It’s why Klopp didn’t want to select any of his senior players. Selecting Gomez was a big risk but thankfully that paid off as he came through unscathed (and was sensational again). Milner had played the full game against Sheffield United earlier in the week (and covered more ground that anyone on the pitch) so he must have been in “the red zone”. If Captain Fitness himself can pull a muscle then anyone can. Hopefully the next time Klopp leaves everybody out then people will have more understanding about why it is necessary, but I won’t hold my breath. If this result had gone wrong Klopp would have faced the usual barrage of accusations of ‘disrespecting the cup’, only this time there would have been a section of our fanbase also pissed off because he’d essentially forfeited a derby. The result didn’t go wrong though, it went right. Gloriously, famously right. The memory of this will last a long time and will no doubt be immortalised in song. The most amusing thing to me is that Shankly’s quote about the two best teams on Merseyside being Liverpool and Liverpool Reserves was proved to be true. Except this wasn’t even our reserves. In some cases, it was the reserves to the reserves. Several of these players wouldn’t get into a Liverpool second XI and one or two might not even make a third eleven either. Yet they beat Everton’s first team. Our entire starting line up cost less than Richarlison. Hell, it cost less than fucking Sigurdsson. The way the game started suggested we’d have our hands full though. Everton knew this was a great chance for them to finally win at Anfield and they began the game confidently. They were direct and looked to hit Calvert-Lewin early but there was clearly a plan to get runners in behind us too, and initially it worked. We struggled to deal with that early on and Phillips in particular looked edgy and uncomfortable. He said himself afterwards that the pace of the game caught him by surprise as he’s been playing in the more pedestrian German second division. It took him a little while to settle and the defence wasn’t helped by the early injury to Milner. Everton took advantage of that and had three clear chances, all of which they hit straight at Adrian. A lot of the problems we were having came down the flank vacated by Milner. It was tough for Larouci as our full backs are expected to play a certain way, but if we don’t have control of the game then they leave big gaps when they push up so high. He’s a converted winger so his natural instinct is to attack rather than defend. Larouci was doing what he’s been trained to do but it meant that whenever we lost the ball Walcott was able to get in. Surprisingly, ol’ Theo actually played like something resembling a top flight footballer in the first half, before he reverted to type after the break. Most pointless cunt in football him. Seriously, what’s the point of him, the absolute fucking loser. I can’t even stand to look at him, the overly groomed fucking mannequin. Fuck you, Theo Walcott. But enough of him, someone as pointless as that doesn’t deserve the words I’ve already wasted on him. For all the talk about the chances they had, Everton’s last effort on target was in the 26th minute apparently. After that? Nothing at all, they were completely shut down and Adrian had nothing to do after he made that third save to deny Richarlison. What a bunch of fucking losers. Their crowd and players. They had the entire Anny Road and they’d been running their mouths all week about what they were going to do. Something about bringing 8,000 whistles to drown out YNWA and how they were going to show us what a real atmosphere was. YNWA was loud and clear, they drowned out nothing. They did turn their backs on the Kop though, which is just too funny, especially when you see the wheelchair handlers even turning the wheelchair fans around so they can’t see the Kop. Amazing scenes. I mean what do they think they’re achieving by that when they can still hear it? They were enthusiastic in the opening stages when their team were creating chances, but in that second half there wasn’t a peep out of them. They were as fucking timid and scared as their players. It’s difficult finding the balance between praising our lads and highlighting just how cowardly and inept Everton were. I expected us to win the game but I thought they’d give us a real test and we might just scrape through on desire and the crowd getting us home, like in the Arsenal game. It wasn’t like that at all though. It was almost like watching our first team in that second half, so dominant was the performance. The other night we broke the record for most passes in a game. Chirivella on his own must have been close to breaking that in this game. Everton didn’t lay a glove on us and - led by Lallana and Chirivella - we just passed them off the park. Everton’s