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... not including decapitation. This afternoon, after enjoying a fine Sunday Lunch, myself, Mrs Madstock and Mini-mini Madstockess decamped to our local playing fields. Of course, as the ******** season has now started it was the perfect opportunity for me to show off my silky skills with a ball. (The 7-year old daughter thinks I am some sort of modern-day Cruyff.). Anyhow, after a brief bout of ball-juggling, I hoisted it up in the air and executed a perfect scissors-kick, which sent the ball flying into the top-right hand corner of the net, but left me writhing in agony on the floor, as I had "landed funny" on my "funny-bone". I had forgotten the extreme pain that can be had from landing on ones' elbow, however the more pressing situation involved getting the ball back from the bush. Alas we employed the "you kicked it, you fucking get it" rule (as opposed to the "You are the youngest - get it or I'll hit you"/"You are in goal - you get it"/"It's my ball - you get it or you can bugger off" varients). Unfortunately, the "bush" appeared to be a collection of brambles and blackberries that had taken up residence with stinging nettles, and had also invited thistles round for a lock-in; following "Bastard's Law" my right arm now looks like I am a plague victim. Rather than moaning like a bitch I immediately thought "Aha - A TLW thread", in that I had also forgotten how much stinging nettles hurt. The list so far is... Whacking the funny bone, Stinging nettles, I then thought of... Standing on a plug (the prongy bit) Standing on Lego Stubbing your toe. Learned ladies (yep, there are some now) and gentlemen of TLW - what other things have I forgotten about that really, really fucking hurt? (Not including decapitation).

Think we had this thread already but I'm Remmie and I want a new thread dagnammit. Nic Cage Brendan Fraser