Ezekiel 25:17

no way best ever butty, is two massive pieces of bread (cut by your good self) a shit load of grated cheese all over an a load of chopped up Hot dog sausages (not those cheap ass 8 in a can jobs) am talkin proper geman in a platic packet i cant fucken open things, lash it under the grill till you reach your desired level of melted heaven.

Offal site says its defo on.

you should of replied with 'oooh me grapes are killin me' It was Mel B from Bo selecta who emailed wasnt it ?

nice one, he was once likened to a pit bull by his ex school teacher, well i actually just made that shit up by i bet it aint far from the truth.

On the subject of Brothers (not the proverbial black man) didnt United take the younger Rooney aswell, from what iv heard an the little iv seen hes as good as anythin around for his age.

Davey Thommo rules, Remeber Dave when he was walkin through the Main stand car park on his phone an i heard him say 'No am still at fuckin Coventry arnt i' fuckin class, he said in an interview aswell hed love to be back at liverpool an stilll goes the game when he can, an who could deny him the peach he scored against us on his return (especially as we still won) oh yeh an quality use of the word dime Milan.

Far an away the best scene in the movie.

 

JULES

I will never forgive your ass for

this shit. This is some fucked-up

repugnant shit!

 

VINCENT

Did you ever hear the philosophy

that once a man admits he's wrong,

he's immediately forgiven for all

wrong-doings?

 

JULES

Man, get outta my face with that

shit! The motherfucker who said

that never had to pick up itty-

bitty pieces of skull with his

fingers on account of your dumb

ass.

 

VINCENT

I got a threshold, Jules. I got a

threshold for the abuse I'll take.

And you're crossin' it. I'm a race

car and you got me in the red.

Redline 7000, that's where you are.

Just know, it's fuckin' dangerous

to be drivin' a race car when it's

in the red. I could blow.

 

JULES

You're gettin' ready to blow? Well I'm

a mushroom-cloud-layin'

motherfucker! motherfuck Every time my

fingers touch brain I'm "SUPERFLY

T.N.T," I'm the "GUNS OF NAVARONE."

I'm what Jimmie Walker usta talk

about. In fact, what the fuck am I

doin' in the back? You're the

motherfucker should be on brain

detail. We're tradin'. I'm

washin' windows and you're pickin'

up this ni****'s skull.

When interviewed over the injury to Martyn, Moyes came back with 'yes its a problem but luckily for us we have a top class replacement....

 

Richard Wright- 135 minutes on the pitch- 7 goals conceded

 

I think its time they used there top class replacement whoever that may be.

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.

 

On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail".

 

Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"

 

The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said,

"I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games."

 

The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"

 

The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said "I brought these."

 

The other two were puzzled and asked - "What can you do with those?"

 

He grinned and pointed to the box and said - "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, para gliding, roller-skating"...

But everybody looks funny naked!

 

You woke me up for that?

 

Did I mention the video camera?

 

Do you smell something burning?

 

(in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...

 

Try breathing through your nose.

 

A little rug burn ever hurt anyone!

 

Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?

 

Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?

 

But whipped cream makes me break out.

 

Person 1: This is your first time..right?

Person 2: Yeah.. today

 

(in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!

 

Can you please pass me the remote control?

 

Do you accept Visa?

 

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

 

On second thought, let's turn off the lights.

 

And to think - I was really trying to pick up your friend!

 

So much for mouth-to-mouth.

 

(using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?

 

Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...

 

(holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!

 

Do you get any premium movie channels?

 

Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!

 

(preparing to use peanut butter sexually) But I just steam-cleaned this couch!

 

Got any penicillin?

 

But I just brushed my teeth...

 

Smile, you're on Candid Camera!

 

I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!

 

I want a baby!

 

So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!

 

(in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?

 

Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...

 

Did you know the ceiling needs painting?

 

I think you have it on backwards.

 

When is this supposed to feel good?

 

Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!

 

You're good enough to do this for a living!

 

Is that blood on the headboard?

 

Did I remember to take my pill?

 

Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?

 

I wish we got the Playboy channel...

 

That leak better be from the waterbed!

 

I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!

 

But my cat always sleeps on that pillow..

 

Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?

 

If you quit smoking you might have more endurance..

 

No, really... I do this part better myself!

 

It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!

 

This would be more fun with a few more people..

 

You're almost as good as my ex!

 

Do you know the definition of statutory rape?

 

Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?

 

You look younger than you feel.

 

Perhaps you're just out of practice.

 

You sweat more than a galloping stallion!

 

They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash.

 

Now I know why he/she dumped you...

 

Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?

 

You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.

 

What tampon?

 

Have you ever considered liposuction?

 

And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!

 

What are you planning to make for breakfast?

 

I have a confession...

 

I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!

 

Are those real or am I just behind the times?

 

Were you by any chance repressed as a child?

 

Is that a hanging sculpture?

