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To my shame I wasn’t looking forward to this. Not because I thought we might drop points (I knew we’d win easily), but because City’s wins over Spurs and United had taken the wind out of my title sails. You know what though, fuck all that. I’m not going to allow Ben Johnson FC to ruin the enjoyment these lads are giving us. Kloppo’s team have already got more points than any LFC side in history. If they come up short of a title because they’re up against financial dopers breaking every rule in the book, it doesn’t in any way take away from what they’ve done. I should have been going to Anfield with a spring in my step, but I wasn’t. I left with one though, and I won’t allow myself to be such a big fucking baby again. It’s a pleasure watching this team and should be treated as such, title or no title. I loved this performance, it was great, even if it was one of those ‘third gear will do’ type of games. I know Huddersfield are crap, but so are plenty of other sides that have come to Anfield over the last 30 years and gone home with a result. It doesn’t happen anymore though, does it? I couldn’t even remember the last home game we lost and have had to google it just now. It was the season before last when Benteke got the winner for Palace. In other words, fucking ages ago. If we avoid defeat to Wolves on the final day that’s two entire league seasons without losing at home. Add that to all the other amazing things these lads are doing. With Barcelona on the horizon Klopp might have been tempted to rest a few, but of the regular starters only Matip and Firmino missed out. Matip was rotated with Lovren as has been the case a few times of late, while Bobby was apparently nursing a slight injury. Hopefully that’s all it is. Surprisingly, his place went to Sturridge. All I can think of there is that he must have looked better in training than Origi, because I honestly thought we’d seen the last of him starting games. I’d have liked to have seen Shaqiri given the start personally, but in truth Huddersfield are so bad we could have played Mignolet up front and still won. 15 seconds was all it took for us to take the lead. At the time I didn’t realise just how good a goal it was though. From my seat it looked like the lad just inexplicably passed it straight to Mo. It wasn’t until I got home and saw it on TV I realised what had happened. It’s just brilliant from Naby, and I think it may have been planned. Ok, you still need luck, but it’s looks like the boys knew what Huddersfield were going to do from the kick off, and they laid a trap for them. They initially left the midfielder Stankovic in space to encourage the keeper to pass to him, but even before the pass was played Keita had already set off to press him. By the time the ball arrived and Stankovic controlled it, Naby was on him and made the challenge. The ball broke kindly to Mo who unselfishly gave it back to Keita and just like it’s 1-0. Great stuff. Keita has three goals in his last five starts, but more importantly he’s looking the part now. He was class in this game. Confident and efficient with the ball, and he was probably even better without it. He’s getting better with every game now. We were shite for about ten minutes after we scored though. Huddersfield had loads of the ball in our half and had a couple of half chances. We couldn’t really get out and it was all very sloppy. Thankfully we didn’t concede in that spell and then began to play our football again. Mané made it 2-0 with a terrific header from a glorious Robbo cross. Credit to Big Virg too for starting that whole move off. Great from him. Goal number three came just before the half and once again it was an assist from the full back position. This time it was an inch perfect ball from Trent to pick out the run of Salah. The pass was just so good because the keeper had to come for it but he couldn’t get there. All Mo had to do was lob the bouncing ball over the keeper’s head and into the net. Goal difference is almost certainly not going to be a factor in the title race, but at half time I was thinking that if we could bang in a few more in the second half and cancel out City’s advantage, it would potentially allow us a draw if City were to lose one of their games. There’s probably a one in a thousand chance it comes down that, but if we’d really gone for it and taken our chances this could easily have been 8-0. That said, with Barca coming up it was probably wise not to go mad. Nobody told Robbo though. Bloody hell, he never stopped running. Mo was the same, he was flying about the place causing havoc. It’s that Golden Boot time of year and he can smell it. He ran Huddersfield ragged and could easily have had a second half hat-trick with a bit more luck. Same for Sadio though. He scored another great header, this time from a pinpoint Hendo cross. If Mané hadn’t got there Robbo was right behind him. That’s happened a few times this season. His chance will come eventually, surely? Imagine a Robbo goal at the Kop end against Barca. Mo almost blew the roof off with a 30 yard half volley after lobbing the ball over a defender’s head. It looked in for a split second from where I was, but it had hit the side netting. Reminded me of Suarez that did. The game was meandering along and the intensity had gone from both players and crowd. I blame Van Dijk for that though. He went down after winning a header and there was a collective “oh fuck” and then just a terrified hush. I expect there were some people praying too. When he eventually rose to his feet and gave a thumbs up to the bench, the