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I really had to force myself to stick match of the day on and get stuck into this. Usually I quite look forward to Thursday’s and doing the Round Up, but this week I didn’t really want to do it at all. Because we lost a game. I didn’t want to sit through MOTD even though I knew at the end they’d be showing a league table with us 22 points clear at the top. Talk about split. This is the first time this season that I’m writing a round up in a week when we’ve lost. Shit, I’ve only had to write one time after a week in which we’ve drawn, and we’re in fucking March! Although it hardly ever happens, losing really doesn’t feel nice and I’ve not handled it particularly well this week. That seems pretty bad on the surface. Fans of everyone else have seen their team lose plenty and draw even more. Out of curiosity I had a look at the league records of the top teams in the there divisions. Championship leaders West Brom have lost five and drawn twelve!! Second placed Leeds have lost eight and drawn eight. In League One leaders Coventry have only lost three but they’ve drawn 13. The top team in League Two, Swindon, have lost eight times. We’ve lost one and drawn one, and I’m sat here struggling to motivate myself. In a way it’s a good thing as there was a time not so long ago when it happened so frequently that I was becoming used to it. It’s much better to be over-reacting to a rare defeat than to just be shrugging it off as “yeah we lost again”. That being said, it’s time for me to man the fuck up and just get on with it, so without further ado, here’s what happened last weekend. I’ll start with Friday night’s game at Carrow Road where Norwich pulled off an upset win over slumping Leicester. That Iheanacho cunt had a goal ludicrously disallowed due to that terrible new ‘attacking player handball’ rule. The ball comes off the arm of defender and brushed Iheanacho’s hand before he runs through and scores. I hate that new rule, it’s pure shite and goals like that should never be disallowed unless a) it’s Wolves, just because it’s funny, or b) it’s Iheanacho because he’s a fucking scumbag and any goal he ever scores should be disallowed purely on the basis of that. He wasn’t happy about it but tough shit. If he wants to score goals so much then he shouldn’t have deliberately missed that chance against City last season then, should he? Cunt. Norwich won it when their full backs went all Trent and Robbo, as Aarons crossed to the far side of the box and Lewis lashed one into the bottom corner. Lovely goal that. Onto Saturday now, and a cracking game at Bournemouth saw them share the spoils with Chelsea after a ding dong battle that ebbed and flowed both ways. Chelsea went ahead through Alonso, who seems to be scoring every week lately. Thumping finish it was too. He then put one on a plate for Giroud but he scuffed his finish. It was all Chelsea up to this point but Lerma headed in from a corner to level things up. Cavallero should have saved that, but it wasn’t a penalty so he didn’t, the fucking bum. Josh King tapped in at the back post after a lovely flowing move to make it 2-1 and Eddie Howe’s men looked to be on their way to a huge three points until Alonso popped up again to score with five minutes left. He nearly won it for them too but headed wide. He’s completely unique. He’s a goal hanging full back and I love that because he clearly doesn’t give a fuck. He reminds me of me. Any time I had to play full back when I was a kid I’d just think “fuck this shit, I’m a goalscorer, you don’t stick me at full back” and I’d just go up front. I’ve never seen anyone do that at professional level though so fair play to him. Palace edged out Brighton in the weekend’s biggest grudge match. The beef between these two is great because there’s no real justification for it. It started in the 70s because managers Alan Mullery and Terry Venables didn’t get on and there was a contentious FA Cup tie between them. A Palace fan threw hot coffee over Mullery at the end and he emptied the change from his pocket and shouted “that’s all you’re worth, Crystal Palace”. That’s where it began but it’s escalated over the years (the highlight being when someone from Brighton had a massive shit in the Palace dressing room) and it’s still going on and now. They fucking hate each other and it’s hilarious. It’s not as funny as the Coventry / Sunderland beef that was caused by Jimmy Hill. I’ve written about that before, can’t be arsed going over it again so let me dig it out…. Ok, this is what I wrote in the Diary a while back… The funniest story I’ve heard about Sunderland this year was it all kicking off outside when they went