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Saturday Jan 26: The u18s are knocked out of the PL Cup by the Macs. Real heartbreaker this. The lads were 2-0 up but then had a defender sent off. They were pegged back to 2-2 and then lost in extra time. Duncan and Glatzel both scored. I’m trying to remember the last time we had two goalscorers like that in the same youth team. We’ve usually had one prolific striker and then a sidekick. The last time we had two like this was back in the early 00’s when John Miles and Ian Armstrong were tearing it up. Armstrong had the big reputation and the England youth pedigree, while Miles didn’t have much hype but matched Armstrong goal for goal. The mad thing is that neither made the grade here and both were eclipsed by an unheralded kid who came up a year behind them. At that time no-one would have predicted Neil Mellor was going to be better than Miles and Armstrong, but that’s how it turned out. Duncan and Glatzel both look really promising, but you just never can tell with these things. Also today, the Blues were knocked out of the FA Cup thanks to a stoppage time winner from Millwall. So so funny this. Millwall’s equaliser was a blatant handball that was missed by Michael Oliver, but I thought we had VAR in the FA Cup? What happened there? The goal was shown on the big screen, prompting Marco Silva to go nuts and call for the referee to use it as VAR and overturn his decision, while Millwall boss Neil Harris was yelling up at the guy in the control room to “facking turn it off”. It’s always funny seeing the Blues lose, especially like this, but fuck Millwall the absolute shower of pricks. Racist chanting, fights, an Everton fan getting his face slashed (although he was far from an innocent bystander), and the saddest part is everyone fully expected it as these prehistoric fucks don’t belong in the modern game. I’d say they don’t belong in society, but sadly they actually represent a big part of today’s society. Millwall might be the only club in England that hate Everton more than they hate Liverpool. It’s a beef that goes back to the early 70s. When that draw was made, everyone knew there’d be chaos but the TV companies still moved it to a 5.30 kick off. Reckless and irresponsible. Hopefully Millwall are drawn away in the next round (just to spare anyone else from having to make that trip) and they get dicked. I keep reading how no club has done more to rid itself of the undesirable element and that might be true. Not all Millwall fans are pricks and every club has it’s knob head element. It’s just Millwall have far more than anyone else and I’m not sure how they can change it. Because of their reputation, it's only natural that the dregs of society are drawn to them. The likes of Palace and Charlton are in the same catchment area but they don’t have all these weirdos following them. They are proper weirdos by the way. A few of us went to watch Dulwich Hamlet play once and we got the tube there. Millwall were at home and a load of their fans got on. There wasn’t any trouble but it certainly was an experience. They were communicating with each other using weird yelping sounds. It was like being surrounded by a tribe of Comanche or Apache. One of them would screech something from another carriage, and someone would respond from the other end of the train with a similar noise. Like I say, they’re fucking weirdos. Sunday Jan 27: Spurs are knocked out of a cup for the second time in four days. Pochettino says finishing in the top four is more important than winning trophies, which causes much hand wringing about how “the games gone”. His exact quote was: “We are going to create a debate that to win a trophy is going to help the club. I don’t agree with that. That only builds your ego. In reality the most important thing is being consistently in the top four and playing in the Champions League.” I see his point but the most important thing isn’t ‘being in’ the top four and Champions League, it’s being in contention to win them. If you aren’t coming close to winning either then you can’t be turning your nose up at cups. It’s not about ego, it’s about the fans. I reckon in ten years time most people will see it the same way he does though. There’s already been a softening of a lot of people’s stance towards the cups, mine included to a degree. The cups are becoming less important with each passing year but it’s not just because of the big clubs prioritising the Champions League. Loads of top flight clubs field weakened sides in the cups, and almost all of them play their back up keepers. Spurs have an excuse for resting players (especially with the injuries and heavy fixture load they’ve had), but most other PL Clubs don’t. Teams like Leicester, Wolves, Palace, Everton etc should be going balls out to win the cups, even it means resting players for league games. Monday Jan 28: PSG have a £22m bid turned down for Idrissa Gana Gueye as Marco Silva says he’s a “very important player”. Bet the lad is fuming. I mean who wouldn’t be? Being involved with Everton in any capacity has to be the most miserable existence in football currently. There is literally no joy or happiness to be had and they’re denying him the chance to return to France and play alongside Neymar and Mbappe. He’s gonna go on strike isn’t he? He’d be mad not to really. One player reportedly wanting to make the opposite journey is Adrien