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Tuesday April 21: The Saudis are close to buying Newcastle. This is bad on so many levels. These cunts all need to fuck off and stop buying clubs just to try and ‘sportswash’ over the human rights issues in their countries. If Newcastle fans had anything about them they’d be protesting to stop it, but I won’t hold my breath. I honestly think that the only set of fans who would do anything to prevent their club being bought by fuckers like this are us. But then we seem to be the only ones with any kind of social conscience. Certainly as a collective anyway. I’m sure there are plenty of Geordies who are horrified about this but in terms of them doing anything about it, that’s not going to happen. Other than Everton, I can’t think of a fanbase who would be worse if they were taken over by rule breaking, money no object, cheating cunts like these. You just know they’ll be at the first home game of the dressed dressed as Sheiks, the bad knobheads. Wednesday Apr 22: Stories floating round today about Jurgen and his missus and how they’ve been supporting the Formby community. Ula reportedly gave the staff in Waitrose £50 each just as a thank you for the work they’re doing, while Jurgen is meant to have given Tescos a big wedge of cash and told them to use it towards the bills of any NHS staff shopping in there. He was also applauding ambulances as they passed him on the road, which made me smile because I can picture that vividly. The same ‘hands above the head’ clap he does when the lads have put a good move together and nearly scored. He’s just ace isn’t he. Thursday Apr 23: Willian on a free you say? Wouldn’t be my ideal signing but I could probably be talked into it fairly easily. Good player, works really hard, technically excellent, good at set-pieces, mates with the Brazilian lads, what’s not to like? His salary for one thing, and I’ve always felt that he should score a lot more goals than he does, but it would make financial sense in this uncertain climate for clubs. Certainly makes more sense than splashing out on Werner anyway. I don’t rate Werner you know. I may have mentioned this before. Like every week for the past six months. Friday April 24: It’s been a pretty rough few weeks for everyone, me included. I’ve had the virus, I’ve infected my wife and daughter with it and I haven’t been able to see my mum and dad for about two months (other than standing in the front garden and talking to them through the porch when we drop shopping off for them). Still today was definitely the low point. The sun was out and I was planning on doing a bit of work in the garden, so I figured I’d dust off my old school Penny Hardaway Orlando Magic vest and get a bit of a tan on the guns. So I threw on a pair of shorts, a baseball cap and my NBA jersey and strolled into the garden. Gail took one look at me and says “You look like you should be in that tiger thing on Netflix. You could be one of his husbands”. Fucking hell. Have you seen his husbands? This is grim. The last time my feelings were hurt this badly was when I was ripping Gerry Francis and my dad said “that’s you in ten years that”. The lack of respect I get from my family is disgusting. Saturday April 25: There’s no footy so Sky have resorted to having Premier League players face off against each other on FIFA. Desperate times call for desperate measures, but I wasn’t desperate enough to tune in for this. Ok, full disclosure, if it had been on BT I’d probably have watched it as I’ve got that. I don’t have Sky so watching this wasn’t an option. I did follow it on Twitter though and I can’t lie, it was pretty fucking satisfying seeing Trent come from 2-0 down to beat Sterling. It’s probably a good thing I didn’t watch it live as jumping up and down and celebrating someone scoring a goal on FIFA would be pretty sad, wouldn’t it? That being said, I’ve done worse. It took all my willpower not to shout “get the fuck in” when my Portsmouth team scored a stoppage time winner against Chelsea on footy manager a couple of days ago. I usually restrict myself to a silent fist pump but sometimes it’s hard to keep a lid on it. The sooner proper footy is back the better, as I can feel myself becoming more pathetic by the day. Sunday April 26: Moise Kean is in bother after having a house party. He’s getting slammed for it and Everton have condemned his actions too. Usually I’d be joining the line of people wanting to put the boot in but this one made me pause for thought. I don’t know the details here, but he’s a lad barely out of his teens living in a foreign country. Pretty much every day of his life he’s been in a dressing room with other lads, and no that has been taken away from him. The camaraderie, the jokes and the competitiveness he’s used to is no longer there, and he’s sat in his apartment, possibly alone (maybe his family are with him, but none of the reports I’ve seen have mentioned that). It’s easy to say he shouldn’t do it, and of course he shouldn’t, but mental well being has to also be a consideration here. Kean might just be an entitled, selfish dickhead. Or he might be a lonely young lad in a foreign country who is struggling to deal with his situation. I don’t know which one he is, so I’ll not be passing judgement. It made me wonder how some of our younger lads are coping. The first team lads are surrounded by family, but what of some of the younger lads, like Chirivella, Hoever, Van den Berg, Larouci, Jaros etc. Did they go home to their families before this started, or are they still here? And if they are here, are they on their own? In the grand scheme of things it’s not that important. There are people in much worse situations, but it’s still something to think about and it’s unsurprising therefore that the PFA are reporting way more cases of players wanting to speak about depression, addiction, mental health etc Monday Apr 27: James Pearce wrote something on Naby in the Athletic today, and the replies were exactly as you’d expect. You’ve got those who’ve written him off as an injury prone, unreliable lightweight who can’t adapt to the English game, and then you have the Naby fanboys who think he should be the first name on the team sheet, possibly because they went overboard when we signed him and don’t want to back down from it. Scanning through the replies it was quite scary seeing how some people think. One fella said “that hoof, cross and nod football does him no good. Hopefully the gameplan will change”. Yeah you fucking crank, let’s change a style that won us a European Cup and has us 25 points clear at the top just so we can make Keita look better on the dozen occasions he’s actually fit to play. Fucking hell. Another one took exception to Pearce suggesting that the club might need to cut their losses on him (and having previously named Hendo his POTY) by saying “Here we go again. Hendo player of the year and now bin bag Keita. How do you sleep at night”. It’s mad, bordering on cultish. I’m in neither of those camps as I’ve still got an open mind on Keita, but at least those who’ve written him off have plenty of evidence to justify their stance. It’s the loons who will argue he’s better than Henderson and Wijnaldum that completely wreck my head. He might well be more talented, but there’s so much more to being a top level footballer than just talent. Availability and reliability are two vital ingredients and Hendo and Gini have that in spades. In two years Naby has shown nothing to suggest he has either, which makes it baffling to me how people can be so vociferous in their backing of him at the expense of other players who have delivered massively for us. There are people out there who would sell Henderson to clear a path for Keita. There are also people out there who drank bleach because Donald Trump suggested it. I see very little difference between them to be honest. Completely batshit mental. Naby reminds me of Jack Wilshere. Now stay with me here. Whatever people think of Wilshere now, back when he was younger he was viewed as a massive talent. He just never got to fulfil that talent because he kept getting injured. Still, there were Arsenal fans who wouldn’t give up on him. They’d argue that he just needed an injury free run and we’d see how good he really was. It was a valid viewpoint for a while, but eventually there has to come a point when you accept that injury free run is never going to happen. I don’t think we’ve reached that point with Keita yet, but Gemma Collins is in the Karaoke bar clearing her throat. Injuries aren’t the only similarity though. Wilshere and Keita both look like they should be brilliant. The way they move around the pitch and caress the football is very easy on the eye. They glide effortlessly across the turf, with great balance and a silky touch and technical ability the envy of most players. Yet even when fit they struggle to put it all together consistently. At least Keita can say he did it in Germany, so there is still hope for him. Yet even when he’s been fit Keita has been hit and miss. The stat nerds love him as his numbers are off the charts, but to the naked eye he’s often been unconvincing. I still think there’s a brilliant, potentially world class player waiting to come out, but I wouldn’t put any significant amount of cash on it ever happening. There’s been enough good to provide hope that he’ll one day deliver on the hope we all had when we signed him, but there’s been enough bad to put that in serious doubt too. If you listen to his detractors he’s never shown anything. Listen to the cult of Naby disciples and you’d think he’s been brilliant every time he’s played. The truth is somewhere in between. …..and that was the week that was