to Coventry. My bother in law went and I got a text after the game telling me there was murder everywhere. I assumed it was because when you venture below the Championship it’s still the 1980s but he kept going on about “Jimmy Hill's fault, the big chinny bastard”. I had no idea what he was on about, until he later sent me a link to an article explaining it all. It’s fucking gold. Sunderland and Coventry have major beef going back to the 70s and Jimmy Hill is indeed the cause of it all. Both teams were involved in a relegation fight on the final day of the season, and Hill had Coventry’s game put back 15 minutes due to non-existent crowd congestion. Sunderland lost, meaning Coventry and their opponents (who were also in danger of going down) knew that a draw would see them both safe and the Mackems relegated. The final 15 minutes were like Germany / Austria in the 1982 World Cup, with neither team coming out of their own half. Sunderland went down and they’ve never forgiven Jimmy Hill. That wasn’t the cause for the fighting though, it was Coventry’s revelling in it that tipped Sunderland fans over the edge. Coventry had a big flag with Hill’s face on it covering a third of the empty seats in the home end, and according to my brother in law “they kept flashing his ugly big chinny bastard face up on the scoreboard" just to wind up the away fans. You might have seen the video that went viral of a drunk Sunderland standing in front of the Jimmy Hill statue and shouting “ya fuckin cheatin’ cunt” at it before he was moved on by a bizzie. Hilarious stuff. I love old standing beef like this, it’s fucking boss. Sunderland and Coventry absolutely fucking hate each other because of something Jimmy Hill did in the 1970s. How great is that? Ironically, on the same weekend Palace were playing Brighton, the Jimmy Hill Derby took place too (for the record, Coventry won it). Zaha was asked recently “on a scale of 1-10 how much do you hate Brighton?” and he replied “11”. You could tell because he was even more petulant and wound up than usual and Brighton sub Scheloto was booked for kicking the ball at him. He wasn’t even playing, he warming up but he still successfully managed to wind up Zaha and get him booked. Doesn’t take much to wind up Zaha really. He’s a weird one as he gets the absolute shit kicked off him every week and mostly just gets on with it, but then he reacts to the most stupid, innocuous things. Scheloto did that classic shithouse South American thing of holding his hands up and looking utterly bewildered as though he had no idea why Zaha was angry. I love all that, but VAR has more or less killed off the dark arts. Can’t get away with that kind of shithousery any more. Brighton had by far the better of the chances (24 shots) but their finishing was brutal and they got hit with a sucker punch when Ayew ran clear and scored. Brighton are well coached, well organised, but they just don’t have enough up front. Good coaching will get you up the pitch but when you get there that’s when flair and talent is needed, and they don’t have enough of it. A few weeks back when we looked at West Ham’s upcoming fixtures, it was difficult to see where they’d even pick up a point. Then the wheels kind of fell off Southampton and that fixture didn’t look anywhere near as difficult as it would have been not so long ago. And so it proved. West Ham had a comfortable, and much needed win. Jarrod Bowen put them in front when he made a diagonal run behind the defence from right to left and then clipped the ball past the keeper with his left foot. It was an almost identical situation to the one he had at Anfield last week when he could have made it 3-3. The difference? This time he wasn’t facing the mighty Alisson. Obafemi equalised when he converted a Ward-Prowse cut back. I really like Ward-Prowse but I’m not sure playing him right back is the best idea in the world, especially when he’s up against someone like Antonio. Bit of a mis-match like. Antonio claimed an assist on West Ham’s second but really that assist should go to the Saints keeper McCarthy, who was out jumped by Haller who then did well to reach the loose ball and convert from a tight angle. Shades of the ‘Hand of God’ about that one, except Haller is about a foot taller than Maradona and didn’t use his hand. So, if McCarthy looked stupid there and is rightly being blamed for it, can someone tell me how that cunt Shilton has somehow managed to mostly avoid blame for being out jumped by a munchkin? I don’t care if Diego used his hand. Shilton can use his hands too and he’s much taller. Instead of the English media and England fans continually whining about little Diego cheating, they should have