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Ken Robber

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About Ken Robber

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    Male
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    Floating around somewhere in the North Atlantic

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  1. Ken Robber

    How do you view someone who doesn't drink?

    Having my childhood destroyed by alcohol plays a big part in why I'm not keen on it. I'm not tee-total, I'll still have a few drinks if I'm invited out for a weekend or a birthday etc. But it's rare I'll get bladdered and I never drink alone or in the house.
  2. Ken Robber

    Would you go to uni...

    Nah, would I shite It's good if you're young to ease yourself into living independently, but there's better ways to go about this than spending 3 years racking up debt for a qualification that's practically worthless unless you're after a specific, highly skilled career path.
  3. Ken Robber

    Has any one ever...? Tell us about it.

    Yeah, when I was doing Camp America The camp would order in the cheapest food they could get away with, so it was all processed, frozen then warmed up slop. I think the only thing they served that was safe was the salad, but it wasn't ideal to go low carb when you're more or less working 24 hours a day. One morning I'm supervising the drama group and my stomaches been acting up all day. I go to sneak a fart while it was noisy and noticed how suspiciously wet it was. Turns out I'd sharted, so I made an excuse to go the bog to sort myself out. Thankfully it hadn't passed through my bills so my shorts were alright. I cleaned myself up, lashed me shitty undies in the bin and went commando til I could get back to my cabin later in the day. No one found out either. As mean as this sounds, it was a camp for people with disabilities so no one thought twice when they found the evidence
  4. Ken Robber

    Say something nice about a forumite.

    images.mp4
  5. Ken Robber

    Little Things That Brighten Your Day

    Starting a new job next month, so this month I keep phoning in sick at least once a week because they can't be arsed to sack me and even if they did it wouldn't matter now anyway That Beatles documentary on Disney + is fantastic
  6. Ken Robber

    Songs that sound like other songs

    Remember a mate years ago saying children of the sea was a rip off of hotel california. He also did a lot of mushrooms
  7. Ken Robber

    Has any one ever...? Tell us about it.

    I once got into an argument with DJ Khaled Two years ago I was working on a ship based out of Miami. It had a charter cruise that July called days of summer, it was basically a cruise that was hired out privately so Cardi B, Post Malone and a few other acts I don't like could do some sets and charge a fortune. The crew didn't have their regular duties that week, so I was asked to check passes and lanyards on the stairs below the backstage area. If they pushed past us, that's when these roided up chests working for Cardi B would fill them in. I'm checking passes and everything's going smoothly until this 30 stone bearded gammon tries to push past me. "Excuse me mate, have you got a pass to go up there?" "Don't need one, I'm an act" "Sound, but you still need to prove it" "Motherfucker, I'm DJ Khaled!" "Good for you, but put your fuckin' lanyard on" He continues swearing away until one of the security upstairs notices and let's him through. I'd never heard of him until then. He's this fella who does a lot of guest collabs with the likes of Justin Beiber. I just thought he was a taxi driver that had won big on the horses or something Anyway, he's a shitcunt
  8. I always saw them as the bookmark where indie landfill shite began to fade out at the end of the 00's Walked past a parked car earlier and the driver had 'I predict a riot' blasting as loud as possible with the windows wound up. Felt so sorry for him
  9. I can understand all of these except for Kings of Leon. Don't think you'll find anyone who's proper into them, they're the answer in a sudden death round at a pub quiz
  10. Ken Robber

    Instant cunt identifiers

    Always makes me think of that Kevin Bridges bit where he's talking about working in retail - "The cheaper the clothes, the more aggressive the customers" It's why you'll never see someone kicking off like this over yoghurt bombs in Mowgli
  11. Ken Robber

    Has any one ever...? Tell us about it.

    Has anyone ever... been cheated on? Happened to me when I was 23. Insecure soft arse that I was at the time decided to stay with her for another 2 months and kept it a secret to save face. Pretty open about it now though. It was an important life lesson to value my own worth and not just start a relationship because I felt that was what I should be doing. Saw a lot of the world thanks to that attitude. Plus her new fellas from Newton Le Willows and wears primark batman T shirts. Serves her right, the bint.
  12. Ken Robber

    Instant cunt identifiers

    People who kick off in KFC. Don't think I've ever seen anyone do this and not wanted to side with the staff "Fucks sake! The coffee machines always broke!" Why are you going to KFC at 5 in the afternoon for a coffee you gammon?
  13. Ken Robber

    Jobsworths

    My mate used to work in Screwfix and ended up on the Christmas work night out. They're all sat at this big table and a lad he works with was sat by a bird he didn't know. Couple of drinks in and she goes to him "So what do you really reckon of Keith then?" (His supervisor) To which he doesn't hesitate to blurt out "Ahh he's a fucking little jobsworth cunt him!" She was his wife
  14. Booked a trip to Dublin this month, only had to spend 90 quid on the flights Got asked to spend Christmas down in Bristol but had to turn it down because it would have set me back at least 150 on train tickets Fuck the O zone
  15. "I'll just guess and hope I'm right. The first man into space was Captain Bligh" HMHB deserve a thread of their own
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