Colonel Bumcunt

13 hours ago, MegadriveMan said:

   

The problem is there is no way to fix it. A second referendum would still end up being close, and even if remain were to win all it would do is mean the Brexit Party would continue to rise as all the angry Brexiteers would vote for them at the next election. A snap election won't solve anything as both the major parties have so many leave and remain voters, it would probably lead to a Tory paryt propped up by Farage.

 

I honestly don't see any good way out of this? 

 

 

The way to fix it is to approach it like Labour have.

You approach it with the intention of seeing if we can still 'leave', but whilst retaining the bits that don't eviscerate us economically, ie, retaining Single Market.

 

The Tory method is divisive and poison.

The Lib Dem is equally divisive.

The middle ground is to acknowledge the 2016 opinion poll, and seek to appease the moderates on each side, and fuck the far left and far right sensibilities.  

 

I dare say that, eventually, Labour would reach a position where it made a deal that most in the country could live with.  That's as good as this gets, that's how we 'get out' of this and moving on to domestic matters.

 

The Tories are destined to fail, for not recognising this.  The likes of Hammond and Guake and Gyimah and Stewart, etc, they all get this.  That is why they will vote against this sack of shit government in a no confidence motion in September. 

How very normal for the press to have a go at a 16 year old boy for being a 16 year old boy.

 

I hate the media.  I'm making a point of twatting anyone I meet who tells me they're a journalist.  They're as bad as sex offenders, just grotesque aberrations in the human race. 

 

Love how Ajax don't give a shit about experience.

 

Shirt number: 3

Perr Shurus

Age 19 - Centre Back

(was captain of Fortuna Sittard at age 17)

 

Shirt number: 5

Kik Pierie

Age 19 - Centre Back

(bought from Herenveen €4m)

 

Shirt number: 8

Carel Eiting

Age 21 - Centre Midfield

(11 first team apps)

 

 

Some serious squad numbers there for some seriously inexperienced lads.

Other young lads in the squad include (squad number in brackets):

 

Lisandro Martinez (21)

Age 21 

CB

(1 first team app)

 

Lassina Traore (23)

Age 18

FW

(1 first team app)

 

Jurgen Ekkelenkamp (26)

Age 19

Mid

(6 first team apps)

 

Noa Lang (27)

Age 20

Mid

(0 first team apps)

 

Sergino Dest (28)

Age 18

DEF

(1 first team app, 3 days ago)

 

Ryan Gravenberch (29)

Age 17

Mid

(1 first team app, last year)

 

Dani de Wit (30)

Age 21

Mid

(5 first team apps)

 

Hassane Bande (32)

Age 20

FW

(0 first team apps)

1 hour ago, Anubis said:

I’m really not sold on this saving for next year argument. If players like M’bappe, Dembele and Sancho are available then it’s not like we’ll get a free run at any of them.

 

I'd be surprised to see us interested in Dembele next summer.  If he's available then that means he'll have had his second shit year in a row.  If he plays well, he won't be attainable anyway, he won't want t move and they won't want to sell.  There is another reason for not selling, which I'll come onto.

 

Sancho is contracted to 2022, so summer 2020 could be when Dortmund look to get maximum value from selling.  Invariably he will be centre of a bidding war between United, City, Spurs, Chelsea (ban over by then), and us.  It'll get messy.  Klopp said before that he was interested in Sancho when he was at City, but that's a lot different.  He was interested when the value was there, not at the point at which he's sold for £100m, or more, as English clubs drive the price mental. 

 

Mbappe is different.  Of the three you mention, there is a strong rumour that he himself will push for the deal to happen, IF it was to happen.  His contract finishes in 2022, but can see PSG being pretty pissed off with him for not renewing, and insisting on a fucking massive transfer fee, I mean, £200m+.  I think Barca will look to replace Messi with MBappe, and use the bait of French compatriots Griezmann, Lenglet, Umtiti and Dembele, plus him being top dog at the club.