cheer was as though we’d scored. Don’t ever frighten us like that again Virg. That scare seemed to have an effect on everybody. As great as this team looks, an injury to Virgil at this stage of the season would be devastating. He didn’t look quite right to me after that, but it could be my fear playing tricks on me. I felt as though the performance went a bit flat after that though and so did the atmosphere. Then, Klopp sent on Ox and Shaq and everything changed. I can’t even describe how happy I was to see Ox back on the pitch. Just made up for him. It’s been a long road back for him but he’s such a top lad and everyone at the club seems to love him. What happened to him last year was cruel as fuck, and one of the abiding memories I have of Kiev (along with Mo going off and Karius doing what he did) was Ox crying on the field at the end as he made his way around on crutches. It sounds daft saying this when we’ve had such an incredible season without him, but we have genuinely missed him. You could see within a couple of minutes of him coming on just what he brings. That run beyond the frontmen into the box that causes defenders to panic, it’s the one thing we don’t get much of from the midfielders we’ve relied on this season. Ox provides something a bit different to them all, and who knows what difference it might have made if he’d been available to start or to bring on in those draws we had a couple of months back. Maybe he’ll still be able to make a vital contribution somewhere along the line in our remaining games. He got the kind of ovation you’d expect, but weirdly, it sounded to me as though Shaq’s cheer was even louder. I may be wrong on that, but that’s how it sounded at the time at it took me aback. I know he’s hardly had a sniff since the turn of the year but I wasn’t expecting that kind of noise for him coming on. The pair of them being introduced lifted everybody. The players responded immediately and the crowd were suddenly buzzing again. Ox nearly scored straight away. What a moment that would have been. Great run into the box, lovely ball by Mo, just a shame the finish wasn’t what he would have wanted. He looked great though didn’t he? Sharp as fuck. So did Shaq. I don’t know what he’s done to deserve the cold shoulder he’s been given, but it was good seeing him back out there as we all love Shaq, don’t we? He’s one of those players that fans naturally gravitate towards. He looked keen to impress and produced a peach of a cross with his right foot that Sadio thumped against the post with his head. That would have been a hat-trick of headers, which I don’t think has been done before by a Liverpool player. Sadio is so good in the air these days though. He’s got a great knack of finding space between defenders, and he can jump right out of the fucking stadium. Ridiculous how high he can get. We were just slicing through Huddersfield at will in those last twenty minutes and the only surprise is that we only added more goal. Again, it was class. Shaq waiting until the perfect moment to split the defence and pick out Robbo’s overlap, and then Robbo delivered a great ball on the run to give Mo a tap in. Mo could have added another with a shot that fizzed just over following a dazzling run past two defenders, while both he and Sadio wasted good opportunities to play the other one in and instead went for goal themselves. I hope the Golden Boot isn’t an issue here, but it does look like neither of them want to pass to the other when there’s a chance to go for goal themselves. Tell you one thing that deserves a mention before I forget. The Huddersfield keeper’s reaction to the Kop applauding him was great. So many keepers either just give a token clap or ignore it altogether, but this lad really appreciated it and made sure the Kop knew it. It’s not like he’s English either, so like other overseas keepers he would have had an excuse for not necessarily being aware of the tradition. Good for him though. Also, that Bacuna is a good player. He’s caught my eye a few times on MOTD but this was the first chance I’d had to watch him live, and I thought he played well. Got a bit of needle about him too, which I like. Even at 5-0 down he was still fired up and playing hard. In the closing stages the Kop belted out “Liverpool Liverpool top of the league” but it kind of felt a little, I dunno, not exactly half hearted, but certainly lacking in a little of the gusto of a few weeks ago. At the final whistle the players (mostly Lovren) and Klopp were geeing up the Kop, and the crowd responded. I don’t think it was a ‘we’re gonna win the title’ type roar though, more a defiant ‘we’re proud of you regardless of what happens’ type of thing. Klopp did his now customary three first pumps, but only after teasing the Kop that he wasn’t going to do it because the cameraman was right on him. Proper showman isn’t he? It’s hard to maintain any belief that we’re going to get what we deserve from this season when City just keep relentlessly winning and most opponents are too scared to even lay a glove on them. Spurs are the only side in months that has even had a go at them. It’s horrible watching their games and helplessly seeing the title slowly slipping away, but there’s fuck all we can do about it. Let’s just win our last two games, not just in case City somehow slip up, but for our own sense of pride. If it’s not enough, then so be it, but let’s keep winning and show everyone that we’re not going away. Finishing on 97 points would be incredible. So what if all the sad jealous cunts around the rest of the country take the piss and sing “you nearly won the league”. I don’t give a fuck. Let them sing what they like, the fucking losers. None of them have ever reached 97 points, so let’s win those two games and reach that target. United fans are now cheering when they hear Man City are winning. This is what we’ve reduced them to. That’s because of us. We’ve got them so fucking terrified that they’re actually cheering Man City results. They’re pathetic and we’ve made them that way. No-one else. Us. So if you know any mancs and they try to wind you up, point that out to them. We’re miles ahead of everyone else and if City had played by the same rules as everybody else the title would have been ours about a month ago. We’re 21 points ahead of third place. Think about that for a second. 