Teasmaid

Ed Gein would have turned his nose up at me looking like this. There's nobody sick enough to be turned on by me panting up the road like Miriam Margoyles' ugly sister.

To be fair to him, I probably looked worse than a bin full of rotting waste.

Has there ever been a bigger collective of complete and utter gigacunts than binmen? I forgot to put the bin out last night, so was struck with panic on hearing the bin lorry at 7.30 this morning. I ran out of the house, grabbed the bin and legged it to the bottom of the drive where the lorry was. I could see the smelly rat-faced old scrotum of a driver eye me, in all my pyjama-clad glory (I hadn't even covered my modesty with a dressing gown, in my panic), and pulled off about thirty yards up the road. I chased after him, pulling the laden bin behind me, but had only made up about half the distance on him when he pulls off again. I made the snap decision that the unevenness of the pavement was hampering my bin-racing abilities, so I jumped into the road. It is a fairly busy road. By now I'm shouting and flailing my non-pulling arm like a special needs kid in the audience of Gladiators. I am also bra-less. My boobs are bounding all over Merseyside, and I'm holding up the traffic, in my fucking pyjamas. He waited until I'd caught up with him, and on seeing my relief, puts his sweaty toe-jam infested foot back on the gas. By now I've run about 300 yards to the end of the road. The two useless pricks that were following him emptying the bins made no attempt to come to my aid. I shouted at one of the catweazle-looking bastards that he should be ashamed of himself, I've been up half the night nursing a sick daughter, and it's no wonder I haven't given a binman a christmas tip since 1997 when they act the way they do. I handed him the bin and he looked at me like I was the contents of the receptacles he empties day in and day out in his pathetic, rancid existence. He did not move. I'm left in a humiliating scenario, being witnessed by numerous passing commuters, of having to plead with the slimy fuck to empty my bin. I then had to do the longest walk of shame, uphill, back home. If I had a gun, I'd go after them, and post a video of the resulting carnage on fucking Twitter.

He started part time for them as a consultant in the new year, but only went full time a few weeks ago. It's the 5 hours of driving (or 6 on the train) on top of very long days that he can't cope with. I can't move away because my mum needs me here, my aunt is terminally ill and she's her carer but because she doesn't drive I have to take her for her treatments, plus I couldn't move the kids away from their dad. I could cope with him staying in Sheffield in the week and coming home at weekends, but that wouldn't be feasible because he works weekends too. He's a proper workaholic, and usually only takes one week of holidays in a year, and even then he works while we're away. To be fair, I'd probably fuck me off for that amount of cash too, but at this rate his life insurance will be paying the mortgage off before his wages do.

That was the original plan, we'd suffer it for 6 months and get the mortgage paid off. They want him to stay on permanently, but I'm not prepared to live like this indefinitely. It's no marriage. I'm not even sure it's the money with him, I think ego is playing a big part in it too. I'm just worried sick that he'll end up dropping dead of a heart attack.

You might think you do, but you don't, or you wouldn't have time for the forum. I'm talking 100% work. No hobbies, no chores, no anything except your job. Like a North Korean labour camp inmate, but with better digs.

We had a lad in our class called Turkey as well, because he had a shitload of curly hair right at the front of his head, and a dead long skinny neck and fucking massive Adam's apple. One of my abiding memories of 4th year juniors was our teacher saying to him "Oi, shift your carcass!" I pissed myself, but nobody else in the class got the joke.

The "ladies football" bit should have been a bigger giveaway than the "girlfriend" part. Have you ever seen a women's football team? They look like the cast of Prisoner Cell Block H have spawned with The Warriors. I say you can always spot a lesbian by the muscliness of their thighs. ETA: I obviously completely missed Vlad's post. Doh.

Would you really, though? For that salary, they own you. No evenings off, no weekends, no holidays. You'd be working round the clock and have no room in your life for anything but work, and about 4 hours sleep a night if you're lucky. I don't think any amount of money is worth giving up your entire life, your family, your health and your sanity for. I'm a simple soul, if there's enough to pay the bills and provide for the kids, I'm happy. I don't want mega bucks, I just want a boring, stable, happy family.

Nah, that's just the gay ones.

To be fair I don't think my bottle of black tower and a life of domestic drudgery is much of a comparison to his 250K salary. At least he's in fucking Sheffield. Fuck Sheffield.

I know. I've just put the phone down on him so I'm feeling a tad wound up, sorry. Just to make it worse, he's moved to Sheffield. It doesn't do much for a woman's ego, being walked out on for a job in fucking Sheffield. At least I get to watch shit films and drink wine without him rolling his eyes at me.

