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Regular listeners will be aware of the Noos fondness for the irreverent crank email to various celebrity chefs, celeb slags, and various plc's, blaming them for all sorts, and making frankly outrageous demands of them to put things right. As this place is usually fairly quiet of a Friday afternoon, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to fire off a crank email and see if you can illicit a response. Probably better not to do it from your work email unless you don't like working there. For inspiration, a format that usually works for me is to think of something, the more irrational the better, that pisses you off. You then apportion blame to a person or organisation, again using whichever tangiential logic suits, and you contact them via their website, post your message here and any response you get. The trick is not to rant or get abusive, but to put your case to them as to why whatever ill in the world it is you blame them for, why it is all their fault, and then make a wholly unreasonable and disproportionate demand of them to right the wrong. For example, on another thread I wrote to Hallmark cards demanding compensation because I didn't get laid after a buying a valentine card from them. To kill a few minutes now, I am writing to Lacoste and Lonsdale blaming them for chav culture and yob behaviour because they retail the clothing that these youths wear. I will be asking that in the name of Corporate Social Responsibility, they introduce a refined line of clothing to get kids wearing smoking jackets with cravates. Thus even the most ASBOic of antisocial miscreants will be more likely to be found quaffing a fine cognac and smoking a large cigar rather than stealing cars and beating up old people. For this idea, I am asking for £1.3million and a cap. If you hate people that use text speak, write to Vodaphone demanding they incorporate spellcheck, and send you some money. If it's people that drive inconsiderately, then clearly the DVLA owe you quite a large sum of compensation. Template: Pet hates - who's fault is it - send me money.

Just been having a read of the match thread, as I wasn't on here during the match and one name on there jumped. You posted quite a lot on that thread for someone who was at the match, were you surfing on your mobile instead of watching the live action in front of you?

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/blog/live/2017/jun/26/brexit-eu-nationals-theresa-may-to-meet-arlene-foster-in-hope-of-finalising-torydup-deal-politics-live So what now? Does this mean the Tories will cling on to power for the foreseeable future or will this set them back in the longrun?

Ok i nicked this from RAWK What you do is get any random LFC pictures and do your best on photoshop with them if you dont understand look at this for inspiration this will be the best thread you have ever seen on TLW i promise. Art Vandelay's Photoshop Thread.. and other wizards too! Check it out then have ago

Bit of a cheap shot, having a go at Tom Hicks. If I'd invested £100m in the club I'd expect a few tickets as well.

Last week booked flights for 5 days in Krakow with the Missus.Ryan air were doin free flights so only paid a grand total of £37 quid for both of us(taxes) Has anyone been?Any tips on best/Cheapest hotels.Things to do,places to go etc Gonna do Auszwitz while I am there - anyone done this

Runs the same, dribbles the same and plays the same way with pace. Anyone else noticed the same? That second goal was all Robben except Anderson is all right foot and Robben is all left. I'd like him to be sub right winger next season, well excited by this lad.