hounded Shilton out of the country. All that cunt does is tweet about Brexit and Maradona. Fucking hate him you know. Stupid curly haired fuck. Anyway, my boy Antonio then ran through the middle to make it 3-1 and that’s how it finished. Newcastle and Burnley finished 0-0, which will have come as a surprise to absolutely nobody. Four games in a row without a goal for the Geordies, although they deserved more than they got from this one as they dominated from start to finish. Almiron is playing great at the moment but he can’t score. Unless he’s playing Championship sides in the cup that is. If they go down he’ll tear it up next season. Him and Dwight Gayle will probably score 60 between them. If they stay up they’ll be lucky to score six. Still, that’s five more than Joelinton is likely to get. The normally mild mannered Steve Bruce lost his rag with a reporter in midweek after they beat West Brom in the cup. The Daily Mail had ran a story claiming Bruce had a bust up with Saint-Maximin and he dropped him for the Burnley game. Bruce was furious because it was total bollocks. He wanted the reporter to admit he got it wrong but he wouldn’t. Fucking snide that. You write something that’s not true then at least have the decency to say you were misinformed and apologise. The only surprise to me is it wasn’t the S*n. You know you’re a cunt when even Steve Bruce is having a go at you though. He’s probably second only to Eddie Howe in the mild mannered nice guy stakes. Onto Sunday now. Bergwijn gave Spurs the lead at home to Wolves but Doherty equalised when he drifted into the centre forward position and finished from close range. Aurier restored Spurs’ lead when he cut inside and bent one just inside the far post but Wolves drew level again when Doherty got in behind and his cross-shot was converted on the line by Jota. My boy Traore played a huge part in that the build up to that. So strong and quick. Jota then turned provider as he picked out Jimenez in the box, and the Mexican finished in some style to send Wolves above Spurs in the table. Frankly I have no idea how they were behind them in the first place, as Spurs seem to lose every week. Mourinho’s honeymoon period is becoming shorter and shorter with every club he joins. He lasted about a month at Spurs before he went straight to “sour faced, miserable, abrasive cunt” mode. He’s obviously had enough of people telling him he should be picking Troy Parrott and he actually said this week that most Spurs fans don’t even know what he looks like. Firstly that’s insulting, and secondly even if that was true, it’s because he never fucking picks him! Then they got knocked out of the cup by Norwich and he responded by saying he’s going to tell the board they need to choose between the Burnley game this weekend, or Leipzig next week, because they can’t concentrate on both. Spurs made a monumental fucking mistake hiring him and it’s going to be fun watching this unravel. Speaking of fun, that ending to the Everton / United game was fucking great. I didn’t want either of them to win so the draw was a good outcome. Everton getting completely screwed in the last minute was just an added bonus. It all started with another De Gea howler. He took too long with his clearance and it was charged down by Calvert-Lewin. The ball could have gone anywhere but hilariously it went in the net. De Gea wants his arse kicking for that though, the complacent cunt. While everyone was talking about him and the massive drop off in his game, at the other end Jordan Pickford was saying “hold my beer” as he dived over the top of a Bruno Fernandes 30 yarder. Minutes earlier he was lucky not to concede a penalty as he punched Maguire in his big stupid head about two seconds before the ball arrived. The ref gave him the free-kick, which was astonishing really. Everton thought they’d won it late on when Maguire deflected a Calvert-Lewin shot into his own net. United appealed for offside but the linesman’s flag stayed down so the Blues celebrated wildly. And then VAR said “nah, fuck you Everton. For years you didn’t want to beat United so now that you do, tough shit”. It was one of the strangest ones of the season. Technically the decision was apparently right (according to most experts, although Clattenberg bucked the trend by saying it was a good goal), but there are so many layers to it that I don’t know how to feel about it. Other than amused, obviously. Firstly, Sigurdsson was fouled after he got his shot off (more on this shortly). If he was injured rather than just lying on the ground, would that have made a difference? Genuine question, because I don’t know the answer. Secondly, the offside rule changed whereby if