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Premier League Round Up (Jan 29-30 2019)

All season I’ve been ripping Newcastle and saying how I want them to go down. After Tuesday night I take it back. I don’t want them to go down. Not this year anyway. I can’t promise anything beyond that though because the fans do my head in.

 

How mad was that result though? I gave them no hope beforehand and when they conceded after 20 odd seconds I wasn’t even mad. Far from it. Better for them to get it over with quickly rather than hold out for an hour, build our hopes up and then concede three.

 

I had heard that they’d conceded early but when it was still only 1-0 after half an hour I decided to stick it on for a bit to see how it was going. Surprisingly, Newcastle were doing alright. They were playing well but just didn’t seem to have the quality in the final third to hurt City.

 

I watched until about fifteen minutes into the second half and then decided I couldn’t be arsed with it anymore. No sooner had I switched it off than the WhatsApp groups started going mad with news of an equaliser from Rondon (always liked him). 

 

Now you’d think at this point I’d check back in and watch the rest of the game, but I didn’t. Why? I didn’t want to jinx it. Stupid as it sounds, my line of thinking was that Newcastle had scored while I wasn’t watching so I needed to continue not watching it to help them see it through.

 

It worked too. Not only did the Geordies prevent City from scoring again, they only managed to go on and fucking win it. It was a clear penalty. No doubt about it. Fernandinho was too casual in his own box, didn’t see Longstaff coming and he tripped him up.

 

Matt Ritchie had to wait two and a half minutes to take it because of gamesmanship from that horrible neck tattooed goon Ederson. I fucking hate him you know. When his face comes on the screen I honestly have to turn away. He’s hard to look at, his face and shit tattoos offend me and I wince every time I look at him. I mean just look...

 

ederson.jpg

 

He flies under the radar but thinking about it, there are few players in the league I can’t stand more than this prick. Justice was done when he dived over the penalty and didn’t keep it out.

 

It was hard work following the game on WhatsApp but I knew I couldn’t risk jinxing it by putting it back on. Newcastle held out pretty comfortable in the end though as City just looked devoid of ideas. Isn’t it weird that in their last three defeats they’d scored first and thrown it away?

 

They haven’t been good for a month or so now though. Maybe teams have finally figured out that most of their goals come via the same route and they’ve found a way to stop it. Or it could be that they are just a bit fatigued. They don’t rotate that much and have had a lot of games.

 

I saw a stat the other day that I thought had to be bollocks, but apparently it’s not. Since the end of August City have picked up only three more points than Arsenal. Wow.

 

Our natural defence mechanism is to assume City are going to go on a run and haul us in, and that might still happen. Leaving our own paranoia and pessimism aside though, there is actually nothing to suggest they will do that because they’ve not been anywhere near as good as they were last season.

 

They lost to Palace, Leicester and Newcastle. There’s no reason why they won’t drop more points over the closing stretch. We will too though, so the question is who drops more. 

 

What this result has done though is shown everyone else that they can beat City. Newcastle are shite. They don’t have the quality that other sides who have beaten City have got. They don’t have a Hazard, Vardy or Zaha, but they still had enough to beat City so if they can do it, then anyone can. Except Everton, obviously.

 

Almost as shocking as the result at St James was Chelsea’s humiliation at Bournemouth. When I heard the 4-0 scoreline I assumed Chelsea must have had a man sent off early or something, but turns out they just got their arses handed to them.

 

They started the game well and had a few decent efforts on goal. When they fell behind though they quit. All four goals came in the second half. It was wild.

 

King got the first when he latched onto a brilliant little cut back from the outstanding Brooks and lashed it home. Brooks got the second when he took advantage of some Sideshow Bob defending from David Luiz. Lovely finish, he’s been a great signing. 

 

I see a lot of Adam Lallana in him. Great balance and technique, and maybe he’s someone we should be looking at either this summer or maybe the following one.

 

King made it 3-0 as Bournemouth just sliced right through Chelsea’s backline, and five minutes into stoppage time Charlie Daniels headed in a free-kick to pile on the misery for Sarri.

 

He looks like he’s done there already. As I said last week, the players look like they’ve decided they don’t like what he’s trying to do and he seems to have no intention of adapting his methods.

 

Spurs came from behind to beat Watford. Have to give them credit, every time Kane gets injured we expect them to collapse, but they always seem to be able to just eek out wins until he returns.

