alles ist gut

I bet this bit doesn't work either

If the radiator isn't turned on when it's handcuffed to you while you're having a wank, it must just not be your type. Move on.

7

WHERE'S THE ANN SUMMERS MONEY BILL?

WHERE'S THE RADIO 2 MONEY BILL?

"I see you, telephone thing, listening in..."

“Anyone can be 52, but only a bus can be 52B” – Spike Milligan.

Sturridge goes on holiday & people lose their shit; Johnson has been on holiday for two seasons...

Nunez vs. Chelsea > Markovic vs. Real Madrid.

Nunez vs. Chelsea > our entire team last Saturday

Strømgodset Under-5s

CRESTA? WHAT THE FUCK WERE WE DRINKING?

No Xmas for John Quays...

"Optimus Prime bottle opener", I ask you...

"Cresta! What the fuck were we drinking?"

You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek. But first... first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril. Mm-hmm. You shall see thangs, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... a cow... on the roof of a cotton house, ha. And, oh, so many startlements. I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the obstacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward.

"Good morning, Ma'am, I've come to read your gas meter..."

"The ball is tipped, and there you are…"

4,348. I remember people losing their minds when Scu reached 1,000 winners.

"Tick follows tock, follows tick..."

Anybody who gives any credence to any story about Juventus selling anyone useful to us THIS WEEK OF ALL WEEKS should be sterilised to keep them out of the gene pool, and then blinded, to stop it happening again.

No, Juventus STILL aren't selling us anyone, and anyone saying otherwise is either malicious or cretinous.

"I've been to Rothbury today, passing through while on holiday. There is a distinct lack of Raoul Moat tourist attractions"

"The fastest dissolving tablet to combat diarrhoea!"

Joe Allen IS Stuart Little