LIVERPOOL 2 Inter Milan 0 Report by Dave Usher at Anfield Scorer(s) – Dirk Kuyt, Steven GerrardHalf Time - 0-0 Venue - Anfield Date - Tuesday 19 February 2008 Star Man – Dirk Kuyt The sooner a European breakaway league is formed the better. We’d actually have a chance of winning that one, as there’s something about European competition that gives our players (and fans to be fair) an extra couple of gears. Inter Milan hadn’t lost any game for five months, they are miles ahead at the top of Serie A and they’ve got quality players all over the park and just as many on the bench. They got their arses handed to them last night though by a Liverpool side that couldn’t even beat Barnsley three days earlier. Of course I'm not serious about the European Super League, but it is immensely frustrating how we can play so well in Europe and so badly domestically. Losing to Barnsley and three days later beating Inter Milan? Rafa explained that one away by insisting the only difference was that we took two chances against Inter whereas we fluffed dozens of opening against Barnsley. That’s true, but the biggest difference was that we played with a high intensity against Inter from first minute to last, never letting the pace drop for a second and constantly looking to attack. If we did this in every game we wouldn’t be in the mess we are domestically. This was a brilliant performance, and a brilliant night. The support was fantastic, and the team matched them. I’d forgotten that football can actually be this pleasurable, as it’s a long time since I celebrated goals with as much emotion as last night. In fact, the last time would have been the Chelsea semi last season. Since then we’ve been on a downward spiral, on and off the field, lurching from one embarrassment to the next, culminating in the Barnsley debacle. But when the chips are down, the Champions League generally comes along to put the smiles back on our faces. Last season we went into a game at the Nou Camp in a state of disarray, and look what happened. So we shouldn’t be surprised by the performance against Inter. I’ll be honest, nothing would have surprised me last night, whether it be a convincing win or a humiliating defeat. I had no idea what would happen, but as kick off approached I’d convinced myself we were going to lose. Then I got into the ground just in time for YNWA, and I dismissed those fears immediately. This was going to be ‘one of those nights’. That was the best YNWA in a long, long time. It carried on, and on, and on, as the players lined up for the customary CL anthem and rituals it was still echoing around Anfield. I noticed Zanetti talking to whoever it was next to him in the line up, and you just know he was talking about the atmosphere. It was inspiring. In 2005 Juventus were blown away by the intenstity of the crowd and they were totally thrown off their game in the early stages. That didn’t happen to Inter, but only because we didn’t get an early goal. Inter never got into the game at all, they offered zero attacking threat, even when they had a full compliment of players. Of course, they were resolute in defence, especially the brilliant Ivan Cordoba. At times he held their backline together on his own, as the rest of them were petrified of the pace and determination of Torres and Gerrard. Chivu went into the book for pulling back Gerrard, and then Materazzi was yellow carded for bringing down Torres. I keep reading and hearing about how he was unfortunate with the first booking, but he wasn’t at all. The TV replays didn’t do it justice, but from where I was sat you could see it was a definite yellow card. It wasn’t the actual collision that was the problem, as that looked more like an innocent tangle of legs than anything more sinister. But when the two players both set off for the ball, I was right in line with them. Torres made a direct line for the ball, and Materazzi made a direct line for Torres. He ran away from the path of the ball and tried to cut off Torres’ run. He even put his arm across his chest to try and foul him. Torres was too quick though and brushed him off, and as he got in front of him there was a coming together and Torres went down. Had Materazzi ran towards the ball instead of the man it wouldn’t have happened (he’d have been skinned and Torres would have been away, which is why he tried to block him off), so the yellow card was correct as he knew what he was doing. That big tattoed jamook is just a red card waiting to happen, and I don’t think anyone will have been surprised when the blueshite hauled back Torres again and got his walking papers. I don’t actually think it helped us much at all, as from the moment he went off Inter pulled everyone back behind the ball and showed zero attacking intent. They weren’t actually showing much intent when they had a full compliment of players, but when Zidane’s buddy went off even Ibrahimovic was getting himself behind the ball to defend. In hindsight it may have been worthwhile sending Crouch on immediately, as they had no height in the backline without Materazzi and we didn’t need the extra body in midfield. The impact made by Crouch when he eventually came on was considerable to say the least. At the time though I wouldn’t have changed anything as we were playing well and in total command. We had chances too. Hyppia had a header tipped over the bar, Torres almost got on the end of a cross from Kuyt, and Gerrard got in behind following one of the