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Saturday Jul 13: Can’t believe I forgot to mention this yesterday, but Crouchy announced his retirement. I love him. He’s top ten in my all time favourite Reds list. He’s one of the most under-rated players we’ve had, and also one of England’s most under-appreciated. He was technically brilliant. Great feet, great balance and a superb finisher. His height was an advantage in some ways as it helped him score a shitload of headers, but it held him back in others because if he was a foot shorter and had blistering pace he’d probably have been an even better player than he was because of the ability I mentioned. In addition to all that though, he’s just a fucking great lad and one of the easiest players to root for. The kind of lad you’d love to be mates with. Enjoy your retirement Crouchy lad. Crouchamania will always run wild in my household. Meanwhile, Lucas Moura seems to be a little unclear about what constitutes a dribble, as he cast doubt on the claim that nobody had dribbled past Big Virg last season. “They say he hasn’t been dribbled past since… whatever. If the guy is past him, it’s already a dribble. I don’t know, but the guys must have gone past him now. I know I scored a goal against Liverpool, we lost, but I scored against Liverpool and he was left behind. But he’s great. He is.” Ok lad, let me explain this in simple terms for you. There are two types of dribble. For an example of the first, look at the liquid rolling down the chin of the man who kept you out of the starting line up in the final. That's not relevant to this conversation though, we're talking about the other type of dribble. The definition of it is this: "(in soccer, hockey, and basketball) an act of taking the ball forward with repeated slight touches or bounces." It is not running in behind someone onto a pass, which was what you referred to, presumably as it seems to be the only thing you are actually capable of. Hope this helps. You're right about Virg being great though. Sunday Jul 14: Bradford 1 L 3. Nice to see such a good turnout for Ste Darby. It’s just heartbreaking what’s happening to him and I don’t even know what to say. It’s just awful and my heart goes out to him as well as to his family and friends. Hopefully a lot of money was raised today and will help towards the research that may eventually find a cure. As for the game itself, performance wise it wasn’t as good as the other night at Tranmere. There were some decent performances and another goal for Brewster, who seems razor sharp when anything is loose in the box. The first half team did much better than the second, but that’s not really important at this point as it’s just as likely to go the other way in the next game. I thought Larouci did quite well again and Kent is looking bright so far. Some interesting comments from Klopp afterwards as he more or less said that Mignolet is staying. He didn’t say that the Mig was happy about it but it does seem like they’ve come to an understanding. By that I mean, Klopp has said “yeah, we need you so you’re not being sold”. Kloppo caused a bit of a stir with what he said about Lallana too. He’s been used as a number six in the first two games, largely through necessity as Hendo and Gini haven’t been available. He seems to have enjoyed himself as he’s had loads of time on the ball to Cruyff turn his little heart out, but the thought of him playing that role in a high tempo, high stakes game does nothing for me. This isn’t a ‘new role’ for him in the way we’ve seen other players like Hendo, Milner and Trent switch positions. It is a smart thing to put him in a role where he isn’t having to exert himself too much until he’s got his full fitness back though. Lallana’s problem is he’s such a willing worker that he presses and plays harder than his body will allow. Still, Klopp was surely having a laugh at our expense with this…. “Adam is the kind of player who can play that and he enjoys this 'Jorginho' role – I hope Maurizio Sarri doesn't see the games or he will make an offer”. The reaction those quotes got on twitter though was fucking brutal. Lallana seems to have replaced Hendo as the “LFC Family” whipping boy now though. Most of the replies to Klopp’s quote just made me sad. If Klopp wants to keep Lallana this season then why the fuck do you care? All this “SELL HIM!!!!” and people getting riled up about it, I don’t get it. We all have opinions on who we should sell and keep but how can people feel so strongly about it that they’ll be kicking off on social media demanding Klopp get rid? It’s fucking mental. So what if he’s on 100k a week. That’s the club’s problem, not yours. You aren’t paying his wages. This isn’t 1980. If Klopp thinks he needs Lallana in the squad