21 points!!! It’s mad. This team is fucking phenomenal. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. This is the best Liverpool team I’ve ever seen, which essentially amounts to them being the best we’ve ever had. Some will argue they need a league title before they deserve that honour. I disagree. If we end on 97 points, that would have been enough to win the title in ANY season before last year. It’s just our luck that we might do it in one of only two seasons in the 131 years of English football when it isn’t enough. We’ll see though. At least our entire season isn’t riding on what Man City do in their next two games. We’ve still got a Champions League semi against Barcelona to look forward to. I can’t wait for that. Can’t. Fucking. Wait. Star man is Robbo, with honourable mentions to Keita, Salah and Mané. They were all good though, except Sturridge, who was - predictably and understandably - off the pace and ineffective. Team: Alisson; Alexander-Arnold (Gomez), Lovren, Van Dijk, Robertson; Wijnaldum (Oxlade-Chamberlain), Henderson, Keita; Salah, Sturridge (Shaqiri), Mané:

Saturday Apr 20: Fuck off City. A spawny undeserved 1-0 win over Spurs today puts them one step closer to the title and means we’re relying on United even more than ever. And United are shit, so God help us. Meanwhile, the six nominees are announced for POTY. Virg and Sadio are on the list, along with Sterling (fair enough), Aguero (hmmm, maybe), Hazard (yep) and Bernardo Silva. Not having that. He’s had a good season but Andy Robbo, Salah or Son Heung Min are more deserving than that snide little fuck. What pissed me off even more though is that Bernardo is also up for the Young Player award. He’ll be 25 in a few months!!! How the fuck is he considered a young player? This award is an absolute fucking joke. I’m surprised Harry Kane isn’t up for it again. Sterling is though, and he’s 24 too and has been playing top flight football for *checks wiki* SEVEN FULL SEASONS!!! Somewhere along the line they’ve lost track of what this award is actually supposed to be about. When James Maddison, Aaron Wan-Bissaka and Ben Chilwell are not on a shortlist of six for young player of the year, it makes a mockery of the whole thing. You have to wonder whether they’d have even nominated Joe Gomez had he stayed fit. I’m guessing not. The writers will get that one right, but they’re also nailed on to give Sterling the main award and it won’t be just because of football reasons (although in fairness he has probably been better than everyone else other than Virgil). Their colleagues on the front pages have given him so much unwarranted shit that some of the back page lads will be wanting to make it up to him. Virg has no chance of that one unless we pip City to the title. Meanwhile, the Brazilian press reckon we’re interested in a 23 year old striker from Gremio, who goes by the name of.. wait for it… Everton. I’m all in on this one, imagine the fume from the Blues when the Kop are all chanting “Ev-er-ton”. Even better, imagine how funny it will be when they are singing it themselves in a derby, especially if he scored. Edwards, make it happen. A report claims that ‘liverpool’ is the most commonly used football related password. Not surprised, we’ve got more fans than virtually everyone, and when you throw in all the Everton, City and United fans who’s passwords are ‘fuckliverpool’ or ‘liverpoolscum’ etc then it makes sense. Funny story. My cousin once had an account on ‘Love at Lycos’ back in the day. Don’t get me wrong, he had no trouble attracting female attention on night’s out (he was usually having to beat them off with a stick) and this account was just for a bit of a laugh more than anything. He didn’t have a computer at the time so used to use the one in my mum’s. He went on holiday for a couple of weeks and while he was away I thought I’d do a little bit of tampering with his account. I had to get into it first though. What would his password be? First attempt, ‘liverpool’. I’m in. Unbelievable. First stop was his profile. Changed from straight to bi. Next stop, changing the picture. I went to mingers.com and found an incredible photo that looked like a lab experiment of him gone wrong. Seriously, you know that Halloween episode of the Simpsons when Bart has an ugly twin who they keep in the attic? This was like that. So I changed the photo, and then went cruising around different pages, because whenever someone visited your page you could see it. I visited loads of pages, left a couple of messages here and there and then logged out. Two weeks later, he comes back from his hols and he’s in my mums. I’m outside the door, listening. He logs in, and then I can hear him muttering to himself, confused and wondering how come there were loads of gay fellas messaging him. Then he sees the photo of himself and hears me pissing myself outside of the door. That’s when he