the ball intentionally comes off a defender then it resets the phase of play and the attacker cannot be offside. This is why Kane wasn’t deemed offside against us a couple of years ago when the ball nicked off Lovren on the way through. Maguire plays at that ball. His foot moves slightly towards the ball, just as Lovren’s did. So by that stupid fucking rule (which is absolute bollocks and needs scrapping), surely Sigurdsson shouldn’t be offside. Apparently they adjudged that Maguire didn’t intentionally play at it though. So then the question is whether Sigurdsson is in the eye line of De Gea. The common misconception is that the player needs to be blocking the view of the keeper, but it’s more complex than that. It’s whether the player’s presence is something the keeper needs to take into consideration and therefore impacts his decision making. It’s bullshit really as we see players deemed to not be interfering all the time, even though they are in the keeper’s eyeline. Does Sigurdsson impact De Gea’s decision making? Not in the slightest. He’s going to his right to make a save, the ball defects the other way and he’s wrong footed. Yes, Sigurdsson has to lift his legs up to avoid blocking the ball, but it makes no difference to the outcome of the play. The part that would really stick in my craw if I was a Blue is that Sigurdsson was only on the ground because a United player put him there with a late tackle after the ball had gone. Technically it’s a foul and would be anywhere else on the pitch. Inside the box though, you never get a foul for that. It would piss you off though if the only reason you were offside is because a defender fouled you and put you there. The main reason you’d be pissed off if you were Sigurdsson though is that De Gea was not saving that anyway, so you have to say that morally - if not necessarily legally - that’s a goal that should have stood. You know what though, Sigurdsson just sits there and makes no attempt to get out of the way, so fuck him. If he’d got up and tried to get back onside it might have been different, but he didn’t and instead we all got to piss ourselves laughing at Everton. Again. Still, they’ll always have our loss at Watford to look back on. The hilarity didn’t end with that decision though. It continued after full time when Ancelotti wanted to know why it was disallowed and went onto the field to ask the linesman and ref for an explanation. They wouldn’t answer him and you can see Carlo saying “No, I stay here”. Chris Kavanagh had other ideas and gave him a red card before repeatedly saying “off you go, off you go”. Even Mike Dean would have struggled to match those levels of "officious traffic warden-ness". Ancelotti is not one of those managers you see acting like a twat and he deserved to be treated with more respect than that. Even afterwards in his interview he was jovial and jokey about it. He's one of the good ones. Chris Kavanagh is not. Finally, I’m sick of the love in for Andre Gomes, who made his comeback in this game (and made such a massive contribution that the only mention of him was when his name flashed up after being subbed). So he got injured, big fucking deal. People were reacting like he’d had both legs amputated and his career was over, but players get worse injuries than that all the time. He was only out for a few months. Would anyone have been arsed if he looked like Luke Chadwick? I’ve been saying for fucking ages that this fella gets by entirely on his looks. His entire career is based on being handsome. He’s a massive fraud.

All that good work from the kids to get us this far, only for it end like this? With a fucking whimper. This was a chance to get back on track and prevent a wobble becoming a slump. After this? Yeah now it’s a slump. There’s a danger of over-reacting and I’m very conscious of that. It wasn’t our strongest eleven and Chelsea away is always tough. The first half performance was alright other than some pitiful finishing. So all of that comes into play. But that second half was so fucking shambolic that it’s hard not to be concerned about just what the fuck has happened to us recently. If it was just Origi being shite, Lallana being off the pace and Minamino completely vanishing in the second half there’d be nothing to worry about. It wasn’t just that though. The key players are the biggest worry. This was a chance for some of them to put Watford out of their system, but instead they’ve just added to the sense of unease. Fabinho was dogshit. Robbo wasn’t much better. Mané cut a frustrated, irritated figure all night and I thought he was going to get sent off after the final whistle when he lost his shit with the snide that is Azpilacueta. Even