midfielders allowed those two to look like prime Xavi and Iniesta. We didn’t create a ton of chances but once we overcame that opening 25 minutes we always looked the more likely. Minimino should have scored at the Kop end but didn’t get enough on his header. Jones had an effort just wide and Origi brought a top class have out of Pickford. He was offside and it wouldn’t have counted, but it was great footwork from Big Div and a sensational stop by Pickford, who will have enjoyed that after being taunted about his little arms all afternoon. He won’t have enjoyed that spectacular winner from Jones though. It’s easy to put that down to Pickford’s little arms but when you watch the replay he did well to get as close to it as he did. The ball is well over the height of the crossbar but it dips and bends and goes in off the bar, and Pickford is still only a whisker away from reaching it. It was a ridiculous strike. Our goal of the season so far and that’s saying something when we score worldies every other week. The technique to pull that off is off the fucking charts. Curtis is a special talent. Did anyone think he was going to shoot when he initially collected the pass from Origi? Not me, and I’ve been watching Jones in the junior sides for years. I’ve seen him score goals like that but I didn’t think he was going to shoot this time because his body was facing away from goal. I thought he’d just try and play a little trademark one - two, but the next thing you know the ball is flying towards the top corner. It was an incredible strike worthy of winning any game. Imagine being Curtis Jones today. You wake up and think “oh yeah, that actually fucking happened!”. An 18 year old Red doing that on his first Anfield start. It must be an incredible feeling. You could see how made up all the other lads were for him, especially Sadio who was warming up on the touchline and went fucking mad. He doesn’t even get that excited when he scores himself, but the spirit in this squad is incredible. Jones was given the man of the match award (just as he was at MK Dons) and no-one will begrudge him that as he was outstanding. The best player on the pitch though was Lallana. He might not be the fashionable or sexy pick as we all want to see the kids given recognition, but Lallana was just so good in this game and it speaks volumes about the type of character he is. So often in the past we’ve played weakened sides like this and been absolute shit. The kids would be overawed or they just wouldn’t get the help needed from senior pros who didn’t want to be there. Think Wolves last season, when the senior lads like Sturridge and Moreno were terrible. What we saw from Lallana (as well as Gomez and Origi) is exactly what you need. If you have one senior player in each of the lines and they perform as these boys did, then it’s so much easier for the kids and you can get away with it. After going ahead we saw it out with no problems whatsoever. It was embarrassingly easy. The composure and maturity from every player in Red must have had Klopp purring. Imagine being a manager and seeing such a heavily rotated team perform like that. I doubt if he’s ever been prouder. It’s really hard singling anyone out when the entire team put in a performance like that. There were star performers all over the park so I’m going to go through them one by one: Adrian didn’t do anything spectacular but he was in the right place to make three huge saves in the first half. His distribution was spot on and he was a calming presence. He more than played his part and he fucking loves beating Everton. Neco Williams was faultless. This kid is so impressive. He’s come on massively this season and has leapfrogged Ki-Jana Hoever in the pecking order. Hoever is a genuinely special talent, so what does that say about Neco? Honestly, this kid is fucking brilliant. If Trent needs resting, just put this lad in now as there’s no need to be concerned about whether he’s ready. He clearly is. He hasn’t put a foot wrong defensively in games against Arsenal and Everton and he’s contributed a lot going forward. Joe Gomez was once again sensational. He’s genuinely world class already and he’s only 22. The one concern I might have had with him is whether he can look as accomplished when he’s not partnered by Virgil. Well the big man wasn’t there this time and Gomez took the leadership role himself and helped Nat Phillips through some difficult early moments. If Van Dijk is a Rolls Royce, then Gomez is a Ferrari. Nat Phillips. He’s not a kid (he’s the same age as Gomez) but he is very inexperienced. He’s only been back here a couple of weeks after an indifferent loan spell in Germany and this was a baptism of fire, coming into an under-strength side to play in a Merseyside Derby. He looked a little edgy early on but as the game wore on he grew in stature