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For the benefit of new forumites: It has been alluded to on another thread that the GF can be a daunting, hostile environment for those new members hoping to dip a toe in the forum waters. Here is Auntie SKI’s guide to staying safe and contented during your visit to our online community. 1. The General Forum This is a General forum, where you are free to discuss any topic you wish apart from f**tball. Any person wanting to discuss f**tball, or indeed anything f**tball-related, should post on the f**tball forum. Any member breaching rule #1 will find themselves on the receiving end of one of these Which may ultimately result in your being rendered “a massive tool”. 2. Text Speak Text Speak will not be tolerated. Nor will internet acronyms such as ‘lol’ or ‘lmao’. Correct grammar and punctuation must always be used to the best of your ability. Some members may feel this rule to be somewhat austere, but that’s just how we roll. If you refuse to adhere, you’ll soon find yourself the proud owner of a one-way ticket to Massive Toolsville. 3. Reputation A post which is deemed funny, clever, interesting, etc will earn you ‘rep’ from other members. The higher the repper’s ‘rep power’, the more points you (the reppee) will earn, thus increasing your own ‘rep power’. Conversely, if you are rude, mention f**tball, or state a longing to shag Liz MacDonald off Corrie, you will be negged, which will result in a loss of rep points. An exception to this rule is Nick “The Neg” Leeson, who will neg indiscriminately. Use of “revenge negs” is generally frowned upon, apart from the aforementioned Leeson. 4. Cliques The GF is often accused of being “cliquey”, but apart from a couple of longstanding feuds, most forumites get along quite happily. Even Flying Pig and Lurtzy are now firm friends, proving that even the most aggressive of spats can be overcome. There are a number of forumites who regularly refer to each other as “douchebags”. At first reading, it may appear that these members do not get along. On the contrary, they actually meet every Thursday to play with each other, and harbour desires to penetrate each other’s poo holes with their willies. They will however take any opportunity to rip each other in shocking displays of homoeroticism reaching levels that have not been witnessed since ‘Top Gun’, ‘Brokeback Mountain’ and ‘My Beautiful Laundrette’ were shown in a triple bill at the Slough Palais in May 2007. 5. Donations You’ve probably seen adverts on the TV, telling you that just £2 a month could save a poor African child from dying. Let’s face facts. There are about 1 billion of those hungry fuckers. Your 2 quid isn’t going to go very far is it? And we all know that if we close our eyes to the horrors of starving African kids the entire problem just goes away anyway. A far more worthy cause is the purchase of a TLW season ticket, which will buy you a GOLD membership and afford you such luxuries as a GOLD username, entry to a permanently empty chatroom, arcade games, and most importantly – the ability to neg Lesson. Buy one today! 6. Tits and Minge Whilst the posting of naked females is encouraged, please be kind enough to use NSFW (Not Safe For Work) tags. I for one do not want to have to tell my children that we have been evicted after I’ve been sacked for unwittingly perusing an image of Lily Allen’s clout during office hours. Thanking you kindly. 7. Tom R It is my sad duty to inform you that if you have any female relatives, they have been bummed by Tom R. At the time of writing, I am the only female in the northern hemisphere who has not known the wonder of Tom in either front or rear passages. However, my mother (and also his own) will give testament to his sexual prowess. This is by no means a definitive list, and any other forumites wishing to add their own contribution will be welcomed. Happy GFing!