realised what had happened. On reflection, it might have been the greatest day of my life that. Sunday Apr 21: Cardiff 0 L 2 Nice professional job in the end. It took longer than we would have liked to get the first goal, and I’m not gonna lie, my arse was starting to go a little at half time when we hadn’t scored, but looking back now, there was no way we weren’t going to score as we were creating chances and Cardiff were never going to be able to keep going in that heat. Gini’s goal was a belter and Milner’s pen was typically calm and clinical. Mad that there are people out there who don’t think that was a foul. Fucking dickheads. If that wasn’t a penalty, then we may as well just abolish penalties altogether. Should have been more than 2-0 really but goal difference is unlikely to come into it, so it’s all about the points. We need City to slip up somewhere, but it won’t be at Old Trafford. I said yesterday that United were shit, but it appears I was being too kind. They’re much worse than that. 4-0 at Goodison? Every single one of them involved in that shitshow should be ashamed. At least it means they’ll have to put in some effort on Wednesday, but get your money on a ‘plucky defeat’ and an ‘at least they tried’ narrative being pushed afterwards. Fucking losers. As if they’re going to take any points off City. Like I’ve been saying for weeks, if anyone is going to help us out it will be Burnley. Meanwhile, two more goals for Harry Wilson this weekend, taking his tally for the season to 16. He’s played mostly in midfield so that’s an impressive number. It’s going to be interesting to see what we do with him next season but when you look at the players we have competing for midfield spots, there’s no room for him there. Maybe he’s an option for the front three, but a loan at a Bournemouth or Newcastle would probably serve him best. I really like him though, I’d love him to nail down a place here one day. Emre Can wins the title with Juve and posts on social media “I came here to win trophies”. Cue clickbait articles about him having a dig at Liverpool. Get the fuck out of here with that shit. Congrats Big Sexy, I don't begrudge you your success but equally I've barely given you a second though all season and you've not been missed in the slightest. Transfer rumours today see us linked with Nicholas Pepe, a forward from Lille who is tearing it up in Ligue 1 this year, and Ajax playmaker Hakim Ziyech. Not seen anything of Pepe, but Ziyech is boss. Fuck it, sign them both, we’re having great success with African forwards so why not? Now that the AFCON isn’t in January there’s no reason not to, especially as we need to replace Sturridge and Lallana this summer. Monday Apr 22: I commented last week on how chesty the Blues had been after beating Arsenal and how funny it was when they lost at Fulham. After them battering United yesterday there’s no living with them now. I saw a tweet from one of them saying only Virg and Sadio would get in their team, and maybe Alisson could provide competition for ol’ Barney the Dinosaur in goal. Utterly fucking mental they are. Not all of them are as bad as this loon, but there’ll be loads thinking that in a combined Merseyside XI they’d have five or six in there. Truth is, their best player by a mile is Digne and even he wouldn’t get in our side. Digne is the second best left back in the league, but Robbo is number one. There isn’t one other Blue I’d even want on our bench, other than Richarlison who might be decent cover for the front three if he wasn’t such a twat with an incredibly punchable face. The Blues might say I’m being just as biased as that deluded fool I’m ripping into, but the players I’m valuing so highly are 39 points better off than his. Can’t wait until they lose to Huddersfield or someone next week. *checks fixtures* Ok, they’ve got Palace, who are rancid at home. Still, defo a Palace win, mark it down now. Tuesday Apr 23: Virgil is asked whether Man United can do us a favour, and replies “they need to do themselves a favour”. Ooof! He’s right like, and at least he’s not antagonising the mancs in the way Flat Track Pep is. He said today that Old Trafford isn’t a scary place to go anymore. He’s not wrong, but why say it the day before you go there? Especially when a lot of the home fans weren’t exactly fired up for the game. If they have anything about them, they’ll be pissed at Guardiola’s arrogance and want their team to win now. Solskjaer rattled City’s cage too by (rightly) pointing out the amount of tactical fouls City commit when they lose the ball. It’s about time someone pointed this out, as it does my head in. As soon as City lose possession and the opposition look to counter, some cunt commits a foul. Not a serious foul worthy of a yellow card, just a foul that stops the counter attack. Guardiola denied it and says he never tells his players to do that. He might be right, but that Amazon behind the scenes documentary showed the ‘Playmobil Man’ Mikel Arteta telling players to do exactly that. Anyway, the upshot of this is that manc beef has to be good for us. Anything that might make United’s fans get behind their team more, or make United’s players try harder, has to be a good thing, right? Wednesday Apr 24: Ok, so it didn’t really matter in the end. I don’t know if United players tried their best or not but if this was their best then fuck me, they’ll be lucky to finish top half next season. Cowardly, negative, playing to not get hammered football. Rashford up front on his own and Lingard playing behind. I’m not even sure Mourinho would have been that negative. De Gea can fuck off too, the