this season then sound, it’s his decision and he knows far more about what he needs than any of us do. I think what bothers me the most though is I just don’t like seeing hostility towards players who have been nothing but good pros and have carried themselves well as Liverpool players. Monday Jul 15: Kia Joorabchian (Coutinho’s agent) had some interesting things to say about his client’s situation with Barca. He reckons Barca’s sporting director told him that Coutinho was going nowhere, but then another Barca exec has been offering him to PSG in part ex for Neymar. Who’s have thought that Barca would act in such a sneaky, underhanded manner? Poor Kia, poor Phil. The most interesting thing he had to say involved the Reds though. “"I think Liverpool lies very, very deeply in his heart," he said. "He was a big fan of them throughout the campaign [last season]. He was wishing for them to win the title and he has a very strong affinity there so I think it will be very difficult for him to go to a direct competitor of Liverpool from a personal standpoint." I tell you how this looks to me. Phil wants to come back. This has been obvious for a while and is nothing new. However, for it to happen he’s going to have to force Barca to do a cut price deal with us (maybe even a loan) because other clubs will pay more than we are willing to. This looks like part of the plan. He’s already reportedly told Barca he won’t go to PSG, and now his agent is saying that Chelsea and United can forget it too. So who does that leave? Not Juve, they’ll be waiting in the wings until his contract runs out in four years. Bayern maybe? You know by now how I feel about this. If Coutinho came back I’d be fucking buzzing. I’d say it’s obvious he’s desperate to make it happen but what we don’t know is whether Klopp is even interested. My suspicion is he would be but only on our terms. Meanwhile, AC Milan seem to have dropped their interest in Lovren now and have turned to Newcastle’s Fabian Schar instead. Good. Said it before, but Lovren is important, both as part of the centre back rotation and also for his role in the dressing room. Fabinho recently described Salah as “reserved but talkative. He’s the happiest guy in the world when around Lovren.” Not reason enough on it’s own to keep him, but it’s something that should be taken into consideration. We’ve got something great going on at the moment and we should keep everyone together for another season at least. One possible outgoing though is Taiwo Ayoniwi. One of the Moscow clubs want him and we’re asking for £15m. We’ll probably get it too, as footy is fucking mental now. Eddie Howe might even gazump them with a bit of luck.. Tuesday Jul 16: Kieran Trippier is signing for Atletico. On a list of things I expected to see this summer, that’s got to be right near the bottom. It’s the kind of deal that happens on Footy Manager and you go “behave, as if that would happen”. Fair play to Trippier for wanting to give it a go abroad though. Not many English lads do that. Probably smart too, as if he’s playing every week in the same league as Trent then he’s got no chance of holding onto his England spot. Now he might have bought himself a little more time. He’s nothing special but it’s a gradual decline at Spurs, who went from Kyle Walker to Trippier and now it looks like being Serge Aurier, who is fucking shite. Danny Rose might be leaving too. The gap between the top two and the rest might get even bigger this year, as none of them look like being any kind of a threat. Meanwhile, the Firmino's hosted a party and Coutinho and his wife showed up. Videos later emerged of Bobby and Phil absolutely fucking hammered and having a whale of a time. I just can't imagine a situation where they aren't plotting a way of him getting back here. That doesn't mean it will happen, but you know they must be talking about it as the families are so close and there's a vacancy in the Latino click now that Moreno has gone. Wednesday Jul 17: Look at the state off Mesut Ozil. He looks like the Shelbyville Megan Rapinoe. At first I thought he’d faceapped himself like every other fucker seems to be doing this week. What’s that all about by the way? That’s been around for years, I was using it two summers ago to make jokes about Markovic and Sakho, but for some reason the entire world seems to have gone mad for it this week. Anyway, Ozil, what a dick. Maybe he’s done this to make himself less invisible in the 90% of games where you never fucking see him? Steve Bruce is officially Newcastle’s new manager. This is just gold. They haven’t been able to agree a compensation package with Sheff Wed so they might get in trouble for that. Seems like a lot of bother to go to for Steve fucking Bruce. I mean, he’s alright, he knows what