and confidence. In the second half he really looked the part. Yasser Larouci. What a performance from this kid. Unlike the others, he didn’t have time to prepare himself as he probably didn’t even expect to get on at all. Then after six minutes Milner pulls up and suddenly he’s thrown in at the deep end. It was tough at first because the game was a bit wild and we didn’t have the control we’d have liked. Everton attacked down his side a lot and Walcott had a couple of dangerous moments. Yasser played himself into the game though and he bossed that flank in the second half. Pedro Chirivella. I love this lad. It’s a crime that decent clubs haven’t been lining up to take him. He’s nowhere near the level that is required to compete for a place in our midfield but he’s a proper footballer and other than one poor outing against Swansea a few years back he’s been class whenever he’s had a chance with us. Along with Lallana, he controlled this game with his passing and composure on the ball. He did a lot of good defensive work too, even though that’s probably his biggest weakness. Take a bow, Pedro. Adam Lallana. The best player on the pitch. Oozed class, composure, intelligence, energy and skill. He ran the game and without him I don’t think we’d have been able to play like this. Having someone with his experience and knowledge of how we play to guide those around him is invaluable. If we’d had him and one or two others available at Villa Park we’d have won that game too. Curtis Jones. The most confident lad in the world. He’s just about smart enough to not admit this publicly, but I bet you he thinks he should be starting every week. As long as it is harnessed in the right way that kind of confidence is what you need if you’re looking to break into this team. He’s good enough to play every week if what you can do with the ball is all that counts. Unfortunately for him, what our midfielders do without the ball is arguably more important. When Curtis cracks that side of things he’ll play all the time because he’s brilliant. Harvey Elliott. See above. This kid is phenomenal. He’s 16 years old and he looks like he belongs in our first team. He was up against one of the best left backs in the league and he wasn’t fazed at all. Digne eventually ended up frustrated and resorted to fouling him. The most impressive thing about Elliott’s performance for me was that he never tried to force anything or show off. He played sensibly, unselfishly and I can’t wait to see him play again. He’s been brilliant so far but he’s only really played with the other kids and fringe players. I’d love to see him with two of the regular front three. Divock Origi. Another senior pro who did a great job helping the kids. It was a game of few chances for him but his link play, ability to keep the ball and his work rate were spot on. Didn’t score but can claim an assist on the Jones goal. Takumi Minamino. Difficult game for him to come into and he was quiet I thought. Lots of good movement and some nice flashes of play, but you could tell he’d only just arrived. Interesting that he played Bobby’s role. That’s the position I felt he’d mainly been bought for. He’ll play in other roles too, but we don’t have anyone who can do what Bobby does and that’s why I think we signed Minamino. So yeah, they were all boss but Lallana was the pick of the bunch. I also want to mention Ox, who was a surprising inclusion on the bench. Made up to see him back so quickly, but wasn’t it funny watching him when he came on? He looked like he’d been shot out of a fucking cannon. He was flying around the pitch doing everything at 200mph. Great to see. We’ll find out tonight who we get next and that might have an impact on who plays and who doesn’t, but personally I want to see the same core of players used in all of the cup games. They were robbed of the chance to progress in the league cup, so let them have a crack at this one. To be completely truthful, I don’t even think about winning the domestic cups anymore. If we did, great, but it’s not something I spend any time contemplating. When we win a cup tie I’m not thinking “one step nearer Wembley” I’m thinking “great, another chance to see the kids get a run out”. So I don’t care who we get next, but I would like another home draw. Team: Adrian; Williams, Phillips, Gomez, Milner (Larouci); Chirivella, Lallana, Jones; Elliott (Brewster), Minamino (Oxlade-Chamberlain), Origi:

