Fowler1972

That would be good advice if it wasn’t coming from someone whose wife can’t obviously stand him.

She phoned me tonight from Cyprus to remind me to put the bins out tomorrow evening. Hardly the behaviour of someone who can’t stand me.

Shit night out in Wakefield Trinity last night then?!

No, it was a good night. The up is always followed by a down for me though.

Aldi, or Wakefield in general?

Wakefield never closes. It’s been known as the ‘Merry City’ for centuries.

Wow, really? Aldi in Wakefield? Fancy a pint?

Not tonight. I’m on the wagon. It closes at 8pm anyway (I think).

Have you tried looking at her?

I’ve just been researching her. She’s not terrible obviously but I’ve seen better working on the checkouts at my local Aldi Supermarket.

I don’t see the attraction.

Some of the shit on here is wrong. Not the place. Not fucking happy.

Agreed.

hard to know if that isn't a bit of trolling or whatever.... let's be clear only cunt around here is you... I'm happy to meet you and tell you that face to face you fucking cock...

I feel I should start a shit thread so you can all turn on me instead of each other. This is a very emotive subject and not the place for some of this nonsense.

So either £1200 a year or £2400 depending on how good looking she is?

 

I'll make a note.

I’m sure you could pull a stripper without resorting to the income card. Just be as witty, engaging and intelligent as you are on here. They’ll love you.

It also helps if you write a shit blog full of the kind of nonsense women like.

How many days a year do you tell her that you earn this?

Either two or four depending on how attractive she is.

I reckon you should make your next blog about how you manage to pull with a boat race like this.

Make it a step by step self help guide on how to get laid.

 

As long as it doesn't involve whispering into strippers ears that you get paid £600 a day then it might actually be helpful.

The first lesson is that women, a lot of them anyway, see things differently to men. It’s not an exact science but don’t tell a gorgeous woman how attractive she is, she knows that already. Tell her you like talking to her and that you find her interesting.

 

On the flip side tell a decently attractive woman that she’s gorgeous. It’s what she wants to hear.

 

Never talk to any woman who isn’t the best looking female in the room first.

 

Try and have a proper conversation.

 

Ask questions.

 

Listen.

 

Sexualise the conversation reasonably quickly, without being sleazy, to avoid being friend zoned (I get this wrong a lot).

 

If none of this works tell her you earn £600 a day.

 

Hope this helps.

Why would anyone want to do any of that?

Sport.

I’ve been writing a list of things that make me happy today. Mainly because I’ve not been happy today. It’ll be my next blog post.

 

Be warned.

 

You will all detest every word.

You will consider it narcissistic.

You will want to use swear words to describe the post and me.

You will demand this thread be deleted and I be banned from the forum.

You will feel the need to provide me with advice on a range of topics including; relationships, drinking, work, mental health and forum etiquette.

You will spell my name wrong.

You will check up on all my other social media platforms to find evidence of my cuntery.

You will spend hours going back over all my other posts to find out if I’ve contradicted myself anywhere.

You will tell me ‘you’re not reading this shit’. Usually after you’ve already read it.

 

Roll on tomorrow.

You don’t have to protect our innocence with euphemisms, Phil, escorts/strippers who offer extras aren’t exactly hen’s teeth.

There’s no challenge in that though. It’s not about the physical act of sex.

One day I’ll share the story of going home with another stripper and our failed attempt to steal a horse on the way.

Did you get into a fight with an army chump too?

No, I’m not the fighting kind. Not something that’s been helpful going out in Wakefield down the years.

Even Simon's fantasies had more credence.

One man’s fantasy is another man’s reality.

I'm certain I don't know

I’ve no clue either.

I'll do it for free if I can have a few goes on your gardener.

Apparently she’s not that nice. I’m sure you can do better.

How about you write a blog post on your great night out last night with your mate and how you consistently avoided talking to any women.

It didn’t quite go according to plan. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

NV is on more than £600 a day! wtf is going on....

He deserves it.

I already have a better paying job than you, so I'm not convinced you're going to be able to afford me.

I wasn’t talking monetary compensation. I thought I could pay you in some slices of my famous toast.

What is ‘the plan’?

To employ you as my editor and take the blogging world by storm.

I wish that was true. Caprice was her name. Amy was her real name. She was taller than me but shrunk when she got changed to come home with me. We went to the pie shop first but I didn’t have anything. She had pie. I phoned her to apologise when I got home and she had the radio on for some reason. She said I made her laugh. She must talk to some right dicks as I was basically incoherent.

 

I’ll put a word in for you if you like as I’m not doing that kind of thing anymore.