Rabiot. No, I don’t mean he wants to go to Everton, I meant the Paris to Liverpool journey. No-one would willingly want to swap PSG for Everton (I remain convinced Luca Digne thought he was joining the Reds). Rabiot though has long been rumoured to be on Klopp’s radar, and he’s reportedly turned down a move to Spurs because he’s got his sights set on a summer Bosman switch to Anfield. Sounds good to me, I love a good Bosman. Meanwhile, reports in Italy have us strongly in for Serie B wonder-kid Sandro Tonali, dubbed ‘the new Pirlo’. £30m for a kid playing in the second tier of English footy? Nah, not having that. Besides, I don’t think I could ever forgive him for killing Han Solo... Tuesday Jan 29: Well well well. Good ol’ Rafa eh? This was mental. Glorious, but mental. I mean fucking hell, Rafa was sending out a side to be defensive and to try to frustrate City and they conceded after 24 fucking seconds. I know I was not alone in cursing the useless Geordie twats, but I take it all back. Sorry Rafa, sorry Newcastle. I won’t say too much more here as it will be covered in the Round Up, but the main take away I have from this is that those of us who thought City would go on and win more or less every game between now and May were not basing that assessment in reality. It was purely about our own fears and paranoia (which are well justified) because if you examine the season as a whole there is nothing to suggest City are capable of doing that. They did it last year but this season they’ve lost to Palace, Leicester and Newcastle. They drew at Wolves and lost to Chelsea too. These aren’t ‘the Invincibles’ and there’s every chance they’ll drop more points between now and the end of the season. It’s up to us to keep turning the screw, because if we could somehow get that gap up to ten points they might just throw in the towel and focus on the CL. Meanwhile, transfer request from Gana Gueye. Like clockwork. They had a game tonight which obviously he didn’t play in (‘minor injury’ according to Silva!). PSG will come back with a better offer and Everton will cave tomorrow because it would be smart to recoup some of the money they’ve wasted. As for us, well Markovic might be off but I wouldn’t hold my breath on that because he’s not taking a pay cut and there are very few clubs foolish enough to match what we’re paying him. We could subsidise it of course, but it looks like Edwards is using Markovic to set an example that we won’t be lowballed. He’d rather take a hit on this to ensure we’re better off in the long run, and considering how much he managed to screw out of Barca for Coutinho (not to mention what he brought in for the dead wood he sold) then he’s still in credit despite the fortune he blew on Markovic. Wednesday Jan 30: L 1 Leicester 1 Bollocks. A win would have really stepped on City's throat but instead we've basically just given them a wet willy. It's really disappointing but it's difficult to get too mad about it because it's been coming. It's impossible to go through a season winning every single game that you're supposed to, yet that's what we've done to this point. Leicester are a handful and they deserved a point, but they've got Martin Atkinson to thank for it. Not sure what decision was worse, the pen he missed on Naby or the red card he didn't give to Maguire. Two scandalous decisions that have essentially cost us two points. We didn't play well but if he sends off Maguire at that stage of the game when we were 1-0 and looking sharp then it's a different story. People can fuck off going on about the clearing of one goal of snow and not the other. There's no gamesmanship here, I was there watching it and I can tell you that there were not enough groundsmen to do both boxes. They barely managed to get one done before the teams came back out and even then they pretty much only managed to cover the box itself and didn't do anything around it. Klopp says no instructions were given to leave the other penalty area, which I believe as his priority will just have been 'do something about that fucking pitch lads, it's killing us'. The grounds staff will have known to prioritise the end we were attacking, and there's fuck all wrong with that. Have to laugh at City fans getting all high and mighty about it while crying like babies about Martin Keown asking if what they've done is 'financial doping'. Some of these knobs have somehow managed to convince themselves that they've done nothing wrong. It's mad. Whatsmore, most of the country seem to see them as the lesser of two evils. I suppose I can relate to that as I'd rather City win the league than United, but this portrayal of us as 'the enemy of football' is a bit weird like. The main reason hardly anyone wants us to win it is because we'd be unbearable if we did and they'd never hear the end of it. That's true, but it's still hard to take from these same losers who spent all of last summer telling anyone who'd listen that "it's coming home". Thursday Jan 31: We finally fired the Lazar then. Didn’t get a fee for him but it’s reported that we’ve saved £1.7m in wages. Fucking hell, that’s how much we were paying him? Football is mental isn’t it? The amount of shite players who’ve left here as millionaires is sickening when you compare to some of the club legends of the 60s, 70s and even the 80s. I was struggling to understand why Fulham took him on given that their need is for defenders rather