bum. It’s utterly demoralising having to just sit here and watch City reel off win after win. I didn’t hold out any real hope for United tonight, but I can’t pretend there wasn’t a part of me thinking that it might be tough for City because it’s a derby game and United do have some players who could hurt them. As it turned out I couldn’t have been more wrong. It was just easy for them, they didn’t really have to break sweat because United are fucking garbage. Really bad. Meanwhile, Mo is in New York mingling with the stars, including The Khaleesi from Game of Thrones. The rest of the lads are back here training in the cold while he’s rubbing shoulders with the ‘mother of dragons’. If he wasn’t such a nice fella I’d be a little concerned about this as team-mates can often become resentful when one player gets this kind of attention. Don’t want him turning into another Beckham. Thursday Apr 25: Virgil is PFA Player of the Year and is one of four Reds in the team of the year. I could argue the toss about Ederson getting in over Alisson (just on aesthetics alone it should be our man) but it’s difficult to complain too much about ten of the eleven. Salah, Son and Hazard all missing out is debatable, but one thing that isn’t in question is that Paul Pogba being named in it is fucking hilarious. Presumably the voting was cast when he was at the tail end of that purple patch he had after Jose was sacked. Y’know, that one period in the season when he was actually arsed because people were blaming him for Mourinho’s failure. What a fucking fraud he is. I hope United don’t sell him. He’s the living embodiment of how shite they are now. Much in the same way that Ozil sums up modern day lightweight, flakey bastards Arsenal, Pogba is the poster boy for this 6th placed, overhyped, overpaid, over-rated United side. De Gea is right there alongside him too now, the werewolf looking error prone twat. Onto tonight now. That youth cup final was FUCKING BOSS! Those lads did themselves and the club proud. City looked a class above in the first half and scored just before half time. Annoying as fuck as the youth team play exactly like their first team and the goal was your classic City strike - passing move, byline, cutback, goal. I didn’t see how the lads could turn it around because they were being given a chasing and the midfield and forwards just couldn’t get into it. The second half was completely different though. Barry Lewtas had them on the front foot and they pushed City back, but they didn’t take their chances and it looked like they’d lose 1-0. Then with three minutes left, Bobby Duncan picked the ball up, turned and leathered one in from 30 yards. The keeper should have done better but there was loads of swerve on the ball as Bobby’s left foot is like a sledge hammer. This was fairy tale stuff because Bobby left City last summer to come home. He’d barely had a kick before that and spent most of the game marooned on the left wing to stop City’s right back getting forward. You could almost read his mind though when he picked that ball up. He was always going to turn and shoot, and it’s a sign of a big time player that this is what he can do when it matters most. He is Stevie’s cousin though so we shouldn’t be surprised by that. City were the stronger side in extra time but both sets of players were absolutely goosed and it was a war of attrition. It went to pens, and we scored all five while City missed one. The standard of pens was ridiculous, not least the winner from Glatzel which was right in the top bin. He looked petrified as he prepared himself to take it and I was sure he’d miss, but fair play to him, that was a phenomenal penalty. Great stuff from the lads, especially as this was a one off final at City’s home stadium. Why the FA decided to do it that way is anyone’s guess, but hopefully they’ll go back to the two legged format in future. I love the youth cup, me. Friday Apr 26: L 5 Huddersfield 0 Really enjoyed this. Yeah Huddersfield are terrible but it’s just great to see how we can take care of business against these crap teams now without even really having to extend ourselves too much. Some of the football was absolutely sublime and the goals were great. The goals we didn’t score would have been even greater. Mo went close to two incredible goals that would have been goal of the season contenders and that Sadio header that hit the post would have been amazing too, not least because it would have given him a hat-trick of headers. Robbo was phenomenal and bagged two more assists. He was buzzing afterwards because Ox had told him prior to the season that if he manages 10 assists then he will put up a signed Robbo shirt on his wall next to the one he has from Messi. He’s now got 11 and he’s making Ox keep his side of the bargain. Speaking of Ox though, perhaps the best thing all night was him coming back. Not gonna lie, I had a lump in my throat when he came on. Also not gonna lie, I’d have had a lump in my pants if he’d have put that chance away. Great to see him back out there and it was surprising how sharp he looked. Remember when players would be out for a while and come back rusty as hell? Seems to not be the case any more, which is almost certainly a result of how much time goes into rehabilitation these days. In years gone by, Ox would have been back in the team two months ago, but he wouldn’t have been ready. He might actually be a useful option off the bench in some of these huge games we’ve got left as he looked great. We even got to see Shaq again tonight too. He looked razor sharp as well. This might be the last we see of him at Anfield as