Scottish Steve

T2 Trainspotting: 7/10. Magic seeing the cast reunited for this & it delivers a really poignant dose of nostalgia for days gone by. But, to me, the themes of regret for missed opportunities, a sense of mortality & mid-life malaise made it more of a John Hodge film than a Welsh one. I get that the book wasn't well received but it deserves more than the passing nod it gets. Why can't Renton be a successful DJ in the 'dam? Why does he need to be an office drone with a heart condition? I also felt Diane (his love interest in the original) & Gail (Spud's other half) were given pointless cameos & Ewan Bremner (Spud) struggled with being given so much to do. His goofy pantomime gurning grates after a while. Jonny Lee Miller makes the film for me. The other characters feel like weak caricatures, especially Begbie who has little of his previous latent threat while Miller nails the complexity of his character's emotional state. McGregor reprises Renton like the pro that he is but, as I said earlier, is let down by the way Hodge opts to portray him. That said there are some thrillering set pieces, the sound track is superb & I'll definitely be going to see it again

Nailed it.

Great story about George Michael on Radio Two just now from Richard Osman. He was the producer on Deal or No Deal when this contestant said they were desperate to win £15k for IVF. She lost but minutes after the show ended Osman said Michael phoned in & said he wanted to give the lady £15k but that it needed to be an anonymous donation. Some boy

When you take a parcel in for one of your neighbours & even tho the delivery boy has put a card thru their door they can't be arsed coming round & expect you to lug it round to theirs. Fuck off you lazy, self-entitled piss-takers

I did back-to-back degrees in Zoology & Vet Science. My experience, in my opinion, dwarfs yours & you are talking utter shite.

How the fuck do you know how tough dogs are? What a moronic post. Yeh, doesn't matter if you mistreat them then does it?

I was cooking dinner the other night and it involved boiling some rice. My wife has this weird notion that I can't be trusted to drain the rice without spilling water everywhere so insisted I left it for her to drain (I'm a vet and have performed various surgical procedures but can't be trusted with a saucepan, go figure). So I switched it off at the hob and kept what was in the frying pan ticking away at a low heat. A couple of times I intonated that dinner was ready and she that she could do with sorting the rice and I was told not to fuss. Minutes passed as she flitted around doing fuck all, moaning that I hadn't put out cutlery, got drinks ready, she randomly topped up the dog's water bowl even though the thing was fast asleep and about as far from dehydration as physically possible. Eventually she decides she's ready to serve up and roughly grabs the saucepan, slopping water everywhere. 'What the...' she goes, 'did you not drain it or even think to say it needed doing!'. I mean, seriously, what the fuck?

You'd be surprised how little vets get paid relative to dentists and doctors

No, it's vets

I work from home in Mid Calder, Scotland and have done so for the last 9 years. I edit a scientific journal for a Hertfordshire animal welfare charity. Somedays I miss the general chit-chat of office life and am sometimes inadvertently left out of the loop but that's far outweighed by circumnavigating all that petty point-scoring officey shite and always being in when the postman has a delivery....

It's not who you know it's who you blow

No bother. The ferry to Orkney (Scrabster to Stromness) has the potential to be choppy, it just depends, mate. Even in summer it can be a bit ropey. If it was me I'd head for the isle of Skye instead. Prettier, nearer and it has a bridge...

I'd head for Lochinver on the west coast of Sutherland, make that your base for at least a few days. Stunning location close to mountains such as Suilven and Canisp and a white sandy beach called Achmelvich. A nice day out is climbing nearby Stac Pollaidh which is a little to the south. And to the north you can hike out to the old man of Stoer. the drive takes you past Clachtoll which is another stunning beach. Durness is right in the top left-hand corner of Scotland close to Cape Wrath and also amazing. Smoo cave worth a look. Then across the top of Scotland to John O Groats via the Kyle of Tongue. Sensational stuff, enjoy, mate

'Channelled his inner Pulis' - best line of the season that. Didi missed v Birmingham btw

Saw them play Glasgow Barrowlands in 93 and they were excellent. Diesel and Dust is a brilliant album and Red Sails in the Sunset not far behind it

First - U2, Murrayfield, August 1987 Last - Garbage, Usher Hall, November 2015

Take a trip up to mount Etna? Dunno if you're into films but they filmed part of the Godfather near Taormina, in Savoca and Forza d'Agro. Pretty sure you can get a bus to Forza d'Agro. Failing that I'd sit outside with a lemon granita and a canolo and watch the world go by. Love Taormina.

Deeper Underground

So we own a pretty skittish Border Collie. She freaks out at gunshots, fireworks, thunder, especially if we've gone out and left her home alone. So to block out potential noise we stick the telly on if, say, we fancy going to the cinema of an evening. Sounds simple, except the wife has been known to spend upwards of 20 minutes scrolling up and down through the channels looking for something suitable. 'Oh no, Jess wouldn't like Location Location Location, too many advert breaks. Is Gardeners World not on? She loves Monty Don's voice' Does she, aye?.

I was waiting in the car outside the co-op for my wife. After a bit she comes racing out looking all harassed and tells me she's had her purse stolen. Reckoned there was a dodgy guy in the queue behind her and he'd almost certainly snaffled it. He was nowhere to be seen so we sped home in the car where she cancelled her cards and then called the local plod. As the store had CCTV and my wife knew exactly when said incident had occurred the officer reckoned it'd be fairly straightforward to see if this random guy had in fact committed a crime. Half an hour later I'm in the garden and the police show up with the wife's purse. They'd located her on the CCTV straight away and watched, open-mouthed, as she'd approached a chilled counter, purse in hand and picked up a packet of roast beef which she stared at for an inordinate length of time. Moments later the beef ended up in the basket and the purse got wedged in alongside the other cold meats. Bastard thing was still freezing cold when the copper handed it to me with a massive grin.

Signed Konchesky after Luke Young turned us down. Horrendous days