than attackers, but it has to be about keeping Mitrovic happy. Lazar is a similar age and they've probably come through the Serbia ranks together, and with them sending that headcase Kamara packing it makes a degree of sense to bring Mitro's boy in. Good luck to him, I hope him and Babel can help them stay up. Gana Gueye didn’t get his move to PSG after all. I’m shocked, but Everton just dug their heels in the end and refused to sell. This has the whiff of their “Money can’t buy you Stones” stance. Remember how they were buzzing off that? Not for long. This is different because Gueye is no John Stones. They should have took the money on offer now as he’s 29 and bang average. Now they’re left with a player who probably won’t be arsed for the rest of the season and will force a move away in the summer, no doubt for less money than PSG offered this week. Friday Feb 1: Kyle Walker tweeted out that Harry Maguire talking to a girl meme with the caption "so yeah they thought they were going to go seven points clear". Knobhead acting like knobhead shocker. It's hardly the worst crime in the world and I can't say I'm bothered about it at all. He's a bit of a tit so I expect this kind of thing. Klopp should have it pinned to the dressing room wall this morning though. Meanwhile, Gomez might need an op as he’s not making any progress. Lovren is out too as he’s done a hamstring. Great. That leaves us with only Matip and Van Dijk, and Big Virg can’t play against Bayern in the first leg. It’s all well and good saying “we’ve got Fabinho as cover if we need him” but if Fabinho plays there then he’s not in midfield is he, and he’s been pretty damn good in midfield. This is exactly why I was against the sale of Klavan last summer. It isn’t being wise after the event either as I wrote something for ESPN in August outlining why this exact scenario we find ourselves in now was a distinct possibility. Loads of people scoffed at that but when you have defenders as injury prone as ours you need an insurance policy, and Ragnar was as good a policy as there is. He was fucking boss, a proper wily old pro defender who could come in from the cold at a moment’s notice and play as though he’d been in every week. To those who say we wouldn’t have needed him, I’d counter that he's always been nothing more than a squad man but he made 40 starts in two seasons, mostly because Lovren, Gomez and Matip miss so many games. This situation was entirely predictable. There’s a fine line between doing what’s best for the player and what’s best for the club. Klopp usually leans too far in the way of the player. He didn’t with Mignolet and that decision was 100% correct. Klavan and Clyne on the pother hand should have been told they were staying. Even if we’d only needed them to play one or two games each between now and May that’s enough reason to keep them because the stakes are so high this year. That was the week that was...

All season I’ve been ripping Newcastle and saying how I want them to go down. After Tuesday night I take it back. I don’t want them to go down. Not this year anyway. I can’t promise anything beyond that though because the fans do my head in. How mad was that result though? I gave them no hope beforehand and when they conceded after 20 odd seconds I wasn’t even mad. Far from it. Better for them to get it over with quickly rather than hold out for an hour, build our hopes up and then concede three. I had heard that they’d conceded early but when it was still only 1-0 after half an hour I decided to stick it on for a bit to see how it was going. Surprisingly, Newcastle were doing alright. They were playing well but just didn’t seem to have the quality in the final third to hurt City. I watched until about fifteen minutes into the second half and then decided I couldn’t be arsed with it anymore. No sooner had I switched it off than the WhatsApp groups started going mad with news of an equaliser from Rondon (always liked him). Now you’d think at this point I’d check back in and watch the rest of the game, but I didn’t. Why? I didn’t want to jinx it. Stupid as it sounds, my line of thinking was that Newcastle had scored while I wasn’t watching so I needed to continue not watching it to help them see it through. It worked too. Not only did the Geordies prevent City from scoring again, they only managed to go on and fucking win it. It was a clear penalty. No doubt about it. Fernandinho was too casual in his own box, didn’t see Longstaff coming and he tripped him up. Matt Ritchie had to wait two and a half minutes to take it because of gamesmanship from that horrible neck tattooed goon Ederson. I fucking hate him you know. When his face comes on the screen I honestly have to turn away. He’s hard to look at, his face and shit tattoos offend me and I wince every time I look at him. I mean just look... He flies under the radar but thinking about it, there are few players in the league I can’t stand more than this prick. Justice was done when he dived over the penalty and didn’t keep it out. It was hard work following the game on WhatsApp but I knew I couldn’t risk jinxing it by putting it back on. Newcastle held out pretty comfortable in the end though as City just looked devoid of ideas. Isn’t it weird that in their last three defeats they’d scored first and thrown it away? They haven’t been good for a month or so now though. Maybe teams have finally figured out that most of