Scottish Steve

 

What's the book called? Sounds interesting.[/quote

 

A Tale of Two Seasons

Cool. That knowledge is something weird you can be proud of

Na, 110,000 words if memory serves

I wrote a book about Scottish football which went straight to number one on Amazon in the Sport category. Stevie G's autobiography then knocked me off top spot

During a trip round the world I spent time in Australia canvassing for Greenpeace. One evening I had a properly upset stomach & as I walked up the path of this massive house I knew I had v little time before my arse would unleash hell. I could hear people in the house, they were upstairs. I twatted on the door in a desperate fashion, I was ready to beg to use their toilet. But they were making such a racket they never heard me & I knew I had a matter of seconds. I pushed the door open so I could shout upstairs 'anyone home' & as I did I spied a bathroom at the end of the hall. 'Fuck it' I thought & went for it. I locked the door behind me, did the deed as fast as possible but opted not to flush & tip-toed out

Fair enough everyone, i guess to clarify, it's when it's done to excess & the dog clearly is getting coerced into doing something it wouldn't necessarily choose of its own accord, and getting flogged. People training for half marathons & killing two birds with one stone by dragging the dog along

Yep, clearly not posted enough to get the hang of it

Yeh but it's inappropriate exercise for a dog unless it's a fukn husky used to pulling a sled. Just take the poor mutt for a proper walk afterwards

Why? I think there's a bigger problem of poeole getting dogs and not giving them sufficient exercise.

I feel touched that you remembered. Intermittent?

You're the vet aren't you or have I got you confused with someone else?

 

148 posts is too many to be considered a true lurker but way too quiet to box off as a regular. How do I categorise you man?

Hate it when people go jogging but drag their poor dog along with them.

I've gone to bed & am reading, the wife's in the kitchen, fussing around. I can hear her by the front door. She shouts thru to me, have you locked up? So instead of simply extending her hand & checking the thing herself, she'd rather bawl at me from the other end of the house! Just check it yourself FFS

Linger is a great tune, far too young RIP

Na, always felt she was singing about the time someone farted in her vicinity

That George Michael documentary tonight on Channel 4 was brilliant.

 

Very, very well made and a fitting tribute.

100% this. Really was superb

Smug twat

I love this thread. I come on here every once in a while to help me remember how lucky I am to have married a good, sane, loving, selfless woman. Y'all need to get better birds.

It's not your fault

Cash machines that charge you for withdrawing your own fucking money. Was at Gretna services yesterday - two cash machines, both of which charged £1.99 for the privelige.

On holiday in Sicily, sitting reading on the terrace outside our apartment. The wife calls me inside to put after sun on her. Return outside a few minutes later & a huge chunk of masonry has fallen off the roof above where I was sitting, tipping the chair over. Freak gust of wind courtesy of the scirocco, I believe

I like U2's version of Happiness is a warm gun

If I ever catch a cold or flu off someone at work & my wife then comes down with it she'll berate me repeatedly until she's better. Like I've wilfully taken on an infection & then deliberately passed it on. Half-wit.

At university at the end of final year ball. I lived on campus & during the evening i took this girl back to my room. We fiddled around for a bit, I had her down to her g-string but after a fashion it was decided that as this was the last ever ball we should return to the fray. I was a bit irritated & on the way back to the marquee had a drunken strop & we parted. It was about 10ish. I ended up getting more pished & pretty much forgot what had happened earlier with this girl. About 5.30am I decide i''m fucked & stumble back to my room. Remembering what had gone on a few hours earlier I have the mother of wanks. I then quickly check my phone to set the alarm & see that she'd texted & left a voicemail at 3am bemoaning the fact she couldnt find me & that she hoped I wasn't pulling someone else. She's long gone i thought & texted back to say i was all on my lonesome in bed & that she was free to come & check if she didnt believe me. Seconds later I heard a taxi jam its breaks on. My hall was on the slip road out of the place & it just so happened she got my text as her taxi was heading back. She phoned & I heard her bidding her mates good nite before telling me she was on her way. Literally 1 minute after rubbing one out she entered my room, stripped off & clambered on top. I had nothing. She ground away with a perplexed look on her face while I wanted the ground to open up. If only I'd checked my phone first...

There's a scene in Braveheart that always gets me. When Wallace presents Murran with this pressed thistle on returning to Scotland. Her gradual realisation that it's the same one she gave him at his dad's funeral when he was a nipper and that he'd treasured it all those years is just incredibly touching

Read somewhere that they had a habit of sedating their children while they were out for dinner. Apparently Madeleine had woken up the previous night & got upset. Don't think it's too much of a stretch to envisage them upping the dose too much. The fact that the sniffer dog was heavily attracted to the boot of their hire car would suggest something untoward