Yeah, he should have been a real man and walked out on his wife and family to move halfway across the country, because a fucking job is more important to him. Which is, incidentally, what my husband did last week. What a fucking real man he is, eh?

I went for my CBT appointment this morning and my my therapist, who is a proper clinical psychologist (as opposed to counsellors that many patients get) warned me that my appointments will be being 'scaled down' from 90 minutes a week, to 30 minutes per fortnight. This is because they're getting rid of ALL psychologists in our area. I asked what would be replacing them. Would they be increasing the number of counsellors available? He said no, they're going too and they're being replaced by online CBT courses. He then launched into an interesting political rant and said that the government want mentally ill people to commit suicide so they don't have to bother looking after them. I'm inclined to agree. You think vital services can't be stripped any further, then they go and completely obliterate them.

Can't imagine Anne Frank giving Barbara Windsor's arse a cheeky grope.

Sid James and Anne Frank. Can't be arsed with pictures when everyone knows what they look like.

They tend to go hand in hand, unless you're just eating blocks of lard? I did Dukan for ages, which is a ketogenic diet, and it was mostly protein, with some fat - meat, eggs, fish and cheese, with a small amount of green veg. It fucked my kidneys right up, and now I have to have a low protein diet (which I don't stick to, because I love meat too much).

When you're writhing in agony for months with kidney stones, you won't give a shiny shite what your weight is, or how defined your muscles are, you'll just long for a swift, merciful death to relieve you of the pain. Take it from someone who knows. The stones caused by high protein diets aren't your usual pussified calcium stones that break up easily. They're harder-than-diamond urea stones, that take countless lithotripsy sessions on the highest setting to break them up. I had to be literally tied to the bed, with the highest dose of pethidine they could give me, and it was still excruciating. Every couple of weeks for months. Just be careful.

We had murder with ours. We wanted a tiny wedding. If I'd had my way we'd have just had us two and the kids. As it was we booked it for a lovely tiny hotel in Wales that was very special to us, and could only accommodate 28. There's 8 of us just with me, him and the kids. On top we had our parents, our siblings and their kids, along with a couple of our closest friends. I wasn't happy that we had to invite his sisters' stepdaughters and their partners, who we barely know, but there wasn't room for me to ask my own half-sisters. Then one of the stepnieces asked could she bring her kids, and I politely explained how intimidate it was and there just wasn't room. She got stroppy and hasn't spoken to us since. Then his best mate fell out with him because he couldn't bring some bird he was shagging that we'd never even met. He was still pissed off even after my husband explained that there wasn't even space for my own sisters, and didn't speak to us for a couple of years afterwards. A very good friend of mine who I'd been close to since I was a kid claimed she understood why she couldn't come but the following year had a massive wedding with hundreds of guests but didn't invite us. It's a fucking minefield. I really wish we'd just fucked off and done it completely alone.

I think we're less likely to get nuked, if we don't have them. I think we should throw up our hands, and admit we're not a global superpower, and stop pretending we are. Even Russia would stop waving its cock at us once they realise we're a small island with no resources worth pillaging, and no threat to them. Then they'd fuck off and leave us alone. I bet Finland or Portugal don't fear a nuclear attack, nor spend half their GDP on evil weapons. We're shit, we're skint, our armies and navies are almost non-existent. Why would anyone want to nuke us?

The right side of 40, just. I live in Oxton, Birkenheadshire.

No doubt all these thousands of people turning up to hear Corbyn speak up and down the country, when the other 3 candidates can barely fill a downstairs loo, are all 'tory infiltrators'. They're deluded enough to believe it will be a close contest, and a few hundred rogue votes will make all the difference. They're clutching at straws, moving from bleating about 'entryists', to besmirching established members who they can see are old Labour.

Pictures on top of my coffee piss me off. What is the point? I want to drink it, not frame it. Don't think it justifies you charging me 4 quid for a brew just because there's a picture of a leaf in the froth on the top.

Is the 'Delete my vote' button at the top of the page there for the benefit of Harriet Harman?

As I say, I'm thinking about buying to let, but when I hear about greedy landlords pushing up rents I think I must be missing something somewhere because I can't seem to find anything that the rental income would even cover the mortgage. I think I'll wait till there's another crash and swoop in like a true capitalist parasite. In seriousness though, people do need homes to rent, and people have to own those homes. I've got nothing against that as long as they're being charged a fair rent, and homes are well maintained. The landlords making money will be the ones sticking people in damp-riddled shitholes and charging them a fortune for the privilege. I could never do that.