West Ham picked up a much needed win as they smashed Bournemouth 3-0 to kick off their New Year - and of course the Davie Moyes era - in style. Not really a surprise, they’ve got ‘the Chosen One’ now and as the man himself says “winning is what he does”. I’m just glad we’ve got such a big lead over him or we might be in trouble. Mark Noble’s deflected strike set them on their way and Sebastian Haller added a brilliant second with a bicycle kick. He was giving it the sulky / not celebrating celebration to the fans as he’s taken a lot of stick recently. Sorry lad, but you cost big money and you’ve done fuck all in a team that has been so bad that they’re in relegation trouble and had to sack a Premier League winning manager. You don’t get to give it the big ‘un just for doing what you’ve been bought to do. Noble made it 3-0 from the spot after being brought down by Harry Wilson, who did everything in his power to not make contact but just couldn’t avoid it. Thats why you don’t want players like Harry back in his own box defending. Felipe Anderson finally did something worthwhile and made it 4-0 with a nice individual effort. Good player him but he’s been a massive let down this season. Creswell was sent off for a reckless challenge on Fraser but VAR downgraded it to a yellow. Not sure how I feel on that, but it didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things as Bournemouth were already dead and buried. Bournemouth are in real trouble now but they’ve just been ravaged by injury recently. If they get their main players back I think they’ll just have enough to pull out of it as when they’re at full strength they’re a decent side. Poor Dom Solanke still can’t find the net though. He hit the post late on and I just feel really bad for the lad. Hopefully he can start scoring in the run in to keep them up. After all, if he fails, we can forget about getting any more cash from Nice Guy Eddie for our kids. Mind you, that ship may have already sailed after Jordon Ibe got himself nicked for allegedly driving his Bentley into a coffee shop and leaving the scene. Fucking hell. Am I the only person who read that and found the most disturbing aspect of it that Jordon Ibe has a fucking Bentley? The shitness of modern football. Update: Solanke scored in the FA Cup. Good for him, hopefully now the monkey is off his back he can get rolling. If that Calvert-Lewin bum can manage double;e figures there’s no reason Solanke can’t, as he was always the better of the two in all of the England junior sides. Meanwhile, Leicester continue to be our closest challengers after they made it two away wins out of two without Jamie Vardy after comfortably seeing off Newcastle, who are really slumping now after a decent spell not so long ago. That Ayoze Perez loser opened the scoring when he took advantage of a gift from Lejeune. Scandalous play that. It’s one of the first things you get taught as a kid. Never pass the ball across your own box. The soft cunt tried to play it from one corner of the penalty area to the other even though there were two Leicester players between him and his intended target. Now ok, maybe he thought “It’s only that loser Ayoze” and having played with him he’s well aware of how shit he is, but even so, the sun even shines on a dog’s arse somedays and this was one of those days. Bit surprised to see him celebrate, especially in the manner he did, sticking both fingers in his ears. Were the Geordies booing him then? I guess they must have or you’d have to be a colossal twat to do that. Perez is just a regular sized twat, so he must have been provoked. Par for the course with them really, but I didn’t expect them to be giving him stick considering how much money they fleeced Leicester out of. Maddison made it 2-0 with a brilliant left footer into the top corner from 25 yards. Great finish but it was another gift from Lejeune who again passed it straight to a Leicester player. He’s so bad he belongs in that Fulham side that went down last year. He’s very much from the Tim Ream school of defending. Shite. Poor Steve Bruce had to make three enforced changes by half time and then he lost a fourth player to injury early in the second half to leave them with only ten men. He was rightly bemoaning the fixture load afterwards as three of those injuries were hamstrings, brought about through fatigue. Some clubs have enough players where they can rotate and give people a rest, but Bruce didn’t think he had that luxury and paid the price. He probably should have played the kids because as well as losing the game they lost four senior players. Klopp mentioned it in his pre-Everton presser so that leads me to think it’s going to be three men and the babies on Sunday. Adrian, Divock, Lallana and the kids. Newcastle’s misery was complete when Choudhury lashed one in off the bar from 20 yards to wrap things up for the Foxes and keep them ahead of Man City, who had the luxury of a training session masquerading as a competitive fixture against Everton. I actually watched this one, or at least I watched until City scored and then I switched it off. I had thought there was a chance the Blues might get something from the game. More fool me. Honestly, they were a fucking joke. As usual. Here’s the thing. You’re