he’s doing and there are far worse options out there, but to go from Rafa to him has to make Newcastle favourites to finish bottom. Especially as Rafa is taking Rondon to China with him. My Mackem brother in law is like a pig in shit with all these. He hates Bruce, who he dubbed “parsnip nose nans hair”. He messaged me today saying the Geordies organised a protest outside their local Sports Direct. The evening news reported it, and he said there were SIX fans outside. He counted them, and it wasn’t hard. SIX!!! You know, fair play to those six, and fucking shame on all the other losers who cry about Ashley but do absolutely fucking nothing about it. He knows he can do what he likes because they’ll just keep showing up no matter what, because they pride themselves on being the “loyalest supporters the world has ever had”. They’re also the stupidest. I know some of you are feeling sorry for them, but let’s see if you feel the same when they come to Anfield and start with the tedious “Sign on” chants. Thursday Jul 18: Interviewed Carra today for the summer issue of the fanzine. I went to meet him at the gym he goes to, and honestly, it was the scousest place on earth. The Rotunda in Kirkdale, where all the top scouse boxers have trained down the years. It’s just the perfect environment for Carra, he’s not treated differently to anyone else there, he’s just one of the lads. Anyway, I was waiting for him in the car park, and what followed was like a scene from the Sopranos, only scouse. He was with a few mates, and he comes over to my car and opens the door and goes “heeeeyyyy ‘ere he is, Milan Baros. Look at his hair, lads, it’s Baros!” One mate goes “fucking hell, that is a nice head of hair” and another one goes “nah he’s not Baros, he’s more like that other fella… the scouse comedian… whatshisname?” and then the third one chimes in “yeah it’s John Bishop!”. Dunno where he’s getting the Baros thing from, I haven’t sported that look for about 15 years. Bit disappointed to be honest, I much preferred it when Carra thought I looked like Gigi Buffon. Now that’s a fucking compliment right there. Anyway, the interview was fucking class, loads of great insight in there, especially about Trent and Hendo. You can read it in the summer issue of the fanzine anyway. Also today, there’s a lot of hoo har about this Sturridge thing. Can’t say I’m the slightest bothered about that little exchange between him and his agent about him not playing against Man City because it looked like a move to Inter was on the cards. He wasn’t going to start, it’s not like we were counting on him as he was only going to be on the bench. From his point of view, why would he risk picking up an injury and scupper a potential move? I get the argument that we pay his wages, but he was never a Klopp player and if Inter had offered us decent money we’d have happily fucked him off. So none of this makes me think any less of him, and the ban he’s been given for breaching betting rules is a fucking farce. Said it before, and I’ll say it again, but bookies are happy enough to take bets on literally anything, so why the fuck should a player not tell any of his mates if he might be moving clubs? Some boss quotes from Robbo today. “That’s what we’ve got to use as motivation now – the winning feeling we had. Last season was completely different, we used the disappointment and heartbreak of losing as motivation to not be in that position again. That’s probably why we had so many last-minute winners, big comebacks and things like that. “This season we need to use that feeling of being on that bus and lifting that trophy to drive us forward. We want more of that feeling. That’ll be in all our minds for the season ahead.” Fucking love him. By the time he finishes he might end up being my favourite player ever. Friday Jul 19: The first game of the US tour ends in a 3-2 defeat to Dortmund. I didn’t watch it live, which is unlike me. I stayed up to watch these games last year but I have zero interest in them at all right now. I just want the proper stuff to start. I might be a bit more into it if there were any new signings to watch, but the only real interest in watching these games is seeing how Brewster is progressing. He scored tonight, with a confidently taken penalty. Harry Wilson got the other one, which is nice for him. Sadio is finally on his holidays now after Senegal lost in the final of AFCON. A real shame for him, it would have meant the world to him to win that and to be able to come back and compare notes with the Brazilian lads. Hopefully he’ll come back refreshed after a short break and he can put that behind him and fire us to the title. Twitter was awash today with people buzzing off Zlatan’s latest self praise. He’s a dick and one of the most