UnwelcomeinPeru

Shortly before the Cretaceous–Paleogene event that caused the mass extinction of the dinosaurs, an advanced reptilian race left Earth in a fleet of spaceships. In season 2017/18 they will return to reclaim the planet, putting our fullback issues into some welcome perspective.

Rio was twice the player, and he was a cunt as well. As was Carvalho (both counts). Is that 'count' like the Sesame Street numberologist? When I think of Terry I think of Torres showing him his arse.

10/10 for handling some fiendishly difficult spellings arising from the Chelsea-Watford game.

The last thing my three-year-old said to me before I left for the game (apart from 'you're too old for those jeans') was that she expected Southampton to sit very deep, play 4-1-4-1 for 70 minutes, then make a substitution or two and try and win it on the break. Fair enough, it's worked before. The time-wasting etc., reminiscent of that Chelsea game, was bewildering though. For some reason the manager and staff seem to be the only people who didn't get the memo. Their defenders played pretty much all the game facing our goal. I had no idea what our plan was, it was as bad as some of Kenny's dire 0-0/0-1s.

The weariness with bullshit results like this resonates in every word of the report.

Marooned by a hangover, I lay like a beached, rusting trawler waiting for the tide to rise again. And watched some of the United game. Your assessment of Herrera is 100% correct but I don't think he got Larrson sent off. The referee failed to tell the difference between dangerous play and play that looks dangerous but isn't. None of the United players reacted in the way you'd expect Mourinho players to, maybe they haven't read the memo. Not been a good season for refereeing.

Not quite on point as an answer, but looking out on a clear blue evening in Liverpool, I'm reminded of the Madrid home leg 7 (!) years ago. Same sort of evening. Would be great to be in the position to have a few more nights like that.

For Lallana, I am not sure the word 'miss' does it justice. I assume he pulled 1-1 in the sweep.

A quick Youtube search shows that Kane and Alli are not alone in this sort of bellendery. All the usual suspects are there: Ronaldo, Marcello, Luiz, and of course Pogba. King Whopper. He is Carlton Palmer with a better barber.

Phil Brown is missing from your list, I assume an aberration rather a conscious over-looking.

The problem with him is that if he was back as a squad player (I don't think anyone's saying he'd make the first team regularly) then he needs to be a back-up/alternative to someone. Goalie - hmmm, but no. Back four, no. Mid 3 - not going to do what Henderson does, not good enough to stand in for Lallana or Gini. Front 3, not a CF, could he do what PC does? No. A stand-in for Mane - maybe, if he has pace (I am not sure how quick he is). That's a pretty limited role. There is little chance of him getting a new contract (2 years left) so the best thing is for him to look good for Hull for a few games and to cash in. The question isn't as much whether he can get back into the squad as to why he was ever bought in the first place.

I wouldn't want to advocate anyone's premature demise, but I'd be happy to see Davina McCall, James Corden and that tedious Mel BakeOff woman packed on a rocket to Planet Twat in return for a point at home to Spurs.

If a player from one team commits a foul, the foul does not automatically result in a stoppage of play and a free kick. Similarly offside does not need to result in an automatic stoppage. If a player is offside, a free kick does not need to be awarded if the attacking team gains no advantage from the player being offside. If they gain an advantage then the defending team gets a free kick. There will be obvious situations when the attacking team gains an advantage, but in other situations it will be down to the officials to assess. They can allow play to pan out to see if an advantage develops. So, rather than the 'interfering with play' approach, perhaps the approach should be that a player is offside if the attacking team gets an advantage from that player being in that position?

Burnley actually beat Sunderland 4-1, I believe Emre Can scored for the Mackems (I assume that's why you neglected to mention it).

Is that Jermaine Defoe behind DT in his clip? He's back in the quite amazing 'blud' clip. 'Blud". Jesus.

Years ago Martin O'Neil said that Robbie Savage had 'everything except ability'. Ozil has nothing except ability, and what he has is overrated. When they are up against it he just has that 'nothing to do with me' look about him. I'd hate him if he was a teammate. Herrera is the snidey kid who used to hang out with the bullies. Richard Hammond. I might need to get myself checked out, but I actually sort of like Costa this season.

I'd have liked it if Allen was still here, but he's 26 and would only play when someone else is injured or needs a rest. Fine for Lucas, but not a player who's as good as him in his prime. Life is rarely a matter of black and white and that goes for the keeper. He did some decent enough things - I winced as he came out for the cross with Carroll (£35 million *shudders*), but he stood up, got a great punch in and cleaned out the striker too. But he is putting the team under pressure because most teams will have 'a spell' and you need your keeper to do his job. Dave is spot on in that he is making it too easy for teams to get goals against us, it reminds me of Reina's last season when it felt like the opposition only needed one shot on target to score a goal. Worrying.

Clyne Milner Henderson

The Rule is - As a general rule, every player registered with a club is obliged to respond affirmatively when called up by the association he is eligible to represent on the basis of his nationality to play for one of its representative teams. but as has been pointed out a player who has retired from international football by definition does not want to play, so why call up a player who does not want to play?

A bite from a Brazilian wandering spider can cause long-lasting and painful erections, which is the obvious explanation. Erections resulting from the bite are uncomfortable, can last for many hours and can lead to impotence. The question is why? From an evolutionary perspective what advantage does this bestow on the spider?

I was talking to a PSG fan the other day, we shuddered at how depressing the world would be if Mourinho was managing our clubs. I can't imagine how I'd feel if he was at Liverpool and Klopp was at United. Jeez.

I agree about Moyes' tactics, any manager in his position would have done the same. If Watmore had taken his chance we might have been facing the horror of Moyes giving it the beans about getting a point (or worse). But at times the formations were remarkable. I don't think I've ever seen a team with as many players strung out in a line. At times it looked like a row of rugby backs, just more of them. Anichebe played OK at times but this 'baby Drogba' epithet is a bit off, he looks like he has eaten Drogba. And his baby.

A poor man's Dennis Wise without the attitude. He's like a football equivalent of Richard Hammond.

In this country, the police force is an independent agency tasked with investigating and preventing crime, and maintaining public order and public safety. If a government uses the police force to achieve its political goals, that fundamentally threatens democracy and the rule of law. In 1984, the government is alleged to have used the police force to enforce its political agenda regarding the role of traditional industries. Using the police in this way is profoundly troubling, because if it happened once, it could happen again. An inquiry as to whether it did happen, and if so what should be done to ensure it can't happen, is a logical and obvious step to take. To refuse to consider it is appalling.

Completely with you on Karius in that I have no idea at all what he thought he was doing. He is nowhere near the edge of the box so can't have been worried about handball. In fact what he does pretty much makes it inevitable that the Palace player will score. The thing with this keeper though is that it will be hard to be sure about him until he's had 10-15 games, and the only way he can do that is, er, by playing 10-15 games. I worry that he thinks he's better than he is. I was pleased that Moreno had a decent game. I don't like him as a defender but I do like him.