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Scottish Steve

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  1. Scottish Steve

    near death experience ?

    On holiday in Sicily, sitting reading on the terrace outside our apartment. The wife calls me inside to put after sun on her. Return outside a few minutes later & a huge chunk of masonry has fallen off the roof above where I was sitting, tipping the chair over. Freak gust of wind courtesy of the scirocco, I believe
  2. Scottish Steve

    Best Beatles Cover

    I like U2's version of Happiness is a warm gun
  3. Scottish Steve

    The world of a woman.

    If I ever catch a cold or flu off someone at work & my wife then comes down with it she'll berate me repeatedly until she's better. Like I've wilfully taken on an infection & then deliberately passed it on. Half-wit.
  4. Scottish Steve

    Times when you don't feel very bright at all.

    At university at the end of final year ball. I lived on campus & during the evening i took this girl back to my room. We fiddled around for a bit, I had her down to her g-string but after a fashion it was decided that as this was the last ever ball we should return to the fray. I was a bit irritated & on the way back to the marquee had a drunken strop & we parted. It was about 10ish. I ended up getting more pished & pretty much forgot what had happened earlier with this girl. About 5.30am I decide i''m fucked & stumble back to my room. Remembering what had gone on a few hours earlier I have the mother of wanks. I then quickly check my phone to set the alarm & see that she'd texted & left a voicemail at 3am bemoaning the fact she couldnt find me & that she hoped I wasn't pulling someone else. She's long gone i thought & texted back to say i was all on my lonesome in bed & that she was free to come & check if she didnt believe me. Seconds later I heard a taxi jam its breaks on. My hall was on the slip road out of the place & it just so happened she got my text as her taxi was heading back. She phoned & I heard her bidding her mates good nite before telling me she was on her way. Literally 1 minute after rubbing one out she entered my room, stripped off & clambered on top. I had nothing. She ground away with a perplexed look on her face while I wanted the ground to open up. If only I'd checked my phone first...
  5. There's a scene in Braveheart that always gets me. When Wallace presents Murran with this pressed thistle on returning to Scotland. Her gradual realisation that it's the same one she gave him at his dad's funeral when he was a nipper and that he'd treasured it all those years is just incredibly touching
  6. Scottish Steve

    The McCanns...

    Read somewhere that they had a habit of sedating their children while they were out for dinner. Apparently Madeleine had woken up the previous night & got upset. Don't think it's too much of a stretch to envisage them upping the dose too much. The fact that the sniffer dog was heavily attracted to the boot of their hire car would suggest something untoward
  7. Scottish Steve

    Rate the last film you watched...

    T2 Trainspotting: 7/10. Magic seeing the cast reunited for this & it delivers a really poignant dose of nostalgia for days gone by. But, to me, the themes of regret for missed opportunities, a sense of mortality & mid-life malaise made it more of a John Hodge film than a Welsh one. I get that the book wasn't well received but it deserves more than the passing nod it gets. Why can't Renton be a successful DJ in the 'dam? Why does he need to be an office drone with a heart condition? I also felt Diane (his love interest in the original) & Gail (Spud's other half) were given pointless cameos & Ewan Bremner (Spud) struggled with being given so much to do. His goofy pantomime gurning grates after a while. Jonny Lee Miller makes the film for me. The other characters feel like weak caricatures, especially Begbie who has little of his previous latent threat while Miller nails the complexity of his character's emotional state. McGregor reprises Renton like the pro that he is but, as I said earlier, is let down by the way Hodge opts to portray him. That said there are some thrillering set pieces, the sound track is superb & I'll definitely be going to see it again
  8. Scottish Steve

    Liverpool 2 Swansea 3 (Jan 21 2017)

    Nailed it.
  9. Scottish Steve

    George Michael

    Great story about George Michael on Radio Two just now from Richard Osman. He was the producer on Deal or No Deal when this contestant said they were desperate to win £15k for IVF. She lost but minutes after the show ended Osman said Michael phoned in & said he wanted to give the lady £15k but that it needed to be an anonymous donation. Some boy
  10. Scottish Steve

    little things that annoy the shit out of you

    When you take a parcel in for one of your neighbours & even tho the delivery boy has put a card thru their door they can't be arsed coming round & expect you to lug it round to theirs. Fuck off you lazy, self-entitled piss-takers
  11. Scottish Steve

    Funny Pics that aren't worth starting a thread for

    I did back-to-back degrees in Zoology & Vet Science. My experience, in my opinion, dwarfs yours & you are talking utter shite.
  12. Scottish Steve

    Funny Pics that aren't worth starting a thread for

    How the fuck do you know how tough dogs are? What a moronic post. Yeh, doesn't matter if you mistreat them then does it?
  13. Scottish Steve

    The world of a woman.

    I was cooking dinner the other night and it involved boiling some rice. My wife has this weird notion that I can't be trusted to drain the rice without spilling water everywhere so insisted I left it for her to drain (I'm a vet and have performed various surgical procedures but can't be trusted with a saucepan, go figure). So I switched it off at the hob and kept what was in the frying pan ticking away at a low heat. A couple of times I intonated that dinner was ready and she that she could do with sorting the rice and I was told not to fuss. Minutes passed as she flitted around doing fuck all, moaning that I hadn't put out cutlery, got drinks ready, she randomly topped up the dog's water bowl even though the thing was fast asleep and about as far from dehydration as physically possible. Eventually she decides she's ready to serve up and roughly grabs the saucepan, slopping water everywhere. 'What the...' she goes, 'did you not drain it or even think to say it needed doing!'. I mean, seriously, what the fuck?
  14. Scottish Steve

    The Dentist

    You'd be surprised how little vets get paid relative to dentists and doctors
  15. Scottish Steve

    The Dentist

  16. Scottish Steve

    The Dentist

    No, it's vets
  17. Scottish Steve

    The Dentist

  18. Scottish Steve

    What is your workplace like?

    I work from home in Mid Calder, Scotland and have done so for the last 9 years. I edit a scientific journal for a Hertfordshire animal welfare charity. Somedays I miss the general chit-chat of office life and am sometimes inadvertently left out of the loop but that's far outweighed by circumnavigating all that petty point-scoring officey shite and always being in when the postman has a delivery....
  19. Scottish Steve

    Profound sounding bollocks

    It's not who you know it's who you blow
  20. Scottish Steve

    North of Scotland/Orkney & Shetland

    No bother. The ferry to Orkney (Scrabster to Stromness) has the potential to be choppy, it just depends, mate. Even in summer it can be a bit ropey. If it was me I'd head for the isle of Skye instead. Prettier, nearer and it has a bridge...
  21. Scottish Steve

    North of Scotland/Orkney & Shetland

    I'd head for Lochinver on the west coast of Sutherland, make that your base for at least a few days. Stunning location close to mountains such as Suilven and Canisp and a white sandy beach called Achmelvich. A nice day out is climbing nearby Stac Pollaidh which is a little to the south. And to the north you can hike out to the old man of Stoer. the drive takes you past Clachtoll which is another stunning beach. Durness is right in the top left-hand corner of Scotland close to Cape Wrath and also amazing. Smoo cave worth a look. Then across the top of Scotland to John O Groats via the Kyle of Tongue. Sensational stuff, enjoy, mate
  22. Scottish Steve

    Liverpool 0 Stoke City 1 - 6-5 on pens (Jan 26 2016)

    'Channelled his inner Pulis' - best line of the season that. Didi missed v Birmingham btw
  23. Scottish Steve

    Midnight Oil

    Saw them play Glasgow Barrowlands in 93 and they were excellent. Diesel and Dust is a brilliant album and Red Sails in the Sunset not far behind it