over-rated players of all time. That being said, the stuff he’s been coming out with this week has been funny as fuck. The US media have been trying to create a debate about who is the best in the MLS and they’ve been comparing him with Carlos Vela, and Zlatan seems proper put out by it. Not only has he ripped Vela (“don’t compare a Ferrari with a Fiat”), he’s completely savaged the MLS itself and the lack of quality over there. “He’s 29 and he’s playing in MLS. Where was I playing when I was 29?” I’ve seen people suggest this is all an act and he’s not really like that. This isn’t the WWE folks, he’s not playing some character, this is who he is. He's 37 and he's been like this since day one. It's no act. To be fair, I’m almost warming to him as he gets older. I think my opinion of him began to change when he laid into Guardiola. Any enemy of that slap head can’t be that bad. Except Samuel Eto’o, he can fuck off. Finally today, I saw Peter Moore got involved in something on twitter about the kit. Someone was selling knock off kits and he got on his high horse about “intellectual property” and how this kind of thing is “taking money out of the club’s transfer budget”. Do fuck off. How out of touch can you possibly be? Rich people generally have absolutely no idea about the real life struggles of your average family. The real issue here is not that some Del Boy character is making money off jarg kits (to be clear, I'm not defending him and if he was thrown in jail I wouldn't be arsed), it’s that kit manufacturers are charging over £100 for a kit and they’re bringing out three kits a season. The kit manufacturers pay up front for the rights to make those kits so the clubs get the money regardless of whether some nomark in China is selling knock offs, so no-one is taking out of the transfer kitty. Not that it would matter anyway as Jurgen doesn’t seem to be arsed about buying anyone this summer anyway. I haven’t bought any knock off kits because I stopped wearing the shirts about twenty years ago. Adrianna has the new home shirt but only because my mum bought it for her. No way am I forking out £60 for a shirt, but I’m lucky in that she’d never ask me to anyway as she knows it’s a rip off. Some parents will have two or three kids who all want the kits though. The cost of it is obscene. Of course you can tell them no, but what parent likes denying their kids things that many of their mates have? So if people are buying knock off shirts for a fraction of the cost, good luck to them. Liverpool are still getting their money regardless, and let's be honest here, who gives a fuck if New Balance, Nike, Adidas or whoever are getting stiffed out of a few quid? You know what, I've actually talked myself into buying some jarg kits now. Anyone got a link? .....and that was the week that was

Saturday Jun 29: Uruguay are out of the Copa America after losing on pens to Peru. The decisive penalty miss was from Suarez. Not been a good couple of months for him has it? In fact, I can pinpoint the exact moment it all started to go wrong for him. It was when Messi scored that free-kick and Suarez ran over and laughed in Robbo’s face. Ever since then, karma has been beating him like a red headed stepson. A lesson to be learned there. Don’t fuck with the best, coz the best don’t mess. I saw Paddy Berger posted a message today saying “Happy Birthday to the love of my life”. My first thought was, “Ah, it’s Vladi’s birthday?” Turns out he meant his wife. He posted a pic too, and it might be the first pic I’ve seen where Vladi wasn’t in it with him. I love how those two are though, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside every time I see Paddy and Vladi together, still best mates after all these years. It’s actually reached a point where I get worried when Paddy posts a picture and Vladi isn’t with him. “No Vladi? I hope he’s alright. What if they’ve had a falling out? Ok, Paddy, WHERE THE FUCK IS VLADI?!?!?” Mock me if you like, but I challenge you to look at this picture without smiling though. Meanwhile, Rafa Camacho signed for Sporting and says it was always his dream to play in their first team. That would be why he left them to join Man City, and then chose to sign for us rather than go back there then. Righto. Good luck to him though, I hope he does well there because we’ve got a sell on clause and a buy back option. Here’s a thought, if we exercise the buy back do we still get a percentage of the fee? It’s Michael Edwards, master negotiator, so probably. If there’s any flies on him, they’re paying fucking rent. Sunday Jun 30: Alexander Doni (remember him?) reveals he was the one who first brought Alisson to our attention a few years ago. “When I saw him play, I immediately recommended him to John (Achterburg) and