 

Cathcart headed Watford in front from a corner. I know this because the commentators said so. I’d never have recognised him because as I said last week, I have no idea what the fella looks like. I still don’t, even though I’ve literally just seen his face on TV seconds ago as I’m watching MOTD.

 

Llorente then missed a sitter when he tried a volley from a couple of yards out but mistimed it so badly that the ball came off his knee rather than his boot and sailed over the bar. A shocker that one. He followed it up by heading wide from three yards.

 

Spurs were all over them and Watford’s goal was living a charmed life. Their luck ran out with ten minutes left when Son bundled his way into the box and lashed one in with his left foot. Seven minutes later Llorente won it with a fine header at the back post.

 

Fucking sick of Spurs. Every time it looks like we’ve finally shaken them off, they somehow end up closing the gap to six or seven again. It’s been happening for months now, I wish they’d just fuck off but I have to give them credit for the way they’re churning out results and hanging on.

 

This is officially the best season they’ve ever had at this point, and they’ve done it with no summer signings, a lot of players being knackered after the World Cup, Kane missing games through injury and Son constantly having to go back to South Korea for shitty international tournaments. Their home crowds are shite too. Less than 30 thousand saw this game.

 

Fair play to them, I actually hope they can knock City out of second spot (only two points behind now), but I’d rather that happened through City losing games than Spurs continuing to win every week. Don’t want them getting too close.

 

Palace and Southampton ended all square. Lots going on in this game though, it was entertaining. 

 

Sakho almost gifted Southampton the opener when instead of just putting the ball into the stands he tried some stupid flick and got clattered. It needed a great save from Palace’s new keeper to prevent Hoijberg scoring.

 

Jack Stephens then launched himself into a tackle, missed the ball and his studs went right into Townsend’s shin. Referee’s verdict? Play on.

 

Soon after poor old Andros got nailed again with a shocker from Romeu. Referee’s verdict? Play on again. In fairness it was a good decision because Zaha had picked it up and he lashed it into the bottom corner.

 

Ward-Prowse seems to be enjoying a new lease of life under the new coach and he arrived late in the box to make it 1-1 with an easy finish.

 

He then produced some top drawer shithousing to tip Zaha over the edge and get him a red card. Ward-Prowse clearly fouled him (Marriner again gave nothing) and Zaha took exception to the challenge. Ward-Prowse feined to throw the ball in his face, laughed at him and then attempted to pat him on the cheek, all of which wound Zaha up even more. 

 

Marriner decided to book the Palace man, and all the while Ward-Prowse continued to laugh in his face. A now furious Zaha sarcastically applauded the ref so Marriner produced a second yellow and sent him off. Zaha again applauded him and then had to be dragged away. Ward-Prowse was still laughing.

 

I’m a big Zaha fan but Ward-Prowse done him like a kipper there. He’s got to be able to deal with that and not react, but he feels like opponents are kicking the shit out of him and that refs aren’t giving him enough protection. I agree with him to an extent (some of Southampton’s challenges on him were pretty rough), but it goes with the territory if you play the way he does. 

 

His biggest problem is that he plays for Palace. If he was at a top club refs would give him a lot more protection than he gets currently. For example, you can’t fucking look sideways at Eden Hazard without a free-kick being given.

 

Hell of a game at Craven Cottage where Fulham came from 2-0 down to beat Brighton 4-2. I’m made up, as I keep saying I really want them to stay up, especially now that they’ve taken the Lazar off our hands. Imagine Babel and Markovic firing them to safety!

 

It’s the other end of the pitch they need to worry about though. They gave up two first half goals to Murray with awful defending and that Tim Ream jabroni was subbed before half time. Ranieri must be mental to keep picking him. They’d be better off with ten men. He is to defending what Laurent Depoitre is to goalscoring.

 

Chambers smashed one in from the edge of the box to give them hope early in the second half, and after that they laid siege to the Brighton goal.

 

Mitrovic scored two proper centre forward’s goals when he overpowered Duffy and then Dunk to head the ball in and turn 1-2 into 3-2. Vietto then wrapped it up from close range after an assist from Babel.

 

Fulham also hit the woodwork twice and they were absolutely brilliant in the second half. Hopefully this is a turning point for them and they can kick on. I expect Huddersfield and Cardiff go, so if I'm wanting Fulham to stay up, it has to be at the expense of someone else. It's not Newcastle anymore, so that leaves Burnley as the obvious one.