I’m not sure he’ll want to stick around next year if he’s seeing as little action as he has in the last few months. Hope not though, I love Shaq. This was almost definitely the last we’ve seen of Sturridge though. I was surprised he got the start, but not surprised he was off the pace and didn’t do much. Great player in his day but he’s unrecognisable from that now. That’s 91 points now. The most we’ve ever had. Hopefully we’ll get to 97 and then what will be will be. Title or no title, this is the best Liverpool side I’ve ever seen. Some will use trophies as the barometer for that honour, but to me that’s not really fair considering none of our previous great sides were having to deal with the same level of competition (and rampant cheating) these lads are up against. Kenny’s Boys of 88 are the benchmark in the ‘best ever side’ discussion, but this team already has more points despite having played four games less. They’ve conceded four less goals and need to score only three to equal the 88 side’s total. If they manage to win a trophy (or two) this season then I don’t even think there’s a debate to be had. I fucking love this team, it’ll be a travesty if they end up empty handed again. That was the week that was….

*Sigh* This week was tough. We’re running out of games now and City have almost come through the stretch of games that were likely to test them the most. I’ve said all along that Burnley were our best hope and that’s how it looks now, but it’s a fleeting hope at best. Unlike most, Spurs at least gave it a go on Saturday and can consider themselves unlucky to have come away from the Etihad with nothing. They should have won really as they were the better side, but I can’t help feel that letting City score inside the first five minutes for the second time in four days means they probably deserved what they got. I mean fucking hell lads, have you not been paying attention? Every fucking game they score inside the first ten minutes, so it might be an idea to, y’know, waste a bit of time, take the sting out of the game and, oh I don’t know, call me eccentric, but you could actually fucking concentrate and do your jobs from the start. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to Spurs for putting paid to City’s quadruple bid, but their inability to take any of the good chances they created on Saturday has ruined any credit they’d built up with me. They can fuck off again now. I wasn’t going to ruin a sunny Saturday by staying in and watching the inevitable, so I was enjoying a nice family day on the North Wales coast. I promised myself I wouldn’t even bother checking the score until it was over, but it’s hard isn’t it? Within ten minutes of kick off I was checking the group chat to see what was going on, and surprise fucking surprise, it was already 1-0. Prior to the game we were predicting the time when City would take the lead. Virtually everyone had it inside 20 minutes, but I was closest with 5 mins. It’s just so fucking predictable. At least the Mancs held out until the second half, for all the good it did them (I’ll get to that debacle later though). So I didn’t watch it live and I haven’t watched the highlights either. What would be the point? I’ve seen that movie before and it was shit. I’m not sitting through it again unless there’s a gun to my head. Newcastle are safe now after a routine win over Southampton, who are still probably one game away from being able to relax. Anthony Taylor produced a yellow card when Ward-Prowse took out Almiron on the halfway line. He was the last man and Newcastle had two players running through. I don’t see any way that wasn’t a red card. He’s shite that Taylor. Baldy manc twat. If City pip us to the league, as far as I'm concerned he's the reason why, because he didn't send that bulb headed cunt Kompany off when he chopped down Salah when he was clean through at the Etihad. But that's a rant for another day (hopefully a day that never arrives). The artist formerly known (by me, at least) as “that loser Ayoze Perez” scored three to ensure that Taylor’s incompetence wasn’t a factor as the Geordies ran out comfortable 3-1 winners. Rafa has achieved an awful lot in his long and illustrious managerial career, but turning Perez into a mid-level Premier League forward might even be more miraculous than Istanbul. Staying down at the bottom, Brighton hadn’t scored for five games and they showed exactly why at Wolves. They shithoused their way to a 0-0 while barely leaving their own half. Wolves hit the woodwork twice and had a clear penalty appeal ignored. Brighton tried the same approach at Spurs three days later and it almost paid off for them again, only for Eriksen to win it in the last minute with a shot from distance. That result means Spurs should nail down third spot (deservedly so) and it leaves Brighton in big trouble. Cardiff have the more winnable fixtures and Brighton will probably need to get something on the last day to survive. In theory that’s a good thing for us, but it’s not going to make any difference as they’ve got fucking no chance of taking points off City. Still, I’d rather them go into the game needing something from it than be safe or down. It’s clutching at the flimsiest of straws though. West Ham and Leicester played out an entertaining draw at the London Stadium. Antonio put West Ham in front with a thumping header. He’s a funny one him. He’s generally shite, but when he’s good he’s fucking boss. Speaking of boss, my favourite non-LFC player Jamie Vardy levelled with a sharp finish at the near post. Perez restored West Ham’s lead and then had a good goal incorrectly