 

Barca could afford any fee because (a) they don't mind being in debt, and (b) they could sell a 33 year old Messi to pay for it.  His contract expires in 2021, and so far a new contract hasn't been forthcoming. You wonder if Barca have done the sums and seen no point in a new contract, and have started to build for the future, with Griezmann a strategic piece in the puzzle in order to attract Mbappe in 2020, for him to be top dog at the club.

 

The alternative is that Real Madrid make a big play for him, with their own French gang (Zidane, Mendy, Varane, and possibly Pogba).  You see them currently trying to offload Bale and Rodriguez for big money, with no real incoming forwards linked with them at present, they just seem to want to stockpile cash for something.  With some of the stalwarts now ageing (Benzema - 32 in Dec, Modric - 34 in Sep, Ramos - 34 next March) they have been buying for the future, but doing so with some restraint (for them, anyway):

 

Rodrygo - age 18 - €45m

Jovic - age 21 - €60m

Vinicius Jr - age 19 - €45m

Militao - age 21 - €50m

 

Obviously they've just got Hazard, he's the Galactico, but they needed him badly, because they really have no idea how these young players are going to develop.  They will need 2 or 3 Galactico's next summer, and Mbappe will feature at the top of their list. 

 

Where do Liverpool fit in?  Well, the scraps from all these scenarios:

Asensio may be Madrid's best way of raising a fee with no takers for Bale or Rodriguez. 

Coutinho, ahem.

 

Personally, I'm fine with this.  The game is broken, we're watching criminals throw the money around, but there's still plenty of cogs that will fit our machine, and while these lot are fighting to grab a piece of the vogue players, we can sneak around the back and have a look at the likes of Alcacer, Son Min Heung, Lozano, Havertz, Neres, Ziyech, van de Beek, for example.

 

 

 

2 minutes ago, Numero Veinticinco said:

Roger that, Sir. I meant absolutely no disrespect or in any way to denigrate your long and dedicated service to bumcunts. I'll unfuck my shit and report no later than 0600 for punishment. 

Hold my jacket steady while I sew on another patch you artisan-market-shopping power-cunt. 

30 minutes ago, Numero Veinticinco said:

Hello Colonel, Sir. May I call you Bumcunt? Maybe just bum or cunt? Or do you prefer full military customs and courtesies? 

Probably full honours, being as I FUCKING DESERVE THEM.

 

Lib Dems are embarrassed Tories who can't quite bring themselves to vote for them, but actually agree on a vast amount of the Tory policies. 

 

Labour should focus all their energy on destroying the Lib Dem myth, because there's no point in attacking the Tories, they are doing all the heavy lifting of destroying themselves anyway. 

 

Jo Swinson is a brilliant LD leader, because she's fucking awful and transparently awful.

 

Labour Members should make it their mission to convert a LD support to Labour every day. 

10 hours ago, Dynamite said:

PSV have been knocked out of the Champions League against Basel tonight, so I wonder if Bergwijn and/or Lozano will now be more available than they would have been if PSV had progressed to the group stages.

 

We've been linked with both in the past. Both fit the profile of one of the players we're supposedly looking for - a versatile forward who can play across the front line.

Maybe this is a factor, not just PSV, but there's a 3rd qualifying round which wraps up on 13/14 Aug where the likes of Porto and Ajax could miss out on the CL.

 

3 minutes ago, Daisy said:

When the fuck was the exchange rate 1.44?

17 July 2015.

 

The £ was changing hands for €0.85 at Heathrow Airport today.  

 

This all came about because Sean Rogers tweeted it, the 'expert' from TAW.

 

I think it's very unfair to judge anyone individually, there's been a lot of travelling, a lot of sessions, and a lot of mixed teams against some very good, and pumped, opposition.

 

Ox is deffo not a wide attacker, he was asked to play there so he could get more minutes, and to ensure Hendo/Gini/Milner/Fabinho all got a lot of minutes too. 