 

You'll still vote for me, won't you?

 

Did I mention my transsexual operation?

 

I really hate women who actually think sex means something!

 

Did you come yet, dear?

 

I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about...

 

A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!

 

Does this count as a date?

 

Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!

 

Hic! I need another beer for this please.

 

I think biting is romantic - don't you?

 

Q: You can cook, too right?

A: (Whaddaya think I'm doin'?)

 

When would you like to meet my parents?

 

Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like...

Woman: Yourself?

 

Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"?

 

Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names.

 

Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed.

 

(in a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?

 

I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?

 

Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman.

 

Sorry but I don't do toes!

 

You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!

 

Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!

 

Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...

 

I'll bet you didn't know I work for "The Enquirer".

 

So that's why they call you MR. Flash!

 

My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!

 

Is this a sin too?

 

I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!

 

Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?

 

Long kisses clog my sinuses...

 

Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise...

 

How long do you plan to be "almost there"?

 

You mean you're NOT my blind date?

5 Things Women Will Never Understand

Men are a misunderstood lot, which all in all is probably for the best. Women are better off not knowing that we eat with our hands the minute they leave the room or that we use their nail clippers to trim our nose hair. Better for them, better for us. Still, it's annoying that women spend more time and money trying to understand the minds of cats than they do wondering about what makes men tick. Which is why they'll never understand...

 

 

Our consuming need to own the biggest and most expensive version of just about everything.

Our compulsive desire to drive off-road vehicles in cities and use corkscrews that resemble offshore drilling equipment is well documented. As marketing targets, men are suckers for terms like "professional" or "industrial strength," because inside every man is the germ of every profession he ever imagined himself one day excelling at. Most of these purchases are harmless, little more than childish wish fulfillment played out at a higher testosterone level. But occasionally we go too far. The guy upstairs from me once boasted that he had a filter which filled his flat with "operating theater quality air." I kept him away from my surgical steel steak knives.

 

 

Why we are so bad at shopping.

We've never been trained to do it the right way. Supermarkets are like giant booby traps for males -- which is why if you send a man out to get eggs, sugar and bread, you should not be surprised if he returns home with a case of beer, a pair of jeans and a tree.

 

 

The reason why we don't like to discuss The Relationship.

Most of us will find any excuse to dodge those conversations that start with questions like "Are you really happy?" and "Where do you see us going?" A relationship is a delicate thing, like an antique clock, and we know what will happen if we start picking it apart. Often our reticence will result in a lengthy conversation about why we have trouble talking about... "The Relationship."

 

 

Why we think we can fix things.

Almost all men believe they can repair virtually anything with a little patience. In reality, we're only half right. Men are extremely good at taking things apart: whether it's a dishwasher or an antique clock, a man can break it down to its most basic components in no time. Unfortunately, this is where our expertise usually leaves off, and we're mostly satisfied with leaving bits and pieces spread all over newspaper on the kitchen table.

 

 

Men and video games.

Women cannot understand how grown men can waste huge chunks of their lives zapping things off a screen. When a man repeatedly rings his girlfriend to say he has to work late and routinely comes home at two in the morning all glassy eyed, she will usually take this as evidence of an affair -- when it's more likely that a pirated copy of Streetfighter II is making the rounds at the office.

Anybody for Ziege ??

>:( The Arm:Buffalo crime family of Cosa Nostra.

B&E:breaking and entering.

Banana Race: a fixed horse race

Bag man: a conveyor of money.

Biscuit:a gun.

Boosters: smalltime street theives.

Bust Out: to bankrupt.

Capo: a captain in the Cosa Nostra.

Capo di tuti capi: the boss of bosses.

Case: to check out; size up.

Clean: not carrying a gun.

Clip: to take money from or murder.

The Commission: the ruling body of the Cosa Nostra, consisting of nine to twelve bosses of crime families.

Connected: an associate of a made Mafia member.

Consigliere: an adviser.

Contract: an assignment to murder.

Cooler: a stacked deck of cards.

Cool-off Man: accomplice in a crooked gambling game who calms down a heavy looser.

Cop: to steal.

Cosa Nostra: close-knit criminal society whose members are of Italian-Sicilian ethnic origin only; sometimes called the Mafia, which was its Sicilian antecedent.

Crew: a group of criminals in the Mafia who work together closely.

Crime Family: a unit of Cosa Nostra operating in a specific territory, composed of men tied together by loyalty to their crime boss and sometimes by actual blood relationship.

Don: a ranking boss if a crime family, usually applied to men born in Sicily.

Enforcer: a hoodlum who beats or kills for his superior.

Envelope: a cash payment

Fence: one who specializes in handling stolen merchandise.

Finger: to mark for murder; to inform on.

Friend of mine: used in introductions. Denotes the person is vouched for. This is the next level for a connected guy.

Friend of ours: used in introductions. Denotes the person is a part of a family. see made

Fugazi: a fake or couterfiet.