tried to get him signed. I explained to John that he was a very skilful player and that he would soon play for the national team. The first time I saw him playing for Inter, I knew he had what it takes to succeed in the Premier League.” I liked Doni, I reckon he was probably the best back up keeper we ever signed. He had a good pedigree and that one game he played (at Blackburn I think?) he looked really good. He could have pushed for the number one spot if he hadn’t developed that heart condition. We then replaced him with Brad Jones, the worst keeper I’ve ever seen play for us (aside from that Itandje prick). I’ll never forget that game at Old Trafford when Jones dived the wrong way for all three United goals. Incredible scenes. Not as incredible as him getting Feyenoord’s Player of the Year. I can only assume that was an elaborate wind up of some sort. On the transfer front today, Bobby Duncan is reportedly wanted by Benfica and Porto. Really? This seems unlikely to me, as one thing Portuguese clubs have little trouble with is finding their own talented youngsters, and if they can’t produce them in house they go shopping in Brazil. I find it hard to believe they’ve been scouting down in Kirkby and have set their sights on Bobby somehow. Regardless, he isn’t going anywhere. In more wild speculation, Klopp is apparently ‘open’ to a re-union with Coutinho. So say Le10 sport anyway, whoever the hell they are. The Reds were supposedly impressed by him denouncing a move to United. I’m not sure I believe that, but even if it’s true it’s hardly enough reason for Klopp to think “you know what, he’s pissed the mancs off so let’s go and get him back”. I’d love it if it was (other than Mbappe no signing would make me happier than bringing O Magico back), but that’s not how these things work. Also today, Arsenal offered £40m for Zaha. I mean really? This is Suarez all over again, only without the extra pound. Palace will want double that, and even then they might not sell because the clown show have already given them £50m for their right back. Haha is fucking boss, but the problem is he’s worth a lot more to Palace than what people would see his market value as. How much would you say he’s worth? £60m maybe? £70m at an absolute push given how mad the market is now. What would Palace rather have though, Zaha or £70m? He’s worth £100m to them easily, as he might be the difference between staying up and going down. One club that doesn’t have to worry about transfer fees is Juve, who today signed Rabiot on a free. Of course they did. They’re such bad scabby bastards aren’t they? No-one loves a freebie more than Juve and they seem to be obsessed with collecting centre mids as well. They’ve almost got as many as we have. Some sad news to report now. Hendo has got a big tattoo of Big Ears on his thigh. I don’t like this at all. I’m not a tattoo fan as you probably know, but they’re fine on certain people. Skrtel and Agger could pull it off and actually looked quite cool. Hendo shouldn’t be doing this shit though as it looks completely out of place on him. He’s from the same school as Carra, Stevie and Milner. No tatts on those lads. Hendo has let himself down there. Monday Jul 1: United are paying Rashford 300k a week!!! Hahahahaha it’s a fucking clown show over there. He’s not even that good and he’s arguably no better now than he was when he first got into the team and people were talking him up like he’s the next Michael Owen. He might develop into a top player or he might follow the tried and trusted United Academy graduate route and end up at Everton or Sunderland. Giving him 300k a week because he played hardball is fucking pitiful though. They’ve got no idea what they’re doing anymore and it’s fucking boss. Guardiola went on Spanish telly today and spoke about the magic of Anfield. Loads of our fans are buzzing off it, but I couldn’t really give two shits what he thinks. I do find this hilarious though simply because his own press office will be fucking livid with him. So many people at that club hate us that this is really going to stick in their throats. Here are some of the best bits: “The motto “this is Anfield” is no marketing spin. There’s something about it you will find in no other stadium in the world”. “They score a goal and over the next five minutes you feel that you’ll receive another four”. “You feel small and the rival players seem to be all over”. “We’ve all been through what Barca went through. They were laughing at me when we were losing 3-0 after the first 15-20 minutes of the quarterfinal. It’s a bugger of a ground”. Not sure where that ‘bugger’ came from. Do the Spanish have a word that means ‘bugger’ or is the interpreter applying a little creative license? Also today, I played 18 holes at Royal Birkdale. Me!! At Royal Birkdale!! How mad is that. I usually play at Royal Bootle or Kirkby National so I couldn’t have been any more out of my comfort zone today. Commoners like me aren’t normally supposed to be in that environment, but my regular golf buddy has a relative who’s a member there and we got to play for £25. It was boss. I stood on the first waiting to tee off, and the starter comes over and wishes me luck. I was like Del Boy when he walked into that yuppy wine bar. “Now this is a bit of me!”