 

I think intensity is something he thrives on, but it's impossible to attain if your teammates aren't doing the right things, and aren't putting the graft in like you are. This pre-season has been devoid of intensity, it just doesn't work without the first choice 3 up front, they set the tone for the rest of it.

 

I'd hate to play in midfield, against Napoli and Sevilla, with Origi, Wilson, and Brewster in front of me.  You know the ball isn't sticking, you know it's pointless making your supporting run, you know you're going to get caught out behind if you make that run, and you know there's fuck all you can do about it. 

 

 

 

 

3 hours ago, Pistonbroke said:

 

Brandt to Dortmund for 22 million is a steal. I'm surprised Klopp didn't follow up his interest in this lad. He predominantly plays left wing but can also play in a more attacking midfield role and also on the right wing. Scores goals and had quite a few assists last season. Only 23 n all. 

It could be that he just wants to stay in Germany.  It's better than Britain at the moment, and going to Dortmund is fucking ace.  There's also the 2020 Euros next year, and he'll want regular starts at club level. 

 

You wonder how much Brexit might have an effect on foreign players as well, especially with the plunging pound.  I know footballers can live in a bubble, but the pounds was worth 1.44 euros back in 2015, you could sign a big contract here and bank it in Europe and be laughing.  It's not funny when your wage, usually negotiated in sterling, falls to 1.09 Euro's, and is in danger of dropping more.   A PL journeyman on £100k a week is getting €109k at the moment, but used to get €144k a week.

Strange old summer.

 

I mean, as people have said, if it's down to wages then why not ship out the likes of Lallana, Shaqiri, Mignolet, even Lovren.  We're still keeping hold Grujic when it seems we could get a fee for him. 

 

So there's that.

 

The other thing is the lack of actual quality around Europe this summer. 

We saw some middle class or possible high bracket talent go for big prices, like:

 

Lucas Hernandez to Bayern - £68m

De Ligt to Juventus - £67m

De Jong to Barca - £65m

Rodri to Man City - £62m

Jovic to Madrid - £57m

NDombele to Spurs - £55m

Wan Bissaka to United - £45m

Mendy to Madrid - £44m

Haller to West Ham - £40m

Joelinton to Newcastle - £40m

Tielemans to Leicester - £40m

Saliba to Arsenal - £27m

Lookman to Leipzig - £22m

Trippier to Atleti - £20m

 

I struggle to see much on that list to make me think they would walk into our first XI.  You can see that the market is a bit fucked from seeing what we got for Ings (£18m). 

 

That said, there were a few transfers this summer that caught the eye in terms of potential vfm:

 

Ezri Konsa to Villa (£12m)

Lloyd Kelly to Bournemouth (£13m)

Maxi Gomez to Valencia (£13m)

Bruma to PSV (£13m)

Billing to Bournemouth (£15m)

Sarabia to PSG (£16m)

Fekir to Betis (£17m)

Theo Hernandez to Milan (£18m)

Diawara to Roma (£18m)

Brandt to Dortmund (£22m)

Militao to Madrid (£44m)

 

 

But...none of them really fit out front 3 mould, maybe Maxi Gomez, but that's about it. 

 

You can only assume that we do have funds, and that the decision was taken by Klopp to keep the money until next summer.  Klopp made comment about not having crazy money like other clubs, which it seems was meant to refer to the likes of Felix to Atleti (£113m), and Griezmann to Barca (£107m).  I don't even think he meant Rodri to City, because you just don't see why Klopp would have wanted him.

 

Next summer signals a change in a lot of things, not least that we will have a much better idea of the upper ceilings for the likes of Brewster and Elliott, but also know for sure if injury or otherwise has gotten the better of Ox, Keita, Shaqiri, Lallana and Milner. Not to mention the risk you have to factor-in of one of the front 3 demanding a move. 