Gaff: a phoney.

Goodfella: one involved in Mafia activities. see connected and wiseguy

Hack: a prison guard.

Half-assed wiseguy: one who aspires to Cosa Nostra membership.

Headcrusher: an enforcer, a strongarm man.

Headhunter: an assassin.

Heat: unwanted attention from the law or the press.

Hit: a murder assignment, or a murder; to murder.

Hit the mattress: to go into hiding.

The Honored Society: the Mafia of Sicily.

Hot items: stolen goods.

Juice: loanshark interest (vigorish).

Lammest: one who has gone out on a lam. to escape or hide from other gangsters or police.

Legbreaker: a hoodlum who beats people for his superior.

Made guy: someone who has been indoctrinated to membership in Cosa Nostra.

Make: to be indoctrinated to membership in the Cosa Nostra.

Man of respect: a ranking, senior member of a crime family.

Mechanics: card and dice manipulators who rig games.

The meets: a conference of criminals.

The mob: a crime family; the entire Cosa Nostra; often loosely interpreted to mean a confederation of criminal organizations with members of varying ethnic backgrounds.

Mustache Pete: an elder statesman and former member of the original Mafia; in the early 1900s, they were famed for thier long mustaches.

The Office: New England crime family of Cosa Nostra.

On the arm: on credit.

On the pad: paying regular bribes.

The Outfit: Chicago crime family of Cosa Nostra.

Pigeon: an informer.

Put the X on: to designate for murder.

Put to sleep: to murder.

Queer: counterfeit.

Right arm: underboss.

Score: money made from a criminal enterprise; to make money criminally.

Serious headache: a bullet in the head.

Serious trouble: about to be murdered.

Shills: hirelings who play in rigged games in order to draw victims; they are often mechanics.

Shiv: a knive.

Shylock: a money lender. Derived from Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice. to lend money at high rates (vigorish).

Sitdown: a criminal meeting; a mob peace conference.

Stone killer: a particularly cold-hearted professional murderer.

Stoolie: an informer.

Straight: a non-criminal.

Uncle Sugar: the FBI.

Vigorish (vig): interest paid on shylock loans.

Whack: to murder.

Wiseguy: same as a made guy; an indoctrinated member of the Cosa N

An whats John arne Risse upto just behind him ?

fuck off back to Eastenders you cockney prick.

Whats not too hate, heres a player who has been idolised by the fans, worshipped no less for what say 5 seasons were hes was in and out the team, riddled with injuries and could not for the life of him string a consitent run of games together. Then what say the past two seasons give or take has seemingly put the majority of his major injury woes (namely his back) behind him and began to show the charisma and true potential of just what kind of player he really is. It was as if the world woke up to Steven Gerrard with a big part of this being down to his International performances, and carrying the team Maaca esq for the majority of last season. Then followed the whole Summer shenanigans were it came from good authority that he virtually put pen to paper on a chelsea deal, basically totally dismmising any loyality he has ever shown an nullifying any argument whatsover about him being a 'ture fan' or whatever bullshit he spouted last week. You cant blame him for wanting success but surely in the manner you get it matters, well youd think anyway.

The complete an total irony of it now though is, Gerrard will leave an its as if hes been forced out, theres no way back for the cunt now though, i wise man once said, no players bigger than the club, an i dont think there was ever at truer word spoken.

In light of recent events, maybe these should get a terrace airing.....

 

He looks the part

He shit right from the start

Its nunez, its nunez

 

Hes fat, hes slow

The cunt still has a go

Josemi, josemi

 

He black, hes mad

Is he pongos dad ?

Big salif big salif.

Class, an a couple of Harrison Ford classics...

 

Indiana Jones and the temple of poon

 

Raiders of the lost arse.

No shes still got a cob on with, in other news..... i fucked that bird last nite good an proper.

Check these bad boys out, (actual porn movies) ive seen the originals but i reckon these may be better.

 

Edwards Penishands

 

Lord of the Asses

 

Dude, Where’s My Dildo?

 

Big Trouble in Little Vagina

 

Brassiere to Eternity

 

Moulin Splooge

 

Willy Wanker and the Fudge Packing Factory

 

Shaving Ryan’s Privates

 

Forrest Hump

 

Romancing the Bone

 

E-Three: The Extra Testicle

Anyone know wether the game is on anywere i.e. Norwegian etc ??

Defo over xmas mate, i cant wait to sample the delights of Leeds, Gotta book me hols soon so il let u know an weel sort somethin, as for my team I resigned after four convincing defeats i realised id taken that shower of hite as far as I could !

Beba (my bird) watched the game, and managed to summise- 'kool was crap and Mellowes was boss', so I said an what about Arsenal ? 'they were a lot taller'. Some good points made i think you will all agree.

sorry about the error there Tom, well spotted though, I can only blame that shite school I went to.