Son of L8

Can't shift that cunt Smith for the life of us, can we? He's something else.

400 was the bare minimum ask after the position Malan and Bairstow got us into overnight. We got it, but just barely, so that turned out to be a bit shit. There was a real chance there to put an imposing score on and heap the pressure on the Aussies, and we chucked it away.

Still, if you'd offered us 400 after losing Cook and Root we'd have bitten your hand off. Just need to bowl really well here, as it's a great wicket to score on.

Haha, shot Broad!

Fucks sake!

Rubbish that from Ali.

They're really going through the gears now. Some beautiful batting.

Hundred up for Johnny. Cracking innings!

I went to sleep at tea, sounds like I missed some class batting. Potential to get into a quite good position from here... I'm sure we'll collapse like a house of cards at some point, but a glimmer of hope showing!

The commentators here don't agree either. Harsh call.

He hasn't even looked at it properly. He said there was a noise "as it passed the gloves", plural, but you can't even see the gloves or the ball on the RTS recording to tell what made the noise!

He's made an absolute howler there. Fair enough if he'd considered the question and then decided out, but he hasn't even asked himself the right question.

Fuck off with that review! No chance that was enough evidence to overturn an on-field not-out. Never.

Shit umpiring by Aleem Dar.

Fucksticks. Root caught down the leg side, embarrassing dismissal.

Stoneman vulnerable, and the Aussie quicks with their tails up. This needs steadying sharpish.

Stupid fucking shot Moeen.

Right, well I'm off to bed then.

102-5. We're fucked. A right old shit-show is this.

It's midnight here, think I'm off to sleep instead of watching us head for an innings defeat.

... when youre well out of nick, do you really want to play that shot before you've faced ten balls?

Good batting performance, but we did make that too easy on them at times. Looks like lots of cloud cover heading this way, so it might be a bit tricky getting through the first few overs. Should still win this comfortably, but the bowling wasn't up to the required standard. A better batting team would have really punished us in those last ten overs with so many wickets in hand.

Loads of Bangladeshi lads around this part of the ground, so it's raucous and a good laugh.

Lovely day for the cricket.

Cook basically needs to step down or get pushed now. He's obviously tottering on the edge of going, and therefore the odds of him captaining the next Ashes series are effectively nil. If he clung on now, it'd still be over by the end of the summer anyway and its obviously going to be Root, so Root needs to be given the series against the Saffers and Windies to get his head into the job and get some experience before captaining against Australia. Dithering around like a bunch of fannies and then changing captains in the middle or late in the summer would be utterly typical of the fucking ECB, and would hamstring us for the next Ashes. It can't happen, so change it up now while there's a long transition period available before the summer starts.

Tuned in after an hour and we're 27-2. Normal service, then...

Should have been 27-3, too.

And he's got his 50 on debut, in no easy conditions. Well played.

Pretty good start to the batting in this one. Jennings had some nervy moments, but he's settling down now and hit a few lovely shots. Driving well through the off side.

65-0.

England win the toss and finish the first session 87-4. Some good bowling, plenty in the pitch, but some shit batting as well.

I used to do a boss pasta in an oil and garlic sauce with anchovies and broccoli. Bit of pecorino on top. Might have to go hunt some anchovies up and do that again this week as it was brilliant when you're craving salty food.

"did that come across as natural, or...?"

Brilliant

Foreign drink!? Its a cup of milky tea!

Madness on here. Pure madness.

Bet my single-sausage breakfast is looking pretty good in comparison.

Enjoyed one of these this morning in London for a fiver. Lacking in the absence of fried tomato and black pudding, but otherwise not bad at all.