Scottish Steve

First - U2, Murrayfield, August 1987 Last - Garbage, Usher Hall, November 2015

Take a trip up to mount Etna? Dunno if you're into films but they filmed part of the Godfather near Taormina, in Savoca and Forza d'Agro. Pretty sure you can get a bus to Forza d'Agro. Failing that I'd sit outside with a lemon granita and a canolo and watch the world go by. Love Taormina.

Deeper Underground

So we own a pretty skittish Border Collie. She freaks out at gunshots, fireworks, thunder, especially if we've gone out and left her home alone. So to block out potential noise we stick the telly on if, say, we fancy going to the cinema of an evening. Sounds simple, except the wife has been known to spend upwards of 20 minutes scrolling up and down through the channels looking for something suitable. 'Oh no, Jess wouldn't like Location Location Location, too many advert breaks. Is Gardeners World not on? She loves Monty Don's voice' Does she, aye?.

I was waiting in the car outside the co-op for my wife. After a bit she comes racing out looking all harassed and tells me she's had her purse stolen. Reckoned there was a dodgy guy in the queue behind her and he'd almost certainly snaffled it. He was nowhere to be seen so we sped home in the car where she cancelled her cards and then called the local plod. As the store had CCTV and my wife knew exactly when said incident had occurred the officer reckoned it'd be fairly straightforward to see if this random guy had in fact committed a crime. Half an hour later I'm in the garden and the police show up with the wife's purse. They'd located her on the CCTV straight away and watched, open-mouthed, as she'd approached a chilled counter, purse in hand and picked up a packet of roast beef which she stared at for an inordinate length of time. Moments later the beef ended up in the basket and the purse got wedged in alongside the other cold meats. Bastard thing was still freezing cold when the copper handed it to me with a massive grin.

Signed Konchesky after Luke Young turned us down. Horrendous days

It irritates me when you're listening to a football chat show on the radio and one of the guests (when asked a question) prefixes their response with 'yes, we were just talking about that before we came on air...' Yes, and? Only you and the dopy twat next to you actually knows that, why would the rest of the listening audience give a fuck

Peter Cech Javier Pastore Nigel De Jong Ron Vlaar Wilfried Bony

My memory of Owen's last season is him repeatedly assuaging fears he wasn't going to do a 'McMananaman' and him saying his agent was on holiday but not to worry as everything would be sorted. I personally thought he shafted us. Unlike Suarez who signed a new deal with us fully aware he was probably away. Always felt that was far worse than his mealy mouthed attempts to ingratiate himself with the mancs

Brilliant, really missed these

Quality. When I saw the title I thought of my five and also came up with Shaw and Lallana along with Ryan Bertrand, James Milner and Jan Vertonghen

Great piece. Wasn't the scoring Anfield debut v West Brom, tho...

Sort of. I was at a pre-season match between Hearts and Watford in August 1986 and Digger was getting all sort of abuse from my fellow Hearts fans I'm ashamed to say. Monkey noises, bananas. Midway thru the second half Digger smashed in a 20 yarder at our end and I turned and bellowed 'pick that one out you racist bastards' towards the general vicinity of the origins of the chanting. Just an kneejerk response to such knuckle-dragging ignorance and having done it I was fully expecting to get slapped. Just went a bit quiet. Jesus, what a player he was. Finished 2-1 Hearts.

With you a 100% Bjornebye, there's far worse out there. I was at the Hawthorns in 2003 for that 6-0 game that relegated them and it was fukn horrible outside. That chant came in the midst of a medley of other Republican joys they were trotting out that night but, yeh, they do use it for Samaras too.

I've been at countless Hearts Celtic games and seen the whole Celtic end chanting pro-IRA stuff. Oooh Aaah up the 'Ra. The whole end. It's quite easy to get a distorted perspective on these fans because in certain circumstances all you get is the noise and the passion. It must be great to only have testimonial matches and the odd title-clincher as points of reference. If that were the case I'd probably lap them up too. I was at Anfield for the UEFA cup tie in 2003 and totally get where that view comes from. That wouldn't be the full picture, though. And the lazy reaction to that is always that old chestnut about the opposition fans with their union jacks provoking them, ah, yeh, both sides just as bad, blah blah fukn blah. But they're not. As far as Tynecastle is concerned they're just not. You get the odd flag and that's it. The Celtic fans love that, though, in their eyes that token gesture is all that's needed to justify airing their full repertoire. Which they do, twice a season. Without fail. Oh and with the Cliftonville game the green brigade were also letting off fireworks inside the ground. Freaked a lot people out, you know, fellow supporters in the other stands needing to dive for cover, shit like that.

If it was Real Madrid he was to (hypothetically) leave for I'd hope we'd tie it in with getting one or two of their players in return: Alonso and one of Di Maria/Higuan/Khedira/Ozil

Stuck a fiver on Malky Mackay at 20-1. Last two times he's had a promotion he's fucked off in the close season for pastures new. Prob a waste of money but if Gollum is advising he's got to recommend another hard-case Scottish disciplinarian

It was common knowledge while he was playing for Hearts in 1993/94. The fact that on the pitch he was a brute of a player, a bruising target man who never shirked a challenge seemed to cut him a lot of slack. It was hardly ever mentioned and I certainly never heard any chanting. If he'd been some fleet-footed winger who skipped out of challenges I imagine it could have been very different for him, though.

Look Rafa!! Charlie Adam's penalty has completed another orbit of the planet...

Souness' initial response was to feign innocence, to say he was in Scotland at the time and it was the Scottish Sun which never covered the story the same way. Then in Brian Reade's book it emerges he was briefed it about when he was appointed manager. Seems to me like he was just being 'Souness' putting himself first. That same arrogance we all lapped up when he was a player manifesting itself in a different way. He always was a cocksure cunt. When the shit hit the fan, though, he tried to weasel his way out of it with mealy mouthed excuses. In doing so he desecrated his own legacy as a player and there's no going back.

Magic that, Dave. Compare Suarez's actions to Jose Mourinho gouging Vilanova's eye.

Got a horrible feeling about Sunday, it just seems like there's so many strands, so much potential for angst and vitriol. These scummy bastards are in town and we've got the minute's silence for Anne Williams (and Boston), we've had the 24th anniversary, we've had the scraggy witch die, we've the Torres factor plus Rafa is back. It all points to a powderkeg on Sunday. Don't get me wrong, i think we'll win, it's more the scope for genuine unpleasantness. Not a great time to have these lot through here. What does everyone else think?

The sobbing down the phone to Carra would suggest he was desperate? Just not enough, though.

I hear that, but was it not more the case that Madrid were playing hard ball and wanted to sell Owen to the highest bidder. Owen could've dug his heels in and refused to join the barcodes but then Sven had said only those playing each week would be considered for the 2006 WC and Owen shat his little panties at the thought of not going. Which was why he was sobbing down the phone to Carra when Rafa never came back in for him on deadline night. He was desperate to come back here, but he valued his England place more. Same as it ever was.