. I’ve been there a couple of times before to watch the Open but I’ve never played it and never expected that I would. I kept looking around and thinking stuff like “Tiger Woods has stood on this tea”, “this is where Justin Rose chipped in from” or “this is where Tom Watson made a twat out of me at the 1991 Open” (long story). I got a bit emotional too when I reached the spot where I met my hero Payne Stewart and got his autograph. I got even more emotional when it reminded me that my mum accidentally threw it out and it was lost to me forever. It was windy as shit though. It reminded me of a game I watched at the Academy when the keeper took a goal kick, it reached half way and then blew back and went out for a corner. I thought I was going to have to dodge out the way of one of my drives at one point, but thankfully it stopped about 80 yards away. I shot 92, which would normally be a disappointing score for me, but not today. I’m on cloud nine. That’s one thing off the bucket list. Now I just need to swim with sharks, score at the Kop end and throw a touchdown for the Bears and I can die a happy man. Tuesday Jul 2: CHINA BUYS RAFA!! Hahaha fucking hell, this has tickled me. All those Newcastle fans who spent months pleading with him to stay and blaming Ashley for not doing enough to keep him, and now suddenly it all makes sense. Short of matching whatever crazy offer the Chinese are giving him (tripling his wages apparently), I doubt there’s anything Ashley could have done to get Rafa to stay. Good luck to him though, he’s managed big clubs in the biggest leagues for decades so if he wants to take the cash for a couple of years in China that’s fair enough. He’s earned the right to do it. Like Rooney going over to MLS. He’s near the end of his career so if he wants one last big payday who can begrudge him that? Not sure there’ll be enough boardroom aggro to keep him happy though, so I can see him back over here by the new year. Also today, that women’s World Cup game was a hard fucking watch. It was a tight game and could have gone either way but of course England found a way to lose in heartbreaking fashion. That penalty miss was just cruel, poor Steph Houghton. As if she’s not dealing with enough already with her husband Stephen Darby’s terminal illness. I was gutted for her, although I’d argue that the presence of that shitty brass band probably means England deserved to lose. Stick to ruining the mens games, you sad bastards. Why the fuck didn’t the Harry Kane lookalike up front take the pen though? She’s scored six goals already, take some responsibility, don’t leave it to your centre back just because she’s the captain. Fuck that US team though. The choreographed celebrations when they were putting 13 past some no hopers in the first game was bad enough, but the lack of remorse and humility afterwards was even worse. That Alex Morgan can fuck off with her ‘tea sipping’ celebration too. Yeah dead funny that, really original. She came out with some bullshit explanation about it being a reference to a tweet by a Game of Thrones actress, but it was clearly either a reference to the whole ‘Boston Tea Party’ thing or just a typically lame American stereotype about 'the Brits'. My guess would be the latter but the US press certainly seized on the angle of the former. Many of their headlines were worthy of the shitty jingoistic tabloids we have over here. The official account for the team even said something about ‘doing the 13 colonies proud’. Really? Fucking hell, cringe. Those buzzing off what Morgan did are just as bad as the ‘Ingerlund’ bell ends over here singing about German bombers and obsessing about world wars. Patriotism is an ugly thing for the most part and England and the US are right up there with the absolute fucking worst. What Morgan did is the equivalent of an England player scoring against Germany and doing the Basil Fawlty walk. I’ve seen loads dismissing it as being nothing and having a go at people for being offended. Generally they seem to be people like me who don’t give a fuck about being ‘English’. It’s missing the point though. Are people actually ‘offended’ or do they just think it was a dick move that shouldn’t be shrugged off? Anyone who is genuinely offended has much bigger