Van Dijk’s standards have plummeted. He was so fucking casual he may as well have taken to the field with a dressing gown and a pipe, while Gomez was worse than all of them. Maybe they’re all still unsettled by Lovren on Saturday? I’m glad Lovren was nowhere to be seen this time because now people have to look at what the real problem is; it’s not one player, it’s all of them. And I mean, ALL of them. Nobody is playing well right now. Not one of them and I defy anyone to tell me I’m wrong. It’s hard to fathom what’s happening right now, but that second half was just so desperate. It was really tough to watch because it was obvious we were never going to score and there was a real danger we’d concede three or four. From the moment it went to 2-0 I was fighting the urge to just switch the telly off because it was just so frustrating. Obviously I didn’t do it, but the fact it was even a consideration shows how hopeless it seemed. It didn’t start off like that though. The first half was frustrating as fuck, but only because we just couldn’t finish off a lot of damn good approach play. There was a lot to like about the first half. We looked like us again. Not exactly like us, as we were far too open in midfield and looked vulnerable to counter attacks. The midfield trio of Fabinho, Lallana and Jones looked unbalanced. In the Watford report I dismissed the notion that our problem was the absence of Henderson. I’m still not going there, not completely anyway. We should be able to cope without him but the evidence suggests maybe we can’t. He wouldn’t solve all of our current ills but the one thing that is glaring is that teams are able to run right through us when he’s not there. We play such an offensive style that it’s a really fine line we walk. Klopp describes it as ‘protecting our own attacks’ and what we can clearly see now is we don’t do that anywhere near as well without Hendo. Our openness coupled with some inventive play up front made for an entertaining half though. We had loads of chances and played some excellent football to slice through Chelsea. Williams was bombing forward and putting in some sumptuous crosses. Minimino buzzed around was involved far more than we’ve seen him in any of his other appearances, while Mané got himself into some great situations without making the most of them. Our finishing was fucking hopeless though. If we hit the target then it was usually straight at Kepa. I think we all feared the worst after that pinball incident in their box when Kepa made three saves in as many seconds from Sadio, Origi and Jones. We had others chances that we squandered too. The only time Kepa was actually stretched was after a sensational run and shot by Sadio that he parried wide. That was also the only time all night that Sadio looked like Sadio in front of goal. Chelsea had their chances too. Adrian made an incredible save to deny Willian, but seconds later he undid his good work by fumbling one in from the same player. That goal was a fucking shambles, and not just because of Adrian’s blunder. The fannying around with it around our own box when Chelsea had so many players high up in position to press was just reckless. Fabinho’s role in it can’t be ignored either. Shite that, but then he’s looked off the pace ever since he came back from injury. Adrian made another incredible save after the break to tip Giroud’s effort onto the underside of the bar, and he also denied Pedro when he raced clear after a mix up between Williams and Gomez. I don’t attach any blame to him for Chelsea’s second goal either, but I am convinced that Alisson would have saved it. Alison is too good to let that fucking bum Ross Barkley score past him. That isn’t a knock on Adrian as most keepers would have been beaten by it, but you rarely if ever see Alisson concede anything that doesn’t go right into the corner. This wasn’t in the corner. Adrian was beaten by the pace of it, but I don’t think Alisson would have been because he never is. Which brings me to the question; why was Alisson not selected? Klopp went with a strong team and the only regulars who didn’t start were ones who clearly needed to be rested - Trent, Gini, Bobby and Mo. Alison didn’t need a rest though. So why not pick him? Probably because of this gentleman’s agreement that clubs seem to have with the back up keeper whereby they get to play in the cups. I get it, and if Klopp has indeed promised Adrian that he’d feature in the FA Cup then he has to stand by that. All I’m saying is that if Alisson had played then I don’t think we’d have lost. We’ll never know of course, and as I say if Klopp has made that agreement with Adrian then it’s all moot anyway. The one thing I really