probably going to lose when you play Man City because they’re really good. If you have a go at them you at least have a chance, but if you sit back and just defend then it’s a guaranteed loss. No prizes for guessing how Everton approached it. Shithouses. The annoying thing is that on the rare occasions Everton tried to attack they looked like they could score. Shame they only tried about three or four times in 90 minutes. Foden had an early goal ruled out by VAR after Mahrez was caught offside in the build up. fucking redshite conspiracy this. Mahrez then thought he should have had a penalty, but the linesman had incorrectly adjudged him offside and flagged prior to the ‘foul’. VAR looked at the incident and decided that he was onside but that it wasn’t a penalty. Again, fucking redshite conspiracy. “Fuck VAR” echoed around the Etihad. The Man City fans even joined in at one point…. Jesus eventually put City ahead with a lovely curled finish that Pickford got his hand to but couldn’t keep out. If only his arms were just a little bit longer. It looked close to being offside and there was a check to make sure it was ok. If that decision had gone against City there’d have been angry fans on the pitch I reckon. The City fans might have even joined in. Much was made of how City’s goal celebration was muted because of the shadow of VAR. How can you tell? Everything they do is muted, the half arsed wankers. Jesus made it 2-0 when he was given too much space in the box and was played onside by Mina. Really poor from Everton but they were given a lifeline when Bravo passed the ball straight to Moise Kean and Richarlison ended up tapping in at the back post. Jesus was within a whisker of a hat-trick when his powerful shot came back off the post and all in all it was a much more comfortable win than the score suggests. Ancelotti was laughing in his post-match interview but strangely there wasn’t the same kind of fury that was directed at poor Ole the following night. I’ll get to that in due course. How shit are Burnley? They lost at home to Villa and they’ve been in a terrible run of late. Villa managed to overcome the disappointment of the most ludicrous VAR disallowed goal decision yet. No-one enjoys laughing at Villa more than me, but that Grealish goal that was chalked off angered the fuck out of me. It’s scandalous really. Wesley’s heel is a millimetre offside and he isn’t even facing the goal. Not just that, it’s second phase and he had nothing to do with the actual goal. Just fuck off with that shit. Grealish actually handled it well, saying “if you’re offside you’re offside”. Technically he’s right, but fucking hell, come on. No-one wants to see goals ruled out for that, not even Villa goals. They didn’t let that setback kill them though. There are some teams, I’ll mention no names *cough* Wolves *cough* who might completely lose their heads over a VAR decision or two that went against them, but Villa just rolled their sleeves up and got on with it. Wesley eventually put them ahead but it was weird because based on the MOTD coverage it sounded like the away end didn’t even cheer it. Can’t blame them really given that the one that had been ruled out earlier had absolutely no hint of anything untoward about it. It’s happening more and more now, fans aren’t celebrating if there’s even a slight doubt that something might not be quite right. There was more of a cheer when Grealish curled in a beauty to make it 2-0 soon after as there was no way that was getting ruled out. That cart horse Wood headed in to give Burnley hope with ten minutes to go but Villa held on for a win that came at great cost, as they lost both Wesley and Heaton for the season. They’ll struggle to overcome that. Still, it’s Villa so fuck ‘em. Southampton’s resurgence continued with a win at home to Spurs. Ings scored again and it was a cracker, drawing comparisons with Gazza against Scotland. Both teams had chances after that but Southampton deserved the win and over the last eight games they’re second in the form table, which I don’t think anyone seen coming. I hammered them for not sacking arl Ralph when they lost 9-0 but turns out that maybe they knew what they were doing. Fair play. Spurs continue to look really mediocre but the longer Jose has to get his feet under the table the more defensive and boring they’ll become. They’re neither one thing or another at the moment. Kane did his hamstring while scoring from an offside position and will almost certainly miss the game against us next week (you never know with him though). That gives Jose all the excuses he needs to just camp in his own box and shithouse the fuck out of the game. He was in fine form after this one, taking exception at some of the Southampton tactics (hilarious considering he invented most of that shit when he was at Porto) and then