Qwikage

I am no tree hugger but fuck me this is scary. https://twitter.com/nowthisnews/status/928792093182398465

That's so you can't hear the subliminal messages being played through the quiet one (have you seen our new phone yet?).

First time i ever cooked for she he who must be obeyed i tried this. Kenyan Chicken Ingredients as follows (serves 4) 5 Chicken breasts 16 oz button mushrooms 3 peppers 3 decent roots of fresh ginger (approx 6oz) 5/6 finger chilies (more if you want it really hot) I use Scotch Bonnet as i like it hotter ½ clove of garlic Chicken stock (can use stock cubes but decent stock makes a world of difference)knorr do stock pots if you can get them use 2. 750ml of double cream (don't use substitute as it splits) To prepare 1/2 pint of chicken stock (have it ready in a pan) Cut chicken into decent sized pieces (not too small as they will fall apart during the long cooking process). Heat a frying pan with a tiny amount of olive oil (or veg oil ) till it is very hot. Flash fry the chicken until it browns on both sides (try not to cook it right through ) Add the chicken to the stock. Add the double cream and heat gently (don't do it too fast as you want it to heat while you are doing the rest of the prep) Wash and add the whole button mushrooms Peel and chop the root ginger and add to pan Cut the tops off the chillies but don't de-seed them put them in whole. )i usually take them out before serving as none of my lot like it too hot. Peel and finely chop the garlic and add to pot. The peppers can be added at this stage but I usually put them in when I start the rice/pasta as they then are a little crunchy. Bring gently to the boil and as soon as it boils turn it down so it is just simmering.Cook for about 2 hours (don't forget the peppers if you have left them out lol) DO NOT SIMMER TOO HIGH OR IT WILL TURN TO MUSH AND DRY OUT. Leave the lid off as this allows some of the water which is in the stock and the mushrooms to evaporate. (makes a difference trust me). Keep stirring occasionaly to stop it separating. Taste it occasionally to see if it needs salt. It shouldn't but its personal taste. Serve with pasta or rice if preferred. I am not a chef so no doubt there are loads of things in this which potentially do not go together. I was a snotty nosed oik from the west coast of Scotland when i first made this and bought what i thought at the time were some very exotic ingredients (29 years ago) to try and impress my bird. I got away with it and it does taste boss.

Nah i can still see him....aint he the fag? I'll get my coat!

Is anyone even mildly shocked at the revelations the Paradise Papers are throwing up!! That does not mean it does not anger me , it boils my piss. However no matter how apopletic I, or indeed any of us get, the square root of fuck all will be done about it. Doubtless there will be MP's of all colours getting splinters on arses jumping on the latest badwagon rolling into town and regailing us with soundbite after soundbite of righteous indignation. Our press will start the crusade for "the man in the street" in the hope that it deflects attention from the fact that half of the fucking owners of their shitrags are using these very avoidance techniques themselves. Disgusted of chipping norton types will regale us all with their best spellchecked letters to the broadsheets explaining how we should be grateful that these wealthy few keep all us prolls in work and we should be gratefull for it. As if the tax we pay on our labours comes from the very pockets of these parasites themselves. Once the dust has settled (as it surely will) this will continue in another form. Meanwhile at a personal independance payment interview near you.......

Given that Boris Johnson is Foreign Secretary anything is possible with this lot.

Thalidomide - Short hand typist.

There used to be a pub called the Flying Scotsman just along from Kings Cross in London. There was a small room just off to the side of the bar where you were able to drink your pint whilst a young lady removed her clothing on a very small stage. It was what you would call an intimate space in that if you got in early enough you could get a spot right next to the stage and would literally be within inches of various minges. One day some chap decided if it was that close he might as well touch it. No sooner had he laid a hand upon it when this old woman with a face like she had been bobbing for chips grabbed him and slapped him across the face screaming "don't you touch my fucking girls". He took exception to this and went to hit her back whereupon he was set about by around a dozen locals. His lifeless body was the unceremoniously dumped outside for passers by to walk over. Next girl came on and calmness was restored. We used to refer to it as the burger bar.

Can't find any original pics as it is now burned down. Aurthur Thompsons old haunt known locally as the Stab Inn. After a couple of bottles of Old English Sherry my mates and i decided it would be a good idea if went over to this place to see if it was as bad as they siad it was. Seven of us trooped over, took one look at the outside and shat seven colours of shite and legged it.

Paulie, a few things to get you prepared for ACAS meeting suggested by others. Copy of contract of employment (should show start date) Copy of Employee handbook: to show relevant breach Old payslips (to demonstrate salary and allow calculation of severance pay amount if entitled) If they have been in continuous employment for a minimum of 2 years it is actually difficult to sack someone now without the correct procedures being followed, which this employer appears to have ignored. Do you know if she had a dismissal letter or disciplinary meeting? I hope it all goes well for your mate.

"What the fuck are you looking at!!" - she says "It's just a football forum pet" - I said "You must think I'm a fuckin idiot" - she says You can hardly see the bruises now. Thanks Crouchie, Thank you very much indeed.

And that Mr Mignolet is how you keep goal sir.

If our coaching staff and manager do not see how badly we are being served by some of the people on that pitch, and that the current system is not working, then they clearly are not as good as they think they are.

To be fair 3-1 does not flatter Spurs.

Poccetino clearly has us sussed. The majority of their attacking is being targeted at Lovren and Moreno.

Couthinio looks like he's having a training session. Doing what the hell he likes when he likes.

Apparently it was on health grounds. He is suffering from chronic constipation. It's his twelfth night without a Richard the third.

Absolutely no sarcasm involved in this quote Pistonbroke. I used to enjoy reading the comments on the BBC HYS articles. At times it could be entertaining and occasionally informative. Now its just litany after litany of how "we have voted out so out we go" shite and "we want our country back" imbecility. These "patriots" infect just about every HYS now. If ever the case needs to be made for compulsory frontal lobotomy i would use some of these comments as evidence,

Alan Coren 69 for 1. Laugh out loud writing. Executioner Pierrepoint: An Autobiography, Not as many laughs but interesting reading.

What a pic. There is so much about that pic which suggests old school. Very few motors. The random dog that used to follow us kids everywhere we went and no one knew who it belonged to. The shirts with huge collars. The me and my bird tags on the walls. The complete lack of designer trainers.

Furmedge, if you paid for it by debit card try phoning your bank and asking them to do a chargeback. They are not actually legally obliged to do so but some of the banks will and then pursue it on your behalf. Hope it works out for you.

10p bag or 10p mixture. These were an actual currency when i was a kid. Lived in a seaside town and during the school holidays the beaches were rammed. Used to get down to the beach every day and collect as many of these as we could carry. Back to the shops to get the deposit back. Instant money.

Might not be on for a few days guys. Apparently you can read my laptop screen from the other end of the couch. FUCK!