their goals come via the same route and they’ve found a way to stop it. Or it could be that they are just a bit fatigued. They don’t rotate that much and have had a lot of games. I saw a stat the other day that I thought had to be bollocks, but apparently it’s not. Since the end of August City have picked up only three more points than Arsenal. Wow. Our natural defence mechanism is to assume City are going to go on a run and haul us in, and that might still happen. Leaving our own paranoia and pessimism aside though, there is actually nothing to suggest they will do that because they’ve not been anywhere near as good as they were last season. They lost to Palace, Leicester and Newcastle. There’s no reason why they won’t drop more points over the closing stretch. We will too though, so the question is who drops more. What this result has done though is shown everyone else that they can beat City. Newcastle are shite. They don’t have the quality that other sides who have beaten City have got. They don’t have a Hazard, Vardy or Zaha, but they still had enough to beat City so if they can do it, then anyone can. Except Everton, obviously. Almost as shocking as the result at St James was Chelsea’s humiliation at Bournemouth. When I heard the 4-0 scoreline I assumed Chelsea must have had a man sent off early or something, but turns out they just got their arses handed to them. They started the game well and had a few decent efforts on goal. When they fell behind though they quit. All four goals came in the second half. It was wild. King got the first when he latched onto a brilliant little cut back from the outstanding Brooks and lashed it home. Brooks got the second when he took advantage of some Sideshow Bob defending from David Luiz. Lovely finish, he’s been a great signing. I see a lot of Adam Lallana in him. Great balance and technique, and maybe he’s someone we should be looking at either this summer or maybe the following one. King made it 3-0 as Bournemouth just sliced right through Chelsea’s backline, and five minutes into stoppage time Charlie Daniels headed in a free-kick to pile on the misery for Sarri. He looks like he’s done there already. As I said last week, the players look like they’ve decided they don’t like what he’s trying to do and he seems to have no intention of adapting his methods. Spurs came from behind to beat Watford. Have to give them credit, every time Kane gets injured we expect them to collapse, but they always seem to be able to just eek out wins until he returns. Cathcart headed Watford in front from a corner. I know this because the commentators said so. I’d never have recognised him because as I said last week, I have no idea what the fella looks like. I still don’t, even though I’ve literally just seen his face on TV seconds ago as I’m watching MOTD. Llorente then missed a sitter when he tried a volley from a couple of yards out but mistimed it so badly that the ball came off his knee rather than his boot and sailed over the bar. A shocker that one. He followed it up by heading wide from three yards. Spurs were all over them and Watford’s goal was living a charmed life. Their luck ran out with ten minutes left when Son bundled his way into the box and lashed one in with his left foot. Seven minutes later Llorente won it with a fine header at the back post. Fucking sick of Spurs. Every time it looks like we’ve finally shaken them off, they somehow end up closing the gap to six or seven again. It’s been happening for months now, I wish they’d just fuck off but I have to give them credit for the way they’re churning out results and hanging on. This is officially the best season they’ve ever had at this point, and they’ve done it with no summer signings, a lot of players being knackered after the World Cup, Kane missing games through injury and Son constantly having to go back to South Korea for shitty international tournaments. Their home crowds are shite too. Less than 30 thousand saw this game. Fair play to them, I actually hope they can knock City out of second spot (only two points behind now), but I’d rather that happened through City losing games than Spurs continuing to win every week. Don’t want them getting too close. Palace and Southampton ended all square. Lots going on in this game though, it was entertaining. Sakho almost gifted Southampton the opener when instead of just putting the ball into the stands he tried some stupid flick and got clattered. It needed a great save from Palace’s new keeper to prevent Hoijberg scoring. Jack Stephens then launched himself into a tackle, missed the ball and his studs went right into Townsend’s shin. Referee’s verdict? Play on. Soon after poor old Andros got nailed again with a shocker from Romeu. Referee’s verdict? Play on again. In fairness it was a good decision because Zaha had picked it up and he lashed it into the bottom corner. Ward-Prowse seems to be enjoying a new lease of life under the new coach and he arrived late in the box to make it 1-1 with an easy finish. He then produced some top drawer shithousing to tip Zaha over the edge and get him a red card. Ward-Prowse clearly fouled him (Marriner again gave nothing) and Zaha took exception to the challenge. Ward-Prowse feined to throw the ball in his face, laughed at him and then attempted to pat him on the cheek, all of which wound Zaha up even more. Marriner decided to book the Palace man, and all the while