ruled out for offside. That error was costly as Harvey Barnes equalised with the last kick of the game. Neither Chilwell nor Maddison made the shortlist for the PFA Young Player award. Wan-Bissaka from Palace didn’t get on it either. Maybe they’ll have a chance of getting nominated when they’re a few months shy of their 25th birthday, as that seems to be how it works now. Fucking joke. Speaking of jokes, Jack Wheelchair came on for West Ham in the closing stages. What an embarrassment he is. I genuinely had no idea he was still there. Where the hell has he been all season? *googles* On the treatment table with his glass ankles, again. Has there ever been a more “West Ham signing” than him? What price Studge and Lallana limping down there to sign for them this summer? The four way battle to finish 7th looks like it might go down to the wire. Watford helped their cause with a win at Huddersfield. Deulefeu gave them an early lead with a glorious finish that was so laid back you’d have sworn it was a charity game. Huddersfield’s play in the build up to it was also reminiscent of a charity game. Terrible stuff. Deulefeu bagged another late on and that proved to be important as Huddersfield scored in stoppage time through Grant. Deulefeu has finally added some consistency to his game and he’s had a good season. He’s come a long way since those days at Everton when the club shop couldn’t even spell his name correctly on a shirt. Shame Everton can’t say the same. Bournemouth lost at home to Fulham. Crazy this league. Last week Bournemouth were winning 5-0 away but here they are being beaten at home by a team that's already down. I see Boruc was back in goal. Embarrassing for Begovic that, after he kicked off and demanded to be re-instated, only to completely shit the bed and lose his place again. He was highly rated back in his Stoke days, but took the money to sit on Chelsea’s bench and now look at him. Playing second fiddle to Arthur fucking Boruc. My main take away from this game was that Mitrovic was beaten in a sprint by Steve Cook in the first half. Damn, son. He did win and convert a penalty to win the game soon after, but the stink of being out-sprinted by Cook is going to take a long time to wash off. Onto Sunday and the Mancs suffering one of their most humiliating defeats in decades. They’ve had the odd stinker over the years but when you’re good it doesn’t really matter as you can bounce back and it’s soon forgotten. The state they’re in now though, a performance like this causes shockwaves. The reaction to it was hilarious. Ex players lining up to put the boot in, fans going into meltdown and Solksjaer issuing threats that not one of those players is arsed about. Seriously, he’s about as intimidating as the Easter Bunny. Everton were really good but they looked good against Arsenal too and then lost at Fulham a week later. Don’t let this fool you. Everton are still shit, it’s just that United are much shitter right now. Want to know how shit United are? Theo Walcott scored against them. Yeah I know. Fucking shameful. As a sidenote to this, Martial was guilty of an absolutely horrendous dive. MOTD2 ignored it though, as they were too busy complaining about Salah “going down too easily” while in the same breath calling it a clear penalty. In fairness to Jenas, Keown and Chapman, they were pushed for time as the analysis of how shit and lazy United were could have ran into next week. I was actually angry about how bad they were. Genuinely pissed off. For decades they’ve inflicted misery on us by being too good but when we need them to even be half decent they completely shit down their own leg. I don't care that they lost to Everton, but I care that they looked like such a fucking mess that we all knew there was no chance of them avoiding defeat against City. After their humiliation at Goodison there was nothing more certain than a plucky old “oh well at least they did their best” defeat in the derby. Again though, I’ll get to that in a bit. While United were failing to aid their top four chances, Arsenal were following suit by suffering a rare defeat at the Emirates. Palace have results like this every season, they always spring a couple of major upsets away from home. I didn't see this coming at all, but it wasn't a fluke as they had more attempts on and off target than Arsenal did. Benteke finally scored, although he did his best to miss it, heading it straight at Leno who almost saved it. Funny seeing him do his trademark celebration as though it’s just business as usual and not an even that is becoming as rare as Halley’s Comet. Arsenal equalised with a superbly crafted move that ended with a lovely dinked finish by Ozil. Zaha put Palace in front again following a piece of defending by Mustafi that rivals anything I’ve seen all season in terms of shitness. He’s so bad he could play in Fulham’s backline with Ream and Le Marchand. Absolute donkey. McArthur made it 3-1 when he headed in from a corner. Aubamayeng pulled one back with 15 minutes to go but Arsenal couldn’t force an equaliser. They should have done, but Iwobi produced a fucking risible weak shot from 10 yards that went straight at the keeper. Arsenal are great fun these days. Any time it looks like they might actually be better than you think, they go and lose completely out of the blue. And then when you think they’re really shit, they’ll reel off six wins on the spin. Before then losing out of the blue again, obviously. This last week was just pure Arsenal. An impressive win over Napoli followed by a loss at home to Palace and then getting trounced 3-1 at Wolves. As funny as that