 

Fulham are six behind them but that’s going to take some pulling back as Burnley are in a good run right now. Hell, they’re the only team to stop the little Goblin from winning and they were agonisingly close to winning the game.

 

Ashley Barnes took advantage of sloppy play by Jones and Perreira to blast one in at the Stretford End and then celebrated like a fucking boss in front of them. Great stuff.

 

Wood doubled their lead with a header but they capitulated late on and had to settle for a draw.

 

Lingard was pulled back in the box and Pogba scored from the spot. I thought it was a clear penalty, but it’s a bit galling that there isn’t the same kind of inquest into this as there was when Mo was fouled in virtually the same manner against Newcastle. Shearer was up in arms that day, but said this was a clear penalty. No bias there then.

 

Lindelof equalised from a scramble two minutes into stoppage time. There was a time when I’d have been proper pissed about this, but they’re so far back now I don’t actually care. I just think it’s funny how they’re rooted in 6th place no matter what they do.

 

The reason for that is because Arsenal keep doing just enough to hold them off, but Chelsea are threatening to ruin the fun and have now dropped out of the top four on goal difference. They need to sort their shit out. Arsenal have gone above them and now it looks like they're going to let United leapfrog them too.

 

Arsenal weren’t especially convincing against Cardiff but they got away with it. Cardiff had a good penalty shout turned down and then Arsenal were awarded one. Bloody Mike Dean always doing Arsenal favours.

 

Aubameyeng sent the keeper the wrong way and then Lacazette added a fine solo effort for the second. Has anyone else noticed that Lacazette is basically mini-me to LeBron James? Absolute spit of him.

 

Cardiff pulled one back in stoppage time but Warnock was fuming at his defender Ecuele-Manga who conceded the pen. He’d warned him at half time to watch himself as he got away with one in the first half, but the lad didn’t listen and Warnock threw him right under the bus afterwards. 

 

The funniest part of the whole thing was Mike Dean though. When he gave the pen, Bennett came over to argue and Dean was just yelling “ASK HIM! ASK HIM!!” and gesturing at a crestfallen looking Ecuele-Manga who knew he was guilty as fuck and likely to be on the end of a Warnock bollocking. 

 

I’ll say again, Mike Dean is a bad bell but he’s hilarious.

 

What the hell is happening at West Ham? A couple of weeks ago they were beating Arsenal and looking like a team on the up. They’ve kept hold of Arnautovic (albeit with a huge pay rise) but they got humiliated in the cup by Wimbledon and then followed it up by getting smashed everywhere by Wolves. 

 

The 3-0 scoreline flattered them massively. Wolves were brilliant and could have put ten past them. It worries me seeing West Ham this shambolic because they have to produce some kind of response, and guess who plays them next? Yeah, us. The only saving grace is that the Stadium of London ain’t no Upton Park.

 

I’ve saved the Blues until last because that’s where they were on MOTD. Again. They actually won, bless their little cotton socks. 1-0 at mighty Huddersfield. That means they’ve closed the gap on us by two points. Anyone else running scared?

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Yup, the Lingard penalty is completely straightforward, whereas Mo...... And nobody seems at all bothered that Lindelof's equaliser is clearly offside. Didn't see it myself, but I heard that MotD didn't even show the McGuire/Mane incident. Totally balanced and impartial as ever, good old MotD.

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11 hours ago, Mark M said:

Moral of the roundup is when City play Arsenal Dave needs to follow the match on watsapp.

I'm actually watching it in a mates, but if I happen to nip out the room for a piss and Arsenal score, then I'm staying in there and the lads can keep me updated on whatsapp.

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Just now, DaveT said:

Yup, the Lingard penalty is completely straightforward, whereas Mo...... And nobody seems at all bothered that Lindelof's equaliser is clearly offside. Didn't see it myself, but I heard that MotD didn't even show the McGuire/Mane incident. Totally balanced and impartial as ever, good old MotD.

They didn't show it, but in fairness they had ten games to cover so it was very much a shortened version of what you'd normally get on a Saturday, when it's six or seven games at most.

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Just now, dave u said:

They didn't show it, but in fairness they had ten games to cover so it was very much a shortened version of what you'd normally get on a Saturday, when it's six or seven games at most.

Yeah, that. And Gary Lineker's a Leicester supporter!

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