problems in their life than this, but that doesn’t make what Morgan did acceptable. I'm not offended (I don't even drink fucking tea!) and it takes a lot for me to actually side with 'the English' over anything. It's not even really siding with the English, it's just calling a spade a spade. Twattish behaviour that was. And has an American ever done an impression of the English that didn’t involve trying to talk like the queen and making a reference about drinking tea?. So fucking lame. They’re like Brummies with their Harry Enfield Scouser impressions. Get some new material, you dicks. I’m only surprised she didn’t justify it with “it’s just banter”. The question shouldn’t be was it offensive or not, it should be why was she doing it at all, and there is only one answer to that; it was to take the piss out of the opposition. Just enjoy your goal and don’t be an unfunny try hard cunt. Megan Rapinoe obviously had her say too, responding with “wah wah wah” to anyone who didn’t like it. Fuck her too. Team USA - the Man City of women’s international footy. They’ll play either Holland or Sweden in Sunday’s final. If it’s the Dutch, Morgan can use the same celebration, as ‘sipping tea’ also doubles as having a toke. And if it’s the Swedes? At least she’s still got a few days to work on her “assembling an Ikea flat pack” mime. Meanwhile, Brazil are in the Copa America final after beating Argentina 2-0. Bobby scored one and made one. Made up for him. He also megged an Argie player, who flattened him and then threatened to break his jaw. When the ref intervened, the Argie lad doubled down on it and was explaining to the ref that he was gonna break Bobby’s jaw! I love Brazil / Argentina beef, it’s the best rivalry in international footy along with Germany / Holland. The last time Alisson conceded a goal I still had brown hair. Messi produced a carbon copy of the free-kick he scored against us at Camp Nou but this time Alisson knew it was coming and casually just plucked it out of the top corner. It helped that this one didn’t deflect off the shoulder of Joe Gomez. Messi may as well not have bothered going back on that decision to retire from internationals. I feel bad for him to be honest, as every time he doesn’t win a tournament all the Ronaldo fanboys are running around with their little cocks out talking about the “GOAT”. Let's get the right. Ronaldo is not a better footballer than Messi. He just isn’t. It’s not even worthy of discussion. There’s no comparison. He will end up with the more impressive career statistically, but in terms of who is the better footballer this shouldn't even be a discussion. Messi is on a different planet to anybody who has ever played the game with the exception of Maradona. Ronaldo is an exceptional talent with an unparalleled dedication and single mindedness to being great. He’s made himself what he is and he deserves massive credit for it, despite him being a massive tit. He’s one of the greatest players of all time, a ruthless goalscoring machine and a serial winner. But don’t be telling me that him winning stuff with Portugal makes him a better player than Messi. That’s like arguing that Nicky Butt is better than Stevie because he won more titles. Have you seen Messi’s supporting cast with Argentina? It’s fucking GARBAGE. Portugal aren’t full of superstars either, but all I’m saying is if you put Ronaldo in that Argie team they still wouldn’t win shit. And let's not forger that Portugal actually won a final without Ronaldo. I’m getting fed up of seeing hot takes about Messi not being all that (the word 'fraud' is actually being thrown around by some) because ‘he’ lost 4-0 at Anfield and because Argentina are shit. Messi was actually sensational in that game at Anfield. We’ve played against Ronaldo loads of times and although you’ve always got to be concerned about him, he’s never really scared me (Lovren had him in his pocket in the final last year and I’m not even joking). With Messi though, every time he got the ball my arse went. He’s incredible. Wednesday Jul 3: Fuck me, that Ayoze Perez loser is on the verge of joining Leicester for £30m. Brendan has gone full Brendan on this one. Bet Michael Edwards is sitting back laughing his cock off. He’ll be texting Henry and Werner and saying “He’s still at it. Told you those all those shit ones weren’t on me lolz”. It’s another kick in the balls for the Newcastle fans though. I’m almost beginning to feel bad for them. Almost. So I read today that the guy who created the FFP rules for UEFA is now head of finance at Man City. They headhunted him. Can’t think why. I mean, it’s almost like they’re looking for loopholes or something. Shower of cheating cunts. Hopefully they get what’s coming to them one day. Seen the above pic of Ox on his