Ward-Prowse continued to laugh in his face. A now furious Zaha sarcastically applauded the ref so Marriner produced a second yellow and sent him off. Zaha again applauded him and then had to be dragged away. Ward-Prowse was still laughing. I’m a big Zaha fan but Ward-Prowse done him like a kipper there. He’s got to be able to deal with that and not react, but he feels like opponents are kicking the shit out of him and that refs aren’t giving him enough protection. I agree with him to an extent (some of Southampton’s challenges on him were pretty rough), but it goes with the territory if you play the way he does. His biggest problem is that he plays for Palace. If he was at a top club refs would give him a lot more protection than he gets currently. For example, you can’t fucking look sideways at Eden Hazard without a free-kick being given. Hell of a game at Craven Cottage where Fulham came from 2-0 down to beat Brighton 4-2. I’m made up, as I keep saying I really want them to stay up, especially now that they’ve taken the Lazar off our hands. Imagine Babel and Markovic firing them to safety! It’s the other end of the pitch they need to worry about though. They gave up two first half goals to Murray with awful defending and that Tim Ream jabroni was subbed before half time. Ranieri must be mental to keep picking him. They’d be better off with ten men. He is to defending what Laurent Depoitre is to goalscoring. Chambers smashed one in from the edge of the box to give them hope early in the second half, and after that they laid siege to the Brighton goal. Mitrovic scored two proper centre forward’s goals when he overpowered Duffy and then Dunk to head the ball in and turn 1-2 into 3-2. Vietto then wrapped it up from close range after an assist from Babel. Fulham also hit the woodwork twice and they were absolutely brilliant in the second half. Hopefully this is a turning point for them and they can kick on. I expect Huddersfield and Cardiff go, so if I'm wanting Fulham to stay up, it has to be at the expense of someone else. It's not Newcastle anymore, so that leaves Burnley as the obvious one. Fulham are six behind them but that’s going to take some pulling back as Burnley are in a good run right now. Hell, they’re the only team to stop the little Goblin from winning and they were agonisingly close to winning the game. Ashley Barnes took advantage of sloppy play by Jones and Perreira to blast one in at the Stretford End and then celebrated like a fucking boss in front of them. Great stuff. Wood doubled their lead with a header but they capitulated late on and had to settle for a draw. Lingard was pulled back in the box and Pogba scored from the spot. I thought it was a clear penalty, but it’s a bit galling that there isn’t the same kind of inquest into this as there was when Mo was fouled in virtually the same manner against Newcastle. Shearer was up in arms that day, but said this was a clear penalty. No bias there then. Lindelof equalised from a scramble two minutes into stoppage time. There was a time when I’d have been proper pissed about this, but they’re so far back now I don’t actually care. I just think it’s funny how they’re rooted in 6th place no matter what they do. The reason for that is because Arsenal keep doing just enough to hold them off, but Chelsea are threatening to ruin the fun and have now dropped out of the top four on goal difference. They need to sort their shit out. Arsenal have gone above them and now it looks like they're going to let United leapfrog them too. Arsenal weren’t especially convincing against Cardiff but they got away with it. Cardiff had a good penalty shout turned down and then Arsenal were awarded one. Bloody Mike Dean always doing Arsenal favours. Aubameyeng sent the keeper the wrong way and then Lacazette added a fine solo effort for the second. Has anyone else noticed that Lacazette is basically mini-me to LeBron James? Absolute spit of him. Cardiff pulled one back in stoppage time but Warnock was fuming at his defender Ecuele-Manga who conceded the pen. He’d warned him at half time to watch himself as he got away with one in the first half, but the lad didn’t listen and Warnock threw him right under the bus afterwards. The funniest part of the whole thing was Mike Dean though. When he gave the pen, Bennett came over to argue and Dean was just yelling “ASK HIM! ASK HIM!!” and gesturing at a crestfallen looking Ecuele-Manga who knew he was guilty as fuck and likely to be on the end of a Warnock bollocking. I’ll say again, Mike Dean is a bad bell but he’s hilarious. What the hell is happening at West Ham? A couple of weeks ago they were beating Arsenal and looking like a team on the up. They’ve kept hold of Arnautovic (albeit with a huge pay rise) but they got humiliated in the cup by Wimbledon and then followed it up by getting smashed everywhere by Wolves. The 3-0 scoreline flattered them massively. Wolves were brilliant and could have put ten past them. It worries me seeing West Ham this shambolic because they have to produce some kind of response, and guess who plays them next? Yeah, us. The only saving grace is that the Stadium of London ain’t no Upton Park. I’ve saved the Blues until last because that’s where they were on MOTD. Again. They actually won, bless their little cotton socks. 1-0 at mighty Huddersfield. That means they’ve closed the gap on us by two points. Anyone else running scared?