best moves we’ve put together all season, but neither Torres nor Kuyt read his intentions and his ball across the box was cleared by Maicon. Kuyt shinned a volley straight at the keeper and Cordoba seemed to be the only thing standing between us and a comfortable victory. It was tough against the ten men though, especially when they are a well oiled Italian defensive machine. It’s difficult enough breaking down the likes of Birmingham when they are camped in their own half, so even though we had a man advantage we still had our work cut out against some of the finest exponents of the defensive arts in world football. At half time I was happy enough though, even if we hadn’t scored. We’d played well and at a very high tempo, and as long as we remained patient and stuck at it surely we’d get our reward? I was surprised that Inter didn’t make a change as soon as they went down to ten, but it was clear at half time that Vieira was going to be introduced sooner rather than later. It happened early in the second half, and unsurprisingly, it was Julio Cruz to make way. We played really well in the second half, once again our lack of confidence in front of goal threatened to undermine everything we were doing well. We had to wait until very late on to finally make the breakthrough, but with a bit more composure and luck we could have been in front much earlier. Hyypia headed over from a cross by Kuyt when he looked like he should have done better, but having seen the replay he was nudged slightly from behind by Cambiasso just as he made contact with the ball, so I don’t think he could have done much more in fairness. The same goes for Torres. He had a one on one with the keeper after a fortunate ricochet had sent him clear. You can argue he should have scored, but Torres put that ball exactly where he wanted to put it. The problem was the keeper made a stunning save with his fingertips to send the ball just wide of the post. It was going right in the corner, which is all you can ask of the forward in my opinion. I say it was a fortunate ricochet that put him clear, and it was. But that ricochet only happened because of the work rate and determination of Dirk Kuyt. He made a block in the middle of the park and the ball fell kindly for Torres, but if Dirk hadn’t been in there closing people down the chance wouldn’t have came about. It summed up the Dutchman’s performance, he was inspirational. He’s been shocking for most of the season, and I’ll admit I wouldn’t have selected him for this game. He justified Benitez’s faith though and then some. Even without his goal I’d have been praising him, as he played very well. His touch – so often his biggest weakness – was excellent all night. The ball stuck to him, he showed a nice trick or two and he linked up well with the likes of Torres, Gerrard and Finnan. I’m sure there are many who would have brought him off when Pennant was about to be sent on. I probably would have myself, although when I saw Babel’s number go up I didn’t have a problem with it. Babel had been lively in the first half, but didn’t do much after the break whereas Kuyt seemed to get more involved the longer the game went on. Rafa was proved right on this one. Crouch had earlier been introduced in place of the neat and tidy Lucas, and that change meant Dirk’s role in the side changed slightly as he went from playing as a right sided forward to n out and out winger. His movement was fantastic throughout, but especially after Crouch had been introduced. He was always on the move, pulling defenders out of position and creating space for the overlapping Finnan. When Pennant came on, Dirk switched to the left, and he was even more effective. One piece of skill and turn on the touchline that left Maicon for dead was exquisite. He’s had his critics this season, justifiably so, but it’s nice to be able to praise him as if there’s any footballer I’d love to see succeed it’s Dirk Kuyt. His moment arrived when Pennant swung a ball in that went over Crouch and fell to him at the far post. He brought it down and hit a shot into the ground that appeared to clip a defender as it flew over the keeper into the net. Anfield went berserk in a manner we haven’t seen all season. This goal meant so much to everyone, most of all the scorer. He’d gotten lucky, no doubt about it, but he deserved that luck after all he’s been through. Crouch was a factor in the goal, as even though he didn’t get on the end of the cross it was his presence that caused the problem for the defence. Every ball that went into the box caused problems in fact, as Crouch was winning headers as you’d expect, but was also able to bring the ball down on his chest on numerous occasions and get shots in. He should have scored when the game was still goalless, when he scewed a volley just wide from 18 yards. That incident was arguably the game’s main turning point, as it saw Cordoba twist his knee as he fell awkwardly and he had to leave the field. Without him, their defence looked very vulnerable. He’s a cracking little player, and I love those short arse South American defenders who take no prisoners and just defend like their lives depend on it. The likes of Montero, Ayala and Cordoba prove that you don’t need to be six foot plus to be a great centre half. Having said that, they’d find it difficult playing over here, especially against people like Crouch. With Cordoba gone, Inter’s defence wobbled. When the goal finally came, I looked at