explaining a booking for something he said to one of the Southampton coaching staff by quipping “I was rude so I deserved the yellow card. But I was rude to an idiot”. The deadpan delivery of it was brilliant too. Great stuff. Chelsea took the lead at Brighton through Azpilacueta but they couldn’t hold on and were pegged back late by a brilliant overhead kick by Jahanbakhsh. He’s their record signing but until the last couple of games I’d never heard of him. Brighton are like Watford, every other week they bring out some lad who has never been seen or heard from before and then it turns out they cost upwards of £20m or something. I’ve just googled him and it turns out he played 19 games for them last season. Can’t just be me who’d never heard of him, surely? Meanwhile, Watford continue rolling under Nigel Pearson. Deulefeu put them ahead at home to Wolves with a composed finish into the bottom corner. He then teed one up for Doucoure to make it 2-0. Neto pulled one back with a deflected shot from distance. Interestingly, he didn’t taunt the crowd with his celebration this time, the little bellend. Kabasele was sent off for pulling back Jota and Wolves piled on the pressure looking for an equaliser but they couldn’t find a way past Foster as Watford collected their 10th point from their last four games. They only had nine points from their first four months until Pearson arrived. That new manager bounce has been so high they’ll have snow on them when eventually come down. It’s interesting because I’ve read a lot recently about how shit the Premier League apparently is. People are only saying this because we’re so fucking good and they don’t want to acknowledge it. It’s not that the Reds are brilliant, it’s that everyone else is shit. Ok, sure. Both European finals were contested by English teams last season (none of whom were Man City) so it can’t be that bad. The standard is as high as it’s ever been. Higher in fact. That is obscured somewhat because some of the traditional top teams are in various stages of transition / freefall, but the standard of the league from top to bottom is high. Put it this way, until a week or two back Watford were bottom of the table on just nine points. So, the worst team in the division could boast players of the calibre of Deulefeu, Foster, Deeney, Doucoure, Janmaat and Capoue. Other teams down there are similar. Aston Villa are a newly promoted side who have a centre forward that has been capped by Brazil. Southampton have internationals all over the pitch, Bournemouth have some good players, Brighton lack talent but are superbly coached while even Palace, who I keep saying are shite, have several good quality international players. Sick of them somehow getting results they don’t deserve though. The latest was a draw at Norwich, who should have been out of sight before they conceded a late equaliser. Norwich just can’t win games even when they dominate. It must be doing Farke’s head in as they play some great footy. Cantwell’s opener should have just been the start but Norwich just couldn’t put Palace away, and Connor fucking Wickham equalised. You have to feel for Norwich, they’re so fucking unlucky. How unlucky do you have to be to be the team who concedes to Wickham? It happens once every three years. What makes it worse is it was initially ruled out for offside only for VAR to correct it. It’s just heartbreaking for Norwich as this keeps happening to them. Finally, Arsenal and United got the rare treat of being able to play on a Wednesday in the Europa League Derby. It was a game that was essentially just to decide who is the least shit. Personally I’d have made them play on Thursday, in the afternoon, as that’s more befitting of their current standing in English football. The mighty have fallen in a big way, but Arsenal at least had something to cheer about to start 2020 as they won this comfortably. They played well, but United were genuinely fucking abysmal. The Gunners went ahead early through Pepe. Just look at that dope Maguire on that goal, dropping five yards behind everyone else and playing Arsenal onside. What a waste of money. Mind you, look at the cost of that entire United back four. Shaw £35m, Maguire £85m, Wan-Bissaka £50m and Lindelof £30m. £180m for that? No wonder they’re floundering. Pepe skinned Shaw and picked out Aubameyeng who volleyed over, and then Lacazette skinned Maguire and should have scored but got his finish all wrong. Pepe then hit the post and it was just wave after wave of Arsenal attacks. Sokratis made it 2-0 when United didn’t clear a corner and that was the very least Arsenal deserved at half time. Credit to United, it’s not easy making Arsenal look this good. The second half was more of an even contest but the only thing of note that happened was Fred producing the worst free-kick of all time. Roberto