Scottish Steve

Ilker Gundogan

I was a guest on Soccer AM back in 2002 (Hearts fans were the supporters of the week) & Tinhead was on too. He came across as a bit of a twat if truth be told

Yeh, I shouldn't post using my phone, I always fuck it up!

Cool. That knowledge is something weird you can be proud of

Na, 110,000 words if memory serves

I wrote a book about Scottish football which went straight to number one on Amazon in the Sport category. Stevie G's autobiography then knocked me off top spot

During a trip round the world I spent time in Australia canvassing for Greenpeace. One evening I had a properly upset stomach & as I walked up the path of this massive house I knew I had v little time before my arse would unleash hell. I could hear people in the house, they were upstairs. I twatted on the door in a desperate fashion, I was ready to beg to use their toilet. But they were making such a racket they never heard me & I knew I had a matter of seconds. I pushed the door open so I could shout upstairs 'anyone home' & as I did I spied a bathroom at the end of the hall. 'Fuck it' I thought & went for it. I locked the door behind me, did the deed as fast as possible but opted not to flush & tip-toed out

Fair enough everyone, i guess to clarify, it's when it's done to excess & the dog clearly is getting coerced into doing something it wouldn't necessarily choose of its own accord, and getting flogged. People training for half marathons & killing two birds with one stone by dragging the dog along

Yep, clearly not posted enough to get the hang of it

Yeh but it's inappropriate exercise for a dog unless it's a fukn husky used to pulling a sled. Just take the poor mutt for a proper walk afterwards

I feel touched that you remembered. Intermittent?

Hate it when people go jogging but drag their poor dog along with them.

I've gone to bed & am reading, the wife's in the kitchen, fussing around. I can hear her by the front door. She shouts thru to me, have you locked up? So instead of simply extending her hand & checking the thing herself, she'd rather bawl at me from the other end of the house! Just check it yourself FFS

Na, always felt she was singing about the time someone farted in her vicinity

100% this. Really was superb

Found out I had three half sisters after my dad had re-married. Facebook is shite at times but it enabled me to make contact with them & I went to the middle one's wedding in May

Smug twat

It's not your fault

Cash machines that charge you for withdrawing your own fucking money. Was at Gretna services yesterday - two cash machines, both of which charged £1.99 for the privelige.