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I'd like to see the first time British troops landed at New Zealand. The Maoris would have been doing all their Haka shite in an attempt to scare the newcomers - but obviously would have never seen a gun in action. Then some 17-year-old drummer boy called Jack Flannagan has lit the chief's arse up with a musket and they've all scarpered quick style. Top quality viewing IMO.

Fernando Torres: I'm in debt to Rafa Benitez Jul 1 2009 by James Pearce, Liverpool Echo FERNANDO TORRES today saluted manager Rafa Benitez for turning him into the most feared striker in the world. The prolific 25-year-old believes the Reds boss deserves a great deal of credit for his heroics since his £20million move from Atletico Madrid two years ago. Torres’ 84 appearances for the Reds have yielded 50 goals and he signalled his commitment to the cause by signing an improved contract towards the end of last season. He said: “Rafa concentrates on the professional side of things. He tries to improve every minor detail and movement you carry out during the course of a game, and he also explains the reasons behind his decisions. “He’s obsessed that you understand what you are doing and why. He’s not happy that you do things just because he tells you that something has to be done. “He says: ‘Do it like this. Do you understand why you are being told to do so? No? We’ll go through it again then’. “I remember when I signed for the club people were questioning me as a goalscorer. I received criticism because I wasn’t getting goals. “The first thing he told me was that I was signed to score goals. Benitez is adamant that I live in the area because that’s where you get goals. That was the first thing he told me, the wing is for the wingers, and that the striker should be focused on the two rival centre-backs. “The Spain team play very differently, we have to be constantly on the move. In England I have to draw the centre-back out of place so that Steve Gerrard can burst through.” Torres’ gruelling campaign has finally ended following his heroics for Spain in the Confederations Cup in South Africa. He will now take a well earned break but he is already relishing the chance to return to Merseyside for pre-season later this month. Torres admits he is happier both on and off the pitch since making the switch from Atletico in 2007. “The way I view things has changed a lot in the last two years,” he revealed. “Since I joined Liverpool I have enjoyed my time a lot more. “I am no longer carrying all the responsibility I shouldered from my time at Atletico Madrid. “I was the captain and a supporter at the same time, and the combination was unbearable. “In Liverpool my quality of life has improved. I can do things here that would be unthinkable in Madrid. “It was as if having come from Madrid meant that I would have everything I needed to be happy, but was nothing like that. “Madrid was killing me. I couldn’t go to the cinema, shopping; the team weren’t doing well, it was a constant anguish. “Here it’s the opposite. You get used to winning, you can go out and about, the people on the street respect your privacy.” Meanwhile, reports in Italy suggest Juventus have re-entered the race to sign Xabi Alonso.