Carlos will be turning in his grave at that. Imagine being Brazilian and hitting a free-kick like that. It’s like being a Welshman who can’t sing, or a Scotsman who can’t handle his ale. I mentioned last week about how United fans are trying to make Alexander-Arnold v Wan-Bissaka a thing and how laughable it is. Well after this game I saw Daniel James was trending, so I had a little nose to see why. It was a combination of United fans ripping him for being a pace merchant who belongs in the Championship, and Arsenal fans ripping him on account of United fans earlier in the season lauding him and continually making a James v Pepe thing. The Maguire v Van Dijk one has been very quiet of late though. I say of late, but it died a death after a couple of weeks. Not even United fans are deluded enough to try and make that argument. Maguire has been fucking shite but he’s English so very little is said. David Luiz puts in a performance like Maguire and he’s ripped to pieces by every pundit on TV, yet Maguire’s shitness has gone right under the radar despite his world record fee. He’s been outplayed by Lindelof this season. The only positive thing that can be said about him is that at least he isn’t as bad as Phil Jones. Not yet anyway. United fans are just completely ill equipped they are to deal with how shite they’ve become. Most of them have only ever been used to success and now that they’re back in the middle of the pack they’re all over the place. The views they have on James typify that perfectly. Earlier in the season he was the second coming of Ryan Giggs. They were lauding him and swinging their dicks at how they plucked him from the Championship for peanuts and turned him into one of the best in the league. As soon as his purple patch ended they turned on him and now apparently his level was actually Swansea after all. The truth is somewhere in between, but United fans seem to only be able to deal in extremes these days. They win a game and they’re back. Then they lose and it’s time to burn the whole thing down. Personally I love what they’ve done this season. Mostly bad but just enough good to make them stick with Ole. I don’t want them losing every week, this is much more fun because as long as it continues like this then they’re effectively just in purgatory. Solksjaer was laughing in his post match interview and he’s been hammered for that. Van Persie was one of those who didn’t like it (my money would have been on Scholes leading that particular charge if Ole wasn’t his mate) and Solskjaer was asked what he thought about the criticism from the Dutchman. His reply was bitchy to say the least. “I don’t know Robin and he doesn’t know me so he shouldn’t criticise my management style. He took my number 20 shirt but that’s the only thing he’s taking from me, because I don’t live in medieval times”. Bit of a soft 9and confusing) response. Should have just said “Yeah? Well at least I’m not a rapist” and then dropped the mic. That’ll learn him. As for the laughing after a defeat, I wouldn’t like it either if that was my manager, but he’s not my manager so I don’t give a fuck. I just think he’s quite a nice fella, which is probably not what that club needs right now. Don’t tell them that though as this is ace. Arsenal fans on Twitter were pretty chesty afterwards, especially when it comes to Pepe. Can’t blame them, everyone has been laughing at that signing because they paid a shitload for him and until recently he’d not done anything. My view is that even if he turns out to be brilliant it was still a terrible signing because another forward was the last thing they needed. They should have used the money on positions in which they desperately needed quality. Like, oh I don’t know, fucking everywhere else except up front. The whole thing just made me feel smug and superior to be honest. We’re sat on top of the mountain feasting, watching all the peasants killing each other over scraps. Arsenal fans point scoring over the Mancs because their overpriced winger outshone United’s bargain basement one. This is the kind of thing these other fans are bragging about now because they’ve got fuck all else. These are special times we’re living through currently and we should be savouring every second of it, as these things are cyclical and you never know how long it will last. United and Arsenal both look fucked at the moment and the chances are it will take a long time for them to get back to the very top. You never know though, there might be another up and coming Klopp out there somewhere and if they were to nab him then they might be back quicker than any of us think. After all, four years ago who would have imagined we’d be where we are now? If you add Arsenal and United’s points tally together they’d still be behind us. Incredible really, but this is our current reality. And theirs.