 

It's therefore very clear that next summer is going to be a time where you need options, and to have options you need money, so there's no point in throwing it around now.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wonder if the leaflet will have pro-Tory rhetoric in it, as opposed to be a Government leaflet...

Would hate to think the Tories were using it as a means to try and subvert elections spending just before a GE was called, by spending £100m of taxpayers money on party promotion then going "whoops", and getting a paltry fine from the Electoral Commission.

 

 

On ‎27‎/‎07‎/‎2019 at 20:34, Vincent Vega said:

They’re not going to be able to trot out that magic money tree accusation at Labour with Johnson throwing spending pledges around like a drunken sailor.

If Labour were savvy, they'd have the notepad out and be scribbling down these amounts.

 

They can then use those figures themselves, safe in the knowledge that the 'magic money tree' façade can be rebuked by simply replying "they're treasury figures on available money for the government to spend".

 

At this point, it really is a case of letting the Tories shoot themselves in the foot.

 

Take the leaflet for example...brilliant news for Labour.

 

How many households in this country are currently ignoring politics?  Huge portion of the masses just turn off from politics between elections, or get glimpses of it here and there that they recoil from.  Millions of swing voters.  So many of them are going to get that leaflet and shit themselves, the leaflet will shatter their slumber. 

 

Labour just needs to be the first on the scene to call them a cunt.

8 minutes ago, El Dangerous said:

On one hand we've singed no fucker and we might go backwards this season but on the other we've gained a blag gimmick account called Colonel Bumcunt. Swings and roundabouts innit.

 

Boy, my flightsuit is entirely two sizes too small after my balls have swelled reading this.  Outstanding. 

Klopp needs court-martialling over this summer's business. 

 

I will initiate proceedings with command, with the trial to begin at 0800. 

 

I expect him clean shaven and in full uniform to hear his response to the following:

 

- Failure to recruit a new player born pre Will Smith's single Will 2K.

- Failure to dispose of perverted shot-fondler S Mignolet before other clubs remembered he was broken.

- Failure to select pre-season opponents who don't treat a fitness exercise like it's Escape to Victory.

- Failure to recognise that Kent and Wilson is a folk duo from Illinois, not the back-up forwards to the CL winners.

APPROACH FROM THE SEA, INTO SOUTHAMPTON WATER, AND SEND A 5 MAN UNIT UP THE RIVER ITCHEN BEFORE DAYLIGHT.

 

COME IN THROUGH CEMEX, SET UP AN OPS CENTRE AT THE CITROEN DEALERSHIP.  SIMPLE EXTRACTION AROUND 10AM BEFORE THE CROWDS BUILD, IN AND OUT.

On a free?

 

NO, BECAUSE ON FOOTBALL MANAGER THEY MAKE THE ASSUMPTION THAT WE HAVE GIVEN HIM A NEW CONTRACT.

 

I SOLD MR E. CAN FOR £24M TO CHELSEA FOOTBALL CLUB AND I BOUGHT MR L. GORETZKA FOR £25.5M.

 

IT'S NOW 10 MARCH AND I'M TOP OF THE LEAGUE WITH 75 POINTS AND CHELSEA ARE IN 6TH WITH 53 POINTS. 

 

GORETZKA HAS 4 GOALS AND 14 ASSISTS AND IS VALUED AT £64M.  

 

CAN HAS 6 ASSISTS AND IS VALUED AT £23.5M

 

I WISH HIM ALL THE BEST IN HIS CAREER.

I ALWAYS SELL HIM IN FOOTBALL MANAGER, ALWAYS.

OWEN

REPORT TO MY OFFICE AT 0700

THE PROBLEM WITH OUR MIDFIELDERS IS THAT NONE OF THEM ARE GOOD ENOUGH AT ANY ONE THING.

 

SHOULD BE SENT BACK TO BARRACKS, FULL DEBRIEF AND PT ASSESSMENT.

ATTENNNNNSHUN

Most Adidas shoes these days are shit.

Most.