the clock and thought we could easily get another as there was enough time and they were well and truly on the ropes. We’d worn them down by keeping the ball and switching it from side to side and making them chase. We’d kept our patience well, and it paid off late on as they tired. Mind you, we wouldn’t have had to wait that long for the breakthrough had the referee and his assistant spotted the most blatant of handballs by Vieira. We’d had a few handball shouts prior to that, none of which I thought we had a case with. It’s funny seeing Carra going absolutely nuts at the ref screaming for a penalty when he’s gotten away with three or four far worse ones this season! The Vieira one though, well that was just a stonewall pen and it’s outrageous we didn’t get it. Gerrard had beaten him, and he stopped the ball with both his hands. He shouldn’t have even had his hands up so high, and I can’t believe he got away with it. I don’t blame the ref so much as he was watching the incident from behind and may not have seen it clearly. The linesman though had the same view that I – and half of the Main Stand, Paddock and Kop - did, except he was closer than all of us. Lucky enough, we scored twice so it didn’t prove to be that crucial, but that linesman really needs to take a look at himself after that. It was looking as though we’d have to settle for just the 1-0, and I’m sure we’d all have been happy enough with that. Gerrard had other ideas though, producing a perfect low drive from the corner of the box that found the net via the inside of the post. It was a great strike, and capped a superb performance from the captain. He was outstanding, especially when he was switched to his more orthodox central midfield berth when Crouch came on. He wasn’t alone though, as I thought everyone really shone. Pepe had nothing to do, and it was one of the easiest games he’s had all season. The back four defended very well, whilst Finnan especially got forward and was more like his old self than he has been in recent months. In midfield, Mascherano was just fucking immense yet again. His passing is much better than he’s given credit for, and he distributes the ball quickly which helped us against the ten men when we needed to stretch the play by using the flanks. He was always there for a return pass, and he kept things ticking over very efficiently. It’s without the ball that he really comes into his own though. There’s no finer sight in football for me these days than seeing Mascherano chasing someone down and just taking the ball off them with ease. One piece of play summed him up perfectly. His compatriot Zanetti produced some brilliant skill to get away from him in the centre circle, but Mascherano chased him down, caught up with and just bullied him off the ball. I love Mascherano, he’s my favourite player right now and fast on his way to becoming my all time favourite. His attitude is fantastic, and I love watching him play. I can’t wait until he finally scores, the roof will come off the place when that happens. Mascherano was probably our best player on the night, but I’m giving Kuyt the star man as he’s been through a lot but never stopped trying. He deserved the success he had in this game, and I’d love nothing better than for him to kick on from this and rediscover the form that made him so idolised back in Holland. I’ve got serious doubts as to whether that will happen, but nothing would give me greater pleasure as he's a top fella. This was a truly great result given the respective positions of both sides, but it is only half the job done. The key to progression is to score in the San Siro. If we do that, it’s all over as I don’t see us letting in four. Inter will be without their two first choice centre halves, and a case can be made for starting Crouch with Torres over there. I wouldn’t do it though, I’d play the same eleven that started this game (maybe with Alonso instead of Lucas) because I don’t think we’d be able to get enough of the ball to utilise Crouch fully. We won’t be camped in their half bombarding them with crosses like we were at Anfield, so I’d keep Crouch on the bench in case we need him. Torres is the key to the second leg. We saw how they struggled with his pace, and there will certainly be chances on the counter attack over there. Torres, Babel and Gerrard all have pace, and they could have some joy over there. We need a typically resolute defensive display, coupled with some incisive counter attacking and to ensure we take whatever chances come our way. I we do that, we’re in the hat for the next round, and no-one will want to play us. We know we have a lot of problems right now, but they can go on hold for a day or two. For now, let’s just bask in the glow of another brilliant European night at Anfield, because there isn’t another club in the country that can replicate it. Let's just hope they don't pay off the ref for the second leg... Team: Reina; Finnan, Carragher, Hyypia, Aurelio; Mascherano, Lucas (Crouch); Kuyt, Gerrard, Babel (Pennant); Torres:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/c/chelsea/6660485.stm Oh the lengths of PR and self obsession he goes to . . . .

I'm off to Haydock next week with a few of the lads and we were going to wear suits(sp) then go on a bender afterwards, will we look out of place in suits(sp) or not??

Everyone is going on about tomorrow's and rightly so, but we do have an equally important game tonight. So come on the kids...