was, I can’t say I’m thrilled about Wolves looking this good given that we play them soon. I hoped they might just give up and look to next season after the way they lost that FA Cup semi, but this isn’t a good sign at all. That last game at Anfield is going to be really difficult I reckon. For it to even matter though we’re going to need a favour of one of City’s opponents, specifically Burnley. They went to Chelsea on Monday night and went home with a well earned 2-2 draw. That’s encouraging I guess, although Chelsea aren’t in the same class as City. A great volley by Hendricks put the Clarets ahead but Kante equalised after Hazard had turned Lowton inside out and then outside in again. He was doing that all night. Higuain then lashed one in to make it 2-1 and all this was inside the first 15 minutes. My boy Ashley Barnes then equalised after Burnley won two headers in the box from a free-kick. That’s going to be their best hope against City. Stick it in the mixer and let the big lads battle for it. It all went off afterwards as Chelsea were unhappy with Burnley’s time wasting. I mean seriously, Chelsea getting precious about another team time wasting? After some of the shit they’ve pulled down the years? Hell, they were doing it in the first few minutes at Anfield only a couple of weeks ago. What next, Boris Johnson being unhappy with Nigel Farage for being a horrible racist xenophobic cunt? Burnley are now back to being the Burnley that finished 7th last year. I’ve been saying for weeks that they could potentially give City a game and I do feel as though they’re our last remaining hope now. Sean Dyche is a boyhood Red, and although him and Kloppo have had a few run ins, if he takes any points from City he should be invited round to his hero Kenny’s house for tea. Hell, name the Main stand after him for all I care. Come on Big Sean, fucking get your lads right into these cunts on Sunday. Yeah I know, I’m kidding myself. It’s all but over really but it’s hard to accept after all the lads have achieved this season. Them not winning the league this year would be the cruelest thing I can ever remember. Far worse than the Gerrard slip, and that was traumatic enough. We’ll just have to see how it all plays out I guess. Ok, what’s next? Right, let’s see. On Tuesday night Spurs beat Brighton, which I’ve mentioned, and Southampton and Watford drew. Shane Long scored after seven seconds but the Saints conceded a stoppage time equaliser. I’m assuming that in the 90 minutes between not much happened. That brings us to Wednesday. Arsenal lost as Wolves, as I mentioned, so that just leaves the Manc derby. For my sins I watched this one. My logic was that it was just too important to be able to avoid, and I may as well watch the game rather than just rely on updates in various group chats. So yeah, I watched. At least I did until City scored, and then it went off immediately and didn’t go back on. Loads of the lads in the group chats watched the whole thing, and not only that they were still watching the analysis afterwards. No doubt loads of you did too. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Are you sadists? Not even Roy Keane laying into Pogba and Fred et al is reason enough to keep that shit on. I was fucking gutted and just wanted to forget about the whole thing but it’s impossible isn’t it? This title race has been torture for months. Still, I’d rather have the kind of torture we’re going through than have to suffer the torture United fans are enduring at the moment. Imagine having a midfield three of Pogba, Perreira and Fred. Imagine having to watch those defenders every week. Imagine Pogba being the face of your club. This is the worst United side I think I’ve ever seen, especially given how much money it cost to assemble. From what I saw of the game, Ashley Young was United’s best player, not least because he was one of the few who looked like it meant something to him. There’s a lot to not like about Young, but he puts most of that squad to shame in terms of attitude and commitment. The rest are either fat and shit (Shaw and Lukaku), lazy and shit (Matic, Pogba and Sanchez), talented yet somehow still shit (Martial and Rashford) or just plain old shit shit (everybody else). I didn’t think it was possible for me to hate Jesse Lingard more than I already did. I was wrong. Useless ugly twat. Fuck all of them though, the bunch of fucking crabs. Especially De Gea, the bum. I remember writing a while back that I’d never seen a player in his prime simply fall off a cliff (without any valid explanation, such as a bad injury) quite the way Joe Hart did. I take it back, De Gea since the last World Cup has been fucking turd. Given how great he was not so long ago, the drop off has been fucking massive. The funny thing is that he’s on massive wages and has nowhere to go, because none of the big Spanish clubs need a keeper (or would pay what it would cost to get him). He can’t move anywhere in England either, so he’s stuck there, on his big fat contract, in a team going nowhere. His motivation has gone and it shows. United fans can take consolation in the fact that this result probably stops us winning the title. We can take consolation in the fact that these shit cunts need a complete rebuild but there’s no-one there capable of doing it. “Hated, adored, never ignored”. Yeah, not any more you completely irrelevant gobshites. You’re not even on the top clubs radars anymore. City’s manager taunted you before a derby and THAT was how you responded to it? Enjoy battling with Watford, Wolves and Everton for a Europa League spot next season, you fucking dicks.