can’t fathom is the continual selection of Origi on the left. He’s SHITE on the left wing. Absolute fucking shite. Time and again we see the same performance. from him, yet time and again Klopp puts him out there on the left wing. He’s a centre forward. Not a great one, but he’s got a good knack for finding the net. Klopp has done him absolutely no favours this season by persistently using him on the left. He’s better on the right than he is on the left, and he’s not really much good there either. The priority this summer has to be signing another forward who is as good as or even better than throatier we have. That’s how you avoid stagnating. The front three are all 100% sure of their places and after a while that is no longer healthy. Origi is no threat to them. Neither are Shaqiri (if he was ever fit) or Minamino. That’s the next step we have to take. Whether that’s Timo Werner or somebody else I don’t know, but that’s what needs to happen. You know what pissed me off more than anything though? Klopp’s substitutions. Firstly, he left it too late to bring on Milner and Firmino. Secondly, taking Jones off ahead of Fabinho or Lallana was absolutely incredible to me. What the fuck? I know it was done for defensive reasons but we were 2-0 down. So what if Jones is somewhat naive in his off the ball positioning. At least he was doing something when he had it. That change annoyed the fuck out of me to be honest. Move him into the front three then, or switch to 4-2-3-1 or something. Replacing him with Milner was not going to overturn a 2-0 deficit though, that’s for sure. Thirdly, Salah should have been on the instant it went to 2-0. Why would you wait until 80 minutes to put him on if you were trying to stay in the cup? There are a number of fans who regularly make sneering remarks about Klopp not giving a shit about the FA Cup. I wouldn’t quite go that far, but I don’t think he’s arsed that we’re out and the fact he waited so long to introduce Salah is fairly damning. The thing is, I’m probably less arsed about the FA Cup than anyone. Hell, I’d have played the kids again if it were up to me. Klopp didn’t do that and you could argue that the selection of Van Dijk over Matip was proof as to how seriously he was taking the game. I don’t see it quite like that though. I think he went with a stronger side than he initially intended to because we’d lost two of our previous three and he didn’t want to suffer another loss. He wanted to win the game more than he wanted to progress in the cup, and when it became clear that we were probably going to lose, his substitutions spoke volumes to me. This one stings at the moment but in a few weeks it will long be forgotten. That’s why we need to keep our perspective here. The last two games have been shockers. In fact, the last four have really. So it’s easy to get down about it but the reality is that we’re going to win the title and we’re well on course for the highest points total EVER. That has us somewhat spoiled. We’re not used to losing and I think as fans we’re in danger of forgetting how to react to it. I’m not pointing fingers here, as I’m including myself in this. My reaction during and immediately after the Watford and Chelsea losses was completely over the top. Given what the lads have done this season and last (and the one before that for that matter) we don’t have the right to be as angry as some of us are. That being said, we’d better fucking beat Bournemouth this weekend because this slump could quickly become a crisis. Thank fuck we’re so far ahead otherwise the nerves would be jangling massively now. It’s not just a win we need though, it’s some form. We don’t have a fucking hope in hell of breaking down Atletico playing like this, so the quicker we snap out of this the better. We will snap to of it, of that I have no doubt. The question is how quickly. We have a spell like this every winter. It cost us the title last year when we had all those draws. Our dip always comes in the month or so after Christmas and then we get our second wind and end the season well. If we get past Atletico we’ve got a great chance of going all the way again. Will we get past Atletico though? Not playing like this we won’t, so Jurgen needs to figure this out quickly. Star man? Just like Saturday I’m not naming one as nobody deserved it. It would have been Adrian but for the howler on their first goal. The least shit was probably Williams (shite second half crossing notwithstanding) or Jones, but they didn’t do enough for me to justify giving either the star man, so no-one gets it. Team: Adrian; Williams, Gomez, Van Dijk, Robertson; Fabinho, Lallana (Salah), Jones (Milner); Mané, Minamino, Origi (Firmino)