Ron B

Dolly is great but her version of Stairway is not a patch on Led Zep’s original. Her only downside is that she wears the same size bra as Martin Samuel.

Clearly inaccurate. He’s 29.

I know I’ve told this story before, but… I used to be involved in a football-related charity that one year saw us bring a couple of guys over from El Salvador. It’s a dirt poor country (the Watford Gap service station had them wandering around in awe). We took them to a game at Anfield, and hung around the stadium afterwards. And by pure chance, we bumped into Rodgers (he was manager at the time) just getting into his car. We asked if he’d be happy to meet the Salvadorans and it was no bother at all for him - he didn’t just greet them in English, he chatted happily away in Spanish for a good five minutes. None of that means I want Rodgers back as manager. None of that means he’s a saint. But he’ll always be alright by me.

Gary O’Neil: •Young British manager •Early in his career •Hasn’t won anything •Did well with smaller clubs •Progressive style of football. Some of these are good things. All of these are things we got with Rodgers. Please don’t say you want Gary O’Neil in one sentence, and then bemoan someone who had a very similar profile and CV when he arrived a decade or so ago.

I don’t resent Owen any more. I just think he’s a bit of a tool and don’t feel any warmth for him. Sure, it’s nearly 20 years since he left, but for all that the hurt has faded, he’s just looked like more and more of a wanker with every passing year. •Brilliant for seven seasons •Rubbed a few fans up the wrong way with seeming to prioritise England over us, but that’s all subjective really •Dragged out his contact negotiations, then left on the cheap •After a year as Real Madrid’s third choice striker, expected us to pay double what we’d received to bring him back; he’d played hardball with us, but didn’t want to do the same with Real so he ended up at Newcastle instead •Newcastle didn’t work out •Made a prat of himself looking for a new club •Ended up at Old Trafford, said some things that didn’t endear himself to anyone over here •Career petered out at Stoke •Now a very, very boring pundit. When I read Fowler’s autobiography there were a few things I wasn’t impressed by. Sometimes he says idiotic things in the papers too. But he hasn’t spent 20 years consistently saying and doing things that leave me thinking “What a twat”.

You could conceivably get £100m for the pair, but to say they’ll do so easily seems like a leap of faith. Everton have to sell, and everyone knows it. They also need as much cash up front as possible - which buying clubs will know even if their recruitment teams are as bad as, well, Everton’s. £35m, in one lump sum, may trump £50m over five years. There are four teams who you’d usually count on to inflate the market. Newcastle will not be spending big this summer, Chelsea likewise, who knows what will be going on at Old Trafford or who will be making the decisions, and I can’t see City going for either player. The Bloos’ options shrink from that point onwards. £100m isn’t inconceivable, but if that’s the sort of sum they’re relying on - and it very well might be - then several more players have to go too.

Easily? Onana cost them £33m a couple of years ago, and I don’t see how he’s worth more now - especially as part of a fire sale. Branthwaite is a decent youngster, potentially very good, but again they’ll be hoping someone is convinced he’s already good enough to slot straight in. There’s no longer a queue of cash-rich sides happy to fill up squad places at £50m a pop, and fewer still who are dumb enough to pay that when Everton will be desperate to get as much cash as they can as quickly as possible. Offer the full fee up front and the Bloos would take a third off the asking price just so that they can stay solvent for a few more months.

I think Leicester should be the real warning story for Everton. It only took a couple of years of bad luck and bad decisions and they went from being The Best Of The Rest to a Championship club with real money problems, BUT they were still good enough that they were able to shift some big earners for big fees. Everton’s debt is (almost 50%) bigger, and whilst their wage bill isn’t quite so bonkers, they aren’t going to raise £100million in a relegation fire sale.

Nottingham Forest know exactly what it means to spend big for success and then be fucked financially. Everyone bangs on about Brian Clough being the King of Bargain Buys, but he spent an absolute fortune in the late 70s and early 80s - they’d only been in the First Division a few weeks when he broke the record for a keeper to get Shilton, and when they made Trevor Francis the first £1million player player it more than doubled the UK transfer record. The result was that they won two European Cups… and then had to sell off their best players because it wasn’t sustainable. Clough never got to spend big again, and as a result they never won any more proper trophies, just a few League Cups and the Zenith Data Systems nonsense.

They’ve got seven players earning £100k per week or more, 10 on £80k per week and over. They’ll be able to cut their wage bill in the summer, but they won’t be left with cash in the bank. Dele is totally shot despite somehow still only being 26. Doucoure is 31 and his career peaked when he moved to the Bloos. Ditto Tarkowski and Michael Keane, except that even their own fans don’t seem to rate either of them. Gomes is 30 this summer and there’s a reason why Portugal stopped playing him six years ago. DCL is horrendously injury-prone, not a great goalscorer, and only has 18 months left on his deal. Gueye is 34 and out of contract in the summer. Jack Harrison is being paid £90k per week despite only being there on loan and being a very nothing player. So they’re paying the thick end of £4.5million to help out Leeds and won’t even have an asset to sell in the summer. Which leaves them with who? Pickford and Onana; they’ll be lucky to make their money back on the two of them. The more you look at them, the more they resemble Sunderland before they began their plummet through the divisions. Years of fighting the inevitable, then an absolute collapse. Source - https://www.spotrac.com/epl/everton-fc/payroll/

Guardiola, Ancelotti, Klopp, retirement.

Supposedly Calvert-Lewin is on £100k per week. I don’t see any teams fighting for promotion who are flush with cash, whereas Everton will be desperate to get rid of him. It’s easy to envisage him leaving on the cheap just so that they can get his wages off the books.

I doubt that they’re paying £73m a year on salaries for their kids, coaches and other backroom staff. I can credit that figure if it includes signing-on fees, continuing to pay off their multiple former managers (etc), and other things which - at a pinch - aren’t part of the players’ weekly salary.

The people’s club can’t tell the people’s arse from the people's elbow.

Cheers, will look out for that instead.