instagram. The old 'ecru' away jersey eh? I love all that, I always remember Djibril Cisse being pictured getting out of his hummer in town and he was rocking a silver 80s away jersey. Not the knock off, no brand name one the club sell, but the real thing (he must have got on eBay or something, which makes it even more endearing). Ox wasn’t wearing an original, but it’s still class that he’s on his hols and he’s wearing retro Liverpool shirts. Mind you, the last time this happened was Coutinho when he went back to Brazil and took a load of shirts for his mates. They were all playing five a side in them and then a few weeks later he was on strike trying to force his way out. Had to laugh today at a tweet by Ryan Babel in reply to an article that claimed Rafa hadn’t gone to China for the money. He just said “lol”. I saw it and thought “uh-oh, I daren’t look at the replies”. Sure enough, ‘the Rafia’ came after him. You know the sort, those Reds who just can’t sit by and let any perceived sleight against him go unanswered. They must have some kind of bat signal that goes off above their house any time someone takes a shot at him. It's proper weird. Is there anyone who genuinely thinks Rafa hasn’t gone to China for the cash? He shouldn’t be criticised for it but equally nobody should be feeling the need to make excuses on his behalf either. Like I said yesterday, he’s earned the right to take that massive payday so good luck to him. Babel didn’t even criticise the decision, he just mocked the ludicrous notion that it wasn’t about money. Thursday Jul 4: Lampard is officially named as Chelsea boss. Presumably they’re already planning their next move for when this goes tits up. It’s a smart appointment though. No top manager is going to touch them with a transfer ban in place and having sold their best player, but by bringing in someone who the fans love they’re buying themselves a bit of time and goodwill. It’s not going to end well for Lampard, but if he brings through a few of their talented kids then Chelsea might do well out of it a couple of years down the line. I’m all for this ‘top clubs giving former fan favourites the manager’s jobs though’. Quite like the idea of ‘Merse’ taking over at Arsenal and City bringing in Shaun Goater to replace Pep when he fucks off after the FFP punishments are laid down. Speaking of FFP. Atletico Madrid have just signed 19 year old Joao Felix from Benfica for, wait for it, £113m. There has to be something dodgy about that, surely? Genuinely blown away by that. He’s meant to be boss and all the top clubs have been looking at him, but who pays that kind of money for a relatively unproven teenager? Footy is off it’s fucking head at the moment. Friday Jul 5: Lots of talk today that Barca are getting Neymar and Griezemann, and that would spell curtains for a certain goofy Uruguayan. Firstly, I reckon it’s bollocks. They might get one of them, but I don’t see any way they get both, not when they’ve got a dilapidated stadium to pay for. Camp Nou is just like a giant Goodison these days. Hypothetically though, if they were looking to offload Suarez, what an opportunity that is for us. He’s not quite the player he was when he left but he’d still be fucking phenomenal as that fourth match winner we need. He could rotate with the front three and play any of those roles. Would it upset the harmony of the squad? Possibly but I doubt it, as he’s always been a great team-mate who was liked by everyone. No reason he couldn’t slot right into that little South American crew with the Brazilians. Obviously my judgement is a little clouded here as I’d say he’s the best player I’ve ever seen for us, but it’s not even about that. If he had never even played for us and a player like him came on the market I’d be all over it because he’s exactly what we need. An experienced pro, world class quality and still got a few years left in the tank. He’d provide a lot of the things Milner brings, although I wouldn’t compare the two directly as it would be insulting to Big Games James, who has always kept his nose clean and doesn’t have the kind of baggage Suarez brings. In short though, I’d be all over this because we’re not in a desperate situation where we’d be looking to bring him in as the saviour. He'd be a nice little piece to the puzzle, not the entire fucking jigsaw as he was in the past. It would need to be on our terms and he’d need to buy in. I feel as though it’s all moot anyway as the likelihood of all of those bricks falling into place is virtually non-existent, but there’s not much else going on today so I’m just spitballing. I actually think I might be in the minority on this one though, mainly because loads of you are fucking mental and can really hold a grudge! and that was the week that was…