gkmacca

as glad as i am about that, i cant see any justification for it. if torres doesn't slow down to avoid being killed by BF, there's no covering defender, the defender only gets back because of the poor challenge.

Yes, I'm not sorry he's free to play the mancs, but I did think it was a clumsy enough challenge for a red. He protested that he couldn't move, but he knew what would happen - he was waiting to be hit!

Amazingly, when asked for his views on the designs, Slur Alex had no objections:

ZZzzzz....I cannae....so tired....whatever yuz wants...zzzzzz.

Just spoken to mank mate (well baited him really)

 

Apparently it's commemorative

 

Of what - 1822? What a disaster!

Okay, here's the news on our internationals, and, believe me, I find all of this as freakish as you lot will no doubt do: right, Wayne Rooney, unfortunately, has picked up the menopause - we're as baffled as you are about this, but apparently he caught it off some mature lady in Chester called Eileen McMuff. He's been given some cream but he's still complaining about hot flushes, dizzyness, ear ringing, all sorts, so I'm afraid he won't be joining the England lads. Neither will Rio Ferdinand, I'm afraid, who - I'm not making this up - has caught a labial infection on his mouth. Apparently, when he was four years old, he had an accident - we've had him checked out by our doctors to confirm this, and studied his medical records - and his mouth had to be replaced by a lady's labia after another kid smashed his face in. So he's out for, er, a week and a half. Berbatov, he's been diagnosed with narcolepsy, so he's out, too, as is Ronaldo, who pulled a disc in his back trying to kiss himself a couple of days ago. Tevez had bitten another dog, so that's him done for a week or so until the shots kick in - Tevez isn't feeling too well either, but he'll be back in training next week - and Michael Carrick was injured when I fell on him this morning. Ben Foster may or may not be growing backwards - one of our doctors saw this Tom Hanks movie at the weekend and told me he'd like to keep Ben at our training ground for a week or so just to make sure he doesn't go the same way, because he looks a wee bit like the Hanks lad. On a positive note, John O'Shea is probably okay for a fifteen minute run-out - and we'll be timing it - and Ji Sun Park can play for as long as they like, if not longer. That's you up to date. Bye!

I thought it was the nickname of Stoke City's manager.

he's able to shoot from distance with both feet.

He'd fall backwards.

He's on drugs you know.

 

Sells them to kids as well.

His doorbell is a recording of the Velvet Underground's entire first album. By the time it's finished you wake up wearing pink shorts and with a strange craving for breakfast cereal. Then he finally opens the door. He's evil.

Jingle-jangle, heh heh heh, now then, now then, here's the run down again from ten to one:

At 10: Robbie Savage & The Graham Poll Singers with 'Love Me, Love My Log'

At 9: Robin Van Persie with 'Love Me, I've Just killed Your Dog'

At 8: Igor Biscan and Fatboy Slim with 'You've Cum a Long Way, Baby'

At 7: Arsene Wenger & MC Hammer with 'Can't See This'

At 6: Harry Redknapp with 'Is This the Way to Bait Capello?'

At 5: Cesc Fabregas with 'Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Spitini'

At 4: Wayne Rooney & the St Winifred's School Choir with 'Grandma'

At 3:Gary Neville & Beck with 'Loser'

At 2:Cristiano Ronaldo with 'I Fall at Your Feet'

And at Number one - oh-oh-ohaohaohaohaooooo! - it's:

Slur Alex Ferguson with 'Red Red Whine'

He should look at Alonso - a poor season by his standards, and then back with a brilliant attitude and pretty much top form. If Agger thinks he's good enough to keep Skittles out the side, he needs to get his head down and earn his chance (and take it). If he thinks Skittles (or Carra) is too good for him to replace then he should stop sounding as if the club's being unfair and just accept it and move on. I think he's a wonderfully classy player and I really hope he stays, but this posturing is getting tiresome. Keane had far more reason to complain than he has.

Because some idiot called him a bottler I seem to remember. Do you think he phones in every radio station who criticizes his game?

I was walking past a building site this morning, and I was sure I heard Carra on the radio really laying into Terry Wogan. Really screaming and shouting he was. It turned out to be a single by the Bee Gees.

he's missing a chromosome.

Jason McAteer took it and had the osome re-plated in gold.

 

 

He had two friggin grannies....

He had three of Stephen Ireland's.:(

I'd prefer the mancs to win simply because it means another distraction for them. If the bluenoses go through it won't really register because I won't watch the final anyway. The dream result would be an incredibly brutal match with several sendings off and some mancs crocked for the run-in.

The lack of consistency as to what is and isn't relevant video evidence when the ref didn't see it at the time is laughable. They seem to make it up as it suits them.

A Text Book Guide to Arselicking.

Number 45: 'The Hodgson' - a crafty move, this, that involves positioning the head near the arse but appearing completely uninterested, and then quickly slipping the tongue in just to show you still care.

Let's see a demonstration by the master himself:

""My only interest is Fulham and trying to win matches. I can assure all Manchester United fans, and certainly my friend Sir Alex Ferguson, that we'll be working every bit as hard, and trying every bit as hard, to beat Liverpool and Chelsea."

Hodgson: Fulham can help out United | Liverpool | English Premier League | Football News from TEAMtalk

my ma was still wiping my arse the last time we won the league,maybe i'll get her to resume this action??

Nah, it'll probably be your kids.

OK, now, reaching up a little bit higher...It's very warm...and moist...I think

it is your...liver? No?

OK, you wear that kind of tie from now on, OK? Now we move on to the question of collars. You know my ideas?

Allardyce, having reached the final of the 'Imitate Hitler 2009' contest, suddenly regrets shaving off his moustache.

I'm having your sandwiches, too, loser!

Er, hello? Yes, is that Homebase? I'd like to order some office furniture- you're who? "Finn Eel and Crystal Awnings"?? Is this a country and western station? Say what?? You've spoken to who? GEORGE BUSH??? That old man ain't authorised any more! He said how many? Did he indeed! Okay, well, I say 40. Yup, you heard me. F.O.R.T.Y. FORTY!!! And that's official! Now will you please put me through to Homebase?

Okay, scratch that. I'm gonna go for 12. He's cracked 12 times. Ten plus three. Is that okay? Can I go now? Hello...?

Arsene, how many times did you see him crack up?

 

Sammy Lee, stop taking my picture without my permission, you naughty man, you! I am not playing this silly game!