Search the Community

Little wonder Jamie Carragher retired early. Read this and weep. Gerrard and Lampard's latest lesson in mediocrity must be learned by Capello In the wake of England's flattering win over Kazakhstan, one fact remains: Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard just don't work together. Get over it Fabio Capello may like his sponsored Zeroh+ glasses but, as Michael Owen would tell you, in his day job he does not seem to care for designer goods. Or so we thought. One of the most appealing aspects of Capello's appointment was the assumption that he would have no time for England's so-called galacticos, a particular relief given Steve McClaren's reductive and cringeworthy mateyness towards the like of "Stevie G" and "Lamps". Yet it seems that Capello is as much in thrall to those two as the rest of the world coaching fraternity has been since they finished second and third in the Ballon d'Or in 2005. While Capello's decision to reinstate the fit-again Gerrard for today's game against Kazakhstan, the most laughably inept 5-1 win you will ever see, was just about explicable, the decision to Play-Doh a formation that had just produced a 4-1 victory in Croatia to accommodate these two charlatans was bewildering. As a consequence England were so limited going forward that, having been cheered on to the pitch in an atmosphere so euphoric that it felt only a naff pop song away from Euro 96, they were booed off at half-time as the vicious circle of offensive witlessness that defines English football kicked in again. It's clear that, if Gerrard and Lampard are to work, it will be in a 4-3-3 formation, as envisaged by Jose Mourinho when he tried to buy Gerrard. But this is unlikely given their limited technical ability and incessant mediocrity at international level and, when it means compromising England's one world-class attacking talent – the still criminally underrated Wayne Rooney – it is impossible to justify. And when England changed to 4-4-2 in the second half they scored five. Like, duh! Rooney played exquisitely in Croatia just off Emile Heskey; how must he have felt when he was shunted to an inside-left role to make room for inferior players. It meant that, at times, he was 30 yards from Emile Heskey and even further from Theo Walcott, with whom he had linked so encouragingly in last month's victory. In the first half, the ITV commentator David Pleat even called Rooney "Mr Versatility", which is a wretched indictment of what this natural-born No10 has become. It's easy to say he often plays left for Manchester United too, but there are significant differences: the system is infinitely more fluid and, crucially, Rooney plays there to partly accommodate an even greater talent in Cristiano Ronaldo, not two jokers who, though supposedly attacking midfielders of the highest calibre, have scored 27 goals in 134 internationals. In modern times, That compares very unfavourably to the records of David Platt (27 in 68) and Bryan Robson (26 in 90, and a significant defensive-midfield presence as well). They have already seen off one technically superior player in Paul Scholes, who was absurdly moved to the left side of midfield during Euro 2004 and promptly retired in a justifiable funk; it would be criminal if they impacted upon Rooney's international career as well. Everyone knows that, at club level, Gerrard and Lampard are very good players. We continue to wait for them to produce internationally. The story is old, I know, but it goes on. It's also incredibly tedious. Not since the Gold Blend adverts has a nation invested so much time in a will-they-won't-they couple. But it's time to wake up and smell the coffee. There is an overwhelming body of evidence to suggest they simply cannot deliver at international level. Lampard's best game for England in ages was against Croatia, when Gerrard was missing. One says potato, the other says potatto. They just don't work together. Get over it. It will be instructive to see what Capello does when Joe Cole is fit again, which should logically force him into choosing one or the other of Gerrard and Lampard. Yet the suspicion remains that he will do whatever it takes to fit these two into the team. Frankly, it's time Capello viewed them through different glasses.