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  1. Some of you uneducated fucks might see Deep Impact as the film that succeeded where Armageddon failed. A film so Deep in it's emotional Impact that it tears the heart from Michael Bay's finest hour, and in short a more ponderous, thoughtful and grounded narrative of global doom. Well if you think that you're wrong. And this is why. - Armageddon has Aerosmith singing the finest rock and roll ballad ever - Armageddon stars Bruce Willis as the best driller in the world who trains to be the world's greatest Astronaut in six weeks - Deep Impact stars Tea Leonie as the world's worst news anchor ever - Armageddon has Michael Bay AS DIRECTOR! - Fuckin' NEEEEOWWWW - Armageddon stars Ben Affleck at the peak of his awesome - Deep Impact features a black American President (As if...) - Armageddon stars Steve Buscemi as a space crazy astronaut, playing bucking bronco on a nuclear warhead in the middle of a meteor - In Deep Impact America doesn't save the world. I mean how unrealistic is that? - In Deep Impact Jon Faverau dies - buzzkill - Armageddon features an A-list medley of the John Denver classic "Leavin' on a Jetplane" - Deep Impact is a series American failures. Not realistic and not box office - Steve Buscemi's name in Armageddon is "Rockhound" - Tea Leonie cries all the fucking time. Shut up bitch and help out by learning karate or something. - In Deep Impact everyone runs and hides in a mountain. Well, I'm hear to tell you something. This is red, white and blue and these colours don't run. - Ben Affleck uses the line "We all gotta die, right. I'm the one who gets to do it savin' the world" - Armageddon's spacial effects and zoomy noise sound effects are way better - The demonising of the meteor is way better in Armageddon. - Deep Impact makes me want to eat my own shit - Armageddon has a Ben Affleck/Liv Tyler love scene serenaded by Aerosmith - Deep Impact has a pre-Rings Frodo who doesn't save shit. - Deep Impact has virtually no discernible jingoism, or casual racism. - Armageddon makes me cry - Armageddon his the line "Yo, Harry. You the man." - Deep Impact stars Robert Duvall as an asshole who no-one respects - Deep Impact does not have Jeff Goldblum or Steve Guttenberg or Steven Seagal In conclusion Armageddon is the greatest movie ever made.
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